Grassroots Football is About Managing the Parents
Discussion
My third season as a manager has all but ended (still playing friendlies) and I'm looking forward to our first season at 11 v 11; it feels a bit real now.
Managing is really quite rewarding (as long as the games are played well and you are winning a fair chunk of them). The admin is easy if you get it done early, and despite finding available referees and getting rained off it's, in the main, it's a doddle. The biggest challenge is managing the parents. They can be a nightmare.
An hour before kickoff, "sorry, <player> can't make it today, he has a birthday party to attend to".
10 minutes before final whistle, "he was tired so we thought we would let him rest".
One or two parents, 'he isn't the best player anymore'.
Every week. me: who's running the line? Parents: silence.
Parents. I've had to explain to them that we do the coaching on the training pitch and in games, we are encouraging them to make decisions and work as a team without coaches/parents shouting instructions, yet most games, someone will shout, "SHOOT" or something similar.
I went to watch a player transition into another team and noticed that there were no parents present; only three of four. It was a great game to watch and none of the snarling dads and screaming mums.
Managing is really quite rewarding (as long as the games are played well and you are winning a fair chunk of them). The admin is easy if you get it done early, and despite finding available referees and getting rained off it's, in the main, it's a doddle. The biggest challenge is managing the parents. They can be a nightmare.
An hour before kickoff, "sorry, <player> can't make it today, he has a birthday party to attend to".
10 minutes before final whistle, "he was tired so we thought we would let him rest".
One or two parents, 'he isn't the best player anymore'.
Every week. me: who's running the line? Parents: silence.
Parents. I've had to explain to them that we do the coaching on the training pitch and in games, we are encouraging them to make decisions and work as a team without coaches/parents shouting instructions, yet most games, someone will shout, "SHOOT" or something similar.
I went to watch a player transition into another team and noticed that there were no parents present; only three of four. It was a great game to watch and none of the snarling dads and screaming mums.
Glassman said:
My third season as a manager has all but ended (still playing friendlies) and I'm looking forward to our first season at 11 v 11; it feels a bit real now.
Managing is really quite rewarding (as long as the games are played well and you are winning a fair chunk of them). The admin is easy if you get it done early, and despite finding available referees and getting rained off it's, in the main, it's a doddle. The biggest challenge is managing the parents. They can be a nightmare.
An hour before kickoff, "sorry, <player> can't make it today, he has a birthday party to attend to".
10 minutes before final whistle, "he was tired so we thought we would let him rest".
One or two parents, 'he isn't the best player anymore'.
Every week. me: who's running the line? Parents: silence.
Parents. I've had to explain to them that we do the coaching on the training pitch and in games, we are encouraging them to make decisions and work as a team without coaches/parents shouting instructions, yet most games, someone will shout, "SHOOT" or something similar.
I went to watch a player transition into another team and noticed that there were no parents present; only three of four. It was a great game to watch and none of the snarling dads and screaming mums.
Managing is really quite rewarding (as long as the games are played well and you are winning a fair chunk of them). The admin is easy if you get it done early, and despite finding available referees and getting rained off it's, in the main, it's a doddle. The biggest challenge is managing the parents. They can be a nightmare.
An hour before kickoff, "sorry, <player> can't make it today, he has a birthday party to attend to".
10 minutes before final whistle, "he was tired so we thought we would let him rest".
One or two parents, 'he isn't the best player anymore'.
Every week. me: who's running the line? Parents: silence.
Parents. I've had to explain to them that we do the coaching on the training pitch and in games, we are encouraging them to make decisions and work as a team without coaches/parents shouting instructions, yet most games, someone will shout, "SHOOT" or something similar.
I went to watch a player transition into another team and noticed that there were no parents present; only three of four. It was a great game to watch and none of the snarling dads and screaming mums.
I know exactly where you're coming from mate. When my son was playing I obviously wanted to see him play and every week ended up with the flag as there wouldn't be any other takers. The abuse that I as linesman got was terrible but offering the flag to someone else soon silenced them. The 'coaching' from the line by some parents who obviously had no knowledge of the game just led to kids being confused as to what they should be doing...... which was first and foremost ENJOYING PLAYING.
I like the idea of no parents/ spectators at young kids football matches, at least until they have grasped a good understanding of what they are being coached to do( unless offering to help out by running the line).
Good luck with your team, and hope you continue to enjoy it along with all your players, just remind all involved (especially over-enthusiastic parents) why they are there on a cold and wet Sunday morning..... TO HAVE FUN.
You think kids football is bad, try mini Rugby.
I think it’s probably due to the fact that each team hosts a tournament, so there’s a trophy up for grabs even from primary 3.
In the early years, one coach is in field with the team, which is handy for “accidental” blocks, telling the opposition what to do, and various other forms of cheating. Weak teams have to be hammered in case it comes down to tries scored.Add in kids who howl their head off after even the slightest knock ( but you have to stop in case they have really broken their leg) , parents who haven’t the slightest knowledge of rugby rules let alone the modified ones ( which change as they get older), and it’s just not much fun.
Ironically the only serious problem I had with coaching kids football ( I did both, how mad am I?), and parents, was with a well known ex Scotland rugby player.
I think it’s probably due to the fact that each team hosts a tournament, so there’s a trophy up for grabs even from primary 3.
In the early years, one coach is in field with the team, which is handy for “accidental” blocks, telling the opposition what to do, and various other forms of cheating. Weak teams have to be hammered in case it comes down to tries scored.Add in kids who howl their head off after even the slightest knock ( but you have to stop in case they have really broken their leg) , parents who haven’t the slightest knowledge of rugby rules let alone the modified ones ( which change as they get older), and it’s just not much fun.
Ironically the only serious problem I had with coaching kids football ( I did both, how mad am I?), and parents, was with a well known ex Scotland rugby player.
OP it sounds like you're experiencing the usual problems that all coach's of kids football experience. Can be incredibly frustrating at times, but the good usually outweighs the bad 
My son is 15 now so I've been coaching his team for 8 years. I've made plenty of mistakes over the years so certainly no expert, but have always tended to take a pretty direct approach with parents... "If you think you know how to do it better here's the ball bag, I'll drop my lad off for your training session on Thursday", "if you know enough about football to shout suggestions to your son during the game then you clearly know enough to run the line", "if you don't like <insert any of the multitude of complaints that parents raise> there are plenty of other local teams available to you", and probably most importantly "if you think your son could be the next Ronaldo then keep quiet and let him enjoy his football rather than constantly nagging him because he plays a hell of a lot better with a smile on his face".
I've been pretty fortunate over the years with helpful parents. Although I did have a spell with a lot of dads with bad backs, but some of the mum's put them to shame
and the back issues miraculously cleared up.
It changes as they get older, parents dropping them off in the car park, kids cycling to training and games, or utilising my taxi services. Less help but less voices on the touchline. I've tended to find the best players have the best parents, supportive of their kids and respectful/grateful for the often thankless job the coach is doing, and a few of those have gone on to join club academies which is rewarding even though you're losing your best player(s).
Make sure you get some friendly 11v11 games on full size pitches in before the season starts it's a big change for them, the expression on your goalie's face the first time he stands between the posts in a full size goal is priceless!
My son is 15 now so I've been coaching his team for 8 years. I've made plenty of mistakes over the years so certainly no expert, but have always tended to take a pretty direct approach with parents... "If you think you know how to do it better here's the ball bag, I'll drop my lad off for your training session on Thursday", "if you know enough about football to shout suggestions to your son during the game then you clearly know enough to run the line", "if you don't like <insert any of the multitude of complaints that parents raise> there are plenty of other local teams available to you", and probably most importantly "if you think your son could be the next Ronaldo then keep quiet and let him enjoy his football rather than constantly nagging him because he plays a hell of a lot better with a smile on his face".
I've been pretty fortunate over the years with helpful parents. Although I did have a spell with a lot of dads with bad backs, but some of the mum's put them to shame
and the back issues miraculously cleared up. It changes as they get older, parents dropping them off in the car park, kids cycling to training and games, or utilising my taxi services. Less help but less voices on the touchline. I've tended to find the best players have the best parents, supportive of their kids and respectful/grateful for the often thankless job the coach is doing, and a few of those have gone on to join club academies which is rewarding even though you're losing your best player(s).
Make sure you get some friendly 11v11 games on full size pitches in before the season starts it's a big change for them, the expression on your goalie's face the first time he stands between the posts in a full size goal is priceless!
I won't mention refereeing, as it's probably worthy of a thread of it's own; but again it's the parents that are absolutely horrific. My son started when he just turned 14. And it's the youngest age groups that were by far the worst.
And for some reason parents seems to think it's OK to square up to a ref, en masse, with the most horrific verbal abuse, inches from his face. Friday night outside a pub yeah - you'd expect it. Not on a Saturday morning in an U8 county league.
And I won't mention linos assulting opposition players. Just unreal!
And for some reason parents seems to think it's OK to square up to a ref, en masse, with the most horrific verbal abuse, inches from his face. Friday night outside a pub yeah - you'd expect it. Not on a Saturday morning in an U8 county league.
And I won't mention linos assulting opposition players. Just unreal!
Kinky said:
I won't mention refereeing, as it's probably worthy of a thread of it's own; but again it's the parents that are absolutely horrific.
I posted this on the Grassroots Football thread in December 2016. TwigtheWonderkid said:
Both my sons refereed from age 14. My youngest (now 18) still does it every sunday, usually 2 games at u/15 or u/16. My oldest (20) stopped at 18. So basically I've had 6 yrs of watching this s
t unfold.
I wish I'd kept a diary and written a book, but yesterday was a pretty average 2 match affair, both under 15s (as at 1 sep so a mix of 14/15 yr olds). So yesterday we had:
2 parents called my son a cheat. (not that he'd made an error, but was a cheat.) Yeah, he received £40K in a brown envelope off one of the teams pre kick off. That's the going rate to favour a team in a west London u/15's div 3 match.
1 parent called him an idiot, because any fool knows you can't be offside from a free kick.
Biggest uproar came at a sending off. Kid was booked for telling the ref he was fking useless. (could've got a straight red but my son gave him a talking to and a yellow.) Later on the same kid was fouled, not badly, and when on the ground he kicked the kid that had fouled him. So got a 2nd yellow (could also have been a straight red).
This caused uproar because quite rightly the team who were now down to 10 men got the free kick when the game restarted. Half the parents said he couldn't send off a man and then restart the game with a free kick to the team who had lost a man! A more sensible head explained that the ref was right, and a mum then threatened to punch this blokes face in, because he was a "know it all". Various parents pushing and shoving, thankfully it dissipated before a fight broke out.
Then at the end of the game the coach of the team down to 10 men spoke to my son. For a crazy moment I thought he might be apologising for the conduct of his player, but in fact he was asking why no one from the other team was sent off. (err, because they never told the ref he was fking useless and then kicked out at an opponent) tt!
That's a pretty typical Sunday. On the bright side, £58 for 2 games which is better than getting up at 5am all week to do a paper round, and a few hours exercise in the fresh air. (he never actually received the £40K in the brown envelope, I made that bit up.)
t unfold.I wish I'd kept a diary and written a book, but yesterday was a pretty average 2 match affair, both under 15s (as at 1 sep so a mix of 14/15 yr olds). So yesterday we had:
2 parents called my son a cheat. (not that he'd made an error, but was a cheat.) Yeah, he received £40K in a brown envelope off one of the teams pre kick off. That's the going rate to favour a team in a west London u/15's div 3 match.
1 parent called him an idiot, because any fool knows you can't be offside from a free kick.
Biggest uproar came at a sending off. Kid was booked for telling the ref he was f
king useless. (could've got a straight red but my son gave him a talking to and a yellow.) Later on the same kid was fouled, not badly, and when on the ground he kicked the kid that had fouled him. So got a 2nd yellow (could also have been a straight red). This caused uproar because quite rightly the team who were now down to 10 men got the free kick when the game restarted. Half the parents said he couldn't send off a man and then restart the game with a free kick to the team who had lost a man! A more sensible head explained that the ref was right, and a mum then threatened to punch this blokes face in, because he was a "know it all
". Various parents pushing and shoving, thankfully it dissipated before a fight broke out. Then at the end of the game the coach of the team down to 10 men spoke to my son. For a crazy moment I thought he might be apologising for the conduct of his player, but in fact he was asking why no one from the other team was sent off. (err, because they never told the ref he was f
king useless and then kicked out at an opponent) tt!That's a pretty typical Sunday. On the bright side, £58 for 2 games which is better than getting up at 5am all week to do a paper round, and a few hours exercise in the fresh air. (he never actually received the £40K in the brown envelope, I made that bit up.)
Kinky said:
I won't mention refereeing, as it's probably worthy of a thread of it's own; but again it's the parents that are absolutely horrific. My son started when he just turned 14. And it's the youngest age groups that were by far the worst.
And for some reason parents seems to think it's OK to square up to a ref, en masse, with the most horrific verbal abuse, inches from his face. Friday night outside a pub yeah - you'd expect it. Not on a Saturday morning in an U8 county league.
And I won't mention linos assulting opposition players. Just unreal!
Both my sons have been refs and both have had to make a quick exit due to abuse from parents. At one match a FA official was watching as the team was known for trouble. My lad had to send two kids off and the abuse was unbelievable- subsequent inquiry and the team was expelled from the league.And for some reason parents seems to think it's OK to square up to a ref, en masse, with the most horrific verbal abuse, inches from his face. Friday night outside a pub yeah - you'd expect it. Not on a Saturday morning in an U8 county league.
And I won't mention linos assulting opposition players. Just unreal!
My younger son used to play as a kid for a Sunday morning side, and we certainly saw instances of bad behaviour among the parents. Sometimes the kids on the field didn’t know where to hide themselves for the embarrassment.
But what I found galling was the negativity hurled at the youngsters. Continual shouts of ‘rubbish’, ‘that’s no good’, etc. Never any encouragement.
So we went down the local cricket club and joined up there. My lad loved his cricket, but was a bit erratic in his performances, shall we say. It was typical when walking back from the wicket after facing three balls to hear the older members call, ‘bad luck son, impossible ball, bad luck to get it so early … ‘ and so on. Nothing negative - EVER.
What’s more, Dad got to hang around the club house and drink beer
But what I found galling was the negativity hurled at the youngsters. Continual shouts of ‘rubbish’, ‘that’s no good’, etc. Never any encouragement.
So we went down the local cricket club and joined up there. My lad loved his cricket, but was a bit erratic in his performances, shall we say. It was typical when walking back from the wicket after facing three balls to hear the older members call, ‘bad luck son, impossible ball, bad luck to get it so early … ‘ and so on. Nothing negative - EVER.
What’s more, Dad got to hang around the club house and drink beer
Crikey, it's not all bad 
My daughter plays and we rarely get any st, a lot of players are academy players which I think helps with the discipline. My son also plays, one parent would constantly shout "instructions", thankfully I know the manager well and just said to him "he's not helping his kid at all". Doesn't say a word now, his kid plays much better again too
You always get good & bad, unfortunately.
My daughter plays and we rarely get any st, a lot of players are academy players which I think helps with the discipline. My son also plays, one parent would constantly shout "instructions", thankfully I know the manager well and just said to him "he's not helping his kid at all". Doesn't say a word now, his kid plays much better again too You always get good & bad, unfortunately.
t400ble said:
8 odd years ago when I usd to help out, the parents had to watch a 'dvd' produced by the FA
Nothing like this now?
Might be, but I don't know. Seems not much has changed as sometimes it's even the coaches losing their sh*t. Nothing like this now?
We were involved in a game against a grassroots team and the manager (who was also the chairman of the club) got on the referee's back about some decisions (almost immediately after we scored our first goal). The 16 year-old [qualified] referee handled it quite well but it didn't shut shouty up. We scored another (fair and square) and the profanities started to fly. Referee warned him about his conduct and his response was to call him pathetic. He was shown the yellow card. He gave some more abuse and asked, "you would do that, because that's all you CAN do". So he was shown a red and directed to the car park. He didn't leave for a while and made a point of giving the whole team instructions.
With all that going on and everyone telling him to leave so the game could continue, one of their subs (Under 12) shouted, "TAKE THEIR ANKLES". He was shown a yellow too.
After the match, their parents came over and started which ended with one of our parents being called a nonce which kick-started the lynch mob.
As far as I know, nothing came of this episode despite the complaints and reports. Not that I would make any assumptions but most of the league bods live in the same area as this club. I took the issue up with the FA (safeguarding) but they just batted me back to the local league.
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