Girlfriend cheated on me
Discussion
Hope this is the right place to put something like this but I'm using a pseudonym. I've read a lot of threads on here where people are venting or need advice, particularly when they don't have anyone else to turn to. I'd like to throw my hat into the ring because I could really do with getting something out there.
I met my girlfriend four years ago, and I've been utterly head over heels for her since the moment I first saw her. I was ready to be disappointed but as we got to know each other I found out pretty quickly she was just as beautiful on the inside. We didn't get together straight away but we've always been best friends. We've supported each other through awful times (bereavements, career problems, depression etc) and I can honestly say I wouldn't be here today without her.
We finally got together this year when she left a two-year long cohabiting relationship to be with me, and I loved every minute of it. She didn't take any crap from me, and always pushed me to become a better person. She wasn't afraid to give me compliments and all the chemistry we had as friends was still there. We enjoy all the same films and music, and she loves cars which is a huge plus for me.
She stayed friends with this ex. I know this might seem like a huge red flag to many of you (and I have to admit I was never too happy about it) but I trusted her not to get too close to him. I wouldn't have got with her if I didn't feel like I could trust her with anything.
Yesterday she took me aside and said she slept with him at a party last week, and she would never love me as much as she loves him. Shocked doesn't even come close, I'm still shaking now. I haven't slept or left my room today. My entire body aches, and I feel sick to my stomach to the point I can't eat. Haven't stopped crying all day. I feel like an idiot for ever trusting her.
Makes me feel ill to think that I've kissed her since that happened, she's been in my house/car and around my family and pretended everything was normal for almost an entire week. I couldn't believe the look on her face, she seemed more embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me than guilty. But I love her so much that I'd probably still want to be with her if it was up to me (although obviously I know that's not a relationship worth going back to). She's the only person that could make me feel better. We haven't spoke since, except very briefly to organise dropping stuff off. I'm not looking forward to seeing her to do that.
I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I haven't just lost my girlfriend, I've lost the best friend I've ever had. Not just in the sense that we won't be close anymore, but that she has completely destroyed the trust I have in her, and has shown me she was never the person I thought she was. I presume she will want us to go back to being friends like we were before (although she hasn't said this), but there's no way in hell I will ever be able to process or move on from any of this if I ever see or hear from her again after I get my stuff back.
I am too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone close to me, which is why I'm posting here. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I feel quite guilty ranting about this when I've seen threads about far worse things, divorces with kids involved, deaths and terminal illness, etc. It feels good to get it in words though. Thanks.
I met my girlfriend four years ago, and I've been utterly head over heels for her since the moment I first saw her. I was ready to be disappointed but as we got to know each other I found out pretty quickly she was just as beautiful on the inside. We didn't get together straight away but we've always been best friends. We've supported each other through awful times (bereavements, career problems, depression etc) and I can honestly say I wouldn't be here today without her.
We finally got together this year when she left a two-year long cohabiting relationship to be with me, and I loved every minute of it. She didn't take any crap from me, and always pushed me to become a better person. She wasn't afraid to give me compliments and all the chemistry we had as friends was still there. We enjoy all the same films and music, and she loves cars which is a huge plus for me.
She stayed friends with this ex. I know this might seem like a huge red flag to many of you (and I have to admit I was never too happy about it) but I trusted her not to get too close to him. I wouldn't have got with her if I didn't feel like I could trust her with anything.
Yesterday she took me aside and said she slept with him at a party last week, and she would never love me as much as she loves him. Shocked doesn't even come close, I'm still shaking now. I haven't slept or left my room today. My entire body aches, and I feel sick to my stomach to the point I can't eat. Haven't stopped crying all day. I feel like an idiot for ever trusting her.
Makes me feel ill to think that I've kissed her since that happened, she's been in my house/car and around my family and pretended everything was normal for almost an entire week. I couldn't believe the look on her face, she seemed more embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me than guilty. But I love her so much that I'd probably still want to be with her if it was up to me (although obviously I know that's not a relationship worth going back to). She's the only person that could make me feel better. We haven't spoke since, except very briefly to organise dropping stuff off. I'm not looking forward to seeing her to do that.
I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I haven't just lost my girlfriend, I've lost the best friend I've ever had. Not just in the sense that we won't be close anymore, but that she has completely destroyed the trust I have in her, and has shown me she was never the person I thought she was. I presume she will want us to go back to being friends like we were before (although she hasn't said this), but there's no way in hell I will ever be able to process or move on from any of this if I ever see or hear from her again after I get my stuff back.
I am too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone close to me, which is why I'm posting here. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I feel quite guilty ranting about this when I've seen threads about far worse things, divorces with kids involved, deaths and terminal illness, etc. It feels good to get it in words though. Thanks.
B230FK said:
Hope this is the right place to put something like this but I'm using a pseudonym. I've read a lot of threads on here where people are venting or need advice, particularly when they don't have anyone else to turn to. I'd like to throw my hat into the ring because I could really do with getting something out there.
I met my girlfriend four years ago, and I've been utterly head over heels for her since the moment I first saw her. I was ready to be disappointed but as we got to know each other I found out pretty quickly she was just as beautiful on the inside. We didn't get together straight away but we've always been best friends. We've supported each other through awful times (bereavements, career problems, depression etc) and I can honestly say I wouldn't be here today without her.
We finally got together this year when she left a two-year long cohabiting relationship to be with me, and I loved every minute of it. She didn't take any crap from me, and always pushed me to become a better person. She wasn't afraid to give me compliments and all the chemistry we had as friends was still there. We enjoy all the same films and music, and she loves cars which is a huge plus for me.
She stayed friends with this ex. I know this might seem like a huge red flag to many of you (and I have to admit I was never too happy about it) but I trusted her not to get too close to him. I wouldn't have got with her if I didn't feel like I could trust her with anything.
Yesterday she took me aside and said she slept with him at a party last week, and she would never love me as much as she loves him. Shocked doesn't even come close, I'm still shaking now. I haven't slept or left my room today. My entire body aches, and I feel sick to my stomach to the point I can't eat. Haven't stopped crying all day. I feel like an idiot for ever trusting her.
Makes me feel ill to think that I've kissed her since that happened, she's been in my house/car and around my family and pretended everything was normal for almost an entire week. I couldn't believe the look on her face, she seemed more embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me than guilty. But I love her so much that I'd probably still want to be with her if it was up to me (although obviously I know that's not a relationship worth going back to). She's the only person that could make me feel better. We haven't spoke since, except very briefly to organise dropping stuff off. I'm not looking forward to seeing her to do that.
I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I haven't just lost my girlfriend, I've lost the best friend I've ever had. Not just in the sense that we won't be close anymore, but that she has completely destroyed the trust I have in her, and has shown me she was never the person I thought she was. I presume she will want us to go back to being friends like we were before (although she hasn't said this), but there's no way in hell I will ever be able to process or move on from any of this if I ever see or hear from her again after I get my stuff back.
I am too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone close to me, which is why I'm posting here. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I feel quite guilty ranting about this when I've seen threads about far worse things, divorces with kids involved, deaths and terminal illness, etc. It feels good to get it in words though. Thanks.
You won't like this but you sound rather like someone who hasn't experienced very many female relationships. A good many go from one extreme to the other and the 'loving female' can often totally change her mind at short notice. They're very infuriating when your own feelings are more secure and you personally feel generally settled. I met my girlfriend four years ago, and I've been utterly head over heels for her since the moment I first saw her. I was ready to be disappointed but as we got to know each other I found out pretty quickly she was just as beautiful on the inside. We didn't get together straight away but we've always been best friends. We've supported each other through awful times (bereavements, career problems, depression etc) and I can honestly say I wouldn't be here today without her.
We finally got together this year when she left a two-year long cohabiting relationship to be with me, and I loved every minute of it. She didn't take any crap from me, and always pushed me to become a better person. She wasn't afraid to give me compliments and all the chemistry we had as friends was still there. We enjoy all the same films and music, and she loves cars which is a huge plus for me.
She stayed friends with this ex. I know this might seem like a huge red flag to many of you (and I have to admit I was never too happy about it) but I trusted her not to get too close to him. I wouldn't have got with her if I didn't feel like I could trust her with anything.
Yesterday she took me aside and said she slept with him at a party last week, and she would never love me as much as she loves him. Shocked doesn't even come close, I'm still shaking now. I haven't slept or left my room today. My entire body aches, and I feel sick to my stomach to the point I can't eat. Haven't stopped crying all day. I feel like an idiot for ever trusting her.
Makes me feel ill to think that I've kissed her since that happened, she's been in my house/car and around my family and pretended everything was normal for almost an entire week. I couldn't believe the look on her face, she seemed more embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me than guilty. But I love her so much that I'd probably still want to be with her if it was up to me (although obviously I know that's not a relationship worth going back to). She's the only person that could make me feel better. We haven't spoke since, except very briefly to organise dropping stuff off. I'm not looking forward to seeing her to do that.
I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I haven't just lost my girlfriend, I've lost the best friend I've ever had. Not just in the sense that we won't be close anymore, but that she has completely destroyed the trust I have in her, and has shown me she was never the person I thought she was. I presume she will want us to go back to being friends like we were before (although she hasn't said this), but there's no way in hell I will ever be able to process or move on from any of this if I ever see or hear from her again after I get my stuff back.
I am too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone close to me, which is why I'm posting here. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I feel quite guilty ranting about this when I've seen threads about far worse things, divorces with kids involved, deaths and terminal illness, etc. It feels good to get it in words though. Thanks.
Sorry to hear this.
Be thankful that you haven’t got kids or a house together etc.
Don’t be ashamed to tell friends, it nothing on you.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
It has happened to me with tow previous girlfriends and 30 yrs on I still remember it…forgive her and then give her a complete swerve from now on.
Be thankful that you haven’t got kids or a house together etc.
Don’t be ashamed to tell friends, it nothing on you.
It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
It has happened to me with tow previous girlfriends and 30 yrs on I still remember it…forgive her and then give her a complete swerve from now on.
No big deal. There is no need to feel ashamed - everyone has had relationships where the feelings were not fully reciprocated. At least you found out now. Just dust yourself down, and get dating again. Without wanting to sound harsh, this is a numbers game - you are unlikely to find your perfect partner at the first attempt.
Could be worse mate, aside from the kids/asset complication which you happily avoided.
But, you could be her.
Do yourself a favour, cut her squarely from your life. Delete everything you find sentimental and start preparing yourself for a period of reflection after which new adventures will present themselves.
In your situation and with no detail, I'd pack a bag and get on some foreign travels!
But, you could be her.
Do yourself a favour, cut her squarely from your life. Delete everything you find sentimental and start preparing yourself for a period of reflection after which new adventures will present themselves.
In your situation and with no detail, I'd pack a bag and get on some foreign travels!
Sorry you're hurting mate. Been in your situation a few times and know the pain well.
Just know this: you think you love her now, but in a few months you'll barely remember her name. Trust me on that. One day in the not-too-distant future you'll laugh to yourself and think 'what was I so depressed about?' It's just your brain recovering from shock.
And another bonus is that it is following events like this that we tend to grow as a person. All that pain can be used as fuel, to start a business, get super fit, learn an instrument, or all three. Become a better person.
Just try to minimise the booze. I know it's easy for me to say. Sure it makes things better short term, but long-term it's damaging and will prolong the misery whilst scuppering your growth.
Be strong bro.
Just know this: you think you love her now, but in a few months you'll barely remember her name. Trust me on that. One day in the not-too-distant future you'll laugh to yourself and think 'what was I so depressed about?' It's just your brain recovering from shock.
And another bonus is that it is following events like this that we tend to grow as a person. All that pain can be used as fuel, to start a business, get super fit, learn an instrument, or all three. Become a better person.
Just try to minimise the booze. I know it's easy for me to say. Sure it makes things better short term, but long-term it's damaging and will prolong the misery whilst scuppering your growth.
Be strong bro.
she would never love me as much as she loves him.
She has possibly a deep rooted connection to him that will always be there. Even if you have talks, make up, give it another chance, he meets someone and she professes what a mistake it was.
She'll always be a text message or a call away to him in times of either need.
I'd keep it amicable but move on. Don't delay and don't spend time mourning something that was never really there.
My ex loved attention, I loved her but I ended it before she progressed into what ultimately I foresaw.
I could have gone back, I could have tried again but I decided to move forward quickly. It hurt though.
I'll be honest OP don't keep her as a friend. Cut all ties, no best friend does that to her alleged soul mate. You can never trust her again in any form I imagine.
She has possibly a deep rooted connection to him that will always be there. Even if you have talks, make up, give it another chance, he meets someone and she professes what a mistake it was.
She'll always be a text message or a call away to him in times of either need.
I'd keep it amicable but move on. Don't delay and don't spend time mourning something that was never really there.
My ex loved attention, I loved her but I ended it before she progressed into what ultimately I foresaw.
I could have gone back, I could have tried again but I decided to move forward quickly. It hurt though.
I'll be honest OP don't keep her as a friend. Cut all ties, no best friend does that to her alleged soul mate. You can never trust her again in any form I imagine.
said:
The “Let’s still be friends” thing really doesn’t work - been there and got the t shirt- especially if she has said what she has and done what she has.
Lick your wounds, have some beers with some good mates, get it all off your chest and move on in your own time but don’t kid yourself that she was the “only one”. That is the stuff of romantic fiction.
In my experience, there is more than one person out there who is right for you and often actually better than the one before. My mistake was allowing lust and the fact that the sex was rather good to cloud my judgment in “staying friends”!
Lefty said:
James-gbg1e said:
Do yourself a favour, cut her squarely from your life. Delete everything you find sentimental and start preparing yourself for a period of reflection after which new adventures will present themselves.
100% this. Do it now.Also, you have nothing at all to be ashamed or embarrassed about, speak to your friends ASAP.
B230FK said:
Yesterday she took me aside and said she slept with him at a party last week, and she would never love me as much as she loves him.
I am too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone close to me,
There's no going back from this - and it hurts like hell but this will never change, even if she's making a huge mistake, I am too humiliated and ashamed to tell anyone close to me,
Absolutely don't be humiliated - you've done nothing wrong and people will be far more understanding than you think, as invariably we've all been there in some shape or form ourselves.
Keep yourself busy and well away from her - no calls, meet ups, social media.
Not sure where you are but if you're in the south Wales area and need to unload your feelings onto someone over a beer I'm here.
The advice youve had above is probably correct and it’s perhaps the same advice you’d give to a friend but it’s hard to accept it yourself when it’s you that’s affected.
It’s her comment of always being in love with the other guy that means you have to dump her and move on. Would I want to remain f**k buddies until the correct Mrs Right comes along? Probably, but that would perhaps be a bad idea.
Do yourself a favour and give your love and soul to someone else who deserves you, even though you don’t know who that woman is yet.
It’s her comment of always being in love with the other guy that means you have to dump her and move on. Would I want to remain f**k buddies until the correct Mrs Right comes along? Probably, but that would perhaps be a bad idea.
Do yourself a favour and give your love and soul to someone else who deserves you, even though you don’t know who that woman is yet.
Lefty said:
James-gbg1e said:
Do yourself a favour, cut her squarely from your life. Delete everything you find sentimental and start preparing yourself for a period of reflection after which new adventures will present themselves.
100% this. Do it now.And allow yourself time to grieve. Its perfectly normal and you will get through it and move on. You probably dont feel that right now but you will.
Edited by Deep Thought on Saturday 2nd November 15:49
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