ARE YOU A NUMPTIE?
Discussion
Are you a numptie?
1.You are driving along the high street and you have a short sneezing fit, do you
a) Keep the vehicle straight and keep your eyes on the road as best you can
b) Keep the vehicle on the road but take your foot off the accelerator and keep your eyes on the road
c) Cry OOOOH, immediately turn left and crash into a lamp post despite the road being perfectly straight.
2. Your car is making a horrible knocking sound so you drive to the main agent to have them check it out, they report faulty crankshaft bearings and quote you a hefty repair bill, do you
a) Make a decision to trade the car or have it repaired
b) As above but go for a walk first
c) Tell the service manager he is talking bollocks and drive to Halfords where you explain the problem to the shop assistant and demand something to spray on the engine to cure the problem.
3. Driving down the high street you brake hard because the car in front stopped suddenly, there is a horrible banging noise from your car, do you
a) Realise the ABS has kicked in and keep the pressure on, looking for place to steer away from harms way
b) Increase the pressure and get ready for an impact
c) Scream OOOH, take your foot off the brake and smash into the car in front
4. The Motorway goes down to 1 lane and you sit in a jam for 4 miles do you think
a) Stephen Byers should be ritually disembowelled
b) I'm gonna call the cones hotline and give them shit
c) This is really good because it will encourage people to use public transport more and building more roads is not the answer and if the speed limit were lower we would all get along much better.
5. You have borrowed the college minibus and are up on the moors having a shag, with the windows steamed up, the police arrive and bang on the van side. Do you
a) Open the window and say "yes", reply to the following questions civilly and let them go on their way
b) As above but respond to the second question with "and you are?"
c) Panic, sit there starkers in silence and get arrested
6. You are listening to the Jimmy Young show, the topic is road rage. The lady listener is describing an incident where a man on the motorway overtook her in the outside lane, (she was in the middle lane) he then slowed and pulled in to the inside lane allowing her to re pass him, he the speeded up and overtook her again in the outside lane and repeated the process going round and round. She finally describes, tearfully the final manoeuvre as the man rammed her into the central reservation, closing with the comment "To this day I don't know what I had done to upset him". Your thoughts are
a) Oh FFS
b) "You stupid cow get off the road"
c) This man is a danger to himself and society and we should legislate to bring in very sever penalties for this kind of thing, overtaking on motorways is very dangerous and this poor lady was doing nothing wrong.
7. The oil light comes on, on your car do you
a) Stop, check the oil level and check the handbook to see if it is a pressure or level indicator,
b) Drive to the nearest service station and top up the oil
c) Ignore it because it’s a dark country road at night and you think it might be ghosts causing it
8. You are in a curry house in Welshpool, some girl comes over with a spliff and says "Heeey mate do ya wanna go on a roooaaad protest tomorrow? Do you
a) Phone the police
b) Offer her a lift in your Porsche and if she accepts drive really fast and scare the shit out of her, then leave her in the middle of nowhere
c) GO and do your bit
9. You push the clutch pedal down and it refuses, despite your best efforts to return. Do you.
a) Realise the clutch cable has snapped and call the garage
b) Put the car in first, start it on the starter and drive to the garage doing clutchless gearchanges
d) Whimper a bit and spend half an hour examining the pedal, then push the car into a position where it is blocking the road
10. You win a choice of cars in a competition the choices are
a) A Ferrari 348
b) A TVR Speed 12
c) You could donate the money to Greenpeace
Which do you pick?
If you answer Mostly a's you are fairly cool and level headed b's you da man c's You are a total F'in tosser, get a new hobby like euthanasia.
1.You are driving along the high street and you have a short sneezing fit, do you
a) Keep the vehicle straight and keep your eyes on the road as best you can
b) Keep the vehicle on the road but take your foot off the accelerator and keep your eyes on the road
c) Cry OOOOH, immediately turn left and crash into a lamp post despite the road being perfectly straight.
2. Your car is making a horrible knocking sound so you drive to the main agent to have them check it out, they report faulty crankshaft bearings and quote you a hefty repair bill, do you
a) Make a decision to trade the car or have it repaired
b) As above but go for a walk first
c) Tell the service manager he is talking bollocks and drive to Halfords where you explain the problem to the shop assistant and demand something to spray on the engine to cure the problem.
3. Driving down the high street you brake hard because the car in front stopped suddenly, there is a horrible banging noise from your car, do you
a) Realise the ABS has kicked in and keep the pressure on, looking for place to steer away from harms way
b) Increase the pressure and get ready for an impact
c) Scream OOOH, take your foot off the brake and smash into the car in front
4. The Motorway goes down to 1 lane and you sit in a jam for 4 miles do you think
a) Stephen Byers should be ritually disembowelled
b) I'm gonna call the cones hotline and give them shit
c) This is really good because it will encourage people to use public transport more and building more roads is not the answer and if the speed limit were lower we would all get along much better.
5. You have borrowed the college minibus and are up on the moors having a shag, with the windows steamed up, the police arrive and bang on the van side. Do you
a) Open the window and say "yes", reply to the following questions civilly and let them go on their way
b) As above but respond to the second question with "and you are?"
c) Panic, sit there starkers in silence and get arrested
6. You are listening to the Jimmy Young show, the topic is road rage. The lady listener is describing an incident where a man on the motorway overtook her in the outside lane, (she was in the middle lane) he then slowed and pulled in to the inside lane allowing her to re pass him, he the speeded up and overtook her again in the outside lane and repeated the process going round and round. She finally describes, tearfully the final manoeuvre as the man rammed her into the central reservation, closing with the comment "To this day I don't know what I had done to upset him". Your thoughts are
a) Oh FFS
b) "You stupid cow get off the road"
c) This man is a danger to himself and society and we should legislate to bring in very sever penalties for this kind of thing, overtaking on motorways is very dangerous and this poor lady was doing nothing wrong.
7. The oil light comes on, on your car do you
a) Stop, check the oil level and check the handbook to see if it is a pressure or level indicator,
b) Drive to the nearest service station and top up the oil
c) Ignore it because it’s a dark country road at night and you think it might be ghosts causing it
8. You are in a curry house in Welshpool, some girl comes over with a spliff and says "Heeey mate do ya wanna go on a roooaaad protest tomorrow? Do you
a) Phone the police
b) Offer her a lift in your Porsche and if she accepts drive really fast and scare the shit out of her, then leave her in the middle of nowhere
c) GO and do your bit
9. You push the clutch pedal down and it refuses, despite your best efforts to return. Do you.
a) Realise the clutch cable has snapped and call the garage
b) Put the car in first, start it on the starter and drive to the garage doing clutchless gearchanges
d) Whimper a bit and spend half an hour examining the pedal, then push the car into a position where it is blocking the road
10. You win a choice of cars in a competition the choices are
a) A Ferrari 348
b) A TVR Speed 12
c) You could donate the money to Greenpeace
Which do you pick?
If you answer Mostly a's you are fairly cool and level headed b's you da man c's You are a total F'in tosser, get a new hobby like euthanasia.
quote:
Ted - perhaps we should have a form like this to fill in for all new members, with a few other q's like - are you a member of a caravan club, have you ever complained to asa over fast car ad's etc...
Don't forget "DO you own or ride a horse?" - had to beat Mel to it...
ErnestM
quote:
quote:
Ted - perhaps we should have a form like this to fill in for all new members, with a few other q's like - are you a member of a caravan club, have you ever complained to asa over fast car ad's etc...
Don't forget "DO you own or ride a horse?" - had to beat Mel to it...
ErnestM
Dont take the piss
I have 6 horses and they dont shite on the road thankyou
quote:
quote:
quote:
Ted - perhaps we should have a form like this to fill in for all new members, with a few other q's like - are you a member of a caravan club, have you ever complained to asa over fast car ad's etc...
Don't forget "DO you own or ride a horse?" - had to beat Mel to it...
ErnestM
Dont take the piss
I have 6 horses and they dont shite on the road thankyou
But if they don't shite on the road then it doesn't include you, cos youve got nice horses that shite in a field and an make the roses grow, top- man
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