IVF........Anyone going through, or been through it?
Discussion
The Fiance is currently on the final stages of injections, we found out wednesday that they may have to cancel the cycle, based on the fact the folicles arent growing at the rate they would like. Went back today and there has been some growth, so its continuing for now, find out more on monday.
But jesus this is difficult!!! just being totally helpless and not being able to have any impact on the outcome or what is going to happen. I know what will be will be, but 3 years of trying, and battling with it, constant hospital appointments.
The worst bit is, not knowing, do you be optomistic, and keep hoping, do you prepare for if it all goes wrong, it seems every step forward is met with another, "hold on, this may happen, that may happen"
I just wish i could do more to make it easier for my mrs the poor sod, injections, scans, illness.
Anyone else been through all this? be interested to hear experiences.
cheers
Lee
But jesus this is difficult!!! just being totally helpless and not being able to have any impact on the outcome or what is going to happen. I know what will be will be, but 3 years of trying, and battling with it, constant hospital appointments.
The worst bit is, not knowing, do you be optomistic, and keep hoping, do you prepare for if it all goes wrong, it seems every step forward is met with another, "hold on, this may happen, that may happen"
I just wish i could do more to make it easier for my mrs the poor sod, injections, scans, illness.
Anyone else been through all this? be interested to hear experiences.
cheers
Lee
Is this your first cycle? Do you have another paid for?
We have just last week come out of our first cycle and I feel for you. It "appears" to have worked for us. We were however told that the first cycle can sometime be seen as a "training" cycle in that everyone reacts differently to the drugs, sometime you need to be kept on them longer. Once you get to the second cycle, the clinic will have a much better idea of what your Mrs. needs and thus the second cycle sucess rate is much higher.
The sensible part of you wants to prepare for all eventualities but deep down you obviously want it to work. It is a difficult balance to do.
Chin up mate and keep yourselves busy. Try (as best you can anyway) to stay busy, have some treats etc..makes the waiting (almost) bearable.
We went to a focus group meeting at our clinic with couples similar to us and couples who have been through it and been sucessful. If you can get on one then go. So many more questions will be answered in one of these sessions. It's good to feel that you are not alone and there are quite a few "triumph in the face of adversity" type stories out there, you will be surprised.
We have just last week come out of our first cycle and I feel for you. It "appears" to have worked for us. We were however told that the first cycle can sometime be seen as a "training" cycle in that everyone reacts differently to the drugs, sometime you need to be kept on them longer. Once you get to the second cycle, the clinic will have a much better idea of what your Mrs. needs and thus the second cycle sucess rate is much higher.
The sensible part of you wants to prepare for all eventualities but deep down you obviously want it to work. It is a difficult balance to do.
Chin up mate and keep yourselves busy. Try (as best you can anyway) to stay busy, have some treats etc..makes the waiting (almost) bearable.
We went to a focus group meeting at our clinic with couples similar to us and couples who have been through it and been sucessful. If you can get on one then go. So many more questions will be answered in one of these sessions. It's good to feel that you are not alone and there are quite a few "triumph in the face of adversity" type stories out there, you will be surprised.
Edited by A2Z on Friday 27th March 11:29
We went through the work up, but had the same experience as you describe. My wife had PCOS, the consultant tried out a surgical process called Ovarian Diathermy, that kick started her ovaries and we were able to conceive after that.
It's a completely abysmal situation, you have my sympathy. I once read that it is called "the last taboo", as in the current age people will talk about death, cancer, all kinds of things yet it's not the done thing to talk about infertility - despite it affecting up to 20% of the population. Then you have the daily hate mail element describing IVF as some kind of vanity treatment, used only by the worst elements of society to have 27 children, or single sex parents, when the reality is that the vast majority of peple are loving, caring couples desparate to be parents. The reason it is a taboo is the reaction that people get - "firing blanks?" being a particularly lovely one. The worst one was "you should just get pissed and shag behind the bus shelter, worked for ... <insert slags name here>".
I don't know what more to add really, it's a subject that was very close to my heart, we went through the nightmare for 5 years or so, but it worked out for us in the end. I did keep a diary at the time, which helped for me to put my thoughts down in a clear format. I've lost most of it (corrupt data file, sadly) but I recall one days entry clearly, around the time we had the same news that you did, that said something like "you can't prepare for the bad days". The only other advice I could offer is find someone to talk to. It IS a taboo, and you may not want to involve your family (for example, we didn't tell our families) but it helped for us each to have someone to confide in.
Hope this helps, in some small way.
It's a completely abysmal situation, you have my sympathy. I once read that it is called "the last taboo", as in the current age people will talk about death, cancer, all kinds of things yet it's not the done thing to talk about infertility - despite it affecting up to 20% of the population. Then you have the daily hate mail element describing IVF as some kind of vanity treatment, used only by the worst elements of society to have 27 children, or single sex parents, when the reality is that the vast majority of peple are loving, caring couples desparate to be parents. The reason it is a taboo is the reaction that people get - "firing blanks?" being a particularly lovely one. The worst one was "you should just get pissed and shag behind the bus shelter, worked for ... <insert slags name here>".
I don't know what more to add really, it's a subject that was very close to my heart, we went through the nightmare for 5 years or so, but it worked out for us in the end. I did keep a diary at the time, which helped for me to put my thoughts down in a clear format. I've lost most of it (corrupt data file, sadly) but I recall one days entry clearly, around the time we had the same news that you did, that said something like "you can't prepare for the bad days". The only other advice I could offer is find someone to talk to. It IS a taboo, and you may not want to involve your family (for example, we didn't tell our families) but it helped for us each to have someone to confide in.
Hope this helps, in some small way.
The adoption option will always be there, but she doesnt want to entertain that until there is absolutely no chance she can bear her own, which I totally understand.
Yea this is the first cycle, she has Polycystic ovaries. The stimulating drugs arent making the folicles grow quite as much as they would hope at this stage, they cant up the dose, as they have to be so careful she doesnt go into 'hyper stimulation' which can be all sorts of dangerous apparently.
Congrats mate, and i hope it does all work for you, the amount of people who know someone who has been through it or had it themselves is surprising. Its one of them things you dont really talk about, but when you do, we are really not alone.
We are fortunately funded by the NHS, but if this one fails its back to the drawing board, and possibly GP-Hospital-consultant-referal (hopefuly)-consultation just to get back to were we were 2 weeks ago.
Everyone says about forgeting about it, try not to think about it, and i understand that, but how?
To be fair, this is the best chance we have had so far, so fingers crossed, and just deal with what comes our way i guess.
Yea this is the first cycle, she has Polycystic ovaries. The stimulating drugs arent making the folicles grow quite as much as they would hope at this stage, they cant up the dose, as they have to be so careful she doesnt go into 'hyper stimulation' which can be all sorts of dangerous apparently.
Congrats mate, and i hope it does all work for you, the amount of people who know someone who has been through it or had it themselves is surprising. Its one of them things you dont really talk about, but when you do, we are really not alone.
We are fortunately funded by the NHS, but if this one fails its back to the drawing board, and possibly GP-Hospital-consultant-referal (hopefuly)-consultation just to get back to were we were 2 weeks ago.
Everyone says about forgeting about it, try not to think about it, and i understand that, but how?
To be fair, this is the best chance we have had so far, so fingers crossed, and just deal with what comes our way i guess.
aclivity said:
We went through the work up, but had the same experience as you describe. My wife had PCOS, the consultant tried out a surgical process called Ovarian Diathermy, that kick started her ovaries and we were able to conceive after that.
It's a completely abysmal situation, you have my sympathy. I once read that it is called "the last taboo", as in the current age people will talk about death, cancer, all kinds of things yet it's not the done thing to talk about infertility - despite it affecting up to 20% of the population. Then you have the daily hate mail element describing IVF as some kind of vanity treatment, used only by the worst elements of society to have 27 children, or single sex parents, when the reality is that the vast majority of peple are loving, caring couples desparate to be parents. The reason it is a taboo is the reaction that people get - "firing blanks?" being a particularly lovely one. The worst one was "you should just get pissed and shag behind the bus shelter, worked for ... <insert slags name here>".
I don't know what more to add really, it's a subject that was very close to my heart, we went through the nightmare for 5 years or so, but it worked out for us in the end. I did keep a diary at the time, which helped for me to put my thoughts down in a clear format. I've lost most of it (corrupt data file, sadly) but I recall one days entry clearly, around the time we had the same news that you did, that said something like "you can't prepare for the bad days". The only other advice I could offer is find someone to talk to. It IS a taboo, and you may not want to involve your family (for example, we didn't tell our families) but it helped for us each to have someone to confide in.
Hope this helps, in some small way.
that is all very true mate, agree 100% Got a few people that know the situation, but they will never really understand, im sure you found yourself that you just cant describe how it feels, or what you are feeling. its a weird one.It's a completely abysmal situation, you have my sympathy. I once read that it is called "the last taboo", as in the current age people will talk about death, cancer, all kinds of things yet it's not the done thing to talk about infertility - despite it affecting up to 20% of the population. Then you have the daily hate mail element describing IVF as some kind of vanity treatment, used only by the worst elements of society to have 27 children, or single sex parents, when the reality is that the vast majority of peple are loving, caring couples desparate to be parents. The reason it is a taboo is the reaction that people get - "firing blanks?" being a particularly lovely one. The worst one was "you should just get pissed and shag behind the bus shelter, worked for ... <insert slags name here>".
I don't know what more to add really, it's a subject that was very close to my heart, we went through the nightmare for 5 years or so, but it worked out for us in the end. I did keep a diary at the time, which helped for me to put my thoughts down in a clear format. I've lost most of it (corrupt data file, sadly) but I recall one days entry clearly, around the time we had the same news that you did, that said something like "you can't prepare for the bad days". The only other advice I could offer is find someone to talk to. It IS a taboo, and you may not want to involve your family (for example, we didn't tell our families) but it helped for us each to have someone to confide in.
Hope this helps, in some small way.
Congrats though, its the success stories which give us hope, and make it all worth while.
to add to the drama, if we get to egg collection, and it reaches that stage, our scheduled test date, is the DAY her brothers first child is born. That is difficult!
After a miscarriage and 4 years of trying, my wife and I had three cycles of IUI followed by 3 cycles of IVF so I know what you are going through. We were very close to calling it a day after the seond cycle of IVF but fortunately for us had one more go in October 2007, despite the fact that initially things did not look good (we were given less than a 5% chance of sucess on the last cycle) my wife fell pregnant and we had our beautiful daughter Freya in July of 2008.
The only advice I can give is fairly obviously really, stick together, support one another and above all try to stay positive. I think it is also important to set yourself a limit on the number of cycles of IVF you are prepared to go through as the whole process as I am sure you know only too well takes a huge amount of emotional and physical effort, and of course if you were like us and didn't receive any funding incredibly expensive.
Interestingly, for the last cycle of IVF my wife had a course of accupuncture treatment which she feels helped her both pre treatment, and whilst pregnant.
I wish you both all the very best, if you need any other help or advice for what it is worth please feel free to email me via my profile.
Mark
The only advice I can give is fairly obviously really, stick together, support one another and above all try to stay positive. I think it is also important to set yourself a limit on the number of cycles of IVF you are prepared to go through as the whole process as I am sure you know only too well takes a huge amount of emotional and physical effort, and of course if you were like us and didn't receive any funding incredibly expensive.
Interestingly, for the last cycle of IVF my wife had a course of accupuncture treatment which she feels helped her both pre treatment, and whilst pregnant.
I wish you both all the very best, if you need any other help or advice for what it is worth please feel free to email me via my profile.
Mark
T5GRF said:
After a miscarriage and 4 years of trying, my wife and I had three cycles of IUI followed by 3 cycles of IVF so I know what you are going through. We were very close to calling it a day after the seond cycle of IVF but fortunately for us had one more go in October 2007, despite the fact that initially things did not look good (we were given less than a 5% chance of sucess on the last cycle) my wife fell pregnant and we had our beautiful daughter Freya in July of 2008.
The only advice I can give is fairly obviously really, stick together, support one another and above all try to stay positive. I think it is also important to set yourself a limit on the number of cycles of IVF you are prepared to go through as the whole process as I am sure you know only too well takes a huge amount of emotional and physical effort, and of course if you were like us and didn't receive any funding incredibly expensive.
Interestingly, for the last cycle of IVF my wife had a course of accupuncture treatment which she feels helped her both pre treatment, and whilst pregnant.
I wish you both all the very best, if you need any other help or advice for what it is worth please feel free to email me via my profile.
Mark
Bloodyhell mate, sounds like you have both been right through the mill. We are only at the early stages, and its difficult, the stress you must have felt must have been a nightmare at times. Fantastic result though, and it proves that never giving up really is the key. Thats a truely heart warming story. The only advice I can give is fairly obviously really, stick together, support one another and above all try to stay positive. I think it is also important to set yourself a limit on the number of cycles of IVF you are prepared to go through as the whole process as I am sure you know only too well takes a huge amount of emotional and physical effort, and of course if you were like us and didn't receive any funding incredibly expensive.
Interestingly, for the last cycle of IVF my wife had a course of accupuncture treatment which she feels helped her both pre treatment, and whilst pregnant.
I wish you both all the very best, if you need any other help or advice for what it is worth please feel free to email me via my profile.
Mark
Everyone keeps telling us, that as we are young (27 shes 24) we have time on our side. Whilst this is absolutely true, and we are well aware of that, it doesnt make it more acceptable, or easier to take when things dont work, if that makes sence.
Forst off...MODS; don't let this turn into a "should IVF be free" debate. Please.
Turns out it was me with the main problem (low count) but my wife also had polycystic ovaries, but not to the extent of them causing infertility, according to the doc.
We tried for around 2years then started the IVF process. The 1st cycle was free but didn't work. I have NEVER had feelings of such helplessness as you do when your told it's a no go. Complete devastation; made worse by knowing there's neither anything you can do to make it right and that primarily it's down to you not working (in my case). Really very $hit
Also, the post implant medication actually makes the woman feel, and have the symptoms of, being pregnant, which doesn't help.
So you pick yourself up, dust off and crack on. The 2nd one was jut as traumatic (injections, egg collection, more injections). I remember the morning of our visit to the hospital for the test. A few years ago in Thailand we bought a load of pregnancy tests, they're dirt cheap over there. They'd been sitting in the top drawer for nearly 4 years and my misses decided to check before we set off. I strongly advised she didn't and told her they would probably be out of date and not work anyway. But she's an impatient bugger and went to pee on the paddle. It didn't react and as far as she was concerned it hadn't worked again, cue many tears and upset. Then after 20mins the faintest of lines appeared on the thing and we got a little ray of hope that it might not be accurate.
The following hospital appt and their reliable test proved positive. You have never had a feeling of such relief, trust me, it's palpable. Cue many tears, of joy this time
The following 12 weeks are a nerve racking time though, the slightest twinge or blood spot (very normal BTW) has you $hitting your pants, fearing the worst.
In short, you are a bit of passenger on this particular journey and there is no way of making it nice and fluffy. It's $hite. But IT DOES WORK, I never thought it would. Just be patient and get on with it, you will end up with a young un in the end, even if not biologically yours (we may do this for our 2nd??)
So 4 years and 4.5k later this little bundle arrived (on Monday).
Matilda.....It changes you, in a good way
5 minutes old.
I cried like a baby (scuse the pun) when she popped out. I thought it would ne like watching my favourite pub burn down but it wasn't!!! an amazing sight to behold
Turns out it was me with the main problem (low count) but my wife also had polycystic ovaries, but not to the extent of them causing infertility, according to the doc.
We tried for around 2years then started the IVF process. The 1st cycle was free but didn't work. I have NEVER had feelings of such helplessness as you do when your told it's a no go. Complete devastation; made worse by knowing there's neither anything you can do to make it right and that primarily it's down to you not working (in my case). Really very $hit
Also, the post implant medication actually makes the woman feel, and have the symptoms of, being pregnant, which doesn't help.So you pick yourself up, dust off and crack on. The 2nd one was jut as traumatic (injections, egg collection, more injections). I remember the morning of our visit to the hospital for the test. A few years ago in Thailand we bought a load of pregnancy tests, they're dirt cheap over there. They'd been sitting in the top drawer for nearly 4 years and my misses decided to check before we set off. I strongly advised she didn't and told her they would probably be out of date and not work anyway. But she's an impatient bugger and went to pee on the paddle. It didn't react and as far as she was concerned it hadn't worked again, cue many tears and upset. Then after 20mins the faintest of lines appeared on the thing and we got a little ray of hope that it might not be accurate.
The following hospital appt and their reliable test proved positive. You have never had a feeling of such relief, trust me, it's palpable. Cue many tears, of joy this time
The following 12 weeks are a nerve racking time though, the slightest twinge or blood spot (very normal BTW) has you $hitting your pants, fearing the worst.In short, you are a bit of passenger on this particular journey and there is no way of making it nice and fluffy. It's $hite. But IT DOES WORK, I never thought it would. Just be patient and get on with it, you will end up with a young un in the end, even if not biologically yours (we may do this for our 2nd??)
So 4 years and 4.5k later this little bundle arrived (on Monday).
Matilda.....It changes you, in a good way
5 minutes old.
I cried like a baby (scuse the pun) when she popped out. I thought it would ne like watching my favourite pub burn down but it wasn't!!! an amazing sight to behold
Edited by dave_s13 on Friday 27th March 12:13
Edited by dave_s13 on Monday 30th March 20:40
We have no experience of IVF but I just wanted to wish you all luck.
My wife fell pregnant around 13 weeks ago and it came a huge shock as we weren't trying. In fact kids weren't factoring in our '3 year plan' at all (only got married last year).
All I can say it's a strange but exciting feeling and I feel some what helpless at this stage as there's not a huge amount I can do.
Sometimes I do wonder if life is fair when you see teenagers up the duff following a one night stand, then on the other hand potential loving parents struggling and fighting to have the child they so dearly want.
Anyway I wish you all the success and keep your chin up!
Cheers,
Phill
My wife fell pregnant around 13 weeks ago and it came a huge shock as we weren't trying. In fact kids weren't factoring in our '3 year plan' at all (only got married last year).
All I can say it's a strange but exciting feeling and I feel some what helpless at this stage as there's not a huge amount I can do.
Sometimes I do wonder if life is fair when you see teenagers up the duff following a one night stand, then on the other hand potential loving parents struggling and fighting to have the child they so dearly want.
Anyway I wish you all the success and keep your chin up!
Cheers,
Phill
carl_w said:
Have you read Inconceivable by Ben Elton. Very funny (tails off a bit towards the end) and makes you realize that everyone on IVF goes through the same rollercoaster ride.
I'd second that. The film that came out of it is simply awful though.I was writing my diary around just before that book came out, I'd fancied myself as a bit of a writer and none of the books are written from the man's perspective, then Inconceivable came out ... buggered my plans for fame and riches!
I know it's hard to laugh during this, but the bit in the book that touched a nerve with me was the "taking the sample to the clinic" episode. In the book, I think he rides a moped with the sample jar in his jeans to keep warm. I took a cab from Enfield to Homerton Hospital with my jar kept warm ... you only get an hour or so to get there, I was uncomfortable (and embarrassed, as I had to "finish off" as the taxi arrived, so he was waiting outside ... I'm sure he didn't know but sometimes you get embarrassed anyway).
Another thing to watch is the episode of Coupling set at the clinic, I believe Stephen Moffat has also been through the treatment.
both of our sons took a long time to conceive and we had miscarriages before number one came along, so we thought long and hard about IVF and would have gone that way if we hadn't had the good luck to conceive spontaneously, so I can imagine how tough it is for the OP and his fiancee. Good luck.
dave_s13 said:
We tried for around 2years then started the IVF process. The 1st cycle was free but didn't work. I have NEVER had feelings of such helplessness as you do when your told it's a no go. Complete devastation; made worse by knowing there's neither anything you can do to make it right.
5 minutes old.
Dave, you have almost told this week and todays story with those few words! We had the scan earlier, they said there was some growth in her folicles, not as much as they hoped. I have a text message at 4pm saying "call me asap" so s5 minutes old.
tting myself got on the phone. Turns out the clinic called her and said the blood tests werent great, and that her levels of whatever they were checking have dropped rather than increased as hoped. Gutted!So they have suggested she doubles the dose of her drugs to see if it can kick start it, however with PCOS there is a big risk of Hyper stimulation, where the ovaries go mad, and she gets really ill. bad times. So that was a mad trip down the A12 to get enough supplies for the weekend, and we have to sit and wait until monday. There is a higher chance than not that it will be canceled on monday and back to square one, just with a lot more heartache!
With regards to things not being fair, bloody hell, there is no such thing, makes you really question what you have to do to get a chance. Lets be honest, we have 2 arms, 2 legs a comfortable home and our health. But we are not asking for the earth, just what happens so often to people who dont even want it! go figure?
Congrats on your little one dave, fantastic mate enjoy every second! And the chap who just found out you are gunna be a dad, My "3 year plan" didnt involve 2 years of this, make the most of it mate, every chance counts.
Me and the wife went through IVF on the NHS. She was 36 when we started.
We went through test after test.
Then they said "You need ICSI, but yer wife is now 38 cos we've pissed about too long so she's now too old, tough st, bye". Gotta love the NHS.
Anyway, three rounds of private treatment later and we're just not destined to be parents it would seem.
Hey ho.
We went through test after test.
Then they said "You need ICSI, but yer wife is now 38 cos we've pissed about too long so she's now too old, tough s
t, bye". Gotta love the NHS.Anyway, three rounds of private treatment later and we're just not destined to be parents it would seem.
Hey ho.
I would highly recommend accupuncture to help with the conception alongside the IVF.
I had treatment for baby 1. This seemed to make me more fertile and baby 2 was conceived naturally despite 3 issues I have.
I had a great consultant - absolutely first class - listened to everything that I said and what was important for us. Made a lot of difference.
There are lots of support groups - actual and one-line that you can share with if you so want
I had treatment for baby 1. This seemed to make me more fertile and baby 2 was conceived naturally despite 3 issues I have.
I had a great consultant - absolutely first class - listened to everything that I said and what was important for us. Made a lot of difference.
There are lots of support groups - actual and one-line that you can share with if you so want
so after the scan today looked good, we stupidly let our hopes get up again, only for me to get in from work, the mrs had just taken the call saying they are cancelling the cycle, as the Eostrogen levels havent risen anywhere near enough.
Absolutly gutted!
Absolutly gutted!
Edited by leeb on Monday 30th March 20:33
dave_s13 said:
Seriously $hit mate
What are the options now? Can you have another go or is there an alternative procedure?
got to go into the clinic some time for another meeting, de-brief type thing. we cant do anything for at least 3 months, but we dont know if the next one will be funded or if we need to magic up £5k from somewhere just to have another go. but got to go throught thw whole referal process all over again.What are the options now? Can you have another go or is there an alternative procedure?
feel empty, thats about all i can describe it as. it was so close, egg collection was due on friday, dates for all tests set and ready to go.
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