Autism

[Autistic Powers]

Sorry for the anonymity but I’d rather not identify who I am just yet.
Don’t really know why I’m posting this on here, maybe it’s just to get it off my chest. Recently my son was diagnosed with autism (mild not full blown rainman stuff). His behaviour had been getting increasingly bizarre and the other half was getting worried about him. Now for me I couldn’t see all that much wrong with him as he’s pretty much a carbon copy of what I was like as a child. Anyway he’s been to see quite a few specialists for assessments etc, and the result is that he is autistic. Now this has knocked me for six not only that he’s autistic but it looks like I am also. All the indicators and signs are what I have in the past shown and still do to a certain degree. The only saving grace is I know from experience that he will be ok as I seem to have managed through life without too many problems.
What I am really worried about is if my employer has a problem with my condition as I have had a couple of instances where I couldn’t properly read the situation and it lead to a complaint. Do I tell my employer that it would appear that I am autistic in the hope that they will realise that I don’t go out of my way to upset customers or do I keep quiet and prey that I don’t misread another situation? I can’t see the point of going to be assessed myself as after all these years I have been able to adapt and I suppose learn how to do and deal with certain things as I was unaware that there was something amiss. Not quite getting this down to make much sense as my mind is all over the place at the moment. I’m no different than I was before it all came to light but now there is a reason for it I am having problems getting my head completely round it all.

[Hammer67]

Sorry to hear that. Autism has pretty much ruined my family so I know what you`re going through.

I`d tell your employer, if he has any idea about autism he should understand that one of the main traits of the condition is being unable to communicate normally or understand social situations. Not your fault you`re struggling.

Good luck with your son.

[bigandclever]

Without wanting to sound harsh, why not go and get your own diagnosis first before worrying about the if's and whatmightbe's with your work? One step at a time...

[RRS_Staffs]

You must be going through a very stressful period at the moment

Id think of your son first and foremost till it all settles down

Then Im not sure if Id tell work or not
And certainly not without a firm diagnosis

If youre managing most of the time then whats the point?

FWIW I have a close mate who functions in a very senior and responsible position who is known for his 'eccentricity'
In my opinion he is almost certainly moderately autistic

Good luck!

[Autistic Powers]

Thanks for the replies chaps. My son is doing fine as he knows no different. What has helped is that we now know how to deal with him and what to expect. As for myself I'm not sure an assessment will work as I have naturally adapted to life as I was unaware that I was anything other than normal. Yes I am shall we say not the greatest in social situations and tend to see things in black and white in my view which is obviously not the same as everyone else’s view. What I don't want to do is turn up at an assessment and for all intents and purposes look as if I'm just swinging the lead and have read up on a few symptoms to gain a tick in a box. I suppose I should really talk to a specialist to find out what is involved in assessing adults etc.
The thing is I've finally got a job that I can do and really like. I've been doing it for around four years now and am pretty much always at the top of my team. However I have had a few instances that have lead to complaints, one of which lead to a disciplinary hearing albeit only a minor one. If I go on like this and get into bother some more my job will be gone and that would for me be a crushing blow. This is where my dilemma begins with the shall I or shan't I inform my employer (large national company but I can't say which industry as it may give the game away). Should I tell them would it at least allow them to realise that I genuinely haven’t gone out of my way to upset someone or would they instantly sack me for fear of having someone working or them who has a mental/behavioural issue.

[Firefoot]

If it is causing you some issues at work then have a chat to your employer. It is better to get this on record before the next complaint comes in. If you only come out with this at a third or fourth disciplinary, then you really haven't allowed the employer any opportunity to help you.

You could start the conversation by explaining about your son, and that this has made you realise you also have it.

[Beardy10]

Very sorry to hear about this and I hope things work out for you. You don't say how old your son is but one of my closest friends little boy was diagnosed with high functioning Autism a few months ago, it sounds like you are already dealing with it but my friends little boy has progressed greatly thanks to some mentoring from a team of specialists as well as his parents being taught how to help him. I believe he has already progressed to such an extent that he wouldn't be classified as autistic now. I don't know much more than that but I can get more details if you would like them.

[Autistic Powers]

Well it's been a bit of an odd week really. I've still not plucked up the courage to speak to work about what's going on, but I suppose i'm going to have to face it sooner rather than later. What I can't get my head round is the change in me recently. Take for instance the other day I needed to get some cash for essentials so went to the cash point stuck the card in and just could not for the life of me remember either of my pin numbers. I just stood there staring at the damn thing like a complete tool not doing anything. I ended up having to go home and dig out the pin numbers.
Worse of all is the mood changes, one minute I'm fine just getting on with whatever I'm doing and then whoosh I'm on a downer (it's an odd sensation that the only way I can describe it is the feeling you get when taking a hump back bridge too fast but it doesn't stop when you reach the bottom) I live on my own so thankfully don't have to deal with anyone at the moment as I'm really not in the mood for people right now (not that I ever was in the first place!) so just getting some of the mundane stuff re finishing the house off to occupy my mind.

[Hammer67]

Blimey, you`re starting to worry me, I do stuff like that and have mood swings. I`m starting to wonder if I need a diagnosis, maybe my son`s not the first in the family to have autism after all. I have a very good memory for numbers and can reel off all the reg numbers of all the cars I`ve ever owned but I`m useless with names, dates, places etc. Scary.

[davido140]

Are we talking Aspergers?

Diagnosis and dawning realisation that you've probably got it to are strikingly familiar. I tick most of the boxes on the form, so to speak. Especially the lack of the ability to "read between the lines".

My son was diagnosed a few years ago, if thats what were talking about then firstly dont panic. It's not as bad as it first seems.

Feel free to drop me a PM (or I dont mind discussing here "in public") if you want any stories/advice/experiences etc from the last couple of years of dealing with it.


ETA if you do PM me over the weekend my work email is down all weekend so it may bounce back, try again on monday and it should be all good again.

Edited by davido140 on Friday 7th May 19:31

Edited by davido140 on Friday 7th May 19:32

[Autistic Powers]

Hammer67 said:

Blimey, you`re starting to worry me, I do stuff like that and have mood swings. I`m starting to wonder if I need a diagnosis, maybe my son`s not the first in the family to have autism after all. I have a very good memory for numbers and can reel off all the reg numbers of all the cars I`ve ever owned but I`m useless with names, dates, places etc. Scary.

I've always had certain issues but just shrugged them off as being me. I've not known what normal is but then again what is normal these days.
I find social situations awkward and don't really like going out etc. I do have a few friends who I can relax and have a drink with as I've known then for over ten years and they know when I'm not in the mood for being involved.
I can't read emotion or body language so often can't understand why someone has suddenly got the hump with me. Which also comes across in the way I speak sometimes for example I answer a question and get accused of giving a snappy reply. The worst example was when my daughter was born and everyone was over the moon and I was just thinking 'oh look a baby right when are we going home' (I think this is the part that hurts the most as I just can't seem to bond properly with my kids and wouldn't know if I had anyway)
I have major personal space issues and virtually recoil when touched if it's not invited.
I get very obsessive about things being right or perfect.
I don't really have issues with change of routine unless it is a major change which I get very frustrated with.
Numbers were my thing at school. I used to get marked down in exams for not showing the working out and they just couldn't understand how I could formulate the answer without showing the working etc.
I find solace in mechanical objects to which I can relate to more than I can people, in fact so much as I will remember a specific fault on a specific component but not names and faces etc.
I have ticks or habits now and again that drive everyone around me insane. Clicking teeth, snapping fingers, buzzing the end of my tongue against my teeth. It's not all the time and can be over a year between instances but once it's there it's usually there for a couple of months.
I don't really get angry and lash out which is the opposite of my son as I have learned to swallow the frustration and deal with it.
There's more but the list is getting long enough as it is and quite frankly makes me feel even more of a freak seeing it listed out as such.

I have however spoken to work and informed them of my suspicions. I've got to book an assessment so both work and I can find a way to proceed. What I don't want is to use it as an excuse but to be able to find a way to deal with the issues that are causing me concern during my job. The rest of it I can live with as it doesn't affect any other side of my life that I can see or make out.

[Autistic Powers]

davido140 said:

Are we talking Aspergers?

Diagnosis and dawning realisation that you've probably got it to are strikingly familiar. I tick most of the boxes on the form, so to speak. Especially the lack of the ability to "read between the lines".

My son was diagnosed a few years ago, if thats what were talking about then firstly dont panic. It's not as bad as it first seems.

Feel free to drop me a PM (or I dont mind discussing here "in public") if you want any stories/advice/experiences etc from the last couple of years of dealing with it.


ETA if you do PM me over the weekend my work email is down all weekend so it may bounce back, try again on monday and it should be all good again.

Edited by davido140 on Friday 7th May 19:31

Edited by davido140 on Friday 7th May 19:32

Did you have any problems with aggressiveness? My son seems to switch between calm and aggressiveness within no time. Got an answer out of him finally and he said he just sort of blacks out and gets angry. I would like to find a way to control his aggression rather than either of us just plainly manhandling him all the time. It's not as bad for me as I'm physically able to restrain him but as I live a distance away the ex struggles as she isn't that big. The other stuff can be dealt with but at the moment it causing all sorts of problems and the specialist won’t see him again for another 4 weeks so the ex is getting close to her wits end.

[bonsai]

Surely the fact that you have self awareness and are even considering the possibility that you are autistic means that you are not! At worst you are probably just a bit of a spacker.

Hope that helps.

[Autistic Powers]

bonsai said:

Surely the fact that you have self awareness and are even considering the possibility that you are autistic means that you are not! At worst you are probably just a bit of a spacker.

I didn't say I was a full blown savant but then again I do have a seat reserved on the sunshine window lickers bus

bonsai said:

Hope that helps.

Yes. Cheered me up no end

[davido140]

Autistic Powers said:

davido140 said:

Are we talking Aspergers?

Diagnosis and dawning realisation that you've probably got it to are strikingly familiar. I tick most of the boxes on the form, so to speak. Especially the lack of the ability to "read between the lines".

My son was diagnosed a few years ago, if thats what were talking about then firstly dont panic. It's not as bad as it first seems.

Feel free to drop me a PM (or I dont mind discussing here "in public") if you want any stories/advice/experiences etc from the last couple of years of dealing with it.


ETA if you do PM me over the weekend my work email is down all weekend so it may bounce back, try again on monday and it should be all good again.

Edited by davido140 on Friday 7th May 19:31

Edited by davido140 on Friday 7th May 19:32

Did you have any problems with aggressiveness? My son seems to switch between calm and aggressiveness within no time. Got an answer out of him finally and he said he just sort of blacks out and gets angry. I would like to find a way to control his aggression rather than either of us just plainly manhandling him all the time. It's not as bad for me as I'm physically able to restrain him but as I live a distance away the ex struggles as she isn't that big. The other stuff can be dealt with but at the moment it causing all sorts of problems and the specialist won’t see him again for another 4 weeks so the ex is getting close to her wits end.

Yup, Thankfully my son didnt start decking anyone or lashing out but he had/has one hell of a temper when the mood takes him. He'd go ape at the drop of a hat, and often not know why he's done it, he would get in trouble at school for shouting and screaming at other kids, to give an example someone accidentally trod on his hand in assembly, rather than go "ouch" and accept the appology offered by the other kid he went utterly ballistic. Ended up getting a bking at school and couldnt understand why he was in trouble and his reaction was disproportionate. Other kids then think he's a bit odd and the cycle of not being able to make/keep friendships perpetuates itself.

From my experience this is typically born out of frustration, They find themselves unable to cope with a situation, not getting their own way, not playing the game they want to play, or simply being told no.

They're unable to grasp the situation fully and dont have the natural ability to realise the world doesnt revolve about them and other people have feelings and opinions too that might matter (Wonder if Gordon Brown has it?).

Anyway, there's certainly no magic cure of technique but sounds like you've already got over the first hurdle, your son realises he's doing it!!! Dont underestimate this, it's vital, think about the way you cope with situations that seem to come easily and naturally to other, you have to made a considered, concious desicion to behave in a particular way, this comes naturally and is done pretty much subconciously by "normos" or "muggles" as I like to call them. You and I might have to think it through a little before acting, it's just a technique that the little 'uns need to learn. Exagerate that my 10 times and you're about where your son is now, he doesnt have the benefit of decades of trial and error like us, and you've got a huge advantage that you can help him through it now it's been identified.

Now that he know's he's got a bit of a temper you can work with him to keep it under control, from my experience it's as simple as explaining that they are not the center of the universe, and other people do have feelings and they matter. Counting to 10 if they feel angry seems to work too, giving them a chance to think before acting. Of course this isnt a quick fix, can take weeks, months or years before it finally kicks in, they need it explaining a lot!!

But as they get older it will stick! Honest!!!

Dont be afraid of telling him off/disciplining him when he's naughty or has a tantrum etc. However once the dust has settled make sure you sit down and speak to him about why he was in trouble, ask him if he knows what he did wrong and why it was wrong, explain it if he cant work it out (I was surprised that often my lad didnt have a clue what he did wrong).

Depending on how old your son is it may even be worth telling him about his condition, I did with my son at 7 or 8, he was a bit weirded out by it at first but once he got his head around it he began to make more sense of how he behaved and why he wasnt particularly good at socialising and making friends.

Schooling is another biggie, typically schools are crap at handling it, especially larger schools.

They dont really need any "special" treatment, just a little more time/attention than a muggle child. Normally they do quite well academically but have a habit of "tuning out" to the teacher and dissapearing into a little daydream world of their own, we were extremely lucky and got him into a state school with a 1:12 teacher/pupil ratio, which is rare to say the least. It certainly might be worth shopping around the local schools and speaking to heads/teacher about the situation. Some think it's a bullst condition that doesnt exist. I'm convinced its "real" but I also think that it's often given a bit of a bad reputation or that the kids are considered more "special" than they really are. I also think it's been around for years but they have been labelled odd, or loners in the past. I was 17-18 before I was able to make and keep a friendship!!! My Dad is convinced he has it too, apparently it's very very rare in girls and there is a lot of evidence to suggest its hereditary on the male side of the family.

Got to go to work now, will check back later!

Tell his mum not to dispair (and you too), with patience and explaining things over and over it will sink in and he will calm down!

ETA sorry for rambling response, spelling etc, rattled it out quick as I'm late and overslept big time!

Edited by davido140 on Saturday 8th May 10:56

[Autistic Powers]

Thanks for taking the time to explain some of the reasons for the moods/temper. It makes it a lot easier to understand and how to gradually educate him into controling himself.

[Engineer1]

IIRC everyone is on the autistic spectrum, being a bloke shifts you towards the autistic end, if you are in a technical job then chances are you are closer to the autistic end assuming you chose to go into a technical discipline.

[Oakey]

My girlfriends youngest brother was diagnosed with it.

He's always had behavioural problems but he got a lot worse when he started High School. Literally as soon as he started he became a different person. He stopped going out with his friends and just sits in the house most of the time he's not in school. The only time he goes out is with his parents. I think in 1-2 years since starting High School he's only been out to a mates house once.

When his mates come round to see him he won't even go to the door, he gets his mum to tell them he's not in.

He talks and acts like a 40 year old man rather than a 13 year old teenager, except when he has to go to bed or whatever and he reverts to being a screaming kid.

He's forever selling off his stuff on Ebay and buying crap with the money. For example, he bought a Cuckoo Clock, then had the parents put it up in the living room.

Half the problem is her mum and dad don't discipline him, they just let him get away with murder for an easy life. He regularly used to kick off in the morning, refusing to go to school. He would lie on the floor in the hallway flailing his arms and legs about, screaming that he wasn't going until his mum caved in and let him stay off. However, I got fed up with it one morning when he was playing up days after his nan (the girlfriends mothers mother) had died so stormed downstairs, picked him up by the scruff of the neck, pulled his arm up behind his back and hurled him out of the front door. Since then they've had no problems getting him into school.

He's also a complete lunatic in the making. A few months back he killed a frog that was in th egarden for no reason at all. Just smashed it into the patio with a house brick. The girlfriend has also caught him numerous times terrorising (punching it for no reason) the family dog when the parents are out and he's alone downstairs with it. I've warned her that's how serial killers start off.