Not getting any better
Discussion
I started a thread in the lounge the other day but it got moved to the jobs section, wrongly in my view and of another poster that said it should be moved back, so it didn't get much coverage and I thought it was pointless replying to it.
This thread is about me trying to understand why I'm so upset. I just don't understand it. You may have to look at my recent history to see what its about.
I know I can do lots of different things without any help or support but its like I've become totally dependant on him which is a ridiculous situation to be in because he isn't here anymore to help me. I'm sort of ok when I'm doing something, I can function bur because he helped a lot round the house every time I stop doing what I'm doing I see something he has helped me with and it sets me off.
Another ridiculous situation, the properties we work on usually have key safes to get in and sometimes the safes are in hidden locations if its a rough area, when we turn up on a job its usually Tim that finds the box and gets the key as he is a lot more agile than me and will climb over undergrowth or over side gates to get it. Today as soon as I woke up all I could think about was what happens if the next job I go to I cant find the key box, what am I going to do, I'll just go to pieces.
I know this is stupid, I know there are far more serious issues affecting much more deserving people than me, I was reading about that couple in the helicopter before, what must their loved ones be feeling right now. The crazy thing is my mum died when I was 18 and my dad when I was 23 and I was obviously upset at the time but it was nowhere near as bad as this one, I just accepted it at the time as that is what parents do at one time or another and Tim's not even dead, he's just got a different job. All I want is for the heartache to go away and get back to normal but I just cant seem to let go.
This thread is about me trying to understand why I'm so upset. I just don't understand it. You may have to look at my recent history to see what its about.
I know I can do lots of different things without any help or support but its like I've become totally dependant on him which is a ridiculous situation to be in because he isn't here anymore to help me. I'm sort of ok when I'm doing something, I can function bur because he helped a lot round the house every time I stop doing what I'm doing I see something he has helped me with and it sets me off.
Another ridiculous situation, the properties we work on usually have key safes to get in and sometimes the safes are in hidden locations if its a rough area, when we turn up on a job its usually Tim that finds the box and gets the key as he is a lot more agile than me and will climb over undergrowth or over side gates to get it. Today as soon as I woke up all I could think about was what happens if the next job I go to I cant find the key box, what am I going to do, I'll just go to pieces.
I know this is stupid, I know there are far more serious issues affecting much more deserving people than me, I was reading about that couple in the helicopter before, what must their loved ones be feeling right now. The crazy thing is my mum died when I was 18 and my dad when I was 23 and I was obviously upset at the time but it was nowhere near as bad as this one, I just accepted it at the time as that is what parents do at one time or another and Tim's not even dead, he's just got a different job. All I want is for the heartache to go away and get back to normal but I just cant seem to let go.
greygoose said:
You sound a bit depressed, understandable if you ve lost someone you spent a lot of time with and depended on. Could you not seek another Tim and train him up?
That's what I want to do but I'm so scarred of it not being the same, we just clicked when working together. I've been back out the last couple of days working with my business partner again and he has been in the van with me and although we have worked together for donkeys years before we got anyone else it was like we were distant from each other in the van. We talked but didn't really click, or it seemed like that to me, but he has issues of his own on the relationship front as well, what I don't want to do it put my problems onto him as he has enough worries at the moment.greygoose said:
You sound a bit depressed, understandable if you ve lost someone you spent a lot of time with and depended on. Could you not seek another Tim and train him up?
I would agree with this. sounds like the situation has triggered some sort of anxiety attack.
Is there more to this? Any thing else going on in your life?
Try to talk this through with someone close.
Bill said:
Reading the OP made me think you'd lost a life partner rather than an apprentice.
Yes I know and I don't understand it, we've had 3 or 4 lads help us out in the past, some short term and one for well over a year and when they went I really couldn't have cared less, but they were your usual moody sulky "not doing that" type of lads who were only interested in the money at the end of the day, probably for drugs. This lad was different, the other month we gave a relatives 2 kids a day of work experience and Tim immediately took charge, showing them what to do, inspecting their work, I was surprised he didn't get the high viz and clip board out, he really wanted to make a difference, and he did, big time. we could have both gone on holiday and just let Tim get on with things and it all would be done to a high spec when we got back. But that was his ambition and sadly we can't match what he wants to do next.
I know I'm going to have to get over it somehow I just don't know how to. Maybe it will all go away when I get back to work properly and find that I can do everything again.
Edited by Frane Selak on Tuesday 18th August 17:55
Having lost parents at such a sensitive age it's likely that you have an unrecognised space for someone who fills a parental/caring/support type role. It comes as a surprise when it's someone younger but what your saying makes complete sense to me.
Even without your vulnerabilities many of us can think of people we've encountered that trigger a strong emotional response without an obvious explanation.
It may be of little practical help in the short term, I think it might be worth seeking counselling to tell your story and, if you like, get to know yourself better and more forgiving.
The poster who suggested depression may be onto something. Hidden vulnerabilities can emerge and people can decompensate when depressed.
Even without your vulnerabilities many of us can think of people we've encountered that trigger a strong emotional response without an obvious explanation.
It may be of little practical help in the short term, I think it might be worth seeking counselling to tell your story and, if you like, get to know yourself better and more forgiving.
The poster who suggested depression may be onto something. Hidden vulnerabilities can emerge and people can decompensate when depressed.
oddman said:
Having lost parents at such a sensitive age it's likely that you have an unrecognised space for someone who fills a parental/caring/support type role. It comes as a surprise when it's someone younger but what your saying makes complete sense to me.
Even without your vulnerabilities many of us can think of people we've encountered that trigger a strong emotional response without an obvious explanation.
It may be of little practical help in the short term, I think it might be worth seeking counselling to tell your story and, if you like, get to know yourself better and more forgiving.
The poster who suggested depression may be onto something. Hidden vulnerabilities can emerge and people can decompensate when depressed.
I don't know, I just don't know but I cant see any way out of this now. Its not just the fact that Tim is leaving, my business partner does a fair bit of work by himself subbing out to another firm who only require one man, I was happy with this because me and Tim did all the day to day bread and butter type of stuff and did it well.Even without your vulnerabilities many of us can think of people we've encountered that trigger a strong emotional response without an obvious explanation.
It may be of little practical help in the short term, I think it might be worth seeking counselling to tell your story and, if you like, get to know yourself better and more forgiving.
The poster who suggested depression may be onto something. Hidden vulnerabilities can emerge and people can decompensate when depressed.
My business partner is going away to work in September for 3 weeks and although its quiet at the minute there will be local work that needs doing and I just cant do it by myself, physically I may be able to do stuff at a struggle and have done in the past but mentally there is no chance and if I don't do that stuff the business is finished. I don't want another job I just want to go to work with Tim, I would be in tears as soon I set foot on the job knowing he wasn't there to help. But I cant sit round the house for weeks, there isn't even anything left to do on it which has kept me busy in the past when its been quiet, and I don't care about it at the minute.
I don't know why I feel like this and its sounds absolutely pathetic but the reality is I just cant see a way forward which will work out, well I can but its not nice. I now understand why people kill themselves, its not because they want to die, I want to live to 90, its because they cant see any other way of stopping the pain.
Frane Selak said:
I don't know, I just don't know but I cant see any way out of this now. Its not just the fact that Tim is leaving, my business partner does a fair bit of work by himself subbing out to another firm who only require one man, I was happy with this because me and Tim did all the day to day bread and butter type of stuff and did it well.
My business partner is going away to work in September for 3 weeks and although its quiet at the minute there will be local work that needs doing and I just cant do it by myself, physically I may be able to do stuff at a struggle and have done in the past but mentally there is no chance and if I don't do that stuff the business is finished. I don't want another job I just want to go to work with Tim, I would be in tears as soon I set foot on the job knowing he wasn't there to help. But I cant sit round the house for weeks, there isn't even anything left to do on it which has kept me busy in the past when its been quiet, and I don't care about it at the minute.
I don't know why I feel like this and its sounds absolutely pathetic but the reality is I just cant see a way forward which will work out, well I can but its not nice. I now understand why people kill themselves, its not because they want to die, I want to live to 90, its because they cant see any other way of stopping the pain.
You need to call your GP. TodayMy business partner is going away to work in September for 3 weeks and although its quiet at the minute there will be local work that needs doing and I just cant do it by myself, physically I may be able to do stuff at a struggle and have done in the past but mentally there is no chance and if I don't do that stuff the business is finished. I don't want another job I just want to go to work with Tim, I would be in tears as soon I set foot on the job knowing he wasn't there to help. But I cant sit round the house for weeks, there isn't even anything left to do on it which has kept me busy in the past when its been quiet, and I don't care about it at the minute.
I don't know why I feel like this and its sounds absolutely pathetic but the reality is I just cant see a way forward which will work out, well I can but its not nice. I now understand why people kill themselves, its not because they want to die, I want to live to 90, its because they cant see any other way of stopping the pain.
Or the Samaritans (24/7 service).
You may find a quick chat helpful.
You need to get your balance back so that you can step back and relax / rationalise a bit more.
It sounds like you're not in a good place.
Acknowledge that, and let someone who helps because they really really want to help people in difficulty, and is good at it, help.
This is a temporary bump in your life.
Not an insurmountable mountain.
You may find a quick chat helpful.
You need to get your balance back so that you can step back and relax / rationalise a bit more.
It sounds like you're not in a good place.
Acknowledge that, and let someone who helps because they really really want to help people in difficulty, and is good at it, help.
This is a temporary bump in your life.
Not an insurmountable mountain.
Frane Selak said:
I don't know why I feel like this and its sounds absolutely pathetic but the reality is I just cant see a way forward which will work out
You don't have to. As above, speak to someone - the help is out there, it exists for this, they'll figure out a plan with you.Come back and tell us what they say.
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