Husband won't look after himself after diabetes diagnosis
Discussion
I hope someone can help me. My husband will not look after himself after a diagnosis in November of high cholesterol and type two diabetes. The figures taken at the hospital confirmed he was at crisis levels for both these.
He should be able to manage these with all the support he has from us all but he just won't comply with even the simplest task. It's now 17.23 in the afternoon and he still hasn't had anything to eat or drink. His Dr's have previously told him he has to have the meds or he will die but he sees the Dr's comments as a personal challenge to his manhood and they are all out to get him.
He's been like this since November and his new lifestyle is financially and emotionally draining and the novelty of waiting in hospital waiting rooms at 4.00am in the morning has worn off.
Can someone throw in other avenues I can try? I don't want a divorce but he needs to be in an environment where he can be forced to take meds and eat and drink. I spent 8 hours Saturday in our local A+E because he was dehydrated. All he had to do was drink some water and he fought me on that. The police were there as well with their charges and I was really worried they may think I was I was abusing him. His relatives think I'm letting the side down and not doing enough to support him but it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
He should be able to manage these with all the support he has from us all but he just won't comply with even the simplest task. It's now 17.23 in the afternoon and he still hasn't had anything to eat or drink. His Dr's have previously told him he has to have the meds or he will die but he sees the Dr's comments as a personal challenge to his manhood and they are all out to get him.
He's been like this since November and his new lifestyle is financially and emotionally draining and the novelty of waiting in hospital waiting rooms at 4.00am in the morning has worn off.
Can someone throw in other avenues I can try? I don't want a divorce but he needs to be in an environment where he can be forced to take meds and eat and drink. I spent 8 hours Saturday in our local A+E because he was dehydrated. All he had to do was drink some water and he fought me on that. The police were there as well with their charges and I was really worried they may think I was I was abusing him. His relatives think I'm letting the side down and not doing enough to support him but it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
Diabetes code by Jason Fung talks about the latest science.
Sorry, I’m not a doctor (Jason Fung is) but that book recommends low carb, and intermittent fasting if your blood sugars aren’t ridiculous.
If they are very high, at a damaging level, it recommends control with medication and low carb diet with intermittent fasting, weaning yourself off the meds as blood sugar levels improve.
Not eating if you are overweight with type 2 diabetes is actually very good for the disease. Drinking water helps with the weight loss and fat metabolism, which what he ideally wants. I think in extremis, the body will break down fat to recover water, so there is some method to your husband’s madness, but it isn’t good for your body to be in a dehydrated state for extended periods of time. Jason Fung recommends drinking plenty of water while fasting and to be fully hydrated.
Someone who is really overweight can fast for days with no negative effects on their health. So I wouldn’t worry about that part.
Jason Fung also has a lot of youtube videos up, maybe watch them together?
Sorry, I’m not a doctor (Jason Fung is) but that book recommends low carb, and intermittent fasting if your blood sugars aren’t ridiculous.
If they are very high, at a damaging level, it recommends control with medication and low carb diet with intermittent fasting, weaning yourself off the meds as blood sugar levels improve.
Not eating if you are overweight with type 2 diabetes is actually very good for the disease. Drinking water helps with the weight loss and fat metabolism, which what he ideally wants. I think in extremis, the body will break down fat to recover water, so there is some method to your husband’s madness, but it isn’t good for your body to be in a dehydrated state for extended periods of time. Jason Fung recommends drinking plenty of water while fasting and to be fully hydrated.
Someone who is really overweight can fast for days with no negative effects on their health. So I wouldn’t worry about that part.
Jason Fung also has a lot of youtube videos up, maybe watch them together?
Edited by wyson on Tuesday 13th May 03:57
KPHs said:
I hope someone can help me. My husband will not look after himself after a diagnosis in November of high cholesterol and type two diabetes. The figures taken at the hospital confirmed he was at crisis levels for both these.
He should be able to manage these with all the support he has from us all but he just won't comply with even the simplest task. It's now 17.23 in the afternoon and he still hasn't had anything to eat or drink. His Dr's have previously told him he has to have the meds or he will die but he sees the Dr's comments as a personal challenge to his manhood and they are all out to get him.
He's been like this since November and his new lifestyle is financially and emotionally draining and the novelty of waiting in hospital waiting rooms at 4.00am in the morning has worn off.
Can someone throw in other avenues I can try? I don't want a divorce but he needs to be in an environment where he can be forced to take meds and eat and drink. I spent 8 hours Saturday in our local A+E because he was dehydrated. All he had to do was drink some water and he fought me on that. The police were there as well with their charges and I was really worried they may think I was I was abusing him. His relatives think I'm letting the side down and not doing enough to support him but it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
HiHe should be able to manage these with all the support he has from us all but he just won't comply with even the simplest task. It's now 17.23 in the afternoon and he still hasn't had anything to eat or drink. His Dr's have previously told him he has to have the meds or he will die but he sees the Dr's comments as a personal challenge to his manhood and they are all out to get him.
He's been like this since November and his new lifestyle is financially and emotionally draining and the novelty of waiting in hospital waiting rooms at 4.00am in the morning has worn off.
Can someone throw in other avenues I can try? I don't want a divorce but he needs to be in an environment where he can be forced to take meds and eat and drink. I spent 8 hours Saturday in our local A+E because he was dehydrated. All he had to do was drink some water and he fought me on that. The police were there as well with their charges and I was really worried they may think I was I was abusing him. His relatives think I'm letting the side down and not doing enough to support him but it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
I don't mean to be rude, but do you personally understand the condition and the control needed? I have been diabetic (Type 1) for 44 years and I am still learning things. It is not the easiest condition to understand as many things influence it. Which can make the control difficult.....
If your husband Is fasting, he may not need insulin (meds) for the diabetes. Also if going low/ no carb then equally he may not require insulin to combat the high blood sugars.
I assume your husband Is over weight?
I would talk and try to understand what is going on. Could this be done with the doctor so you both understand the objectives?
Do let us know how it is going..... There is genuinely a lot of people who can and want to help on here....
You haven’t really given us a lot to go on. I get your frustration, but there are a huge number of people out there who have put their T2D into remission, often by not taking the standard advice which is frankly misinformation from a bygone era. Things are improving though at the rate of a melting iceberg.
You’ve said he is refusing to eat? Any more detail on that? It is actually a good thing btw for blood glucose. In extremis you have the example of Angus Barbieri who fasted for 382 days. What else can you tell us?
Don’t get confused by the high cholesterol btw, that is a separate "issue", the T2D is the real problem which needs tackling.
You’ve said he is refusing to eat? Any more detail on that? It is actually a good thing btw for blood glucose. In extremis you have the example of Angus Barbieri who fasted for 382 days. What else can you tell us?
Don’t get confused by the high cholesterol btw, that is a separate "issue", the T2D is the real problem which needs tackling.
As others above have said, fasting is no bad thing and can be a big help in getting blood glucose under control. Has he said that is why he's doing it? It is crucial though to keep hydrated again as others above have said and he really should be taking the medication (Metformin I assume or Insulin+Metformin?). Myself, I've been practicing time restricted eating for 2 years next month whereby i only consume food between mid-day and 6pm and I'm Type 2 but in remission now.
According to Jason Fung, these are all related and part of the same metabolic illness. High cholesterol . High blood sugar. High blood pressure. High Uric acid. Fatty liver. Dementia, which is becoming known as type 3 diabetes.
More often than not, these comorbidities run together and are solved by losing weight, eating healthily and exercising. Fasting is strongly recommended as well.
I think the stats are, by the time your BMI hits the obese range, 1 in 5 will carry that weight with no measurable effects on metabolic health. 4 in 5 however, will start developing combinations of the above conditions in varying degrees of severity.
It really pays to watch your weight.
More often than not, these comorbidities run together and are solved by losing weight, eating healthily and exercising. Fasting is strongly recommended as well.
I think the stats are, by the time your BMI hits the obese range, 1 in 5 will carry that weight with no measurable effects on metabolic health. 4 in 5 however, will start developing combinations of the above conditions in varying degrees of severity.
It really pays to watch your weight.
Edited by wyson on Tuesday 13th May 09:16
A500leroy said:
That's how some people work, the more you fuss the further you push them from what they need.
Exactly. And the more you push the more the thing you want is the last thing they're going to do. Whether that's painting a room, tidying the shed, and looking after their health. It's not great but leaving the subject alone can be enough to neutralise it so the resistance doesn't take things so far and at least drifts back to being benign neglect instead of active harm.
I sympathise with your position and if my wife were behaving similarly I'd be very upset.
Not the same, but the psychology may work, when I gave up smoking my wife was incredibly supportive and we both created a plan with staged rewards for passing certain milestone, be it a meal out or a thing I had wanted for a while etc etc.
Missing a target put it back a whole place.
I did it and it was better because we had done it together.
The key was I wanted to give up smoking, but found it too easy to slip back.
You need to sit down and explain to him that you want him to live, and be healthy because of all the things HE hasn't yet achieved. Don't make it about you or the kids because that just feels like another job for him to do.
You know the kind of thing "I don't want to be alone when I'm old" or "you won't get to walk Sally down the aisle", they are manipulations and he will be expecting those!
Make it about him, think of bucket list things he wants, be it a motorcycle tour around America or vising Japan. If he doesn't get a grip on his health he will die before he does it, and not in a fun way.
Men are pretty simple really and like a binary choice and the illusion of control. Provide these, and some support and I reckon you'll get there.
Good luck.
Not the same, but the psychology may work, when I gave up smoking my wife was incredibly supportive and we both created a plan with staged rewards for passing certain milestone, be it a meal out or a thing I had wanted for a while etc etc.
Missing a target put it back a whole place.
I did it and it was better because we had done it together.
The key was I wanted to give up smoking, but found it too easy to slip back.
You need to sit down and explain to him that you want him to live, and be healthy because of all the things HE hasn't yet achieved. Don't make it about you or the kids because that just feels like another job for him to do.
You know the kind of thing "I don't want to be alone when I'm old" or "you won't get to walk Sally down the aisle", they are manipulations and he will be expecting those!
Make it about him, think of bucket list things he wants, be it a motorcycle tour around America or vising Japan. If he doesn't get a grip on his health he will die before he does it, and not in a fun way.
Men are pretty simple really and like a binary choice and the illusion of control. Provide these, and some support and I reckon you'll get there.
Good luck.
Do you know why he isn't complying with the medical advice? Is it because he's read or watched some conflicting advice online and thinks he knows better, or is he just being stubborn because that's the way he is? If the former, can you get him to discuss what he's doing with the doctors treating him?
Can't tell his motivation from one post, but refusing to take advice from doctors and family could be:
(1) too frightened to face up to the situation. Burying head in sand.
(2) using situation to manipulate his family
(3) addicted to patterns of behaviour that have put him in this state in the first place
(4) mental health problems, "depression", that stop him from being able to change his behaviour
Could be one or any combination of those and without figuring out what's motivating his behaviour, you can't know what kind of support from the family is going to help. If it's manipulation, you leave him to it, and that would be the kindest thing, because encouraging his current behaviour would clearly be more unkind. If he's scared s
tless, hold his hand. If he's depressed, maybe try to get him to talk to a doctor or a councillor. When you've just put yourself in A&E because you wouldn't drink some water, you might think it'd be pretty hard to deny that you need help.
(1) too frightened to face up to the situation. Burying head in sand.
(2) using situation to manipulate his family
(3) addicted to patterns of behaviour that have put him in this state in the first place
(4) mental health problems, "depression", that stop him from being able to change his behaviour
Could be one or any combination of those and without figuring out what's motivating his behaviour, you can't know what kind of support from the family is going to help. If it's manipulation, you leave him to it, and that would be the kindest thing, because encouraging his current behaviour would clearly be more unkind. If he's scared s
tless, hold his hand. If he's depressed, maybe try to get him to talk to a doctor or a councillor. When you've just put yourself in A&E because you wouldn't drink some water, you might think it'd be pretty hard to deny that you need help. I did hear a story the other day of a chap who had sold his business for a reasonable sum, retrieved early, spent most of his time in the pub and his wife was happy to provide him with a fry up every morning and all the junk he could eat.
He then won the £10k every month for life on the lottery and apparently she has him on salads and is kicking off about his drinking.
(just to lighten the mood a bit)
He then won the £10k every month for life on the lottery and apparently she has him on salads and is kicking off about his drinking.
(just to lighten the mood a bit)
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