New novel, Vessel, free on blog
Discussion
Edit: Vessel is now published and available on Amazon. My next book, New Dawn, is taking its place on my blog, and I'll be posting it free a chapter per week.
Some of you enjoyed Noah's Ark, so I thought I'd let you know that I'll be posting my new novel, Vessel, a chapter per month for free on my blog. The story follows the crew of the International Space Station when a seemingly lifeless object appears in orbit behind them. The first chapter and prologue went live this weekend, and I'd love to know what you think, particularly if you've already read Noah's Ark. You can read it and register fir future chapters at http://andrewjamesmorgan.com.
I had Noah's Ark edited professionally too, and that is available for free download from my blog as well.
I hope you enjoy it!
Andrew
Some of you enjoyed Noah's Ark, so I thought I'd let you know that I'll be posting my new novel, Vessel, a chapter per month for free on my blog. The story follows the crew of the International Space Station when a seemingly lifeless object appears in orbit behind them. The first chapter and prologue went live this weekend, and I'd love to know what you think, particularly if you've already read Noah's Ark. You can read it and register fir future chapters at http://andrewjamesmorgan.com.
I had Noah's Ark edited professionally too, and that is available for free download from my blog as well.
I hope you enjoy it!
Andrew
Edited by andyroo on Thursday 21st August 17:54
The next chapter is now live - a new character for this one: http://andrewjamesmorgan.com
Chapter five is alive! http://andrewjamesmorgan.com
Hello Andy. Have started reading the new story. Sorry for the delay (I moved house on 20th September, then went on holiday).
Initial comments are as follows (all just my opinion, of course):
1. I don't think the story benefits from all of the technical ISS stuff and character backgrounds at the start of chapter 2. This could be added in bits through the story or cut down and added in snippets?
2. Shouldn't the following have 'our' instead of 'or'?
.. discovery of the unidentified vessel that we have code-named, “UV-1″. It has been decided in a joint negotiation between or two states that ..
3. Following on from the above, do you need 'It has been decided' again in the below?
‘It has been decided,’ Bales repeated, raising his voice a fraction, ‘that this situation has now occurred, and so I will duly take command of this operation.’
4. Chapter 2 - how can concious and subconcious be together?
5. Chapter 3 - ‘“Halluciantions…”‘
6. Chapter 3 - Bales seems to go all-in too early about the depression issue with the cosmonaut. I thought that he would be a little more cold and calculating and wouldn't blurt about the cosmonaut being a danger to mankind. Seems to come out of nowhere, that.
7. Chapter 3 - I like the way this chapter ends and the way that the story pace picks up here.
8. Chapter 5 - The beginning section of this chapter seems to miss something out. It's as if NASA get Sally to mission control and then simply tell her she is going into space. I thought that maybe the story could have a bit more meat here before the decision to send her into space is made?
9. Chapter 6 - This doesn't seem to flow so well. I think the reason is the bit in the middle with Sean. Maybe this could be in a separate chapter?
Overall, what I've read so far is written much better than the first attempt of Noah's Ark. It looks like you are developing your writing skills.
However, in terms of the story, the Sally stuff seems to be a big distraction. It's as if you have a really convincing mystery story about the crew of the ISS losing contact. But, all of a sudden, a SETI expert is flown in and is being told she is going into space. The Sally bit rips you out of the flow and when comparing it to the rest of the story, it seems too unrealistic.
It's hard to explain, but the Sally story seems too different from the original story, even though it's a key part of it. The way it's written also distracts you from the ISS stuff. I think it would be better if Sally's part was more involving, more realistic and 'spliced' into the ISS crew story.
For example, authors like Peter F Hamilton have multiple story arcs running at the same time. They integrate this by having one chapter on one part, the next on another, then the next on the first part etc. I just think that the Sally bit could be cut into the main bit in sections so you venture through the story at a consistent rate. In it's current guise, you get a really interesting ISS isolation story, then all of a sudden a woman is being thrown into space to sort it out.
Anyway, that's all I can think of for now. Hope the above is constructive.
As I mentioned earlier, these are only my thoughts so tell me if I sound like a loon.
Initial comments are as follows (all just my opinion, of course):
1. I don't think the story benefits from all of the technical ISS stuff and character backgrounds at the start of chapter 2. This could be added in bits through the story or cut down and added in snippets?
2. Shouldn't the following have 'our' instead of 'or'?
.. discovery of the unidentified vessel that we have code-named, “UV-1″. It has been decided in a joint negotiation between or two states that ..
3. Following on from the above, do you need 'It has been decided' again in the below?
‘It has been decided,’ Bales repeated, raising his voice a fraction, ‘that this situation has now occurred, and so I will duly take command of this operation.’
4. Chapter 2 - how can concious and subconcious be together?
5. Chapter 3 - ‘“Halluciantions…”‘
6. Chapter 3 - Bales seems to go all-in too early about the depression issue with the cosmonaut. I thought that he would be a little more cold and calculating and wouldn't blurt about the cosmonaut being a danger to mankind. Seems to come out of nowhere, that.
7. Chapter 3 - I like the way this chapter ends and the way that the story pace picks up here.
8. Chapter 5 - The beginning section of this chapter seems to miss something out. It's as if NASA get Sally to mission control and then simply tell her she is going into space. I thought that maybe the story could have a bit more meat here before the decision to send her into space is made?
9. Chapter 6 - This doesn't seem to flow so well. I think the reason is the bit in the middle with Sean. Maybe this could be in a separate chapter?
Overall, what I've read so far is written much better than the first attempt of Noah's Ark. It looks like you are developing your writing skills.
However, in terms of the story, the Sally stuff seems to be a big distraction. It's as if you have a really convincing mystery story about the crew of the ISS losing contact. But, all of a sudden, a SETI expert is flown in and is being told she is going into space. The Sally bit rips you out of the flow and when comparing it to the rest of the story, it seems too unrealistic.
It's hard to explain, but the Sally story seems too different from the original story, even though it's a key part of it. The way it's written also distracts you from the ISS stuff. I think it would be better if Sally's part was more involving, more realistic and 'spliced' into the ISS crew story.
For example, authors like Peter F Hamilton have multiple story arcs running at the same time. They integrate this by having one chapter on one part, the next on another, then the next on the first part etc. I just think that the Sally bit could be cut into the main bit in sections so you venture through the story at a consistent rate. In it's current guise, you get a really interesting ISS isolation story, then all of a sudden a woman is being thrown into space to sort it out.
Anyway, that's all I can think of for now. Hope the above is constructive.
As I mentioned earlier, these are only my thoughts so tell me if I sound like a loon.
Edited by funkyrobot on Friday 11th October 13:41
Chapter 7 is now up. I've also update chapters two and three a bit: http://andrewjamesmorgan.com
Hols great. House having new boiler as we speak and is already costing money. 
Oh well, it's worth it.
Chapter 2 beginning reads much better.
Chapter 3 reads better (although I can't remember exactly how it was before).
I like Chapter 7 as it seems that there aren't just problems in space.
Oh well, it's worth it. Chapter 2 beginning reads much better.
Chapter 3 reads better (although I can't remember exactly how it was before)
.I like Chapter 7 as it seems that there aren't just problems in space.
I'm glad you like the changes. I think introducing Bales in chapter 2 makes the meeting in chapter 3 make more sense, gives a better impression of what Bales is like. I'm pleased to get rid of the wiki-style info dump too.
I swear there's a conspiracy among the boiler companies to create boilers that fall apart after one winter!
I swear there's a conspiracy among the boiler companies to create boilers that fall apart after one winter!
Chapter 8 is up. Fisher leaves Earth to visit the ISS, but what awaits her isn't what she expected: http://andrewjamesmorgan.com
andyroo said:
Chapter 8 is up. Fisher leaves Earth to visit the ISS, but what awaits her isn't what she expected: http://andrewjamesmorgan.com
Just read it.Ooooohhhhh.
Get your reading eyes in - chapter 9 has gone live! http://andrewjamesmorgan.com
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