erm new cancer back, hubby struggling what can i do

[Mexican cuties]

so allegedly off to boat show this weekend, booked back in march this year. as an up yours cancer, mmm, so last year went there on a glorious sunny day, we knew that days later was being recalled after routine mammogram, so fast forward, masectomy 2 days before hubbys birthday, last october, did chemo, radiotherapy, lost shed loads of weight, not intentional, dinky as it is, got put on shakes but no one checked why it was falling off. fast forward again, july this year, gp pushed for urgent camera down the throat as it felt like food getting stuck, and again those flippin words "so sorry, weve found the tumour" ok, so this time round, this little bugger is so restricting, on liquids, god i miss a bacon and egg sandwich, trying to man up, get some outfits sorted for lovely stay in gorgeous hotel, hide my high calorie shakes and soups some how, think maybe i have hidden too much how i am coping, as in not atall, such a big deal for me this weekend, was told incorrectly (hopefully) yesterday at oncologist meeting, by a nurse in a quite room, if its spread there we cant treat you. erm wtf, ive come here for a curable treatment plan, so trying so hard to put on those flipping big girl pants on, that frankly would fall down right now, how do you stay strong for you and your lovely hubby of 30 years, no kids, family, well, not much to say, i am trying so hard to be strong but today was too much, and i know there are loads of support networks but how do i not scare him to death, but also make myself a priority, sorry to rant, but cant believe this is happening again, just want to look lovely, and get just a tiny bit of me backl, got some serious treatment and surgery coming, and flippin hell chased mammogram results for my remaining boob to be told they may be doing a secondary look, i dont want 3 out of 3, so rant over, any help taken with open arms, thank you all

[Badda]

Can’t help but am sending a virtual hug, positive thoughts and strength.

[TGCOTF-dewey]

What can you do...? You don't need to do anything.

You don't need to stay strong... Sometimes, just sinking into a heap of snot and tears, and screaming at how unfair the universe is what's needed.

That's what families are for... It's part of the contract.

What do you want to do? Do that. Don't feel the need to do what you think others are expecting of you.

Fingers crossed for a positive outcome. fk cancer... Awful disease.

[Mexican cuties]

thank you all for your lovely words, its ground hog day, but at least i am still here to have that, big breath and today is another day,

i know every one reacts different but if your wife has cancer back, surely there must be some empathy there right, ive apologised it come back, like i wanted this, and its my fault, any way, it is what it is, need to man up and concentrate on myself some how, thank you again

[Siko]

Sorry to hear that and you are not ranting, please vent away. Just keep fighting....I know one lady 10 years on from her own terminal diagnosis is still going strong albeit a bit bruised and battered.

[indigostr]

I’ve supported my wife from day one since original diagnosis 2 1/2 years ago. not pressured into anything she doesn’t want to go through to please me or others. We have a meeting next week to find out if spinal fusion is possible to remove the fractured vertebrae resting on her spinal cord.Also told inoperable months ago due to location. We are doing this together. No one chooses or wishes to be ill especially with C. I think your hubby is the one who needs to man up and look after you, not the other way around. I guess he’s scared of the future alone , I sometimes spend hours grieving but my wife is still here , just not the wife I had 6 months ago. I feel so sorry for her, she does keep some thoughts to herself as I find it upsetting to talk to her about a future she won’t be apart of.
It may be too early but try and get a referral to the local hospice support team, we have had the palliative care team in the background for several months now, good to know they are there as they are the pain relief meds experts . My wife loves her one day a week at the hospice club , the nurses are extremely well trained and you can discuss with others in a similar situation. As i take my wife I also have a sit down for 5-10 minutes to talk about the future , how i am etc so this could be good for your husband. . Pick up as many support leaflets you can and leave in your lounge for your husband to read.
On a side note have you sorted out a power of attorney for health and wealth. Both applications can be completed online then print out , for approx £85 each. We were advised on our first day at the club as it takes several months to be processed. This may be a starting point for you and husband to discuss things more clearly.

[mr mac i]

Suggest somewhere he can offload without feeling guilty - something like Andy's Man Club; as I think you have hinted at he won't be able to support you if he himself is ”broken".

There are loads of other organisations who can offer support, encourage him to look into them to find what works for him. I only mention AMC as I know quite a few men it's helping.

If you know he has some support in place I'm sure you will feel more free to do what you NEED to do to cope with your journey whatever that may be.