The Mrs in hospital
Discussion
Just come back from seeing my better half in hospital. She's 35 weeks pregnant and suffers with a problem caused by pregnancy that make her hips very painful and weak. Over the Christmas break she has degenerated from just about being able to hobble to the car with crutches, to not even being able to crawl to get to the toilet, and so I had to take her in. 4 paramedics had to carry her out of the house on a stretcher as even me carrying her to the car was too painful for her. 
She is suffering terribly and even large doses of morphine don't relieve the pain for her - just make her very woozy and she no longer makes much sense to talk to. Many of the nurses looking after her have been at best blunt, at worst downright rude and neglectful. We have been to this hospital several times this year, each time due to her being in unbearable agonising pain, and always struggle to get her the help she needs - last time she stayed in for a week, was due morphine every 2 hours regularly. She still had to buzz the nurses every single time and they always took at least 30 minutes to bring it after being buzzed - once they took a full two hours and seemed very irritated that she had interrupted their chat about their weekend (that I could hear through the open door) by screaming and begging for help as they were ignoring her buzzer.
She is in such pain that she can no longer think straight and we know from our last pregnancy that no drugs they can offer her particularly help. We are under a consultant who is managing her care, and the nursing staff have said there is no more they can do without his instruction. On the phone he adamantly refused to come in and look at Mrs K to re-assess her situation until tomorrow. It's not really his day off as he is the consultant on call. So Mrs K is left in tears for 24 hours with nothing to relieve her pain until he bothers to show up tomorrow and see for himself. If someone accidentally brushes her knee she is reduced to huge racking sobs for 5 minutes with me having to comfort her and try to calm her down with breathing exercises. But I'm glad to know our consultant is having a nice day.
Chaps, if you want to know the meaning of the word difficult, try having the most important person in your entire world lying on a hospital bed, delirious from pain, panicked and scared and lonely and drugged up to the eyeballs, mentally collapsing into clinical depression, reverting to sucking her thumb at night as a grown adult and having to leave an item of your clothing for her to hold at night for comfort; and being told that the ONLY man in the country who can make any kind of decision as to how to help her just isn't in until tomorrow and she'll just have to manage.
Sorry, just needed to vent some frustration.
She is suffering terribly and even large doses of morphine don't relieve the pain for her - just make her very woozy and she no longer makes much sense to talk to. Many of the nurses looking after her have been at best blunt, at worst downright rude and neglectful. We have been to this hospital several times this year, each time due to her being in unbearable agonising pain, and always struggle to get her the help she needs - last time she stayed in for a week, was due morphine every 2 hours regularly. She still had to buzz the nurses every single time and they always took at least 30 minutes to bring it after being buzzed - once they took a full two hours and seemed very irritated that she had interrupted their chat about their weekend (that I could hear through the open door) by screaming and begging for help as they were ignoring her buzzer.
She is in such pain that she can no longer think straight and we know from our last pregnancy that no drugs they can offer her particularly help. We are under a consultant who is managing her care, and the nursing staff have said there is no more they can do without his instruction. On the phone he adamantly refused to come in and look at Mrs K to re-assess her situation until tomorrow. It's not really his day off as he is the consultant on call. So Mrs K is left in tears for 24 hours with nothing to relieve her pain until he bothers to show up tomorrow and see for himself. If someone accidentally brushes her knee she is reduced to huge racking sobs for 5 minutes with me having to comfort her and try to calm her down with breathing exercises. But I'm glad to know our consultant is having a nice day.
Chaps, if you want to know the meaning of the word difficult, try having the most important person in your entire world lying on a hospital bed, delirious from pain, panicked and scared and lonely and drugged up to the eyeballs, mentally collapsing into clinical depression, reverting to sucking her thumb at night as a grown adult and having to leave an item of your clothing for her to hold at night for comfort; and being told that the ONLY man in the country who can make any kind of decision as to how to help her just isn't in until tomorrow and she'll just have to manage.
Sorry, just needed to vent some frustration.
Ouch. That doesn't sound at all good.
My wife has been taking one of the boys in our daughter's class to and from school for the last couple of months because his mum has what sounds like a very similar (albeit not as severe) condition to your wife's.
If it is the same condition - PSD, I believe it's called? - then she did say that at least it went away pretty much immediately after the birth, although I doubt that would be much consolation to her with 4 or so weeks left to run.
Good luck to you both, anyway.
My wife has been taking one of the boys in our daughter's class to and from school for the last couple of months because his mum has what sounds like a very similar (albeit not as severe) condition to your wife's.
If it is the same condition - PSD, I believe it's called? - then she did say that at least it went away pretty much immediately after the birth, although I doubt that would be much consolation to her with 4 or so weeks left to run.
Good luck to you both, anyway.
Kermit power said:
Ouch. That doesn't sound at all good.
My wife has been taking one of the boys in our daughter's class to and from school for the last couple of months because his mum has what sounds like a very similar (albeit not as severe) condition to your wife's.
If it is the same condition - PSD, I believe it's called? - then she did say that at least it went away pretty much immediately after the birth, although I doubt that would be much consolation to her with 4 or so weeks left to run.
Good luck to you both, anyway.
Close - it's called SPD.My wife has been taking one of the boys in our daughter's class to and from school for the last couple of months because his mum has what sounds like a very similar (albeit not as severe) condition to your wife's.
If it is the same condition - PSD, I believe it's called? - then she did say that at least it went away pretty much immediately after the birth, although I doubt that would be much consolation to her with 4 or so weeks left to run.
Good luck to you both, anyway.
We still have theoretically 5 weeks left until the due date, but when we met with the consultant a few weeks ago he immediately saw how much she was suffering and suggested early induction, at the time he said the risk tradeoff would make it worth doing any time after 34 weeks - we insisted on 37 as that is safest for baby, but since that appointment her health has obviously gone downhill. With our firstborn it went away straight after birth - she spent 20 weeks in a wheelchair and then walked out of the delivery room. Most women suffer from it slightly quite late in pregnancy, Mrs K suffers from it very heavily and early. She's been in pain since 12 weeks so has spent 23 weeks in agony and it has now become unbearable. It's inexpressably frustrating seeing your other half suffering so much and being so useless to help her. You can't even surrender and take her to the person who can help as he's not in until Tuesday as it's a bank holiday (she'll just turn the hurting off for 24 hours, won't she). Nor can I shove two fingers up at the hospital system and take her home where at least she's not alone, as she can't even sit in a wheelchair anymore or the car.
So very looking forward to having to be pleasant and nice to the consultant tomorrow and not swear profusely at him!
OwenK said:
So very looking forward to having to be pleasant and nice to the consultant tomorrow
Why are you going to be pleasant and nice? What do you think he'll do if you're not - take it out on your wife somehow? If that's what you fear then you shouldn't: he'll know that would be a quick way to get in front of the GMC and be disciplined.Why don't you complain?
I sympathise with your problems and don't disbelieve you, but these threads crop up with tedious regularity.
Have a look at:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
I challenge you to complain. I'll be impressed if you just calmly raise the points you've made in this thread with the consultant - you don't even need to put things in writing. Just ask the consultant for an explanation of the events you describe in this thread.
It's unlikely the chief exec of your local NHS trust will be reading this thread: you need to complain properly to the right people.
Some questions for you to ask:
Why did no-one bleep the Obs and gynae reg on call?
Who supervises the nursing staff?
Why do the nurses not administer medication as they should?
Can you explain the unprofessional behaviour of nursing staff to me?
Can you explain why you did not come into work to treat my wife yesterday?
Can you describe your pain management plan for my wife to me please?
Is it worth my wife seeing the specialist Pain consultant?
Hope things improve for you both.
Why did no-one bleep the Obs and gynae reg on call?
Who supervises the nursing staff?
Why do the nurses not administer medication as they should?
Can you explain the unprofessional behaviour of nursing staff to me?
Can you explain why you did not come into work to treat my wife yesterday?
Can you describe your pain management plan for my wife to me please?
Is it worth my wife seeing the specialist Pain consultant?
Hope things improve for you both.
Edited by N Dentressangle on Monday 28th December 23:27
N Dentressangle said:
Some questions for you to ask:
Why did no-one bleep the Obs and gynae reg on call?
Who supervises the nursing staff?
Why do the nurses not administer medication as they should?
Can you explain the unprofessional behaviour of nursing staff to me?
Can you explain why you did not come into work to treat my wife yesterday?
Can you describe your pain management plan for my wife to me please?
Is it worth my wife seeing the specialist Pain consultant
Hope things improve for you both.
Most important q's to manage the condition now tbhWhy did no-one bleep the Obs and gynae reg on call?
Who supervises the nursing staff?
Why do the nurses not administer medication as they should?
Can you explain the unprofessional behaviour of nursing staff to me?
Can you explain why you did not come into work to treat my wife yesterday?
Can you describe your pain management plan for my wife to me please?
Is it worth my wife seeing the specialist Pain consultant
Hope things improve for you both.
Edited by N Dentressangle on Monday 28th December 23:27
If not comfortable complaining direct (ask for Ward Manager/Matron for Nursing) there is PALS (Patient Advise & Liaison Service) that can raise questions on your behalf.
Hope things get better and delivery goes well.
Thankyou for your help - I will be launching a complaint when possible.
Thankyou for your suggestions for questions too. We saw the registrar and various doctors. The solution we wanted was to deliver the baby as that is the only cure for SPD, it worked last time, and we have decided that Mrs K's condition is such that the risks to the baby from early birth are an acceptable tradeoff. We were told that nobody could make the decision in that regard except our consultant, who was the consultant on call. He was contacted several times and refused to change his position, speak to us directly, or come in to hospital and examine Mrs K for himself. He evidently does not remember our meeting (for which I do not blame him due to the volume of patients he must see) but we were assured that Mrs K's condition was so severe that he was willing to induce birth as early as 34 weeks if we so desired. We have seen the pain team who cannot do any more for her than is already being done. I will bear in mind some of your other questions though, thanks again.
Thankyou for your suggestions for questions too. We saw the registrar and various doctors. The solution we wanted was to deliver the baby as that is the only cure for SPD, it worked last time, and we have decided that Mrs K's condition is such that the risks to the baby from early birth are an acceptable tradeoff. We were told that nobody could make the decision in that regard except our consultant, who was the consultant on call. He was contacted several times and refused to change his position, speak to us directly, or come in to hospital and examine Mrs K for himself. He evidently does not remember our meeting (for which I do not blame him due to the volume of patients he must see) but we were assured that Mrs K's condition was so severe that he was willing to induce birth as early as 34 weeks if we so desired. We have seen the pain team who cannot do any more for her than is already being done. I will bear in mind some of your other questions though, thanks again.
OwenK said:
Thankyou for your help - I will be launching a complaint when possible.
Thankyou for your suggestions for questions too. We saw the registrar and various doctors. The solution we wanted was to deliver the baby as that is the only cure for SPD, it worked last time, and we have decided that Mrs K's condition is such that the risks to the baby from early birth are an acceptable tradeoff. We were told that nobody could make the decision in that regard except our consultant, who was the consultant on call. He was contacted several times and refused to change his position, speak to us directly, or come in to hospital and examine Mrs K for himself. He evidently does not remember our meeting (for which I do not blame him due to the volume of patients he must see) but we were assured that Mrs K's condition was so severe that he was willing to induce birth as early as 34 weeks if we so desired. We have seen the pain team who cannot do any more for her than is already being done. I will bear in mind some of your other questions though, thanks again.
Good for you. You deserve proper explanations for your care, which you are satisfied with.Thankyou for your suggestions for questions too. We saw the registrar and various doctors. The solution we wanted was to deliver the baby as that is the only cure for SPD, it worked last time, and we have decided that Mrs K's condition is such that the risks to the baby from early birth are an acceptable tradeoff. We were told that nobody could make the decision in that regard except our consultant, who was the consultant on call. He was contacted several times and refused to change his position, speak to us directly, or come in to hospital and examine Mrs K for himself. He evidently does not remember our meeting (for which I do not blame him due to the volume of patients he must see) but we were assured that Mrs K's condition was so severe that he was willing to induce birth as early as 34 weeks if we so desired. We have seen the pain team who cannot do any more for her than is already being done. I will bear in mind some of your other questions though, thanks again.
PALS is a useful avenue, and worth pursuing. Remember, you can always book a proper appointment to meet with the consultant and talk things over. The overwhelming majority of consultants are caring and conscientious, but as in any profession there are a few who let standards slip...
Come back and rant if you need to, or if you want any advice / ideas on who to go to next. Hope things get better tomorrow!
eta There's nothing to stop you asking for a second opinion if you're not happy with the consultant you're in under. Might be a thought - drs are competitive souls and don't always stick together.
Edited by N Dentressangle on Tuesday 29th December 00:01
OwenK said:
Thankyou for your help - I will be launching a complaint when possible.
Thankyou for your suggestions for questions too. We saw the registrar and various doctors. The solution we wanted was to deliver the baby as that is the only cure for SPD, it worked last time, and we have decided that Mrs K's condition is such that the risks to the baby from early birth are an acceptable tradeoff. We were told that nobody could make the decision in that regard except our consultant, who was the consultant on call. He was contacted several times and refused to change his position, speak to us directly, or come in to hospital and examine Mrs K for himself. He evidently does not remember our meeting (for which I do not blame him due to the volume of patients he must see) but we were assured that Mrs K's condition was so severe that he was willing to induce birth as early as 34 weeks if we so desired. We have seen the pain team who cannot do any more for her than is already being done. I will bear in mind some of your other questions though, thanks again.
he might not remember but should be documenting consultations in your other half notes (or have dictated them to be added to the notes later) so that others can refer to them in event of issues when not around/as a reminder etcThankyou for your suggestions for questions too. We saw the registrar and various doctors. The solution we wanted was to deliver the baby as that is the only cure for SPD, it worked last time, and we have decided that Mrs K's condition is such that the risks to the baby from early birth are an acceptable tradeoff. We were told that nobody could make the decision in that regard except our consultant, who was the consultant on call. He was contacted several times and refused to change his position, speak to us directly, or come in to hospital and examine Mrs K for himself. He evidently does not remember our meeting (for which I do not blame him due to the volume of patients he must see) but we were assured that Mrs K's condition was so severe that he was willing to induce birth as early as 34 weeks if we so desired. We have seen the pain team who cannot do any more for her than is already being done. I will bear in mind some of your other questions though, thanks again.
Chicken Pox said:
he might not remember but should be documenting consultations in your other half notes (or have dictated them to be added to the notes later) so that others can refer to them in event of issues when not around/as a reminder etc
It is documented, but only the conclusion of the meeting ie we decided to have an early induction at 37 weeks. Not the preliminary conversation where he discussed having it as early as 34. We've had many problems with inaccurate notes or notes that give the wrong impression in the past - things like the fact that she refused painkillers initially, but no mention of the fact that she refused out of concern for the baby's health and because they do not help her very much; and more petty things like one morning it was noted that she refused breakfast when in fact she ate a bowl of cereal and asked for seconds.We had great trouble in the first pregnancy with inaccurate notes and eventually came down to a midwife who appeared to have a vendetta as she was consistently spinning the truth to give the impression that Mrs K did not want the baby, had no attachment to it, and so forth - when in reality she was so concerned for him that she refused an MRI scan to diagnose the cause of her pain because of the risks to the baby - and so on. If I remember rightly that woman was dismissed after a formal hearing Mrs K had to attend and it was only due to a very friendly and supportive social worker that Mrs K was not completely ignored.
Chicken Pox said:
N Dentressangle said:
Some questions for you to ask:
Can you describe your pain management plan for my wife to me please?
Is it worth my wife seeing the specialist Pain consultant
Pretty much sums up what needs to be done. I think the consultant would not be keen to induce or do a c/section before 37 weeks because of foetal risk which would clinically override your wife's pain per se. Can you describe your pain management plan for my wife to me please?
Is it worth my wife seeing the specialist Pain consultant
Edited by N Dentressangle on Monday 28th December 23:27
Hope all goes well but you really need a referral to the pain specialists who are predominantly anaesthetists.
Re the nurses/midwifes, not much to say except to repeat that old anaesthetic joke: What the difference between a midwife and a rottweiler.....one coat of lipstick!
Hang in there!
I had this three times. I agree even morphine or even fentanyl and pethadine did nothing for the pain. I ended up having the latest baby at 32 weeks as a result of that and another complication.
It is the worst pain ever. I then fainted and fell in the bathroom when I was about 29 weeks pregnant and was stuck. Due to mobile in pocket I was restrieved by ambulance 2 hours later with suspect fracture.
It is the worst pain ever. I then fainted and fell in the bathroom when I was about 29 weeks pregnant and was stuck. Due to mobile in pocket I was restrieved by ambulance 2 hours later with suspect fracture.
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