14yr old son wants to become a ref
Discussion
As per title, my 14yr old son wants to become a ref. He's played football from the age of 4 and has this weekend stated he fancies becoming a ref. I have managed his football team and his older brothers team over the past 8 years, so am full aware of the potential issues. I currently manage an U16 team where testosterone levels are through the roof.
Just wondering if anyone had been through the same, with positive experiences? How do I go about moving it forward, is it something to do with the club or something I out sort independently via the FA.
For some background, he's quite small (not had his growth spurt yet), very socially confident and quite intelligent - I've always suggested to him that he should be a barrister as he's fantastic at arguing with me. He has an older brother who gives him plenty of crap and he is in Army Cadets, so is used to people screaming at him. I have explained that having a 45 year old man or woman screaming abuse at you is somewhat different, but he's confident he can cope. I think he could cope, would have the confidence to stand his ground and would have the ability to act in a very fair and accurate manner - it's whether the persistent nature of the inevitable abuse will grind him down over time and the impact on his confidence as a result. I'm also selfishly worried about what impact it would have on me - I'd never leave him alone at a match and hearing grown men or women abuse my son would send my blood pressure through the roof and I'm not sure I could sit back and not say anything.
Anyone gone through it and come out the other end?
Just wondering if anyone had been through the same, with positive experiences? How do I go about moving it forward, is it something to do with the club or something I out sort independently via the FA.
For some background, he's quite small (not had his growth spurt yet), very socially confident and quite intelligent - I've always suggested to him that he should be a barrister as he's fantastic at arguing with me. He has an older brother who gives him plenty of crap and he is in Army Cadets, so is used to people screaming at him. I have explained that having a 45 year old man or woman screaming abuse at you is somewhat different, but he's confident he can cope. I think he could cope, would have the confidence to stand his ground and would have the ability to act in a very fair and accurate manner - it's whether the persistent nature of the inevitable abuse will grind him down over time and the impact on his confidence as a result. I'm also selfishly worried about what impact it would have on me - I'd never leave him alone at a match and hearing grown men or women abuse my son would send my blood pressure through the roof and I'm not sure I could sit back and not say anything.
Anyone gone through it and come out the other end?
Going back a few years, but the best ref's always gathered us all together at the start of the game and made a few things clear
- Swear at me, you go in the book
- Touch me/hit me and you're being sent off
- I make my decisions as I see them, there is no TV replay here, and so far I have never changed my mind
- You all have to go to work on Monday ... Don't be idiots and set out to hurt each other
- Enjoy the game
I recall 3 particular refs who all said similar who within 5 mins had booked someone for swearing at them and the games after that flowed much better
- Swear at me, you go in the book
- Touch me/hit me and you're being sent off
- I make my decisions as I see them, there is no TV replay here, and so far I have never changed my mind
- You all have to go to work on Monday ... Don't be idiots and set out to hurt each other
- Enjoy the game
I recall 3 particular refs who all said similar who within 5 mins had booked someone for swearing at them and the games after that flowed much better
JQ said:
As per title, my 14yr old son wants to become a ref. He's played football from the age of 4 and has this weekend stated he fancies becoming a ref. I have managed his football team and his older brothers team over the past 8 years, so am full aware of the potential issues. I currently manage an U16 team where testosterone levels are through the roof.
Just wondering if anyone had been through the same, with positive experiences? How do I go about moving it forward, is it something to do with the club or something I out sort independently via the FA.
For some background, he's quite small (not had his growth spurt yet), very socially confident and quite intelligent - I've always suggested to him that he should be a barrister as he's fantastic at arguing with me. He has an older brother who gives him plenty of crap and he is in Army Cadets, so is used to people screaming at him. I have explained that having a 45 year old man or woman screaming abuse at you is somewhat different, but he's confident he can cope. I think he could cope, would have the confidence to stand his ground and would have the ability to act in a very fair and accurate manner - it's whether the persistent nature of the inevitable abuse will grind him down over time and the impact on his confidence as a result. I'm also selfishly worried about what impact it would have on me - I'd never leave him alone at a match and hearing grown men or women abuse my son would send my blood pressure through the roof and I'm not sure I could sit back and not say anything.
Anyone gone through it and come out the other end?
Not sure on the ages when he would be looking after men's football, but why not get him involved with local youth football. He can try being a ref, and learn his craft and then ref men's teams as he gets older. Just wondering if anyone had been through the same, with positive experiences? How do I go about moving it forward, is it something to do with the club or something I out sort independently via the FA.
For some background, he's quite small (not had his growth spurt yet), very socially confident and quite intelligent - I've always suggested to him that he should be a barrister as he's fantastic at arguing with me. He has an older brother who gives him plenty of crap and he is in Army Cadets, so is used to people screaming at him. I have explained that having a 45 year old man or woman screaming abuse at you is somewhat different, but he's confident he can cope. I think he could cope, would have the confidence to stand his ground and would have the ability to act in a very fair and accurate manner - it's whether the persistent nature of the inevitable abuse will grind him down over time and the impact on his confidence as a result. I'm also selfishly worried about what impact it would have on me - I'd never leave him alone at a match and hearing grown men or women abuse my son would send my blood pressure through the roof and I'm not sure I could sit back and not say anything.
Anyone gone through it and come out the other end?
The FA are desperate for Grassroot refs so get in touch with your local league and they will let you know what courses etc are needed. From memory it's about £100 for the first set of qualifications.
Your son would start with kids leagues so from the age of 5ish upwards and would earn about £25 per game, so on a Saturday morning could easily earn £100.
At that age expect no grief from the kids but some from parents and managers. I've seen lots handbag type fights, swearing and general bad behaviour. When you get to the u13/14 age group expect lots of grief from the kids too!
Your son would start with kids leagues so from the age of 5ish upwards and would earn about £25 per game, so on a Saturday morning could easily earn £100.
At that age expect no grief from the kids but some from parents and managers. I've seen lots handbag type fights, swearing and general bad behaviour. When you get to the u13/14 age group expect lots of grief from the kids too!
Yep, both sons have been refs.
He’ll start off doing younger age groups and I don’t think they did any age groups older than them.
It’s certainly character building and can be rewarding depending on the league and parents!
It was useful money and he ended up doing a local academy (which was probably the easiest as there was no arguing).
Worst experience was horrendous with the team subsequently being kicked out of the league.
There is a desperate shortage of refs even though the pay isn’t too bad. Main reason I think is the abuse in the main from parents.
Both sons gave up after 4/5 years, the youngest because he got fed up with the hassle (and could earn more in Tescos) and oldest because he was playing the game professionally.
He’ll start off doing younger age groups and I don’t think they did any age groups older than them.
It’s certainly character building and can be rewarding depending on the league and parents!
It was useful money and he ended up doing a local academy (which was probably the easiest as there was no arguing).
Worst experience was horrendous with the team subsequently being kicked out of the league.
There is a desperate shortage of refs even though the pay isn’t too bad. Main reason I think is the abuse in the main from parents.
Both sons gave up after 4/5 years, the youngest because he got fed up with the hassle (and could earn more in Tescos) and oldest because he was playing the game professionally.
I'd struggle to advise with regards to the football element, but can comment as a referee (although from a rugby perspective)
I would definitely advise the communication before the game as stated above. I will always point out that I have one set of eyes and no touch judges so my say is what I see, how I see it and that's that. I am happy to take feedback after the game as I want to do the best job that I can, but scream at me during the game and it won't go well for you
Communication is key, always. I'm an ex player and know how I liked to be refereed and have taken this into my approach. I try to be laid back and quite approachable, even to the extent of having a bit of banter with the players. This doesn't mean that I will tolerate anything untoward on their part though and I can be more direct when required.
Just advise him not to be arrogant and unapproachable, but to make players aware that there is a time and place for that approach. Personally speaking if I was refereeing football I would probably be seen as an evil despot as there'd be so many booked for their protestations.
Football across the board needs to take referee abuse seriously, no matter where it emanates. I've seen rugby refs abandon games due to touchline behaviour!
My lad plays both codes of rugby and I've watched him since the age of 6 (nearly 20 now!). The wife has only ever seen me shout out at a ref once (which should give you an idea how bad he was that day) and particularly with younger refs I would always make a point of thanking them after a game and saying well done. We'll never get better open age refs in any sport if the youngsters jack it in because of the way they're treated.
I would definitely advise the communication before the game as stated above. I will always point out that I have one set of eyes and no touch judges so my say is what I see, how I see it and that's that. I am happy to take feedback after the game as I want to do the best job that I can, but scream at me during the game and it won't go well for you
Communication is key, always. I'm an ex player and know how I liked to be refereed and have taken this into my approach. I try to be laid back and quite approachable, even to the extent of having a bit of banter with the players. This doesn't mean that I will tolerate anything untoward on their part though and I can be more direct when required.
Just advise him not to be arrogant and unapproachable, but to make players aware that there is a time and place for that approach. Personally speaking if I was refereeing football I would probably be seen as an evil despot as there'd be so many booked for their protestations.
Football across the board needs to take referee abuse seriously, no matter where it emanates. I've seen rugby refs abandon games due to touchline behaviour!
My lad plays both codes of rugby and I've watched him since the age of 6 (nearly 20 now!). The wife has only ever seen me shout out at a ref once (which should give you an idea how bad he was that day) and particularly with younger refs I would always make a point of thanking them after a game and saying well done. We'll never get better open age refs in any sport if the youngsters jack it in because of the way they're treated.
The jiffle king said:
Going back a few years, but the best ref's always gathered us all together at the start of the game and made a few things clear
- Swear at me, you go in the book
- Touch me/hit me and you're being sent off
- I make my decisions as I see them, there is no TV replay here, and so far I have never changed my mind
- You all have to go to work on Monday ... Don't be idiots and set out to hurt each other
- Enjoy the game
I recall 3 particular refs who all said similar who within 5 mins had booked someone for swearing at them and the games after that flowed much better
I played Saturday leagues and often the refs came in to us with these talks and they got respect back. It will be tough, certainly when reffing the sunday league cloggers, but if he wants to do it, go for it and enjoy it. - Swear at me, you go in the book
- Touch me/hit me and you're being sent off
- I make my decisions as I see them, there is no TV replay here, and so far I have never changed my mind
- You all have to go to work on Monday ... Don't be idiots and set out to hurt each other
- Enjoy the game
I recall 3 particular refs who all said similar who within 5 mins had booked someone for swearing at them and the games after that flowed much better
I reffed kids games from 14 before playing my matches for pocket money, both below and above my age level. Most of the time it was absolutely fine, got the odd bit of abuse for making the wrong calls but I think the fact I played and understood/could read the game fairly well which helped with positioning went a long way for me. I stopped when I was 17 as I moved up to the mens team from the youth teams and I couldn't ref the early Saturday games and get to my games on time and on a Sunday my legs were stiff as anything 
As has been said - setting your stall out with the captains at the start of the match works really well and also shows that you're not scared to talk to the players and tell them what's what! I reffed some really cracking matches and remember to this day a 4-4 I reffed where I only had to blow my whistle twice apart from halftime/full time and got thanked by both coaches at the end of the game and I thanked them for paying me to watch such a cracker of a match and get some exercise at the same time
Caveat - this is over 20 years ago now, so things may have changed!
As has been said - setting your stall out with the captains at the start of the match works really well and also shows that you're not scared to talk to the players and tell them what's what! I reffed some really cracking matches and remember to this day a 4-4 I reffed where I only had to blow my whistle twice apart from halftime/full time and got thanked by both coaches at the end of the game and I thanked them for paying me to watch such a cracker of a match and get some exercise at the same time
Caveat - this is over 20 years ago now, so things may have changed!
If he wants to do it good for him, personally I can’t think of anything I would rather not do, esp in the lower tiers. From a players perspective good referees are respected by players, there are so few you notice it when you get a good one, (even if we still give them a hard time), although I’m aware of one that was physically assaulted during a game and he understandably packed it in. I remember a lot of players being quite upset about it at the time.
If you can, get him qualified and then speak to a local pro club about him covering centre of excellence/ academy games to develop skills in what will be a more respectful environment (parents are very quiet so as to not jeopardise their kids chances). I worked in this environment for a while and I only had to step in once (at Luton town), the ref was having a complete stinker tbh, the opposing coach and I quickly stopped the game to advise both sets of parents of our expectations and their responsibilities and that was the matter dealt with. The quality of football and facilities are usually very good so it might even be quite enjoyable.
If you can, get him qualified and then speak to a local pro club about him covering centre of excellence/ academy games to develop skills in what will be a more respectful environment (parents are very quiet so as to not jeopardise their kids chances). I worked in this environment for a while and I only had to step in once (at Luton town), the ref was having a complete stinker tbh, the opposing coach and I quickly stopped the game to advise both sets of parents of our expectations and their responsibilities and that was the matter dealt with. The quality of football and facilities are usually very good so it might even be quite enjoyable.
MDUBZ said:
If he wants to do it good for him, personally I can’t think of anything I would rather not do, esp in the lower tiers. From a players perspective good referees are respected by players, there are so few you notice it when you get a good one, (even if we still give them a hard time), although I’m aware of one that was physically assaulted during a game and he understandably packed it in. I remember a lot of players being quite upset about it at the time.
If you can, get him qualified and then speak to a local pro club about him covering centre of excellence/ academy games to develop skills in what will be a more respectful environment (parents are very quiet so as to not jeopardise their kids chances). I worked in this environment for a while and I only had to step in once (at Luton town), the ref was having a complete stinker tbh, the opposing coach and I quickly stopped the game to advise both sets of parents of our expectations and their responsibilities and that was the matter dealt with. The quality of football and facilities are usually very good so it might even be quite enjoyable.
I mentioned the academy option in my post above but it is the local FA that appoint the refs for games not the pro club. If you can, get him qualified and then speak to a local pro club about him covering centre of excellence/ academy games to develop skills in what will be a more respectful environment (parents are very quiet so as to not jeopardise their kids chances). I worked in this environment for a while and I only had to step in once (at Luton town), the ref was having a complete stinker tbh, the opposing coach and I quickly stopped the game to advise both sets of parents of our expectations and their responsibilities and that was the matter dealt with. The quality of football and facilities are usually very good so it might even be quite enjoyable.
I’d agree that the standard of refs has gone downhill massively but having observed the way they are “trained” I am not surprised.
The best refs aren’t noticed but the training seems to miss that point and they are “almost coached” that they are always right. Too many want to be centre of attention.
As I said it is character building and certainly in the lower age groups (U14 and below) generally good natured and decent pocket money
Pieman68 said:
Football across the board needs to take referee abuse seriously, no matter where it emanates. I've seen rugby refs abandon games due to touchline behaviour!
I have no idea why football can’t adopt a non-nonsense approach to refereeing like rugby has.No back chat, no tantrums, respect the decision or you’re off.
I am yet to see a reason why this is a bad system.
Contact your local County FA and ask to speak to the Referee Development Officer (or similar title). They will have details on courses (when, where and how much) plus they will help to arrange games for him to start his journey. Think he does five matches then gets a mini-assessment; at his age, will be younger kids, probably up to about u12 level.
County FA's are almost always on the lookout for keen referees especially at this time of year when the County Cups are in full flow. I spend a good proportion of my working day trying to fit the referee to the match and can always do with more numbers to help me out.
Good luck to your lad too, btw.
County FA's are almost always on the lookout for keen referees especially at this time of year when the County Cups are in full flow. I spend a good proportion of my working day trying to fit the referee to the match and can always do with more numbers to help me out.
Good luck to your lad too, btw.
Muzzer79 said:
Pieman68 said:
Football across the board needs to take referee abuse seriously, no matter where it emanates. I've seen rugby refs abandon games due to touchline behaviour!
I have no idea why football can’t adopt a non-nonsense approach to refereeing like rugby has.No back chat, no tantrums, respect the decision or you’re off.
I am yet to see a reason why this is a bad system.
Guy moaned at decision, simply told him that it was made based on what I saw. He carried on, I told him he could either get on with the game or go for a sit down. He carried so I sat him down. As he walked past me to leave the field he called me a "f
ing b3llend". Referee abuse, straight to red, do not pass go!Both my lads reffed from 14, which, back then (11 years ago for the youngest) was the minimum age to take the course to qualify as a level 9 ref (youth and kids football.)
It's not without its stresses and strains but it's good exercise, and back then, in West London youth football, you got £27 a game. It was quite common to get a couple of games, occasionally 3, usually on Sundays, , so that was £54 or £81. Not bad when you're 14-16 and better than a paper round.
It's a great thing to have on your CV, my youngest son is convinced he got his job aged 19 with a household name multinational company (he's been there 6 years and has had several promotions and is now a lead auditor) because of his refereeing experience. His 4 A levels might have helped but he said 75% of the interview was discussing the refereeing, how he coped with pressure, man management skills, teamwork with linesmen etc.
Definitely go for it. And if you keep up your training, it's a job for life. Whilst at uni, during periods of unemployment, even after retirement. It's just cash in hand, and you'll always be in demand.
It's not without its stresses and strains but it's good exercise, and back then, in West London youth football, you got £27 a game. It was quite common to get a couple of games, occasionally 3, usually on Sundays, , so that was £54 or £81. Not bad when you're 14-16 and better than a paper round.
It's a great thing to have on your CV, my youngest son is convinced he got his job aged 19 with a household name multinational company (he's been there 6 years and has had several promotions and is now a lead auditor) because of his refereeing experience. His 4 A levels might have helped but he said 75% of the interview was discussing the refereeing, how he coped with pressure, man management skills, teamwork with linesmen etc.
Definitely go for it. And if you keep up your training, it's a job for life. Whilst at uni, during periods of unemployment, even after retirement. It's just cash in hand, and you'll always be in demand.
JQ said:
Oh well that was a bit of a let down, chap at Cheshire FA is away for the next few weeks and the person I did speak to confirmed all courses this year are fully booked.
So looks like we'll just have to wait a few weeks to get sorted.
More than a few weeksSo looks like we'll just have to wait a few weeks to get sorted.
“We are sorry if you were not able to obtain a place on a course for 2023; however, we will be running further courses in 2024 and those who have applied/expressed an interest already, will be contacted first.”
There is still stuff you/he can do like get your fan numbers and do the modules before applying.
https://www.cheshirefa.com/referee/get-into-refere...
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