The origin of the mystical El 'jerk
Discussion
So there i was, stood in a well-known lotus specialist's "waiting room" which happened to smell like a fruity combination of sex, a toilet and engine oil (dont they always though?). 
I had a starburst ice lolly in the one hand and a tube of Ann Summer's oh-so-finest chocolate and vanilla anal lube in the other.
As I looked out of the window, i could see the majestic El 'Beast standing proud after a thorough good clean.
I spotted the specialist approaching, so began to furiously finish my lolly. I wanted to be fully lubed and bent over by the time he arrived.
The door opened with a creak. It was the sound i had been dreading. The conversation went like this:
Drag: So....Er....whats the damage?
Specialist: It's going to be expensive.
D: *sigh* exactly how expensive?
S: She looks great doesnt she? Handles like a dream now as well!
D: .............she?
S: Er... lots of work needed to be done. You know that!
D: How much?
S: £2,304.54
D:
S: Look, there are 4 new yokohamas, 4 new discs with new pagid 4-2 pads, braided hoses including fitting, a full c-service, geo check and adjustment, suspension adjustments, new ball joints, new track rod ends, MOT with ancillaries and the radiator was repaired. Must not forget the labour!
D: Quiet you! you hath poppeth my wallet, till it can poppeth no more!
S:
D: Okay, i'll pay....do i get a student disc...
S: NO!
And with that i pulled my trousers up and walked out of there, albeit like a cowboy
.
The car did feel unbelievably good. It was as tight as Gazboy's sphincter
even with new tyres.
However, as i drove up the M62, i couldn't help but think that my time with El 'beast had come to an end.
We all go through the motion:
1. Buy car.
2. Proclaim neverending love for it, and promise that it is perfect and doesnt need modding.
3. Mod it
4. Repeat step 2.
5. Scream "i'm never going to sell this car" whilst going around a corner at stupid speeds.
6. Get pissed off with the bastard after a big bill/a hideous scratch or after you get blown away by a car far less interesting.
Well, after the service, i was hovering at point 6. What pushed me over the edge met me on the motorway...
But that can wait till later
(if your not already bored)
I had a starburst ice lolly in the one hand and a tube of Ann Summer's oh-so-finest chocolate and vanilla anal lube in the other.
As I looked out of the window, i could see the majestic El 'Beast standing proud after a thorough good clean.
I spotted the specialist approaching, so began to furiously finish my lolly. I wanted to be fully lubed and bent over by the time he arrived.
The door opened with a creak. It was the sound i had been dreading. The conversation went like this:
Drag: So....Er....whats the damage?
Specialist: It's going to be expensive.
D: *sigh* exactly how expensive?
S: She looks great doesnt she? Handles like a dream now as well!
D: .............she?
S: Er... lots of work needed to be done. You know that!
D: How much?
S: £2,304.54
D:
S: Look, there are 4 new yokohamas, 4 new discs with new pagid 4-2 pads, braided hoses including fitting, a full c-service, geo check and adjustment, suspension adjustments, new ball joints, new track rod ends, MOT with ancillaries and the radiator was repaired. Must not forget the labour!
D: Quiet you! you hath poppeth my wallet, till it can poppeth no more!
S:
D: Okay, i'll pay....do i get a student disc...
S: NO!
And with that i pulled my trousers up and walked out of there, albeit like a cowboy
. The car did feel unbelievably good. It was as tight as Gazboy's sphincter
even with new tyres. However, as i drove up the M62, i couldn't help but think that my time with El 'beast had come to an end.
We all go through the motion:
1. Buy car.
2. Proclaim neverending love for it, and promise that it is perfect and doesnt need modding.
3. Mod it
4. Repeat step 2.
5. Scream "i'm never going to sell this car" whilst going around a corner at stupid speeds.
6. Get pissed off with the bastard after a big bill/a hideous scratch or after you get blown away by a car far less interesting.
Well, after the service, i was hovering at point 6. What pushed me over the edge met me on the motorway...
But that can wait till later
(if your not already bored) 
Good story Drag, depressingly familiar though. 
trackdemon said:
No, a CTR is I'm reading correctly - hence current steed. Not many Elise's will stay with one once you start hitting 'proper' speeds
oooooh! Not quite. Something far more fruity. The story shall continue tomorrow (when the boss isnt watching me like a hawk
) ps, delicious NSX
>> Edited by dragstar on Thursday 5th January 15:31
So there i was. Trundling along, by the m66 junction.
Zooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
What shot past me? A humble x-reg MX5, but boy did it move!
I was travelling at around 85mph, and he was a speck after about 8 seconds. This got me thinking about all of the jap cars i used to drool over, including the delicious Rexs'.
I couldn't help but think that i moved too quickly into a car that can only be pushed about 20% of the time im driving it. I yearned for something that can modified to ridiculous levels whilst still being "fun". I wanted to be part of the "jap-car-drift-300bhp+" culture that so many of my age were part of.
As i ploughed slowly on, i laughed at myself for buying Keiichi Tsuchiya latest dvd and then trying to drift the elise around some roundabouts (YES, before anybody asks, i did know it was virtually impossible to drift an elise).
As i ploughed on a little further, i caught up to that little MX5 doing about 70mph. As i approached to overtake, he put his foot down It was definitely not n/a anymore! 
I couldnt help but laugh out loud as he shot off again. Precisely that moment, i decided that i was selling and going japanese I got back and drew up a shortlist. Some german motors made the list, but it was a tie between an Rx8, 350z, Type-R, or DC5 Teg.
I got a bit carried away during the selection and ended up taking a R33 GTR for a quick spin The owner had to scrape me off the roof of that car with a spatula, i loved it that much!
I was tempted to pay for it then and there. 400bhp, almost bayside blue (was a flip paint though) and enough gauges to make a cosmonaut confused . However, i didnt buy it because:
1. I thought that i better go more conservative. I couldn't turn up at court or visit clients in a snarling monster...not yet anyway
2. Most of the fun is in doing the mods yourself. I also think you get a better feel for the car, if you follow it through the modifying stage.
These criteria also ruled out the Teg.
The rex and z were ruled out by running costs and space. After an elise, i wanted space!
The Civic-Type-R was left! I test drove one and was not impressed with the potenza tyres AT ALL. Vtec was fun though
I was eventually sold, especially when i got a great deal on a 55-plate meaning i got recaros, momo wheel, tints, logo'd calipers etc!
On September 4th 2005, El 'Jerk was born
Mods already on there are:
1. Apexi Hayabusa Cat-back (allegedly, there are only 10 of these in the country now- not available brand new)
2. Neuspeed Short shifter
3. New HU and speakers.
Planned mods:
1. Gruppe M induction
2. Hondata K-Pro ECU
3. Spoon progressive springs
4.Jackson racing supercharger.
I think it will be fun trying to get all the power through the front wheels
I guess the drift-mobile will have to wait until next time....any suggestions (not an s14 though- far too obvious)!!
>> Edited by dragstar on Friday 6th January 10:32
Zooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
What shot past me? A humble x-reg MX5, but boy did it move!
I was travelling at around 85mph, and he was a speck after about 8 seconds
. This got me thinking about all of the jap cars i used to drool over, including the delicious Rexs'. I couldn't help but think that i moved too quickly into a car that can only be pushed about 20% of the time im driving it. I yearned for something that can modified to ridiculous levels whilst still being "fun". I wanted to be part of the "jap-car-drift-300bhp+" culture that so many of my age were part of.
As i ploughed slowly on, i laughed at myself for buying Keiichi Tsuchiya latest dvd and then trying to drift the elise around some roundabouts (YES, before anybody asks, i did know it was virtually impossible to drift an elise)
. As i ploughed on a little further, i caught up to that little MX5 doing about 70mph. As i approached to overtake, he put his foot down
It was definitely not n/a anymore! I couldnt help but laugh out loud as he shot off again. Precisely that moment, i decided that i was selling and going japanese
I got back and drew up a shortlist. Some german motors made the list, but it was a tie between an Rx8, 350z, Type-R, or DC5 Teg. I got a bit carried away during the selection and ended up taking a R33 GTR for a quick spin
The owner had to scrape me off the roof of that car with a spatula, i loved it that much! I was tempted to pay for it then and there. 400bhp, almost bayside blue (was a flip paint though
) and enough gauges to make a cosmonaut confused . However, i didnt buy it because: 1. I thought that i better go more conservative. I couldn't turn up at court or visit clients in a snarling monster...not yet anyway
2. Most of the fun is in doing the mods yourself. I also think you get a better feel for the car, if you follow it through the modifying stage.
These criteria also ruled out the Teg.
The rex and z were ruled out by running costs and space. After an elise, i wanted space!
The Civic-Type-R was left! I test drove one and was not impressed with the potenza tyres AT ALL. Vtec was fun though
I was eventually sold, especially when i got a great deal on a 55-plate meaning i got recaros, momo wheel, tints, logo'd calipers etc!
On September 4th 2005, El 'Jerk was born
Mods already on there are:
1. Apexi Hayabusa Cat-back (allegedly, there are only 10 of these in the country now- not available brand new)
2. Neuspeed Short shifter
3. New HU and speakers.
Planned mods:
1. Gruppe M induction
2. Hondata K-Pro ECU
3. Spoon progressive springs
4.Jackson racing supercharger.
I think it will be fun trying to get all the power through the front wheels
I guess the drift-mobile will have to wait until next time....any suggestions (not an s14 though- far too obvious)!!
>> Edited by dragstar on Friday 6th January 10:32
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