Did I cause it?

[Poledriver]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible!
My friend's father came to visit her last week. i always stay with her at the weekend. He is a "recovering" alcoholic who was also suffering from COPD (emphysema). When he arrived he was really ill. I went to see her on Friday and, without going into too many details, was very ill.
On Sunday he got to a very bad stage, breathing very badly, pains in stomach etc. he refused to see a local doctor but was giving my friend and her sister a very hard time. He wanted an airlift back to Plymouth (home) which was out of the question.
being the stupid twit that I am I offered to drive him home if he wanted. he agreed to this so, at 7:30 i set off (from Harlow) to drive him home.
Almost immediately he started asking for me to get him a half bottle of vodka. trying to humour him I stopped at a few places to try... It's amazing how difficult it can be to get alcohol on a Sunday night
Anyway, I got him back to Plymouth at 11:30 on Sunday night and he seemed fine. I then drove home to (near) Havant.
Got a text from my friends sister this morning to say that he had died in the early hours of this morning
Have had one hell of a day today, what would I have done if he's died in my car? Would he have lived if I didn't drive him home?

This is really fking my head up so I would appreciate if I didn't get the usual run of "your driving caused it" or "you've killed him" responses!
I'm not sure why I'm really posting this on here, but the only person I can really talk to about something like this is his daughter, so doesn't feel right!

[pokethepope]

Are you daft? Unless you're missing out some info, I dont see how you could have caused it.

[Rach*]

I can't see how it can be your fault at all, he sounded very very ill, stop giving yourself a hard time and concentrate on looking after your friend.

Poor old dude

[dirty doug]

Poledriver said:

On Sunday he got to a very bad stage, breathing very badly, pains in stomach etc. he refused to see a local doctor but was giving my friend and her sister a very hard time.

I would have mentioned A&E at this point but if he wasn't having any of it, then as far as any normal person can see, you did nothing wrong and in fact tried to do them a big favour.
Your conscience should be clear.

[Poledriver]

Thanks for the (unusually) honest feedback guys!
We're just waiting to hear what actually caused his demise.

[convert]

Karl,
I wouldn't worry, I'd say, from what you've posted re his condition and history, that he was already very ill.

My take on it would be that you did him a favour taking him home...




Especially if it was in the Wedge .


PS My mum also had COPD (as well as other problems). She was admitted to hospital a few years ago with pneumonia, but seemed quite well (walking around, talking, laughing and joking) when we left her on the Thursday night. On the Friday we got a call asking us to go in, as she was very ill. The doc's weren't sure if her heart gave out because of her breathing problems, but either way she never made it back out of hospital..

Don't beat yourself up about it, you got him home; where he wanted to be.

[Simpo Two]

I can see how somebody in that state would rather die at home than be mauled about in A&E. He might have suspected his time was up.

[King Herald]

Poledriver said:

.....Would he have lived if I didn't drive him home?

This is really fking my head up so I would appreciate if I didn't get the usual run of "your driving caused it" or "you've killed him" responses!
I'm not sure why I'm really posting this on here, but the only person I can really talk to about something like this is his daughter, so doesn't feel right!

The guy sounds like he was an accident waiting for a place to happen, a whole bunch of grief waiting to be unloaded on somebody.

Tell you what, worry yourself sick over it for 24 hours, then see if anything has been changed by your intense worry. I bet you a weeks wages your worry won't have changed a thing.

So, logical progression: don't worry.

[charliedaker]

COPD is terminal. An alternative death would have been in hospital or poss at your friends house being reduced to death with the help of morphine. It is absolutely not your fault.

[Poledriver]

King Herald said:

Poledriver said:

.....Would he have lived if I didn't drive him home?

This is really fking my head up so I would appreciate if I didn't get the usual run of "your driving caused it" or "you've killed him" responses!
I'm not sure why I'm really posting this on here, but the only person I can really talk to about something like this is his daughter, so doesn't feel right!

The guy sounds like he was an accident waiting for a place to happen, a whole bunch of grief waiting to be unloaded on somebody.

Tell you what, worry yourself sick over it for 24 hours, then see if anything has been changed by your intense worry. I bet you a weeks wages your worry won't have changed a thing.

So, logical progression: don't worry.

I wish I'd had a pound for every time I've given someone that very same advice! Maybe I should listen to myself more.

[cephus]

Karl,

I am in agreement with all the others on this post. But if you feel you need to pay a penance go down to your local pub, the one under the railway arch, There you will find a grey haired old guy called Pete, buy him a pint.

Cephus

[Poledriver]

cephus said:

Karl,

I am in agreement with all the others on this post. But if you feel you need to pay a penance go down to your local pub, the one under the railway arch, There you will find a grey haired old guy called Pete, buy him a pint.

Cephus

Done deal Pete!