Help for new parent?
Discussion
Hi All.
Considered adding into the PH Parents 2010 thread but thought I'd better not hijack that. Anyway, I have a plea for help but perhaps along with that, we could use this thread as a dumping ground for general parenting tips & tricks?
Anyway... I'm the proud, bemused, befuddled, terrified, tired & delighted Dad of Jessica, now aged 4 weeks.
But it appears that baby Jessica was delivered without instructions (although I do have the Haynes Manual) so can I ask (plead!) for some help/advice/TADTS words of wisdom?
Particularly to do with feeding & sleeping. Basically, we're not sure what we should be doing...
Jessica is being breastfed and appears to be doing well. As the midwife said, "If there's plenty coming out, there's plenty going in" so we don't think she's getting too hungry. Generally goes from 1½ to 3½ hrs (& rarely upto 6hrs!) between feeds depending if she's had a bit of a feeding frenzy or not. Feeding on demand.
Anyway. The thing that's vexing us at the moment is getting her settled - particularly evenings/night.
What we used to do: When she cried it was a case of change nappy then feed. After 30-45mins of feeding she'd fall off the boob asleep. Give her a bit of a wind whilst asleep & transfer to the Moses basket. Fairly good and even if she awoke slightly, soon settled & slept.
But according to some of the books we've read & a regular email from the babycentre.co.uk we should be doing it differently.
They say:
So it makes sense to go from feed to nappy change to sleep as that meets both criteria & gives a break between boob/sleep.
However when we do this, Jessica wakes up. Howls of outrage and refuses to settle. Constantly cries & I think, works herself up to a point where she's overtired & then won't settle. She is winded (& we use infacol) but that doesn't really help.
So what should we be doing? What's your routine? What works for you?
Thanks - Dunc.
Considered adding into the PH Parents 2010 thread but thought I'd better not hijack that. Anyway, I have a plea for help but perhaps along with that, we could use this thread as a dumping ground for general parenting tips & tricks?
Anyway... I'm the proud, bemused, befuddled, terrified, tired & delighted Dad of Jessica, now aged 4 weeks.
But it appears that baby Jessica was delivered without instructions (although I do have the Haynes Manual) so can I ask (plead!) for some help/advice/TADTS words of wisdom?
Particularly to do with feeding & sleeping. Basically, we're not sure what we should be doing...
Jessica is being breastfed and appears to be doing well. As the midwife said, "If there's plenty coming out, there's plenty going in" so we don't think she's getting too hungry. Generally goes from 1½ to 3½ hrs (& rarely upto 6hrs!) between feeds depending if she's had a bit of a feeding frenzy or not. Feeding on demand.
Anyway. The thing that's vexing us at the moment is getting her settled - particularly evenings/night.
What we used to do: When she cried it was a case of change nappy then feed. After 30-45mins of feeding she'd fall off the boob asleep. Give her a bit of a wind whilst asleep & transfer to the Moses basket. Fairly good and even if she awoke slightly, soon settled & slept.
But according to some of the books we've read & a regular email from the babycentre.co.uk we should be doing it differently.
They say:
- Don't go straight from boob to sleep as you'll have problems in the future when they won't sleep without one. (Understandable, I'd prefer to sleep with a facefull of boob given the choice
)
- Change nappy after feeding rather than before as feeding can stimulate nappy filling.
So it makes sense to go from feed to nappy change to sleep as that meets both criteria & gives a break between boob/sleep.
However when we do this, Jessica wakes up. Howls of outrage and refuses to settle. Constantly cries & I think, works herself up to a point where she's overtired & then won't settle. She is winded (& we use infacol) but that doesn't really help.
So what should we be doing? What's your routine? What works for you?
Thanks - Dunc.
ClaphamGT3 said:
You should be doing what works for your baby. If she's establishing a regular, sustainable routine, that's fine.
Yep, they are all different, and books and accepted wisdom just go out the window. When you are relaxed then they relax and don't worry about breaking routines, they aren't made of glass, babies can cope.
First off, Congratulations!
The best advice I can give is do whatever suits you (and her). You probably won't need to worry about winding unless you start bottle feeding, so you can try skipping that step.
With regard to nappy changes, IIRC she'll probably go about 10/20 minutes after her feed rather than during it, so there is not much you can do about it at the moment. Put a clean nappy on before the feed and a single wee in it while she is asleep will not do her any harm.
As far as falling asleep on the boob goes, if you scrap the post feed nappy change you might find that you can detach her when she starts to get dozy and she'll still drift off. If she won't then just it's not the end of the world, just try to give her a bit of practice falling asleep other ways (carried, in the pram/car, whatever works) from time to time and you shouldn't have any major problems further down the line.
That's my two cents anyway!
The best advice I can give is do whatever suits you (and her). You probably won't need to worry about winding unless you start bottle feeding, so you can try skipping that step.
With regard to nappy changes, IIRC she'll probably go about 10/20 minutes after her feed rather than during it, so there is not much you can do about it at the moment. Put a clean nappy on before the feed and a single wee in it while she is asleep will not do her any harm.
As far as falling asleep on the boob goes, if you scrap the post feed nappy change you might find that you can detach her when she starts to get dozy and she'll still drift off. If she won't then just it's not the end of the world, just try to give her a bit of practice falling asleep other ways (carried, in the pram/car, whatever works) from time to time and you shouldn't have any major problems further down the line.
That's my two cents anyway!
Mr Will said:
You probably won't need to worry about winding unless you start bottle feeding
That's not necessarily true, breastfed babies can suffer from wind as well, but you may find that your little one doesn't need it (I know that mine never did).What the books say is true, that falling asleep on the boob isn't a good thing as they get used to it. It does depend on the situation, my daughter falls asleep without the boob if I'm not there but will scream the house down demanding it if I'm there and she's almost 18 months.
However, at this stage I wouldn't necessarily worry about it. But what have you been doing after you've changed your baby, are you just putting them down expecting them to fall asleep or are you cuddling or rocking your little one to sleep? If you're just putting her down it may be worth trying to rock her to sleep, or put some soothing music on (or sing). This will mean that she will need it when she falls asleep but when she's a bit older it will mean that you can help out so that your other half doesn't always have the work.
It's absolutely normal and healthy for a baby to want and need help in falling asleep and I'm sure if most of us had the choice we'd want it too. Give her all the love you're giving but try to share the responsibility of it (if possible) so that your other half doesn't go barmy later on.
Oh and congratulations to your other half for breastfeeding so far she's doing a great job.
Edited by Gusanita on Wednesday 24th March 17:34
Gusanita said:
But what have you been doing after you've changed your baby, are you just putting them down expecting them to fall asleep or are you cuddling or rocking your little one to sleep?
As soon as the changing starts, she wakes right up & starts howling. Followed by winding/cuddle/rocking, even my singing fails to soothe once she gets into this overexcited state.^^^What they've said*. I'd get the raging arse to if someone took off my nice warm pants while I was trying to sleep.
FWIW we used to have to move miniBill to get him to sleep, to the point that we used to carry his pram upstairs to his room so we could rock him back and forth
And SWMBO has just said "At 4 weeks? They need to chill out." Which isn't the most caring response but you get her drift.
*ETA although our experience is different to Gusanita in that miniBill used to fall asleep on the boob but has no problems getting himself to sleep now.
FWIW we used to have to move miniBill to get him to sleep, to the point that we used to carry his pram upstairs to his room so we could rock him back and forth
And SWMBO has just said "At 4 weeks? They need to chill out." Which isn't the most caring response but you get her drift.
*ETA although our experience is different to Gusanita in that miniBill used to fall asleep on the boob but has no problems getting himself to sleep now.
Edited by Bill on Wednesday 24th March 17:51
Does she need changing as soon as she's been fed? If she goes during a feed would it be possible to change her half way through and then feed her before putting her down?
If it's not working at the moment, don't worry about it and do what makes all of you happy, you can always try again in a few weeks time.
If it's not working at the moment, don't worry about it and do what makes all of you happy, you can always try again in a few weeks time.
At four weeks dont worry too much. Just give the baby what she wants. My first used to fall aslep on the breast and was a bugger to get it sorted. She was a comfort feeder too which meant she "milked" no pun, feeding time and stretched it out to an hour or two easy!
I had to put a stop to it about 5 months ish and i used controlled crying which worked for us, 3 days/nights later it was sorted no big deal.
Well dont to on the breast feeding though, 4 weeks is great guns and offically you have another two to go before the feeding is "established" Once your wife is past 6 weeks you have it sorted and it will be plain sailing, just growth spurts to watch out for!
I had to put a stop to it about 5 months ish and i used controlled crying which worked for us, 3 days/nights later it was sorted no big deal.
Well dont to on the breast feeding though, 4 weeks is great guns and offically you have another two to go before the feeding is "established" Once your wife is past 6 weeks you have it sorted and it will be plain sailing, just growth spurts to watch out for!
Go with the flow. Do what works for you. I can guarantee, whatever you are stressing about this week will be completely unimportant next week when you are stressing about something else!
With my little girl I changed nappy before feed and then breastfed her, put her down without winding (I swear I could wind her for hours and nothing would come out though she could fart like a trooper) and she was usually asleep.
To be honest, I fed her to sleep pretty much constantly until she was about 9 months. My decision. She was secure and comforted by it. I kept feeding her until 15 months and she pretty much decided herself it didn't send her to sleep when she was about a year old. She is now 17 months and at night I put her in her cot awake, say goodnight, give her her teddy and walk out without a peep.
We did have a few weeks of clinginess where she cried when I left the room after putting her in her cot but I would give her 5 minutes and go back in and comfort her (rubbing her back) until she went to sleep, I just couldn't manage the controlled crying.
Good luck - the first few months are hard but they are great!
With my little girl I changed nappy before feed and then breastfed her, put her down without winding (I swear I could wind her for hours and nothing would come out though she could fart like a trooper) and she was usually asleep.
To be honest, I fed her to sleep pretty much constantly until she was about 9 months. My decision. She was secure and comforted by it. I kept feeding her until 15 months and she pretty much decided herself it didn't send her to sleep when she was about a year old. She is now 17 months and at night I put her in her cot awake, say goodnight, give her her teddy and walk out without a peep.
We did have a few weeks of clinginess where she cried when I left the room after putting her in her cot but I would give her 5 minutes and go back in and comfort her (rubbing her back) until she went to sleep, I just couldn't manage the controlled crying.
Good luck - the first few months are hard but they are great!
First of all, Congratulations and well done on the Breast-feeding. The only things that I would add are;
Mr Will was 100% correct when he said that a tiny bit of wee isn't worth changing her nappy and disrupting her. Especially if she will be awake again in 3 hours.
If you feel you can, leave your baby to cry for 10 minutes before you go and see if anything is wrong. My little 'un would cry for about 8 minutes, then just drop off to sleep. If that doesn't work, calm her down again, lie her in her moses basket and put your (clean) little finger in her mouth for her to suckle on. The pad of your finger should be in the roof of her mouth and the nail on her tongue. We did this rather than use a pacifier/dummy. It worked really well until my little girl's jaw muscles got strong enough to hurt my finger!
When calming her, try to walk slowly with lots of sway (if that doesn't sound too stupid) it will rock her to sleep whilst you walk.
Try and replicate the sound of the mothers heart beat in the womb. "shhhhh" regularly. Aim to shush about once every 2 seconds, if you heard the heart beat on the ultrasound then you will know what I mean. If you get it right and you get her used to it she will calm down very quickly with it.
Have you and your partner/wife (sorry, I can't remember the OP properly) thought about pumping milk to supplement the breast-feeding. This would mean that you could do some feeds (brownie points
if they are night feeds), it will also help milk production and (we certainly found) it helps give you a store of milk for when a growth spurt comes along.
At the end of the day, the best advice we had came from my Mother in Law, who said "if it feels right to you, then it will be right for the baby. So don't worry yourself about it"
Mr Will was 100% correct when he said that a tiny bit of wee isn't worth changing her nappy and disrupting her. Especially if she will be awake again in 3 hours.
If you feel you can, leave your baby to cry for 10 minutes before you go and see if anything is wrong. My little 'un would cry for about 8 minutes, then just drop off to sleep. If that doesn't work, calm her down again, lie her in her moses basket and put your (clean) little finger in her mouth for her to suckle on. The pad of your finger should be in the roof of her mouth and the nail on her tongue. We did this rather than use a pacifier/dummy. It worked really well until my little girl's jaw muscles got strong enough to hurt my finger!
When calming her, try to walk slowly with lots of sway (if that doesn't sound too stupid) it will rock her to sleep whilst you walk.
Try and replicate the sound of the mothers heart beat in the womb. "shhhhh" regularly. Aim to shush about once every 2 seconds, if you heard the heart beat on the ultrasound then you will know what I mean. If you get it right and you get her used to it she will calm down very quickly with it.
Have you and your partner/wife (sorry, I can't remember the OP properly) thought about pumping milk to supplement the breast-feeding. This would mean that you could do some feeds (brownie points
if they are night feeds), it will also help milk production and (we certainly found) it helps give you a store of milk for when a growth spurt comes along.At the end of the day, the best advice we had came from my Mother in Law, who said "if it feels right to you, then it will be right for the baby. So don't worry yourself about it"
Just a breastfeeding note:
Dont try to express before 6 weeks simply because it is not fully established yet (6 weeks) and can interfeer with the production at this stage.
Also dont pump to store ahead more than a few days. Simply because 6 week breast milk is not as good for a 12 week old baby as 12 week aged breast milk.
The body provides what the baby requires at each stage of his life and as such the milk produced changes too.
As a footnote please also remember that the amount of milk expressed is not indicative of the milk a baby gets wheen feeding. Alot of mothers can be convinced their baby is not reciveing as much milk as they need when they see they cannot express much. The baby is the best expresser of milk
Dont try to express before 6 weeks simply because it is not fully established yet (6 weeks) and can interfeer with the production at this stage.
Also dont pump to store ahead more than a few days. Simply because 6 week breast milk is not as good for a 12 week old baby as 12 week aged breast milk.
The body provides what the baby requires at each stage of his life and as such the milk produced changes too.
As a footnote please also remember that the amount of milk expressed is not indicative of the milk a baby gets wheen feeding. Alot of mothers can be convinced their baby is not reciveing as much milk as they need when they see they cannot express much. The baby is the best expresser of milk
Crockey I am surely expressing ruined my supply. My baby didn't breastfeed until he was 5 weeks old as he was on a longline in NICU then scbu. He never fed properly and I had to express for 16 weeks as well as feeding him - in the end they decided he had MPI and despite me trying 6 weeks dairy free - it was decided to go with a hypo-allergenic formula to avoid a fundo.
Coco H said:
Crockey I am surely expressing ruined my supply. My baby didn't breastfeed until he was 5 weeks old as he was on a longline in NICU then scbu. He never fed properly and I had to express for 16 weeks as well as feeding him - in the end they decided he had MPI and despite me trying 6 weeks dairy free - it was decided to go with a hypo-allergenic formula to avoid a fundo.
I wouldnt beat yourself up over it, the fact you continued to express only for 16 weeks is pretty impressive.It's so hard for mums with babies in scbu to express soley as it takes such a long time even with the hospital grade pumps.
My son was in scbu 3 days after birth but only for 5 days and i was able to feed him every 4 hours. I watched other poor mums suffer so much being desperate to feed their babies
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