Discussion
Hello. There is no point in me writing this other than to put it on screen and let it all out.
I know i am depressed, i have been to the doctors and he gave me tablets but i havent taken any yet.
It starts just over 2 years ago, My dad came home from work early and he was yellow, the whites of his eyes were pure yellow. He went straight to hospital and was admitted there and then. A few weeks of worry went by and then we found out he had a large tumor in his bile duct. A while after that we found out it was pancreatic cancer. While all this was happening i was working in an office in bolton. My dad was in Liverpool hospital and my mother was at their home in wales. My mum cant drive to save her life so i would finish work (early if i could), go and pick her up and take her to hospital, then when visiting was over i would take her back to wales and then go back to Bolton. Ive never moaned about how much all this cost me but it put me seriously in debt. I had to keep upping my overdraft just to keep the car running.
Anyway, the first day back at work in jan 2009, my boss told us all the company was being bought out. It was a small plumbing and drainage firm who did house insurance work and it was the insurers who were buying. A massive company and i was promised work with them. Midway through january i got a phonecall at work off my mother in tears, doctors had just given my dad 3 months to live. I was a bit shocked when i hung up, i turned around to my boss and told him. WOW he said quite loud and didnt look up. It struck me as a bit odd that but i carried on, about 10 minutes later i told him i was going to the hospital and left. I seriously got the impression they didnt believe me but i dont know that might just be me getting carried away.
A few people said i should go to the doctors and get a sicknote so i could spent time with my family, I have never done this before and it really isnt me but the way the job was and how my 2 bosses were being with me i though bugger it. I went to the docs and he offered me a note for 2 months, i thought this was a bit much so i settled for a month and went and handed it in. They werent impressed.
I got a phonecall one day telling me to be at work for 9am the next day, the new employers would like to speak to me.
I was late, should have left earlier but the traffic was horrendous anyway and it took me 2 and half hours to get to bolton, when i got there my boss laid into me in front of all the lads and the new lot so i got in my car and drove away. Later that day i got a phonecall off the new employers asking me to meet them at a hotel in bolton for a discussion, i went and i was laid off.
The week after that my father passed away so all the problems with work didnt matter anymore, it was a good thing i wasnt working at the time as i had a lot to deal with. I was actually at the job centre having my first interview to sign on when i got the phonecall. My car wasnt insured as i couldnt afford it after losing my job but i drove to wales, i had no choice, there was no one who could take me.
For about 4 months i didnt bother to look for a job and when i started looking it was a nightmare, i was at the job centre every day, sending cv's to places i got the address from the internet etc. I was trying my best and was getting nothing back. I have worked all my life from leaving school, it was a serious blow.
The only job that actually got back to me was a temproary cleaning job, i took it and worked hard, there were promises of the job becoming permanant but it wasnt to be. I was out of work again just before christmas. So back to job hunting again. Since christmas i have had 1 interview. That was yesterday. I got my hopes up a little as the job was around the corner from home. I went there and was disappointed. This isnt a racist remark but it was a driving job for a food company, when i turned up i got the dirtiest look of 3 pakistanis and a half arsed interview off someone i couldnt understand. I was slightly annoyed last night.
Anyway this morning i took the girlfriend and her mates to college as usual, The girlfriend gets her child benefit today so we wnt to the bank. Nothing there. There is sod all food in, no gas and barely enough petrol to go and collect them later. Great. The thing that annoys me most about all this is that my fat excuse of a partner insists i shouldnt sign on this time. I have had debt collectors go to my mums house for payment for the funeral which none of us can afford. The girlfriend is worried they might come to our house. In honesty im at my wits end. I want to work but i cant even get an interview, She thinks the way forward is just to look for work without signing on and we are living with literally nothing. Our daughter is 4 on thursday and we are relying on other people to help out. She has no shame in this but i do.
The only one asset i have is my dads car, A supra TT which he worked for for years and it was a dream come true when he got it, It was his pride and joy up untill the day he passed away. A few times i went to their house and my dad was in the garden tinkering with it when he barely had the energy to walk. A big part of me is saying sell it but theres another part of me what doesnt want to let it go.
And everyone thinks tablets will help me out. Bolloks
sorry for this long post, i havent even touched upon other problems but it feels good to write it down
thanks
I know i am depressed, i have been to the doctors and he gave me tablets but i havent taken any yet.
It starts just over 2 years ago, My dad came home from work early and he was yellow, the whites of his eyes were pure yellow. He went straight to hospital and was admitted there and then. A few weeks of worry went by and then we found out he had a large tumor in his bile duct. A while after that we found out it was pancreatic cancer. While all this was happening i was working in an office in bolton. My dad was in Liverpool hospital and my mother was at their home in wales. My mum cant drive to save her life so i would finish work (early if i could), go and pick her up and take her to hospital, then when visiting was over i would take her back to wales and then go back to Bolton. Ive never moaned about how much all this cost me but it put me seriously in debt. I had to keep upping my overdraft just to keep the car running.
Anyway, the first day back at work in jan 2009, my boss told us all the company was being bought out. It was a small plumbing and drainage firm who did house insurance work and it was the insurers who were buying. A massive company and i was promised work with them. Midway through january i got a phonecall at work off my mother in tears, doctors had just given my dad 3 months to live. I was a bit shocked when i hung up, i turned around to my boss and told him. WOW he said quite loud and didnt look up. It struck me as a bit odd that but i carried on, about 10 minutes later i told him i was going to the hospital and left. I seriously got the impression they didnt believe me but i dont know that might just be me getting carried away.
A few people said i should go to the doctors and get a sicknote so i could spent time with my family, I have never done this before and it really isnt me but the way the job was and how my 2 bosses were being with me i though bugger it. I went to the docs and he offered me a note for 2 months, i thought this was a bit much so i settled for a month and went and handed it in. They werent impressed.
I got a phonecall one day telling me to be at work for 9am the next day, the new employers would like to speak to me.
I was late, should have left earlier but the traffic was horrendous anyway and it took me 2 and half hours to get to bolton, when i got there my boss laid into me in front of all the lads and the new lot so i got in my car and drove away. Later that day i got a phonecall off the new employers asking me to meet them at a hotel in bolton for a discussion, i went and i was laid off.
The week after that my father passed away so all the problems with work didnt matter anymore, it was a good thing i wasnt working at the time as i had a lot to deal with. I was actually at the job centre having my first interview to sign on when i got the phonecall. My car wasnt insured as i couldnt afford it after losing my job but i drove to wales, i had no choice, there was no one who could take me.
For about 4 months i didnt bother to look for a job and when i started looking it was a nightmare, i was at the job centre every day, sending cv's to places i got the address from the internet etc. I was trying my best and was getting nothing back. I have worked all my life from leaving school, it was a serious blow.
The only job that actually got back to me was a temproary cleaning job, i took it and worked hard, there were promises of the job becoming permanant but it wasnt to be. I was out of work again just before christmas. So back to job hunting again. Since christmas i have had 1 interview. That was yesterday. I got my hopes up a little as the job was around the corner from home. I went there and was disappointed. This isnt a racist remark but it was a driving job for a food company, when i turned up i got the dirtiest look of 3 pakistanis and a half arsed interview off someone i couldnt understand. I was slightly annoyed last night.
Anyway this morning i took the girlfriend and her mates to college as usual, The girlfriend gets her child benefit today so we wnt to the bank. Nothing there. There is sod all food in, no gas and barely enough petrol to go and collect them later. Great. The thing that annoys me most about all this is that my fat excuse of a partner insists i shouldnt sign on this time. I have had debt collectors go to my mums house for payment for the funeral which none of us can afford. The girlfriend is worried they might come to our house. In honesty im at my wits end. I want to work but i cant even get an interview, She thinks the way forward is just to look for work without signing on and we are living with literally nothing. Our daughter is 4 on thursday and we are relying on other people to help out. She has no shame in this but i do.
The only one asset i have is my dads car, A supra TT which he worked for for years and it was a dream come true when he got it, It was his pride and joy up untill the day he passed away. A few times i went to their house and my dad was in the garden tinkering with it when he barely had the energy to walk. A big part of me is saying sell it but theres another part of me what doesnt want to let it go.
And everyone thinks tablets will help me out. Bolloks
sorry for this long post, i havent even touched upon other problems but it feels good to write it down
thanks
Not got time to read your whole post....but believe me tablets work.
I refused to go on them for over a year, but it got to the stage I just couldn't cope. But it took my friend dragging me to the doctors before I gave in.
I look back and wondered why I suffered for so long...maybe some sort of punishment to myself, who knows?
But that was a year ago, nearly to the day.....I have now been off them nearly 3 months, and you know what life is so bloody good again
I refused to go on them for over a year, but it got to the stage I just couldn't cope. But it took my friend dragging me to the doctors before I gave in.
I look back and wondered why I suffered for so long...maybe some sort of punishment to myself, who knows?
But that was a year ago, nearly to the day.....I have now been off them nearly 3 months, and you know what life is so bloody good again
Read it all and don't have much useful to say apart from "Stick at it, things will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it now".
That and a quick comment about this:
That and a quick comment about this:
clumpy said:
... And everyone thinks tablets will help me out. b
ks ...
View the tablets as a crutch, they will not cure you but will make it easier to cope while you heal by other means.ks ...Mr Will said:
View the tablets as a crutch, they will not cure you but will make it easier to cope while you heal by other means.
Agree totally with this....you still have to get on with stuff, and solve your problems. But they do give you the 'peace' in your head to be able to handle things which life throws at you.
Terrible story.Thanks for the replys so soon.
My mother who manages a nursing home and administers drugs tells me i should take the tablets, I do trust what she says but..
My girlfriends friend is a severely depressed person, she has been in and out of hospital with her problems and she keeps on at me to take them. I know it sounds awful but i do not want to end up like her, i dont know why it worries me but it does. Im a strong person and i have it in my head that i can beat it, once i am back in work things will slowly get back to normal and i can put up with that. I just dont want to end up dependant on the tablets like my girlfriends pal is.
My mother who manages a nursing home and administers drugs tells me i should take the tablets, I do trust what she says but..
My girlfriends friend is a severely depressed person, she has been in and out of hospital with her problems and she keeps on at me to take them. I know it sounds awful but i do not want to end up like her, i dont know why it worries me but it does. Im a strong person and i have it in my head that i can beat it, once i am back in work things will slowly get back to normal and i can put up with that. I just dont want to end up dependant on the tablets like my girlfriends pal is.
Im no doctor but I strongly suspect that the depressive woman is in and out of hospital because she doesn't take her tablets when she should.
THere are tens and thousands of very normal people on anti depressants, and most of them are normal because the tablets are making them that way.
THere are tens and thousands of very normal people on anti depressants, and most of them are normal because the tablets are making them that way.
Hardly anyone who replies will be a doctor. I guess they'll just be offering you slices of their own experiences.
For what it's worth, I don't think you're depressed. I think you're just in a st place right now and are low on solutions. And pills aren't going to put money in the bank account or fuel in the car.
I'd think very carefully before submitting yourself to life as a government-approved mong - because that's what the pills create.
For what it's worth, I don't think you're depressed. I think you're just in a s
t place right now and are low on solutions. And pills aren't going to put money in the bank account or fuel in the car. I'd think very carefully before submitting yourself to life as a government-approved mong - because that's what the pills create.
I have been self employed a few times. My CV doesnt look to good i imagine as there is quite a few jobs on there. Basically my dad was a contracts manager and so are his friends and if a job was offered with better money i would take it. The chap who interviewed me yesterday commented on the number of jobs i have had. I know that wont do me any favours.
One last thing is i have taken a bit of a confiedence blow, thinking about working for myself isnt a good idea and the jobs i have been applying for are basic. Paid from the neck down sort of thing. Again this isnt me but i havent got it in me to sell myself properly and go for the decent jobs that are out there.
One last thing is i have taken a bit of a confiedence blow, thinking about working for myself isnt a good idea and the jobs i have been applying for are basic. Paid from the neck down sort of thing. Again this isnt me but i havent got it in me to sell myself properly and go for the decent jobs that are out there.
Penny-lope said:
Mr Will said:
View the tablets as a crutch, they will not cure you but will make it easier to cope while you heal by other means.
Agree totally with this....you still have to get on with stuff, and solve your problems. But they do give you the 'peace' in your head to be able to handle things which life throws at you.I was in a very bad place and took them, they just helped me through the bad months and despite having a very addictive personality I had no problem coming off them.
Give yourself a break, take all the help you can, sign on! that's what your paid your taxes for all the years you've worked as a saftey net to catch you when you need it.
I really feel for you and condolences on your loss, when Mr 13th lost his father he didn't have anything like your problems but WOW it knocked him for six, give yourself time to grieve too.
Good luck
Firstly, sign on asap. You've worked for years and paid a lot of taxes, you now genuinely need this money, please claim it thats what its for.
Secondly I think if your Father was still here and he realised how badly stuck you are he'd have sold the car himself to help you out. I know I wouldn't want any member of my family to be suffering if I had the means to help them. I'd say sell the car, happy in the knowledge that your father is helping to look after you and his grandchild who I'm sure he adored more than any car.
Then with a few quid in your pocket you can pay some debts and give yourself some breathing room.
It also sounds like you take a bit too much upon yourself, especially when it comes to driving people places. Its ok to say no to people sometimes. You have money issues and cannot afford to be running around for others in this way, let them make altenative arrangements where possible.
Also please take the medication, it won't make the problems go away but it will ease things. I wish I had been brave enough to seek help when I went through a very dark time just over a year ago.
The jobs market is tough at the moment, it will take time to find something, in the meantime why not voulunteer to help out somewhere local, it will give you something positive to do and a great sense of fulfilment.
As I said above, I went through something similar just over a year ago. I took positive steps and tried to think positively. I took control of my situation and faced up to the reality of it (money problems in my case) I'm now much closer to the end of dealing with it than the beginning and I cannot tell you how fantastic it feels to be able to think about a happy future. Don't allow yourself to be defeated by this, take the first steps, however small to change things for the better. Sooner than you think things will improve.
Good luck.
Secondly I think if your Father was still here and he realised how badly stuck you are he'd have sold the car himself to help you out. I know I wouldn't want any member of my family to be suffering if I had the means to help them. I'd say sell the car, happy in the knowledge that your father is helping to look after you and his grandchild who I'm sure he adored more than any car.
Then with a few quid in your pocket you can pay some debts and give yourself some breathing room.
It also sounds like you take a bit too much upon yourself, especially when it comes to driving people places. Its ok to say no to people sometimes. You have money issues and cannot afford to be running around for others in this way, let them make altenative arrangements where possible.
Also please take the medication, it won't make the problems go away but it will ease things. I wish I had been brave enough to seek help when I went through a very dark time just over a year ago.
The jobs market is tough at the moment, it will take time to find something, in the meantime why not voulunteer to help out somewhere local, it will give you something positive to do and a great sense of fulfilment.
As I said above, I went through something similar just over a year ago. I took positive steps and tried to think positively. I took control of my situation and faced up to the reality of it (money problems in my case) I'm now much closer to the end of dealing with it than the beginning and I cannot tell you how fantastic it feels to be able to think about a happy future. Don't allow yourself to be defeated by this, take the first steps, however small to change things for the better. Sooner than you think things will improve.
Good luck.
clumpy said:
Thanks for the replys so soon.
My mother who manages a nursing home and administers drugs tells me i should take the tablets, I do trust what she says but..
My girlfriends friend is a severely depressed person, she has been in and out of hospital with her problems and she keeps on at me to take them. I know it sounds awful but i do not want to end up like her, i dont know why it worries me but it does. Im a strong person and i have it in my head that i can beat it, once i am back in work things will slowly get back to normal and i can put up with that. I just dont want to end up dependant on the tablets like my girlfriends pal is.
As people have already mentioned anti depressants are not the cure to your issues, they might give you respite enough to think clearly. It is a bit of a lottery and there is going to be a process of tablet juggling until your GP finds a combination that works for you. My mother who manages a nursing home and administers drugs tells me i should take the tablets, I do trust what she says but..
My girlfriends friend is a severely depressed person, she has been in and out of hospital with her problems and she keeps on at me to take them. I know it sounds awful but i do not want to end up like her, i dont know why it worries me but it does. Im a strong person and i have it in my head that i can beat it, once i am back in work things will slowly get back to normal and i can put up with that. I just dont want to end up dependant on the tablets like my girlfriends pal is.
The fact that you don't want to take them because you don't 'want to end up like her' is perfectly understandable. Many people with depression do struggle to break their psychological (and sometimes physical) dependance on the drugs and AD's most certainly do change the way you interact with the world.
Whether you decide to take or not take AD's is actually only a very tiny part of this. What is more telling in your post is your last paragraph.
It is not weak to ask for help. It is not waek to seek help and ask for what you need to help you through what is in effect an awful situation to be in. Your life is very hard at the moment, compounded by the fact that what you actually going through bereavement that unfortunately takes as ling as it takes to work its way out of your system. The loss of your father sounds like it was a profound loss and I strongly suggest that you seek help on this matter before you start down an AD route.
Get help from Citizens Advice Bureau wrt the debt collection and money side. Try and deal with these things pragmatically - you can keep the debt colelctors at bay, you just need to get some help from people who are best suited to help you.
There is also something else you can think about. It sometimes helps and that is to actually think about work in a different way:
You have a job.
Your job for the next few months is to get youself out of your financial situation. Take benefits, take what ever you can. Then do the other side of your job - and do this next bit to the best of your abilities. This is the part about working on yourself; coming to terms with your father's bereavement, the car (which is probably a constant reminder of him which TBO is a tough call as to what you decide to do with it - it's not going to be wasy either way) and then, when you have found some resolution in these aspects of your life, then look for a paid job.
You've done a great thing today just writing about how you feel. It is one of the hardest things you can do - to put your thoughts and feelings down on 'paper' and it's a really good start and it will get better. The more you talk about it, but more importantly the more you 'do', the more proactive you become in dealing with your issues, the stronger you will feel, the less you will feel the need for AD's and the more positive you will become about your life. It will get better.
I am currently taking 20mg of Citalopramen daily for depression.
It's not like you take on eand wow you instantly feel better, more so a gradual change that when you look back you realise that things had improved overall. Not saying you don't have bad days, but they give you a general boost to help deal with whatever crap you are going thru at the time.
Don't be afraid of taking them mate, I took them a few years ago for a previous bout of depression, but was able to come off them when the time was right.
I hope things improve for you mate, chin up!
It's not like you take on eand wow you instantly feel better, more so a gradual change that when you look back you realise that things had improved overall. Not saying you don't have bad days, but they give you a general boost to help deal with whatever crap you are going thru at the time.
Don't be afraid of taking them mate, I took them a few years ago for a previous bout of depression, but was able to come off them when the time was right.
I hope things improve for you mate, chin up!
The depression won't go away by itself and needs action from many sides. You can pull yourself through this episode and look back at what you achieved to get yourself and your family to a brighter future.
I speak from experience. You must start with the tablets. It may be after several weeks that the first ones don't work very well. You may need to try others - everyone is different.
The tablets though are not enough. Firstly you need to look to continued support from both family and friends. But the crucial thing is to accept that you will benefit from professional help. You need to see someone who can provide cognitive behaviour therapy, or similar. There is stuff on the web (which you clearly have access to), but its no substitute to someone talking with you.
Go back to the doctor and ask to see a CPN (community psychiatric nurse). Try seeking advice from your local MIND group - or similar. You may even have a local counselling service (a bit like citizens advice - but specialist service). There are likely to be waiting lists, or excuses for the CPN. Insist !!
The fact that you are willing to talk here means that you are open and receptive.
And I would also look at employment law regarding you past treatment. Tearing you apart in front of others etc was wrong.
Things won't happen overnight - but 10 February 2010 could be the start !
I speak from experience. You must start with the tablets. It may be after several weeks that the first ones don't work very well. You may need to try others - everyone is different.
The tablets though are not enough. Firstly you need to look to continued support from both family and friends. But the crucial thing is to accept that you will benefit from professional help. You need to see someone who can provide cognitive behaviour therapy, or similar. There is stuff on the web (which you clearly have access to), but its no substitute to someone talking with you.
Go back to the doctor and ask to see a CPN (community psychiatric nurse). Try seeking advice from your local MIND group - or similar. You may even have a local counselling service (a bit like citizens advice - but specialist service). There are likely to be waiting lists, or excuses for the CPN. Insist !!
The fact that you are willing to talk here means that you are open and receptive.
And I would also look at employment law regarding you past treatment. Tearing you apart in front of others etc was wrong.
Things won't happen overnight - but 10 February 2010 could be the start !
It sounds as if you have reactive depression which, as it suggests, is because you are reacting to adverse circumstances. The good news in this is that it has a better prognosis than othger typres of depression.
There is a stigma associated with depression, that people who have never suffered with it use to perpetuate the myths surrounding what is a genuine illness, with significant mortality and huge morbidity. People with depression kill themselves, and that makes it a VERY serious condition.
Medication really can help, but should be coupled with counselling, psychotherapy, or other "talking therapies". Do not be afraid to take medication, but don't see it as the final solution. Get help for your bereavement, sort out your financial problems, and use counselling to understand where you are, why you are feeling this way. Do not believe that you are somehow inferior, and if anyone tells you to "pull yourself together" stop listening to them, because they have no opinion worth listening to.
There is a stigma associated with depression, that people who have never suffered with it use to perpetuate the myths surrounding what is a genuine illness, with significant mortality and huge morbidity. People with depression kill themselves, and that makes it a VERY serious condition.
Medication really can help, but should be coupled with counselling, psychotherapy, or other "talking therapies". Do not be afraid to take medication, but don't see it as the final solution. Get help for your bereavement, sort out your financial problems, and use counselling to understand where you are, why you are feeling this way. Do not believe that you are somehow inferior, and if anyone tells you to "pull yourself together" stop listening to them, because they have no opinion worth listening to.
1 Listen to Nubbin
He is a Dr as V8Mate pointed out few of the others are. But their opinion, as survivors of depression are equally as valid.
2 Take the tablets
They will help!
3 Sign on
People like you claiming JSA aren't scroungers, they are taking back what they have paid into the system for this purpose.
4 See the CAB re debts
As soon as you are on JSA they can help you more, and it will be the first place that they send you.
5 Ignore your girlfriend
How long before friends get fed up of bailing her out? And then where will you be? Do you want to be thought of as someone that scrounges off mates?
6 Revise your CV
If you have lots of roles where you were doing different contracts as self employed, list your company name as the employer and the full dates you worked as SE, then put the work down underneath as your experience with no dates to hind any gaps (it is not lying!). EG
Joe Bloggs Plumbing Ltd July 1998-August 2004
My own company, I undertook the following contracts...
PlumbersRus - I provided an on call plumbing service, dealing with xxxx
Good luck, it does get better, trust me I'm another survivor
He is a Dr as V8Mate pointed out few of the others are. But their opinion, as survivors of depression are equally as valid.
2 Take the tablets
They will help!
3 Sign on
People like you claiming JSA aren't scroungers, they are taking back what they have paid into the system for this purpose.
4 See the CAB re debts
As soon as you are on JSA they can help you more, and it will be the first place that they send you.
5 Ignore your girlfriend
How long before friends get fed up of bailing her out? And then where will you be? Do you want to be thought of as someone that scrounges off mates?
6 Revise your CV
If you have lots of roles where you were doing different contracts as self employed, list your company name as the employer and the full dates you worked as SE, then put the work down underneath as your experience with no dates to hind any gaps (it is not lying!). EG
Joe Bloggs Plumbing Ltd July 1998-August 2004
My own company, I undertook the following contracts...
PlumbersRus - I provided an on call plumbing service, dealing with xxxx
Good luck, it does get better, trust me I'm another survivor
ali_kat said:
1 Listen to Nubbin
He is a Dr as V8Mate pointed out few of the others are. But their opinion, as survivors of depression are equally as valid.
My point, though, is that how can we be sure that the OP is depressed? He is a Dr as V8Mate pointed out few of the others are. But their opinion, as survivors of depression are equally as valid.
Just because life is crap and we're not enjoying it, doesn't mean we are automatically suffering from a clinical condition. I think too many doctors hand out these sweets as some kind of 'fix all' when, in fact, the individual just needs to take those steps necessary to get back on track.
The OP doesn't come across as depressed; just that he has too many things on his plate and that the people close to him who he should be able to rely on are more hindrance than help.
Crap episodes in your life don't have to have a label.
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