Chaps, I ****ed on my passport (long)
Discussion
I had a big 3.5 days of biking over the weekend on the Pan European. Almost 1,700 miles all up.
First it was an afternoon trip on the Eurotunnel to a hotel near Nurburg on Thurs, then 4 x laps of the Nurburgring on Friday morning, a 110 mile loop of the area then another lap of the Nurburgring to wrap it up early evening.
Saturday was a bit more ride around the Nurburg area, boring roads to the B500 in Baden-Baden and along the B500 as far as Triburg.
Sunday was a big day, a total of 650 miles including about 180 miles of twisties.
The remainder of the B500 south to the general dirction of the Swiss border. Across to Basel then up thorough that mountainous French bit "Le Grand Ballon". Then back to England.
I was wearing shorts, cotton shirt and my kevlar mesh jacket and pants, which lets air flow through (the reason for this detail will become apparent later).
By the time I left "Le Grand BAllon" I still had about 30 miles of twisties and 320 miles of dual-carriageway/motorway left just to get to Calais.
I was running out of time, I'd already given up on catching my scheduled Eurotunnel departure but I was also pushing the 2-hour window they give you where you can just turn up late and still get on.
It was also hot as f
k, about 28 degrees when not in the mountains.
I was starting to feel a bit dehydrated, so one French N-route (dual-carriageway) stop I filled up with fuel, drank a 1.5 litre bottle of water, had a Red Bull and soaked my shirt in water before gearing up again.
I was really getting late now and that 1.5 litres of water + the red bull, I know from past experience would have made me stop for a wee-wee at least 4 times.
So I did what needed to be done: since I was wearing kevlar mesh anyway I simultaneously combined pissing and riding a motorcycle at 100mph.... several times.
Which brings me on to the passport. I was aware that my passport was in the side pocket of my shorts. However the side pocket was well away from the frontal "wetness" area and I was wearing mesh kevlar anyway, so I assumed that all the wee-wee would evaporate before getting to my passport. Unfortunately, I thought wrong.
Next refuelling stop I got the kevlar off and inspected the situation. The wee-wee had migrated around the side of my shorts and got to the passport, soaking all the pages about 1/3 the way in. Perplexing. but no time to do anything about it. I did take the passport out of my shorts and put it in my jacket pocket to air-out. I also used the conventional toilet while I was there and rinsed off. It was still hot as fk.
I got to the Eurotunnel in Calais an hour late, which should not have been a problem except the trains were fked up anyway so the next available departure was the following moring. fk-that, I thought to myself and headed straight for the ferry terminal.
Handing my wet passport to the French immigration officer, he wasn't bothered by the wetness but did decide not to look at it in any detail (I'm not an EU citizen, so he might normally stamp it). Then onto the UK immigration booth next door.
me: "Sorry, the passport got a bit wet; there is a visa on page 4"
UKBA: "Yes I see, did it just happen?"
me:"Yes, only this afternoon"
UKBA:"You may need to get a new one"
me:"I'll see if it dries out"
UKBA:"I'm just looking for a dry page to stamp it"
I did not mention the cause of the wetness.
Then there was a few bog-laps of the carpark following a New Zealand guy in a V8 Camaro with no exhaust pipe to find the ticket office, as the usual gate to the ticket office was busted in the closed position. Eventually we found the ticket office and bought a one-way walk-up ferry ticket for about double the advance purchase return price on Eurotunnel. I also took the opportunity to use the toilet again and change into some dry clothes, although I had also run out of clean underpants so on went an old pair.
Unf the ticket office was outside the immigration area, so I then had to re-enter and say hello to the same French and UK immigration officers at the border post once more to get back in.
But it all ended well. The ferry was a nice change from Eurotunnel altough it was 1.30am when I got home instead of the 10pm if I'd managed to get the next train after I turned up at the terminal. The passport is now drying out at home. Based on past experience of a wet passport (non-urine related), I'll have to iron it to get it flat again once it dries out.
First it was an afternoon trip on the Eurotunnel to a hotel near Nurburg on Thurs, then 4 x laps of the Nurburgring on Friday morning, a 110 mile loop of the area then another lap of the Nurburgring to wrap it up early evening.
Saturday was a bit more ride around the Nurburg area, boring roads to the B500 in Baden-Baden and along the B500 as far as Triburg.
Sunday was a big day, a total of 650 miles including about 180 miles of twisties.
The remainder of the B500 south to the general dirction of the Swiss border. Across to Basel then up thorough that mountainous French bit "Le Grand Ballon". Then back to England.
I was wearing shorts, cotton shirt and my kevlar mesh jacket and pants, which lets air flow through (the reason for this detail will become apparent later).
By the time I left "Le Grand BAllon" I still had about 30 miles of twisties and 320 miles of dual-carriageway/motorway left just to get to Calais.
I was running out of time, I'd already given up on catching my scheduled Eurotunnel departure but I was also pushing the 2-hour window they give you where you can just turn up late and still get on.
It was also hot as f
k, about 28 degrees when not in the mountains. I was starting to feel a bit dehydrated, so one French N-route (dual-carriageway) stop I filled up with fuel, drank a 1.5 litre bottle of water, had a Red Bull and soaked my shirt in water before gearing up again.
I was really getting late now and that 1.5 litres of water + the red bull, I know from past experience would have made me stop for a wee-wee at least 4 times.
So I did what needed to be done: since I was wearing kevlar mesh anyway I simultaneously combined pissing and riding a motorcycle at 100mph.... several times.
Which brings me on to the passport. I was aware that my passport was in the side pocket of my shorts. However the side pocket was well away from the frontal "wetness" area and I was wearing mesh kevlar anyway, so I assumed that all the wee-wee would evaporate before getting to my passport. Unfortunately, I thought wrong.
Next refuelling stop I got the kevlar off and inspected the situation. The wee-wee had migrated around the side of my shorts and got to the passport, soaking all the pages about 1/3 the way in. Perplexing. but no time to do anything about it. I did take the passport out of my shorts and put it in my jacket pocket to air-out. I also used the conventional toilet while I was there and rinsed off. It was still hot as f
k. I got to the Eurotunnel in Calais an hour late, which should not have been a problem except the trains were f
ked up anyway so the next available departure was the following moring. fk-that, I thought to myself and headed straight for the ferry terminal. Handing my wet passport to the French immigration officer, he wasn't bothered by the wetness but did decide not to look at it in any detail (I'm not an EU citizen, so he might normally stamp it). Then onto the UK immigration booth next door.
me: "Sorry, the passport got a bit wet; there is a visa on page 4"
UKBA: "Yes I see, did it just happen?"
me:"Yes, only this afternoon"
UKBA:"You may need to get a new one"
me:"I'll see if it dries out"
UKBA:"I'm just looking for a dry page to stamp it"
I did not mention the cause of the wetness.
Then there was a few bog-laps of the carpark following a New Zealand guy in a V8 Camaro with no exhaust pipe to find the ticket office, as the usual gate to the ticket office was busted in the closed position. Eventually we found the ticket office and bought a one-way walk-up ferry ticket for about double the advance purchase return price on Eurotunnel. I also took the opportunity to use the toilet again and change into some dry clothes, although I had also run out of clean underpants so on went an old pair.
Unf the ticket office was outside the immigration area, so I then had to re-enter and say hello to the same French and UK immigration officers at the border post once more to get back in.
But it all ended well. The ferry was a nice change from Eurotunnel altough it was 1.30am when I got home instead of the 10pm if I'd managed to get the next train after I turned up at the terminal. The passport is now drying out at home. Based on past experience of a wet passport (non-urine related), I'll have to iron it to get it flat again once it dries out.
Edited by creampuff on Monday 8th July 14:02
I love how he casually mentions he just pissed his pants as it's nothing to worry about.
Do you ride in groups often?
creampuff said:
So I did what needed to be done: since I was wearing kevlar mesh anyway I simultaneously combined pissing and riding a motorcycle at 100mph.... several times.
It's really quite common, if you are under time pressure and you think it will just go away:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/olympics/swimming...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/olympics/swimming...
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