Going just a little mad
Discussion
I'm using an alternate name as, well, that's what I'm more comfortable doing.
I guess I'm writing this to clarify what it is that I already know. My relationship is on the rails - good and proper and has been for a few months, I've upset/hurt my partner a few times over the past 5 years and although I've apologised about them, she's one to never let things go and even when/if we move past them, she will always bring things back up which is stopping us from moving forward. My family interfere in our lives constantly as they disapprove of the relationship and don't like my partner - this is something that she can't just ignore as she's taken it to heart.
Lately, I can't do anything right - nothing I say or do is good enough and every conversation leads to an argument - as a result, sometimes I don't want to talk to her - which annoys her even more even though she says that "not every conversation should lead to an argument". There have been times where she's blatantly picked a fight to provoke an argument and she's done it on purpose.
The complication is that we have a 3 year old daughter, who we both love and I have a great bond with - We have both said that we don't want to split up as we do love each other, but she "sees me differently" now and isn't sure if she's staying with me just for our daughter - She'd want me to see our daughter every other weekend (something I'd fight against and have her every other week if I can make that work). I'm not staying just because of our daughter, but I'm finding it harder and harder to want to stay with my partner as it's driving me mad.
My sanity is taking a real hit as I don't have anyone to talk to (I no longer talk to my sister and mother due to all this and my friends can only help so much) and yesterday I found myself driving on some rural roads in an irresponsible way. I am going to seek therapy about this as I can feel myself slipping away and I've been to the edge once already a few years back and nearly took it that step further - I'm in a daze most of the time and work and my daughter are the only things making me keep it together. Just.
I guess I'm writing this to see it all written down to help me see it in black and white - maybe I need to MTFU and just take that decisive step, but it's hard when there's a child involved and all the fallout that will come of it all.
Cheers,
SM
Insert general PH abuse here:
I guess I'm writing this to clarify what it is that I already know. My relationship is on the rails - good and proper and has been for a few months, I've upset/hurt my partner a few times over the past 5 years and although I've apologised about them, she's one to never let things go and even when/if we move past them, she will always bring things back up which is stopping us from moving forward. My family interfere in our lives constantly as they disapprove of the relationship and don't like my partner - this is something that she can't just ignore as she's taken it to heart.
Lately, I can't do anything right - nothing I say or do is good enough and every conversation leads to an argument - as a result, sometimes I don't want to talk to her - which annoys her even more even though she says that "not every conversation should lead to an argument". There have been times where she's blatantly picked a fight to provoke an argument and she's done it on purpose.
The complication is that we have a 3 year old daughter, who we both love and I have a great bond with - We have both said that we don't want to split up as we do love each other, but she "sees me differently" now and isn't sure if she's staying with me just for our daughter - She'd want me to see our daughter every other weekend (something I'd fight against and have her every other week if I can make that work). I'm not staying just because of our daughter, but I'm finding it harder and harder to want to stay with my partner as it's driving me mad.
My sanity is taking a real hit as I don't have anyone to talk to (I no longer talk to my sister and mother due to all this and my friends can only help so much) and yesterday I found myself driving on some rural roads in an irresponsible way. I am going to seek therapy about this as I can feel myself slipping away and I've been to the edge once already a few years back and nearly took it that step further - I'm in a daze most of the time and work and my daughter are the only things making me keep it together. Just.
I guess I'm writing this to see it all written down to help me see it in black and white - maybe I need to MTFU and just take that decisive step, but it's hard when there's a child involved and all the fallout that will come of it all.
Cheers,
SM
Insert general PH abuse here:
Gnits said:
I would suggest talking to a professional about this, it is their job to help in these kinds of situations. It may turn something awful into a rough patch you both went through.
what he said ^With a 3 year old, things must be pretty stressful for both of you, which can cloud people's judgement and make them irrational - so don't give up quite yet
Rational went months ago - fighting and point scoring seem to be the way we're going.
I've been in therapy already and I'm probably going to head back there, but it's finding the time as if I'm not at work, I get backed up and if I'm not at home, I don't see my daughter.
I actually often don't even want to go home. I often wonder about just getting in my car, withdrawing a bunch of money and just going away. I know that wouldn't help, but I'm struggling to find rational lately.
I've been in therapy already and I'm probably going to head back there, but it's finding the time as if I'm not at work, I get backed up and if I'm not at home, I don't see my daughter.
I actually often don't even want to go home. I often wonder about just getting in my car, withdrawing a bunch of money and just going away. I know that wouldn't help, but I'm struggling to find rational lately.
You feel as if everything is crumbling around you but honestly running away isn't gonna do anyone any good - least of all your daughter.
Seriously think of both going back and seeking professional help - even if it means getting a second opinion. You owe it to yourself and Daughter.
Ask yourself what you want out of this relatioship? do you want it to be how it was and really think why its no longer like that. Ask yourself in all honestly could you have conducted yourself better?
How is work, are you under a lot of pressure, any financial strains that could be contributing towards how you are.
Dont worry about venting on here mate, sometimes its good to have a good vent and get things off your chest.
Thats what we're here for.
Seriously think of both going back and seeking professional help - even if it means getting a second opinion. You owe it to yourself and Daughter.
Ask yourself what you want out of this relatioship? do you want it to be how it was and really think why its no longer like that. Ask yourself in all honestly could you have conducted yourself better?
How is work, are you under a lot of pressure, any financial strains that could be contributing towards how you are.
Dont worry about venting on here mate, sometimes its good to have a good vent and get things off your chest.
Thats what we're here for.
Speaking as someone who is divorced (and remarried) with children, I would say you should be honest with yourself. Is this a rough patch, or is the relationship dead?
If it is the latter, then you need to move out, and move on. Staying together for 'the sake of the children' is the worst reason ever: you'll both be unhappy and your child will pick up on this. If you and your partner can remain friendly about it there is no reason why your child should suffer and, trust me, you'll be a lot happier in the long run.
If it is the latter, then you need to move out, and move on. Staying together for 'the sake of the children' is the worst reason ever: you'll both be unhappy and your child will pick up on this. If you and your partner can remain friendly about it there is no reason why your child should suffer and, trust me, you'll be a lot happier in the long run.
I'm going to get professional help regardless as life is starting to be a struggle and the outlook just seems perpetually bleak. As for whether the relationship is dead though, I'm not sure - I remember when it was good/great and it was all that and more - I guess I don't want to admit that it might be as I want the good back - and yes, I know I could have conducted myself better, but if I look back over my life, I can see things where I could have acted better.
Work's tough, of course, I'm up to my eyeballs and in some ways it's good to be occupied - I'm working on 3 key projects for my company and there's next to no slack there - the pressure is, of course, there and building, but I'm happy working that way. The worry is that it gets too much - my colleagues would be happy to help as they're a good bunch and one of them knows the pressure I'm under and he is at least supportive.
Money is tight and I'm in my overdraft for the first time ever this month but it's near Christmas and it was to be expected. Nothing I can't manage and I, at least, don't have bailiffs knocking on my door.
I know running away (or anything worse than that) is not the right thing to do, but sometimes when I stop and look at my life and the train wreck it has been - I wonder if my presence is truly justified. I do, then, look at my daughter and see the happiness she gives me and she has with me and I know that there's something worthwhile there.
Work's tough, of course, I'm up to my eyeballs and in some ways it's good to be occupied - I'm working on 3 key projects for my company and there's next to no slack there - the pressure is, of course, there and building, but I'm happy working that way. The worry is that it gets too much - my colleagues would be happy to help as they're a good bunch and one of them knows the pressure I'm under and he is at least supportive.
Money is tight and I'm in my overdraft for the first time ever this month but it's near Christmas and it was to be expected. Nothing I can't manage and I, at least, don't have bailiffs knocking on my door.
I know running away (or anything worse than that) is not the right thing to do, but sometimes when I stop and look at my life and the train wreck it has been - I wonder if my presence is truly justified. I do, then, look at my daughter and see the happiness she gives me and she has with me and I know that there's something worthwhile there.
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