Handy (but dangerous) toiletery substitutes

[peterbredde]

I was once buying fancy shower gel when a friend of mine told me that it was a waste of money buying 'all that crap' as it was all just based around soap anyway, and plain old soap would suit all hygeine purposes. I took him at his word, bought some soap and I've been much less fussy about toileteries ever since. One day I ran out of soap and used fairy liquid as shower gel. Worked a treat.

Then, last week I got to the office all sweaty after a long car ride and had a wiff of underarm that reminded me that I hadn't put on any de-odorant. I went to the toilet to look for some soap. None there. So, I went to the cleaners cupboard to look for their supply. All I could find was Pledge, which I've always quite liked the smell of. I used it. I was in fking agony for the rest of the day, and still sometimes feel soar.

I know I'm a complete tit, but has anybody else used substitute toileteries and lived to regret it?

[BliarOut]

Don't use Zymol Carbon wax as an aftershave. Sure, it smells lovely but you'll come up in a right red rash...

[Google [bot]]

What's wrong with you?

[mybrainhurts]

You truncheon....

[Superficial]

I once ran out of shower gel so used some head and shoulders menthol as a substitute. It felt quite nice to begin with, just a soft tingle, but soon became much more than just a tingle and ended up with some seriously vigorous scrubbing to get it off my skin. Still makes me cringe thinking of it now.

[ShadownINja]

I ran out of toilet paper once so I used a copy of the Labour Party's manifesto. And then the Green Party's manifesto. Still felt dirty afterwards, though.

Instead of deodorant, rather than using Domestos or HCL, you should have made a cup of warm (IT SAYS WARM, NOT BOILING... BOILING WATER BURNS - thought I should point that out since you use polish as deodorant) water and poured some salt in. Then dab moist tissue paper under armpits. The salt should kill the bacteria.

[Austin.J]

Have used fabreeze and oust at pit spray before, not had a problem with it, smelt of vanilla and some flowery stentch, wasn't half bad.

[Devilstreak]

Years ago a lad at college once ran out of hair gel. So he used shampoo and waited for it to dry before leaving the house. It actually looked quite good... Until it rained. It was brilliant, a full head of foam.

[ShadownINja]

Devilstreak said:

Years ago a lad at college once ran out of hair gel. So he used shampoo and waited for it to dry before leaving the house. It actually looked quite good... Until it rained. It was brilliant, a full head of foam.

[Google [bot]]

Devilstreak said:

Years ago a lad at college once ran out of hair gel. So he used shampoo and waited for it to dry before leaving the house. It actually looked quite good... Until it rained. It was brilliant, a full head of foam.

Brilliant. Actually, it works with conditioner.

[Ewan S]

Yeah I recently unintentionally sprayed shaving gel into my armpit instead of deodorant at an airport after purchasing a load of those mini toiletries that you can take on planes. Took forever to get my armpits clean which resulted in me being the 3rd to last person to get on board. I'd only gone to the gents for a piss and thought I'd spray on my new deodorant to make me smell nice whilst in there.

Would you believe how quickly that stuff foams up when sprayed into a sweaty armpit? Made me glad I only did one armpit with it!

[chris1roll]

I sprayed lense cleaner in my mouth instead of breath freshener once.

[ApexJimi]

OP, seriously, how on earth did you come to the conclusion that spraying furniture polish on your armpits would be a good idea?!

I'm astonished!

On a slightly related note, I once woke up in the middle of the night and for some inexplicable reason, sprayed deodorant into my mouth.

That wasn't clever.

Edited by ApexJimi on Sunday 11th July 20:03