Coping with cancer - how?
Discussion
Thought I would ask on here, because someone else must have done it.
Mods - please don't move to Health and Fitness etc as replies would be nice!
The mother-in-law has been diagnosed with cancer. She went for a routine endoscopy where they found a tumour. She has had her lines fitted and is having chemo for the first time tomorrow. Another session next week and then major surgery to follow.
Never dealt with cancer before - I am so lost with it all. The mrs is trying not to worry too much, but is obviously frightened half to death she will lose her mum. She's an only child and has a very close relationship with mum.
What can we expect from the chemo - been told no close contact ie hugs for her and especially not from our toddler, but other than that we dont have a clue.
The hospital tell us it was caught early, but havent given us any recovery / survival rates, only that it should be all over by xmas, including surgery and recovery.
Anything i can say to the wife to put her mind at rest? Anyone willing to share any experiences?
Mods - please don't move to Health and Fitness etc as replies would be nice!
The mother-in-law has been diagnosed with cancer. She went for a routine endoscopy where they found a tumour. She has had her lines fitted and is having chemo for the first time tomorrow. Another session next week and then major surgery to follow.
Never dealt with cancer before - I am so lost with it all. The mrs is trying not to worry too much, but is obviously frightened half to death she will lose her mum. She's an only child and has a very close relationship with mum.
What can we expect from the chemo - been told no close contact ie hugs for her and especially not from our toddler, but other than that we dont have a clue.
The hospital tell us it was caught early, but havent given us any recovery / survival rates, only that it should be all over by xmas, including surgery and recovery.
Anything i can say to the wife to put her mind at rest? Anyone willing to share any experiences?
Nothing to add, other than Cancer is a lottery, it can be beaten, or it can go through your body in a matter of weeks literally.
My Dad, and his brother died of Prostate cancer, although they were both well over 78.....Then there's lung cancer of course,.. but people who smoke don't help themselves...they know the risks....
I am sure it will be a very worrying time for you all, but the survival rates are good, if it's caught early.......Just hope for the best and keep thinking positively.....
My Dad, and his brother died of Prostate cancer, although they were both well over 78.....Then there's lung cancer of course,.. but people who smoke don't help themselves...they know the risks....
I am sure it will be a very worrying time for you all, but the survival rates are good, if it's caught early.......Just hope for the best and keep thinking positively.....
My mum had a mastectomy last week and is awaiting the pathology to see what the next course of action will be. Like you this is our first first-hand experience of cancer - you hear and read a lot about it but until it directly affects you, you don't know how you will cope.
I think it's a matter of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
Best thing you can do is just to let your OH know you are there for her and support her whatever happens. All the best.
I think it's a matter of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
Best thing you can do is just to let your OH know you are there for her and support her whatever happens. All the best.
I am very sorry to hear your news , I have just lost my mum(3weeksago) and a very close Aunt both to cancer . One at 66 from ovarian cancer diagnosed last year stage 1and the other from a brain tumour diagnosed at stage 4 at Christmas past 51yrs. It all depends what type of cancer she has, where it is and at what stage. The wife is a Chemotherapy nurse specialist so fire away and I will pick her brains. Cancer can be beaten more so nowadays so don't give up hope . Mum was just unlucky where she had other complications. Take care and chin up.
Both parents have been through the mill now. Total of four ops, 1 chemo and 2 radio.
We've always been pretty direct about it when discussing it (survival rates, how they feel etc). No point beating around the bush. Ask all the questions that pop into mind of whomsoever may have the answer.
Obviously all treatments/patients are different, but: Watch out for the lag in chemo. Father felt fine for the first month or so of his treatment. Gave him a false sense of security regarding work. Found it a real struggle towards the end of the course, and for a significant amount of time afterwards. But he's a stubborn b
d (which helps), so he muddled through.
Hope it all turns out well.
We've always been pretty direct about it when discussing it (survival rates, how they feel etc). No point beating around the bush. Ask all the questions that pop into mind of whomsoever may have the answer.
Obviously all treatments/patients are different, but: Watch out for the lag in chemo. Father felt fine for the first month or so of his treatment. Gave him a false sense of security regarding work. Found it a real struggle towards the end of the course, and for a significant amount of time afterwards. But he's a stubborn b
d (which helps), so he muddled through.Hope it all turns out well.
Mobile Chicane said:
thanks for that link - had a quick look. Looks like i have some reading to do.Swerni speaks a lot of sense.
I'm also a member of the PH cancer survivors club. All I can tell you is that whilst it is a scary time. Cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence. It can be beaten. I can't give you any stats and I suggest that you don;t go looking for them on the internet. The cancerbackup site is excellent.
Do NOT go hunting around the internet for stuff. All you will do is scare the bejaysus out of yourself for no good reason. Talk to your MiL and the best things you can do for her are the basics. Give her a lift to the hospital for the chemo, go and visit if she has to stay in, keep away from people who are ill (her immune system will be compromised, so do your best to minimise her chances of catching anything), when you do go and see her, be scrupulous with your personal hygiene.
The most important thing I suggest is that you are there for your wife and cut her a lot of slack. As Steve mentions, it is your family who have the hardest time of it, my wife and the rest of the family were simply awesome, they were all hurting, but got on with life and were there for me when I needed it. In reality it was far harder on them than me.
All the best to you all. It is a horrid experience, but one you can all get through. Good luck and feel free to e-mail me if you want to chat.
I'm also a member of the PH cancer survivors club. All I can tell you is that whilst it is a scary time. Cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence. It can be beaten. I can't give you any stats and I suggest that you don;t go looking for them on the internet. The cancerbackup site is excellent.
Do NOT go hunting around the internet for stuff. All you will do is scare the bejaysus out of yourself for no good reason. Talk to your MiL and the best things you can do for her are the basics. Give her a lift to the hospital for the chemo, go and visit if she has to stay in, keep away from people who are ill (her immune system will be compromised, so do your best to minimise her chances of catching anything), when you do go and see her, be scrupulous with your personal hygiene.
The most important thing I suggest is that you are there for your wife and cut her a lot of slack. As Steve mentions, it is your family who have the hardest time of it, my wife and the rest of the family were simply awesome, they were all hurting, but got on with life and were there for me when I needed it. In reality it was far harder on them than me.
All the best to you all. It is a horrid experience, but one you can all get through. Good luck and feel free to e-mail me if you want to chat.
Chemo is bloody awful-I'm 3/4 of the way through a six month course for Hodgkin's Lymphoma-but also mind over matter apart from the fatigue. If you've something to keep your mind occupied it can stop you focusing on the main side effects; nausea, sore mouth, dodgy stomach. I've continued to work pretty much as normal-though my treatment involved no surgery-which has helped me.
Best of luck.
Best of luck.
My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer July 2005. 4 years later, one mastectomy, a course of chemo and radio treatment she's back to full health
We stayed positive throughout, laughed a lot, cried a bit too (especially in private) and made sure we were open and honest with each other (although not always possible)and always there for each other. Chemo was the worse and after every session my mum would be very sick for about a week. Then dad and her would come visit me on the coast and I'd look after her but also let her do stuff so she did not feel useless. She even spent extra on a fabulous wig that made her look awesome - we laughed a lot at that and when she took it off and we stroked her bald head and laughed some more (and probably cried a bit again too!!)
Illness can bring out the best and worst in people. Staying positive, trying not to over compensate, making sure you don't treat the sufferer as an invalid are all crucial. As is just showing people you love them and care!
I wish your mum-in-law well!
We stayed positive throughout, laughed a lot, cried a bit too (especially in private) and made sure we were open and honest with each other (although not always possible)and always there for each other. Chemo was the worse and after every session my mum would be very sick for about a week. Then dad and her would come visit me on the coast and I'd look after her but also let her do stuff so she did not feel useless. She even spent extra on a fabulous wig that made her look awesome - we laughed a lot at that and when she took it off and we stroked her bald head and laughed some more (and probably cried a bit again too!!)
Illness can bring out the best and worst in people. Staying positive, trying not to over compensate, making sure you don't treat the sufferer as an invalid are all crucial. As is just showing people you love them and care!
I wish your mum-in-law well!
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that's right cheer the man up
on the bright side you are here posting on PH and will be for many years to come
I always used chemo as a great excuse for getting out of management meetings
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Sorry. I should have added that chemo certainly wasn't as bad as I expected. I frequently head straight off and play a two hour rock gig on drums straight after.
A friend also bought me 1 in 3 by Adam Wishart which really restores your faith in how far cancer treatment had progressed too.
Guys - thankyou all for your stories and support. I am working tomorrow when she goes in, but work in the town where she's having chemo, so I think I shall be putting off my commitments to make sure I am there in the morning. Mrs Tim and little one won't be going to the hospital - they are going out to take their mind off it.
Listen to the great Swerni, he makes a good deal of sense.
I have been "one of the family" a few times now. Your MIL and wife will need to have someone close who is solid, and remains objective about it all. Be there for them, let them know that you love them, and listen carefully to the oncologist. Generally speaking, they will be very direct with you, and will answer your questions - so be careful what you ask!
Good luck to all of you, my thoughts are with you
I have been "one of the family" a few times now. Your MIL and wife will need to have someone close who is solid, and remains objective about it all. Be there for them, let them know that you love them, and listen carefully to the oncologist. Generally speaking, they will be very direct with you, and will answer your questions - so be careful what you ask!
Good luck to all of you, my thoughts are with you
Yet another member of the PH cancer survivors club here. That in itself will tell you more & more people are surviving various forms of cancer these days. It is difficult to know what to say & how to react, I would say just be as normal as possible & have a positive attitude. I reacted quite badly to my treatment & from memory was a bit "zombiefied" at the time, but I do remember asking family & friends not to pussyfoot around me,& act as normal as poss.
Good luck to her.
Good luck to her.
The only way to cope is day by day, don't think further ahead than the next appointment and make the most of each day with her when she is well enough. Hopefully she will come out the other end. Spend time with her, say what you need to say, keep it positive and don't dwell on the negatives.
Even when/if you get the worst news keep your chin up and make the most of every day. You will be amazed at how strong you become.
Good luck
Even when/if you get the worst news keep your chin up and make the most of every day. You will be amazed at how strong you become.
Good luck
Attended a clinic with the other half last week and was with her when she was told that she probably has breast cancer. Back to hospital this week for results of biopsy.
We were both dumb struck at first and the drive home from the hospital was swift so that we could both just get to a place where we could collect our thoughts and start to come to terms with this news. It is going to be an emotional next few months, that is all I know at the moment.
We were both dumb struck at first and the drive home from the hospital was swift so that we could both just get to a place where we could collect our thoughts and start to come to terms with this news. It is going to be an emotional next few months, that is all I know at the moment.
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