Suicidal thoughts but no intention
Discussion
On another thread its seems OK to be married and look at another woman or whoever you fancy but not act out.
Would the same be applicable to suicidal thoughts? For example if you were to say someone that you have depression and had suicidal thoughts but have no intention of actually acting them out. Would it raise a red flag for a counsellor, psychiatrist if it came out from a patient / client?
Anybody seeing been to therapy and disclosed suicidal thoughts and weren't sectioned?
Asking for a friend....
I'm about to see a therapist (finally) to try to sort some s
t out. TIA.
Would the same be applicable to suicidal thoughts? For example if you were to say someone that you have depression and had suicidal thoughts but have no intention of actually acting them out. Would it raise a red flag for a counsellor, psychiatrist if it came out from a patient / client?
Anybody seeing been to therapy and disclosed suicidal thoughts and weren't sectioned?
Asking for a friend....
I'm about to see a therapist (finally) to try to sort some s
t out. TIA.Not sure where your located OP , but I can’t say enough great things about Andy’s Man Club
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
Groups located all round the UK and open to any man over 18 no matter what demographic you may fall into.
Totally non judgemental peer to peer support that gives men the opportunity to speak openly and candidly without judgement or criticism.
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
Groups located all round the UK and open to any man over 18 no matter what demographic you may fall into.
Totally non judgemental peer to peer support that gives men the opportunity to speak openly and candidly without judgement or criticism.
Not a personal experience but on a professional level going back around 10 years ago I did work with Mental health professionals, consultants and nurses who were assessing people for sectioning and I was surprised at how much a person could say before they would be sectioned.
They would certainly have to go much further than a person in a controlled environment who is calm talking about their thoughts and issues. From my experience they would have to be a genuine concern of an immediate intent to act on their thoughts, but as I said this was 10 years ago.
Good luck OP I hope you find the support you need
They would certainly have to go much further than a person in a controlled environment who is calm talking about their thoughts and issues. From my experience they would have to be a genuine concern of an immediate intent to act on their thoughts, but as I said this was 10 years ago.
Good luck OP I hope you find the support you need
Used to be infrequent / irregular for me, but now its very frequent, probably a few times a day.
I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
Edited by AlexGSi2000 on Tuesday 11th February 21:59
AlexGSi2000 said:
Used to be infrequent / irregular for me, but now its very frequent, probably a few times a day.
I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
I am nearly 10 years older, but I can relate to pretty much all of this. It must be a fairly common feeling when you see the male suicide rate.I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
Edited by AlexGSi2000 on Tuesday 11th February 21:59
Entropy,
I hope this helps you get a bit of a bearing on what is going on for you.
To be clear transparent pragmatic and straightforward the reaction will depend on the clinicians ability to contain what the person who has suicidal ideation (thoughts) is saying to them: and there is no way to know this because every clinician is different.
A good clinician is a good container - they don't necessarily have to be mature or experienced (but often are) but just be good at letting the person express themselves. My mantra being - if the clinician can contain those ideas then the person can contain those ideas as well - If that makes sense.
To try and provide some good advice - suicidal thoughts are very often part and parcel of depression.
Probably more likely than unlikely for a clinician to be listening to these experiences - so you will be in the majority not minority.
A clinician would usually only feel under a procedural obligation to "act" if the person had a clear plan, had prepared and was going to act.
I've not put this across very well, so tired tonight, but I hope it gives you a bit of an idea of what is going on from the clinician viewpoint.
All the best.
And to add, those that have clear plan, had prepared and were going to act wouldn't be seeking out a clinical session. That is, in the vast majority of circumstances in my experience. Hope that comment helps as well.
I hope this helps you get a bit of a bearing on what is going on for you.
To be clear transparent pragmatic and straightforward the reaction will depend on the clinicians ability to contain what the person who has suicidal ideation (thoughts) is saying to them: and there is no way to know this because every clinician is different.
A good clinician is a good container - they don't necessarily have to be mature or experienced (but often are) but just be good at letting the person express themselves. My mantra being - if the clinician can contain those ideas then the person can contain those ideas as well - If that makes sense.
To try and provide some good advice - suicidal thoughts are very often part and parcel of depression.
Probably more likely than unlikely for a clinician to be listening to these experiences - so you will be in the majority not minority.
A clinician would usually only feel under a procedural obligation to "act" if the person had a clear plan, had prepared and was going to act.
I've not put this across very well, so tired tonight, but I hope it gives you a bit of an idea of what is going on from the clinician viewpoint.
All the best.
And to add, those that have clear plan, had prepared and were going to act wouldn't be seeking out a clinical session. That is, in the vast majority of circumstances in my experience. Hope that comment helps as well.
Edited by RGG on Tuesday 11th February 23:00
It’s called passive suicidal ideation.
I’m not sure it’s classed as normal but it’s a lot more prevalent than you might think. Depression, stress, and factors relating to them are just 2 of many causes.
Yes I have had times like that. Bad things happened, I wondered if they got worse would I rather be dead than continue.
Speak to someone about what you’re going through. This can be any of the resources mentioned already. Or a friend, or even randoms on the internet.
Active suicidal ideation is when you have made a plan, researched methods, and/or have bought things with ‘that’ in mind.
If you or anyone reading this is at that stage then call 0800 689 5652. 6am to midnight. They’ll listen to what you’re going through and can give better advice than I ever could.
I’m not sure it’s classed as normal but it’s a lot more prevalent than you might think. Depression, stress, and factors relating to them are just 2 of many causes.
Yes I have had times like that. Bad things happened, I wondered if they got worse would I rather be dead than continue.
Speak to someone about what you’re going through. This can be any of the resources mentioned already. Or a friend, or even randoms on the internet.
Active suicidal ideation is when you have made a plan, researched methods, and/or have bought things with ‘that’ in mind.
If you or anyone reading this is at that stage then call 0800 689 5652. 6am to midnight. They’ll listen to what you’re going through and can give better advice than I ever could.
J6542 said:
AlexGSi2000 said:
Used to be infrequent / irregular for me, but now its very frequent, probably a few times a day.
I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
I am nearly 10 years older, but I can relate to pretty much all of this. It must be a fairly common feeling when you see the male suicide rate.I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
Edited by AlexGSi2000 on Tuesday 11th February 21:59
AlexGSi2000 said:
Used to be infrequent / irregular for me, but now its very frequent, probably a few times a day.
I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
Amazing how close that is to how I feel. Although I'm doing a bit better these days than I was.I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
Edited by AlexGSi2000 on Tuesday 11th February 21:59
I think I've concluded I've got Anhedonia and have done since my early 20s. Just don't ever really enjoy anything, have no real hobbies or any drive to get/find any. Life is lived in a bit of a haze. I'm currently in the middle of some annual leave and am struggling to know what to do with myself which is annoying as I've been counting down the weeks until this leave for months.
I think the 90s and early 2000s was the ideal time technologically speaking. Mobile phones existed but didn't have internet, there was no social media. People just seemed to live in the moment a bit more and not be constantly on their phones. Music mattered. People mattered.
Music was definitely better back then, I know we get older etc. and we cling to memories of our youth but I think the quality of music output has definitely dropped, I still try to discover new music but it's rare to find anything good these days.
I'd go back to the 90s in a heartbeat.
I think part of the issue is that people are too scared to do anything anymore in case it gets plastered over social media. A cheeky snog on the dancefloor when you're grwoing up was a right of passage and could be forgotten overnight. Nowadays it could be on the internet forever.
(Insert old man shouts at cloud meme).
That being said, I'm doing a bit better these days than I was. I deliberately avoid the news now. It's detrimental to mental health, particularly the tabloids, it's all just click-bait sensationalism. Good news doesn't sell.
I'm making an effort to do things I used to enjoy, music being an example. I take myself off for music 'sessions' where I put my good headphones on with my DAC/AMP and just lie there with no other distractions.
I try to live in the moment a bit more and be more present. This one really helps, our brains are obsessed with the past and future, guiding them back to the present can make a big difference.
Regarding the thread title, I have similar thoughts regularly but again have never had any intention, strange how the mind works.
I used to have suicidal thoughts fairly regularly. I don’t think I’d have acted on them (not without a major catalyst, anyway) but I generally felt pretty flat. I had little motivation, wasn’t enjoying things I normally would and did occasionally think “what if I just drove into that lorry” or whatever.
Anyway, a few things went wrong towards the end of last year and I couldn’t face another miserable winter. So I put all this into an eConsult form, had an appointment with a doc (who was very friendly and understanding) and came away with a prescription for 50mg of sertraline.
It’s been a positive experience for me. I was already pretty good at doing all the “normal” things to feel better (eating well, exercising, getting plenty of sleep etc) but antidepressants have reduced the low moments and suicidal thoughts.
Anyway, a few things went wrong towards the end of last year and I couldn’t face another miserable winter. So I put all this into an eConsult form, had an appointment with a doc (who was very friendly and understanding) and came away with a prescription for 50mg of sertraline.
It’s been a positive experience for me. I was already pretty good at doing all the “normal” things to feel better (eating well, exercising, getting plenty of sleep etc) but antidepressants have reduced the low moments and suicidal thoughts.
Not trying to dilute the magnitude of the ops problems, but yeah, I've had similar thoughts and feelings for a long time. Maybe it provides a little comfort knowing you're not alone in feeling like this.
I don't know if I've managed to put myself in some echo chamber loop with regards to the media I consume, but this seems a lot more prevalent that it ever did before, particularly in western society, but as above, I think social media and our mainstream media could be considered a large root factor. I try to limit my exposure as much as I can.
My life is pretty good on the surface, I appear to have it all, but underneath I am struggling to find contentment and happiness in anything. I just have this constant underlying feeling of unease, I've felt like this for a long time. I feel like I have no spare mental capacity to deal with day to day problems that might crop up, where as I used to have a lot of resolve.
I don't know if I've managed to put myself in some echo chamber loop with regards to the media I consume, but this seems a lot more prevalent that it ever did before, particularly in western society, but as above, I think social media and our mainstream media could be considered a large root factor. I try to limit my exposure as much as I can.
My life is pretty good on the surface, I appear to have it all, but underneath I am struggling to find contentment and happiness in anything. I just have this constant underlying feeling of unease, I've felt like this for a long time. I feel like I have no spare mental capacity to deal with day to day problems that might crop up, where as I used to have a lot of resolve.
Gary29 said:
I just have this constant underlying feeling of unease...
Something like Sertraline would stop that feeling. I felt like I was swimming in a state of constant anxiety, but not based on any particular problem, but just feeling anxious and ruminating the whole time. A few weeks on Sertraline and that went away. Wow, this seems to be my exact thought process at the moment and in fact for as long as I can remember. I am 49 now and probably from the age of 16 I have felt this way.
I did CBT a few years back with a group counsellor and found this very useful. However one evening as I stood up to leave at the end I got pulled to one side for a private chat. The language I used during that session caused some concern.
I am quite black and white about it and some might say that it is not a very healthy outlook, but in my mind it is. I have no problem being matter of fact about it here. So here goes.
I very much doubt I would act on it, but in my head I seem to live in this parallel universe where I would, and often wonder what the fall out of it would be if I did do it, how would I be found, how would be people from work be informed, what would my friends think, would they even know that something was wrong?
I don’t see it as a ‘cowards way out’. In fact, in my head, it would be a brave thing to do. If someone is really struggling with life and finds no joy in it, no body asks to be born, some people just don’t/can’t fit in, just can’t cope.
In my mind, all of my friends are more successful than me, far more intelligent, funnier, the usual nonsense. However, in my mind I have the definitive capacity to do one thing that possibly they couldn’t…
I have a wife and kids who I love dearly, so there is no way I would act on these thoughts, however they are very real in my head and I imagine it every day and that is just the way it is. People talk about a black dog, I have a black crow that I see flying about sometimes and follows me if it wants to. I might forget about it, but then I will see it in a tree flapping about, and then I think to myself “here we go”. It might land on the window sill outside, and fly off again. It is always there somewhere being a nuisance.
I can’t help these thoughts, it’s just the way I am and how my brain works. Others might think it is abnormal, but having lived with it for this long it is just the way it is.
So you are not on your own for sure, and probably a lot more common than you think.
I did CBT a few years back with a group counsellor and found this very useful. However one evening as I stood up to leave at the end I got pulled to one side for a private chat. The language I used during that session caused some concern.
I am quite black and white about it and some might say that it is not a very healthy outlook, but in my mind it is. I have no problem being matter of fact about it here. So here goes.
I very much doubt I would act on it, but in my head I seem to live in this parallel universe where I would, and often wonder what the fall out of it would be if I did do it, how would I be found, how would be people from work be informed, what would my friends think, would they even know that something was wrong?
I don’t see it as a ‘cowards way out’. In fact, in my head, it would be a brave thing to do. If someone is really struggling with life and finds no joy in it, no body asks to be born, some people just don’t/can’t fit in, just can’t cope.
In my mind, all of my friends are more successful than me, far more intelligent, funnier, the usual nonsense. However, in my mind I have the definitive capacity to do one thing that possibly they couldn’t…
I have a wife and kids who I love dearly, so there is no way I would act on these thoughts, however they are very real in my head and I imagine it every day and that is just the way it is. People talk about a black dog, I have a black crow that I see flying about sometimes and follows me if it wants to. I might forget about it, but then I will see it in a tree flapping about, and then I think to myself “here we go”. It might land on the window sill outside, and fly off again. It is always there somewhere being a nuisance.
I can’t help these thoughts, it’s just the way I am and how my brain works. Others might think it is abnormal, but having lived with it for this long it is just the way it is.
So you are not on your own for sure, and probably a lot more common than you think.
I just feel underwhelmed by everything and feel like I'm nothing to look forward to or get excited about.
Used to look forward to time off weekends etc now it feels like I'm ticking the days off to nothing.
No chance of progressing in career, getting a better car/house
Relationship just feels like I'm there to pay the bills.
Not listened too or no one asks how I am or how my day was
Wake up go to work come home I'm in bed by 9pm repeat.
Used to look forward to time off weekends etc now it feels like I'm ticking the days off to nothing.
No chance of progressing in career, getting a better car/house
Relationship just feels like I'm there to pay the bills.
Not listened too or no one asks how I am or how my day was
Wake up go to work come home I'm in bed by 9pm repeat.
My 2p as someone who's been around the block with this sort of thing.
Please don't take any of this as factual, only my opinion based on being in a similar spot.
Suicidal thoughts seem to be categorised in 3 ways.
Thinking, even fantasying about not being around anymore is low risk. It's 90% likely you're being a bit depressed. It happens to everyone at some points in their life (the depression part). If most of the time you're happy, not like OMG life is amazing and every day is like Xmas happy, but content, joy mixed with everyday stuff and the odd bad day. I wouldn't worry too much. If it starts to feel like the default, it may be time for some help.
Making a plan to end your life without planning to actually do it. Higher Risk If you've picked your 'exit' and made a plan. This is different to the above, way different. Time to speak to the GP and start the process (sadly long and difficult) or spend some money on it.
Making an attempt and failing. Obviously incredibly high risk. If you've stood on the flyover staring down at the road below, only to step back or be tackled by a blessed boy in blue for example, well you won't have a choice you'll be talking to someone about it and/or having a bit of a holiday away from your life on behalf of the NHS. Never, ever let yourself get to this point. There is always a better solution, always.
I'd guess OP is in the first category. A lot of men in middle age go there. 'Suddenly' your life seems boring, it's breakfast, office, dinner, sofa, bed every day, except the weekends when it's the supermarket or fking Ikea. You've given up 'life' in favour of quiet existence so your family can have theirs, and they don't seem to appreciate it either. I'm sure that rings a bell to a lot of people. Your T level is slowly falling with age so you feel more mortal and tired, back pain used to be for those poor old guys stooped over with a cane you saw as a kid, but now it's so often you only notice when it's not there. Some Men seem to love family life, their kids are their life and really, not just something they say because you're supposed to. I don't think the majority do though. We can love our kids and partners, but our life doesn't begin and end with them. We need hobbies, time for ourselves and time with friends.
Please don't take any of this as factual, only my opinion based on being in a similar spot.
Suicidal thoughts seem to be categorised in 3 ways.
Thinking, even fantasying about not being around anymore is low risk. It's 90% likely you're being a bit depressed. It happens to everyone at some points in their life (the depression part). If most of the time you're happy, not like OMG life is amazing and every day is like Xmas happy, but content, joy mixed with everyday stuff and the odd bad day. I wouldn't worry too much. If it starts to feel like the default, it may be time for some help.
Making a plan to end your life without planning to actually do it. Higher Risk If you've picked your 'exit' and made a plan. This is different to the above, way different. Time to speak to the GP and start the process (sadly long and difficult) or spend some money on it.
Making an attempt and failing. Obviously incredibly high risk. If you've stood on the flyover staring down at the road below, only to step back or be tackled by a blessed boy in blue for example, well you won't have a choice you'll be talking to someone about it and/or having a bit of a holiday away from your life on behalf of the NHS. Never, ever let yourself get to this point. There is always a better solution, always.
I'd guess OP is in the first category. A lot of men in middle age go there. 'Suddenly' your life seems boring, it's breakfast, office, dinner, sofa, bed every day, except the weekends when it's the supermarket or f
king Ikea. You've given up 'life' in favour of quiet existence so your family can have theirs, and they don't seem to appreciate it either. I'm sure that rings a bell to a lot of people. Your T level is slowly falling with age so you feel more mortal and tired, back pain used to be for those poor old guys stooped over with a cane you saw as a kid, but now it's so often you only notice when it's not there. Some Men seem to love family life, their kids are their life and really, not just something they say because you're supposed to. I don't think the majority do though. We can love our kids and partners, but our life doesn't begin and end with them. We need hobbies, time for ourselves and time with friends. I can't offer any advice but I in my 30s I was beating myself up alot i.e. I was going down a rabbit hole of self doubt. Everyone was better than me. I was a bit crap. [EDIT] I was doing the same old routine, same job; same post work habits. It was all dull. I was thinking 'is this it'? Really didn't want years of that.
Plus -
Come Covid and I've blocked alot of friends out, again disappearing down a rabbit hole. Avoiding social invites or leaving early as I felt drained. I worked in a front line role throughout Covid so it wasn't a case of locked up indoors which became a learned/habit behaviour.
Since then I've made the effort to exercise, go out, explore. For me, when I'm down it correlates with lack of exercise. No not going to the gym but properly outside.
I've always been a mountain biker etc but I realised that as I got older that I needed new challenges - I passed my motorbike test then two months later I rode solo across Europe.
I thought about me more- I needed new experiences, that way when at home or work I was happier.
Again no advice but sometimes you need a change of career, new hobbies (I started Judo late!) and completely different holidays to your norm to reset and live again. Mix things up.
I went to Auschwitz a few months back- that really shook me out of a tailspin that I'd been feeling over a health issue.
Finally if anyone is at the crisis, I'm happy to talk. Believe me I've been through alot.
Plus -
Come Covid and I've blocked alot of friends out, again disappearing down a rabbit hole. Avoiding social invites or leaving early as I felt drained. I worked in a front line role throughout Covid so it wasn't a case of locked up indoors which became a learned/habit behaviour.
Since then I've made the effort to exercise, go out, explore. For me, when I'm down it correlates with lack of exercise. No not going to the gym but properly outside.
I've always been a mountain biker etc but I realised that as I got older that I needed new challenges - I passed my motorbike test then two months later I rode solo across Europe.
I thought about me more- I needed new experiences, that way when at home or work I was happier.
Again no advice but sometimes you need a change of career, new hobbies (I started Judo late!) and completely different holidays to your norm to reset and live again. Mix things up.
I went to Auschwitz a few months back- that really shook me out of a tailspin that I'd been feeling over a health issue.
Finally if anyone is at the crisis, I'm happy to talk. Believe me I've been through alot.
Edited by Hugo Stiglitz on Wednesday 12th February 15:15
J6542 said:
AlexGSi2000 said:
Used to be infrequent / irregular for me, but now its very frequent, probably a few times a day.
I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
I am nearly 10 years older, but I can relate to pretty much all of this. It must be a fairly common feeling when you see the male suicide rate.I cant really put my finger on why, everything on the face of it is absolutely fine - good marriage, decent job, fantastic 2 year old, good friends, healthy.etc
Probably started around covid times - if I think pre-covid I was a lot more optimistic / outgoing, now I cant really be bothered or have no drive to do anything out of the ordinary (36 years old).
I think it may just be down to depression, I try not to let it shine through, but the "low" days are very common now, I do once every fortnight have a good day whereby I wake up in an optimistic / happy mood, but this is often overshadowed by the fact I know the following days will be dull.
I do my best to try and combat it by keeping myself busy, I look after family / friends cars during my downtime as well as tinkering with my own - that usually keeps me busy a few nights a week.
If I were to hazard a guess at the reasons why, I would probably have to pick a few of the following;
- Living standards / expectations - albeit good, both myself and the OH work full time, currently living in our second home which was a "starter" home built in the 80s. My parents at this point in life had moved into a 4 bed detatched.
- Constant bad news, aulthough I try and distance myself from the media, you cant help but hear about the likes of stabbings in schools becoming more frequent.etc
- I'm continually thinking about my past, and how much fun it was compared to now. Particularly during my early teenage years in the early to mid 00's. I'm constantly listening to the same music that I liked back then.
- Friends & gatherings. Everyone is so busy these days, I spend a fraction of the time I once did with friends, we seem to meet less and less as everyone has certain commitments or work shifts.
I have thought about seeking help, but my mantra is the same when it comes to the likes of cars - if you want something doing properly, do it yourself.
Im sure that in time I can work my way through, medication will be an absolute no go, as I'm terrified after hearing stories about people becoming dependant on it.
I do frequently "fantasize" about not being here. I know I have a job to do and a family to look after, I work on the pretention that brighter days will come.
I cant remember the last time I was genuinely happy, probably at somepoint in 2019 - it will come in fits and states but not last very long.
Flat - would be a good way of describing my general feelings these days.
Edited by AlexGSi2000 on Tuesday 11th February 21:59
Do you both work from home or hybrid by any chance?
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