Calling any PH Child/teenager phsychologists
Discussion
Need some advice from PH massive, oldest daughter now 16 and completely obsesed with troublesome boy. They have been together now for a year. He is a bit of a roughian, has anger management problems, bulls
ts constantly and is extremely posseive and jealous. My daughter was happy and very sociable with a large circle of friends.
She is now always misserable and does nothing else but think about this dead beat. She has cut herself off from the rest of the world.
We have tried everything we can think off to try nad get her back to normal. I know teenagers can be a problem but we are really worried now about her mental health while she is with this guy.
Any advice welcome.
Thanks
Ex77
ts constantly and is extremely posseive and jealous. My daughter was happy and very sociable with a large circle of friends.She is now always misserable and does nothing else but think about this dead beat. She has cut herself off from the rest of the world.
We have tried everything we can think off to try nad get her back to normal. I know teenagers can be a problem but we are really worried now about her mental health while she is with this guy.
Any advice welcome.
Thanks
Ex77
Directly addressing issues with teenagers doesn't work, the more you fight her attachment to him the more you will give it relevance. Understand that her desire to rebel against authority (you) is not a logical decision to piss you off directly, she is defining her own boundaries as she becomes an adult and you are the only authority figure she has to rebel against.
Ultimately she can only snap out of this herself. Ultimately we all went through this as teenagers, there are a few things that you can do:
1) Make sure nothing permanent happens that will screw up her life. Is she on the pill? Using protection? Uncomfortable conversation probably, but essential. Also, by having that little talk calmly you can demonstrate that you care about her welbeing and respect her right to choose. It shows that you regard her as an adult and that communication works better than rebelion
2) Start doing family stuff, you know, as a family. Take the family out for Sunday lunches in the country, go on holiday, etc. The idea here is to ensure that you remain relevant in her life in a fun and not threatening way. If she starts to smile and laugh away from this guy, it is positive. Also, you will not be discarded as some old fossil with a wallet - remain relevant
3) If you are in a position to do so, start having Sunday lunch with your friends who's kids are also her (ex) friends. She may remember what it is like to have a life. Also, time with you and friends having fun = time NOT with this guy. Often decisions can be made by default
Good luck man, this situation is horrible
Shabs
Ultimately she can only snap out of this herself. Ultimately we all went through this as teenagers, there are a few things that you can do:
1) Make sure nothing permanent happens that will screw up her life. Is she on the pill? Using protection? Uncomfortable conversation probably, but essential. Also, by having that little talk calmly you can demonstrate that you care about her welbeing and respect her right to choose. It shows that you regard her as an adult and that communication works better than rebelion
2) Start doing family stuff, you know, as a family. Take the family out for Sunday lunches in the country, go on holiday, etc. The idea here is to ensure that you remain relevant in her life in a fun and not threatening way. If she starts to smile and laugh away from this guy, it is positive. Also, you will not be discarded as some old fossil with a wallet - remain relevant
3) If you are in a position to do so, start having Sunday lunch with your friends who's kids are also her (ex) friends. She may remember what it is like to have a life. Also, time with you and friends having fun = time NOT with this guy. Often decisions can be made by default
Good luck man, this situation is horrible
Shabs
Edited by Shabs on Tuesday 3rd November 14:34
Make him your best friend, invite him for Sunday dinner etc. He'll be gone before you can say "dole" 
Kids at 16 are not adults, do not try talking to them as if they are an adult. They think they're adults but in truth they're just taking their vert first steps in grown up shoes. This does not mean you treat them like kids, you need to speak with them in an adult way but do not expect adult reasoning or logic.
What teens both want and need is the freedom to create their own rules but to still have an unmentioned safety net of zero-responsibility when it suits them.
You naturally know nothing about her angst, as all teenagers know you went from child to adult, you dont understand what it's like to be a teen. And if you were ever a teenager then it was different back then so you'll NEVER UNDERSTAND!
In short, there's not much you can really do. Give her the freedom to make mistakes while ensuring she knows you love her and will be there for her.
Keep basic rules in place and enforce them. As long as she's home by X o'clock then you'll happily give her lifts places. As long as she's only coming home slightly drunk you'll give her an allowance.
Get to know the lad a bit, you're on PH so you must have a car youre proud of, see if you and the lad have a common love of cars. Maybe it'll annoy her into dumping him, maybe it'll help him in some small way into becoming a better person, a bit of dad influence.
If he really is scum then think about how you can (in a subtle way) raise her self esteem so that she thinks she can do better.
Or...
Use your hot wife as a honey trap to show her what a cheat she is.
It worked on Family Guy.
Or... you get a box, a stick, some string and a trail of sweets...
What teens both want and need is the freedom to create their own rules but to still have an unmentioned safety net of zero-responsibility when it suits them.
You naturally know nothing about her angst, as all teenagers know you went from child to adult, you dont understand what it's like to be a teen. And if you were ever a teenager then it was different back then so you'll NEVER UNDERSTAND!
In short, there's not much you can really do. Give her the freedom to make mistakes while ensuring she knows you love her and will be there for her.
Keep basic rules in place and enforce them. As long as she's home by X o'clock then you'll happily give her lifts places. As long as she's only coming home slightly drunk you'll give her an allowance.
Get to know the lad a bit, you're on PH so you must have a car youre proud of, see if you and the lad have a common love of cars. Maybe it'll annoy her into dumping him, maybe it'll help him in some small way into becoming a better person, a bit of dad influence.
If he really is scum then think about how you can (in a subtle way) raise her self esteem so that she thinks she can do better.
Or...
Use your hot wife as a honey trap to show her what a cheat she is.
It worked on Family Guy.
Or... you get a box, a stick, some string and a trail of sweets...
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