Bi polar

[dba7108]

My 20 Yr old step daughter has had this most of her life. Her father has it as well and has been diagnosed.
Her manic moods are getting too much to deal with i can't actually cope anymore. She reacts and goes toxic at the slightest thing. We asked her to pay rent but she basically said get lost. She earns 2k a month and wastes it on crap. I don't actually know what to do. I'm considering moving far far away with my wife in order that she goes and lives with her real dad who is 5 mins down the road but then that would cause upset for my 2 children and wife and it would probably affect my wife's and daughter relationship.

I feel low and depressed and feel trapped and there is no way out. She has blatenyly said she won't move out till she is 30 as she could die tomorrow so no point in wasting money on saving for a deposit.
She speaks to my wife like utter trash. To me she rules the house and everyone is afraid of her getting in a mood.

She shows the following traits..
Very self Important
If she starts singing I know her mood had begun. Within 24 hours she will most likely be nasty toxic and say the most hurtful things either to her sister or her mom. It's then followed by a day of her feeling worthless and upset or just down. She then normally either goes out with her friends or buys something to bring her back up. And then apologises to her mom for the way she has treated her.

I think the only answer is to move away as I don't think we could get her to move out or force her to move without massive drama upset etc. She lives a free life so what would she want to move out her dad would make her pay her way. My wife and ex don't really get on but I think she should talk to him to suggest he helps with the burden and she lives with him.

[dba7108]

Should add there ia no way we could get her to see a doctor

[A500leroy]

Leave your Mrs and run. It's not worth the agro. Life ain't a practice and you have one less day than yesterday.

[cts1975]

Have you spoken with her Dad about this situation?

[oddman]

Irrespective of what you decide for your own welfare, if your kids are sharing the house and <16, this is a child safeguarding issue.

Contact childrens social services before something happens which brings them in anyway.

ETA if she hasn't seen a doctor she doesn't have a diagnosis.

Edited by oddman on Saturday 15th March 08:18

[Silvanus]

That doesn't sound like bi-polar

[KAgantua]

Do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Silvanus]

KAgantua said:

Do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder?

It does sound more like that. It could even be a combination of other unmanaged conditions. Definitely sounds like professional help is needed. It's also worth a second opinion once any diagnosis is made, as conditions and symptoms can often lead to incorrect diagnosis.

[Sheets Tabuer]

Silvanus said:

That doesn't sound like bi-polar

I have a relative like this, claims bi polar so she can get away with being a .

Makes her mothers life hell even now she's well in to her 70s and shows no signs of stopping. The mother moved away but she followed her and continues to make her life hell.

On more than one occasion I've thrown her out of the house which resulting in her calling the police because the nasty man shouted at her for smashing her mothers new TV up, thing is she's well in to her 40s now and she won't ever stop.

If the mother is willing to move then i'd do it, move to the other end of the country and don't tell her where you are, failing that get a bloody restraining order on her if the mother agrees.

[Badda]

Silvanus said:

KAgantua said:

Do you mean Borderline Personality Disorder?

It does sound more like that. It could even be a combination of other unmanaged conditions. Definitely sounds like professional help is needed. It's also worth a second opinion once any diagnosis is made, as conditions and symptoms can often lead to incorrect diagnosis.

Tends to be referred to as EUPD, emotionally unstable personality disorder, these days.

Would agree, its certainly sounds more like this than bipolar.

[Terminator X]

Why not treated for it? I know someone who is BP and you'd never know.

TX.

[Wills2]

They just sound like a nasty piece of work, entitled and manipulative and they are getting away with it so expect it to continue, pack her bags and let the sober reality of life sink in.

Seems to me that we are creating far too many people that think they have an excuse to behave as they like, it's not me I have X or Y, this will not end well.

[Silvanus]

Terminator X said:

Why not treated for it? I know someone who is BP and you'd never know.

TX.

A proper diagnosis would be needed before correct treatment is prescribed. OP hasn't mentioned if a formal diagnosis has been made, or if there has been any proper monitoring or investigations. Getting the correct diagnosis takes time and monitoring to make sure it's the right one. Initial diagnosis can often be wrong and incorrect treatment can make things worse, so regular reviews are needed.

[Silvanus]

Wills2 said:

They just sound like a nasty piece of work, entitled and manipulative and they are getting away with it so expect it to continue, pack her bags and let the sober reality of life sink in.

Seems to me that we are creating far too many people that think they have an excuse to behave as they like, it's not me I have X or Y, this will not end well.

Yep, being diagnosed with a condition is a reason for how someone behaves, but it's not an excuse. Medication, treatment and behavioural change is all achievable. Anyone who uses a condition as a reason for bad behaviour needs calling out.

[oddman]

Silvanus said:

Terminator X said:

Why not treated for it? I know someone who is BP and you'd never know.

TX.

A proper diagnosis would be needed before correct treatment is prescribed. OP hasn't mentioned if a formal diagnosis has been made, or if there has been any proper monitoring or investigations. Getting the correct diagnosis takes time and monitoring to make sure it's the right one. Initial diagnosis can often be wrong and incorrect treatment can make things worse, so regular reviews are needed.

The diagnostic criteria for Bipolar Disorder are very strict and commonly misapplied. In my cynical opinion, broadening of the diagnosis mushroomed following the approval of Olanzapine as monotherapy for bipolar in 2004. Hitherto the treatment for bipolar was pretty limited and although very effective, Lithium has serious side effects and required diligent monitoring. If you made a diagnosis of bipolar you were pretty committed to offering lithium and entering into a long term relationship of monitoring and support with a not insignificant likelihood of your patient developing thyroid and/or renal failure at some point in the future.

Whilst having significant problems of it's own, Olanzapine was also licensed for schizophrenia and pretty effective broad spectrum antipsychotic and tranquilliser and didn't have the monitoring requirements of lithium.

I would guess that bipolar is so overdiagnosed; either self diagnosis or lazy, BS diagnoses by clinicians that the BS diagnoses outnumber the true bipolar diagnoses.

For a diagnosis of bipolar I disorder, it is necessary to meet the following criteria for a manic episode. The manic episode may have been preceded by and may be followed by hypomanic or major depressive episodes.

Manic Episode:

A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood and abnormally and persistently increased goal-directed activity or energy, lasting at least 1 week and present most of the day, nearly every day (or any duration if
hospitalization is necessary).

During the period of mood disturbance and increased energy or activity, 3 (or more) of the following symptoms (4 if the mood is only irritable) are present to a significant degree and represent a noticeable change from usual behavior:

• Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
• Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
• More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
• Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
• Distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli), as reported or observed
• Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation (i.e., purposeless, non-goal-directed activity)
• Excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features.

The episode is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or to another medical condition.

Furthermore, Bipolar Disorder is quite rare. 1-2% of global population. Age of onset is about 25 +/- 10 years and although can commence in adolescence is very unusual to start in childhood (that would suggest personality disorder or a developmental disorder).

Proper manic episodes are so severe it is difficult to avoid hospitalisation and once in hospital, very high levels of care may be required including locked wards, significant use of tranquillising medication often by intramuscular injection and even ECT to terminate an episode.

As TX says, between episodes, you wouldn't know someone had bipolar. In my patients, following recovery, the behaviour during manic episodes is a source of shame and regret and sometimes precipitates depressive episodes (which are typically the more common mood swing).

[Kamov]

OP, I have manic depression (hate the name bi polar) diagnosed aged 18. Normally resist stuff like this as I'm very protective over my manic depression as I'm an Artist so to me its always contextualised into 'Artist'.
Obviously I have ALOT of representation for it as many Artists, creatives, great people were manic depressives, from Van Gogh to Winston Churchill...

'Normal' people with, don't give a st... harsh i know....

But honestly, i wanted to respond as whether your step daughter has MD or anything else, my 11 year old girl and 14 year old boy in particular i can find myself wishing I could send them off somewhere due to their behaviour's and how they as little people can change how a whole weekend goes based on their behaviour...
Its called life. I do wonder if this is more a story about 'step kids' rather than about the behaviour and attitude of this girl... families are complex even if they are all blood related, sometimes the blood angle makes its worse, blind eye and all of that due to unconditional love.

Look, its sounds tough, but it doesn't sound unusual, watch an episode of any soap opera and there is always a running story of families clashing.
If you think everyone else is having a perfect Instagram family life it will be depressing.
I just wanted to pipe in and say it does not sound all that abnormal. I am 48 now, don't drink don't medicate and largely have a handle on my manic depression to a degree, but mental illness is nothing but an extreme of a human condition, so there are many people who would act out like your step kid regardless of mental illness.
We all have the propensity to be a tt...

Some people around me used to, and still do sometimes try to explain away stuff i say or do due to manic depression.... which is OK i guess, but many times my reactions are because someone is being a dick, and they can hide behind the idea its all me and my condition..... when the truth might be closer to them being an arse and unreasonable.
Anyway, hope it sorts itself out.

BTW from what you have written, i agree with others that it could present as bi polar, but i don't think it is, it would be enough for a Doctor to sell more meds for the big Pharma over lords though.... (which is a whole other story), so be careful of labelling and medicating her, because Doctors just want to pump anyone they can full of pills at the slightest dip or erratic turn....

Also if your step kid was autistic would people be suggesting to you to move away as far as you can from her? I really hope they wouldn't.... where as some have told you to do that based on some pretty standard family issues.....

Edited by Kamov on Wednesday 19th March 08:17