Self surgery....anyone else?

[Digby]

I figure I am helping the NHS by not bothering them too often.I would suggest you don't try this at home (or anywhere else for that matter) but has anyone else done anything similar? Nail clippers play a large part here, as did googling and making sure my weapons of choice were clean

Recently I removed part of an excruciatingly painful toenail with clippers, scissors and a dremel.To be honest, from a pain point of view, if I were a spy and you required me to answer anything at all, this same operation would be all that was required.It's all good now though.

I removed part of a tooth from my gum with nail clippers, too.They were the best thing to get a good grip on this rogue piece and several twists, turns and eye watering moments later, all was better in gum land.

I cut off a small mole on my neck and despite what my Mum said, I didn't bleed to death.It's grown back, just a lot smaller.

I had a small, moveable, fatty type lump on my forehead, just under the skin.Out came the clippers again.It made a louder 'crunching' sound than I would have imagined if I am honest and bled for approx a day.Annoyingly, half of it is still there, it's just not as obvious.

Obviously removed deep splinters and lanced several blood blisters in my time, too.



I'm not a Sado-masochist, by the way.I just can't ever be arsed to go to the doctors.Anyone else?

[sparkythecat]

Digby said:

I figure I am helping the NHS by not bothering them too often.I would suggest you don't try this at home (or anywhere else for that matter) but has anyone else done anything similar? Nail clippers play a large part here, as did googling and making sure my weapons of choice were clean

Recently I removed part of an excruciatingly painful toenail with clippers, scissors and a dremel.To be honest, from a pain point of view, if I were a spy and you required me to answer anything at all, this same operation would be all that was required.It's all good now though.

I removed part of a tooth from my gum with nail clippers, too.They were the best thing to get a good grip on this rogue piece and several twists, turns and eye watering moments later, all was better in gum land.

I cut off a small mole on my neck and despite what my Mum said, I didn't bleed to death.It's grown back, just a lot smaller.

I had a small, moveable, fatty type lump on my forehead, just under the skin.Out came the clippers again.It made a louder 'crunching' sound than I would have imagined if I am honest and bled for approx a day.Annoyingly, half of it is still there, it's just not as obvious.

Obviously removed deep splinters and lanced several blood blisters in my time, too.



I'm not a Sado-masochist, by the way.I just can't ever be arsed to go to the doctors.Anyone else?

I bet you've kept all the bits haven't you?
I bet they're all stored in little jars stacked amongst the milk bottles containing your own wee.

Edited by sparkythecat on Tuesday 26th October 23:32

[HarryW]

Digby said:

I figure I am helping the NHS by not bothering them too often.I would suggest you don't try this at home (or anywhere else for that matter) but has anyone else done anything similar? Nail clippers play a large part here, as did googling and making sure my weapons of choice were clean

Recently I removed part of an excruciatingly painful toenail with clippers, scissors and a dremel.To be honest, from a pain point of view, if I were a spy and you required me to answer anything at all, this same operation would be all that was required.It's all good now though.

I removed part of a tooth from my gum with nail clippers, too.They were the best thing to get a good grip on this rogue piece and several twists, turns and eye watering moments later, all was better in gum land.

I cut off a small mole on my neck and despite what my Mum said, I didn't bleed to death.It's grown back, just a lot smaller.

I had a small, moveable, fatty type lump on my forehead, just under the skin.Out came the clippers again.It made a louder 'crunching' sound than I would have imagined if I am honest and bled for approx a day.Annoyingly, half of it is still there, it's just not as obvious.

Obviously removed deep splinters and lanced several blood blisters in my time, too.



I'm not a Sado-masochist, by the way.I just can't ever be arsed to go to the doctors.Anyone else?

Barking, you know the NHS is free don't you................

[jonesey]

Erm, I'm a little worried about you. Wouldn't you rather your operations were neat? Would you suggest a bangkok boob job to your mrs?

[Fleegle]

After having the nail destroyed twice 20 years ago, I carry out surgery on my big toe every month, removing a slither of nail which grows much like an iceberg(only a small bit showing)

First night consists of broggling with tweezers for a few minutes to loosen it up. I then go in for the kill on the second night sliding the tweezers down the side of my toe, grasp the nail and then pull away to 90 degrees, otherwise the tweezers slip off. I will pull a piece of nail out half the size of my thumb nail.

Been doing it so long now it doesn't even bleed.

I wipe the tweezers on my sock and put them back in mitzy's make up bag

Edited by Fleegle on Tuesday 26th October 23:25

[Digby]

jonesey said:

Erm, I'm a little worried about you. Wouldn't you rather your operations were neat? Would you suggest a bangkok boob job to your mrs?

Bit skint this month.Can they do one?

[Famous Graham]

With regard to the toenail, if it was ingrowing, you're going to have to repeat the "procedure" regularly every couple of years now.

Get it sorted properly.

Just ignore anything anyone says about anaesthetic injections behind the nail....

[Digby]

sparkythecat said:

I bet you've kept all the bits haven't you?
I bet they're all stored in little jars stacked amongst the milk bottles containing your own wee.

Edited by sparkythecat on Tuesday 26th October 23:23

Sadly not.But I do have a tooth the size of an oak tree which I asked the dentist to retrieve from the bin.Even I didn't fancy getting that out.Shame really, I had the washed up DHL ice skate and garden rock all ready to go, before I changed my mind

[zollburgers]

I have destroyed a super wart. I got the freezing kit but was annoyed that it came back again and again. This went on for a year or two (or three). I decided on a final push and froze it for a lot longer than normal and for multiple times in one go. I then cut off the dead skin over the next week or so, then froze it again soon after. Freezing is very good for stopping blood once the skin has been cut off. I had to repeat this process over the next few months. Then again and again, each time getting a bit more extreme. The result is complete and total victory! Woo.

Not quite NHS stuff but it would make a very good war film. The wart would be Vietcong.

[jonesey]

Digby said:

jonesey said:

Erm, I'm a little worried about you. Wouldn't you rather your operations were neat? Would you suggest a bangkok boob job to your mrs?

Bit skint this month.Can they do one?

They sure can. I hear they specialise in nipples that look both north and south on the same occassion.

[SC7]

Famous Graham said:

With regard to the toenail, if it was ingrowing, you're going to have to repeat the "procedure" regularly every couple of years now.

Get it sorted properly.

Just ignore anything anyone says about anaesthetic injections behind the nail....

I had mine removed "properly" at a clinic. After they yank it off, they apply some sort of liquid that stops the nail from growing back... Only they missed two bits

So despite going about it the right way I still have to do what the OP did and manage it myself.

I have to completely 'dig out' the left one quite regularly, and sort out the two corners of the right one. To be honest, it's easier than going back through my GP etc.

[Digby]

Famous Graham said:

With regard to the toenail, if it was ingrowing, you're going to have to repeat the "procedure" regularly every couple of years now.

Get it sorted properly.

Just ignore anything anyone says about anaesthetic injections behind the nail....

I have heard this, yes.Will see how it goes.I have actually lost three nails in my life.Two toenails were sliced off when I was a kid.I jumped out of a swimmng pool and then went down a metal slide.Some of the rivets had broken away from the sheeting, however and as I had my feet and body as flat as I could get them (for maximum speed, obviously), my foot went under one of the metal sheets and the nails were sliced off! The other was a fingernail from when I was around 10 years old.I dropped a heavy paving slab on it and just picked at it over the next week or so until it came off.Was like something from a zombie film!

[Dog Star]

My dad (he's a (now retired) vet) wouldn't go near doctors - I swear that he would ampututate his own limbs first.

I've watched him stitch up gashes in himself and once when I popped down his surgery he'd had a hand mauled and made his nurse stitch it all up (there were a load of them too), all without anaesthetic. It might be a scotch person thing?

[Georgiegirl]

Yeah that doesn't sound too unreasonable to me - I am always getting told off for doing home operations, last one was a lump in my armpit that I cut out using a craft knife, also completely removed an infected fingernail. That hurt quite alot.

Probably wouldn't mess with a mole though.

Can I come and help get the rest of your forehead lump out?!

[Morningside]

I had a horrible feeling that this was going to be about trepanning

Only thing I did was kept re-bandaging my finger over and over as it needed stiches. No way that was going to happen.
It did go very white for a few days and I had a fear of losing it.

Oh, and I did cut a hole in my fingernail (hot pin) to release the pressure due to getting it stuck in a car bonnet.

Edited by Morningside on Wednesday 27th October 11:06

[ShadownINja]

I sliced off 90% of the tip of my thumb once so it was just hanging off a little bit of flesh (think: flesh the size of a 1p piece dangling off tip of thumb or a thumb with a flip-top lid). I just flapped it back and applied loads of sellotape. The body did the rest. Job done.

Wouldn't do any of that surgery st mentioned above. So easy to get infected and require a more serious operation.

Having said that, I know how to remove testicles professionally. Here's how:
http://www.urologymatch.com/Orchiectomy.htm

Edited by ShadownINja on Wednesday 27th October 11:37

[okgo]

I did an ingrowing toenail with two screw drivers and a knife, lots of blood but worked a treat.

[MikeDH]

Fleegle said:

broggling

I like this word.

[Chilli]

I took my own stitches out the other day....A few cans of Guinness, the Mrs' scissors, and jobs a goodun.

[Riff Raff]

To the OP. Be sure to post some photos (or better still a video) when you have a go at your haemorrhoids!