Self sabotaging anxiety when presenting or speaking
Discussion
Im an idiot, and getting more idiotic as time goes on. Basically whenever I need to speak up in a group of people in a meeting, either to introduce myself or raise a point Id like to make, this huge well of anxiety comes up and I lose all confidence right before I speak. I feel my whole body tense up, and whatever I want to say comes out from a tightened throat and even feel my mouth and face tighten.
Its ridiculous because in a social group Im normal, can chat and have a laugh, but I tense up so badly when in a business setting.
Yesterday I had to give a presentation. Of course given introducing myself is difficult enough I was absolutely dreading it. So I tried all of the things I found online, spoke to mates, got the whole what's the worst that could happen, breath, relax, realise you're giving them info they want to learn, but even after all that I was still mega nervous.
My presentation (to about 25 people in a room) was only at 4PM, but the night before and the entire time up to that time I would get these well ups of stress whenever I thought about getting up there, it ruined the event for me. I had practised loads, even to a couple other people and that went okay, but once I got up there I literally just read off my phone (which Id taken up as a reference for key topics). Like literally stood up there in front of everyone not making eye contact, reading off a phone and I could feel my hands and feet shaking.
Thing is it's almost in spite of myself. I give myself the reassurance, try to relax, tell myself it's a nice group of people who wont be judging me (they really were a nice bunch, which makes it even worse that I couldnt present properly). yet once Im up there all the easy going and knowledgeable way I can be in a more comfortable setting disappears, and this useless wimpering wreck comes out and completely blows it. It was a really important part of getting myself over to people higher up than me as well, and I have no doubt I damaged their perception of me.
Came home and I could have stood up and presented it exactly as Id liked to, bit of off the cuff stuff, bit of lighter hearted stuff, getting them involved, yet at the time all I could manage was to stand up and read text off my phone whilst shaking.
I NEED to stop this, but the more I try the worse it's getting, and it feels like Im sabotaging myself in that Im now so aware of it, it almost feels inevitable and I think I almost create the situation I am dreading. Im so worried about looking stupid or being scared that I look stupid and get really scared.
Ive tried the self help approaches and they arent working, not sure if there's anything I can do, even toastmakers might not help given I might just then self sabotage again when in a business setting. Very career limiting, and not just that I want to be good at this, I watched the presenters before me and some did an excellent job, confident, easy going, even if inside they were nervous.
Any ideas what to do?
Its ridiculous because in a social group Im normal, can chat and have a laugh, but I tense up so badly when in a business setting.
Yesterday I had to give a presentation. Of course given introducing myself is difficult enough I was absolutely dreading it. So I tried all of the things I found online, spoke to mates, got the whole what's the worst that could happen, breath, relax, realise you're giving them info they want to learn, but even after all that I was still mega nervous.
My presentation (to about 25 people in a room) was only at 4PM, but the night before and the entire time up to that time I would get these well ups of stress whenever I thought about getting up there, it ruined the event for me. I had practised loads, even to a couple other people and that went okay, but once I got up there I literally just read off my phone (which Id taken up as a reference for key topics). Like literally stood up there in front of everyone not making eye contact, reading off a phone and I could feel my hands and feet shaking.
Thing is it's almost in spite of myself. I give myself the reassurance, try to relax, tell myself it's a nice group of people who wont be judging me (they really were a nice bunch, which makes it even worse that I couldnt present properly). yet once Im up there all the easy going and knowledgeable way I can be in a more comfortable setting disappears, and this useless wimpering wreck comes out and completely blows it. It was a really important part of getting myself over to people higher up than me as well, and I have no doubt I damaged their perception of me.
Came home and I could have stood up and presented it exactly as Id liked to, bit of off the cuff stuff, bit of lighter hearted stuff, getting them involved, yet at the time all I could manage was to stand up and read text off my phone whilst shaking.
I NEED to stop this, but the more I try the worse it's getting, and it feels like Im sabotaging myself in that Im now so aware of it, it almost feels inevitable and I think I almost create the situation I am dreading. Im so worried about looking stupid or being scared that I look stupid and get really scared.
Ive tried the self help approaches and they arent working, not sure if there's anything I can do, even toastmakers might not help given I might just then self sabotage again when in a business setting. Very career limiting, and not just that I want to be good at this, I watched the presenters before me and some did an excellent job, confident, easy going, even if inside they were nervous.
Any ideas what to do?
I never got used to it. I used to hate the pitch change in my voice, it was uncontrollable. Had to do it quite a lot in my last job.
When I changed jobs I came to the conclusion that I'm not very good at it and I hate doing it so made sure I found a job where I never have to do it.
Life is short, spending any time stressing about stuff like that just wasn't worth it for me.
And it never got better with experience for me.
When I changed jobs I came to the conclusion that I'm not very good at it and I hate doing it so made sure I found a job where I never have to do it.
Life is short, spending any time stressing about stuff like that just wasn't worth it for me.
And it never got better with experience for me.
practice practice practice - make sure you know your material in and out, top to bottom, back to front. Do the presentation in front of a mirror or even better video yourself.
if you can make sure you have a "patsy" in the audience that can ask you a rehearsed question, or give you an opening to make an "off the cuff" comment that you have practiced before hand. When writing your presentation make sure you add in pauses, reminders to breathe,changes in inflection to reinforce a point. I used to put in stuff like "make eye contact with X, wait for a reaction, then carry on" or "invite Y to comment on Z point"
I also used to like to stand up so I could move around a bit and make things feel a bit more dynamic, start with a joke if you can, if you are relaxed the audience will be relaxed.
Some people are better at it than others but it is very definitely an acquirable skill you just need to practice good technique and methods.
if you can make sure you have a "patsy" in the audience that can ask you a rehearsed question, or give you an opening to make an "off the cuff" comment that you have practiced before hand. When writing your presentation make sure you add in pauses, reminders to breathe,changes in inflection to reinforce a point. I used to put in stuff like "make eye contact with X, wait for a reaction, then carry on" or "invite Y to comment on Z point"
I also used to like to stand up so I could move around a bit and make things feel a bit more dynamic, start with a joke if you can, if you are relaxed the audience will be relaxed.
Some people are better at it than others but it is very definitely an acquirable skill you just need to practice good technique and methods.
Are you experiencing fight or flight reflex? This is a burst of adrenaline and is quite natural, but it can be very debilitating.
I had it for many months and presentations were dreadful experiences. I researched relaxation techniques and the doctor prescribed betablockers. It took a while to resolve though.
I had it for many months and presentations were dreadful experiences. I researched relaxation techniques and the doctor prescribed betablockers. It took a while to resolve though.
I feel your pain OP, I could have written that post myself. I resorted to a couple of therapists, but nothing worked for me and I think that everything I tried was actually feeding my fear.
On one occasion I had to do 2 presentations to about 16 more senior colleagues in a boardroom. The first presentation was near the start of the meeting, and the second was towards the end. First presentation was a disaster, just as you have described. I then had to sit there, embarrassed and angry with myself, waiting for disaster No. 2, but it didn’t happen. Second presentation was fine. The difference was, I was beyond caring by that point, and I really didn’t give a toss how it went.
I left that job, after 16 years, but had I stayed I honestly don’t think I would ever have been comfortable with presentations unless they were a regular part of my work (they were not). Sometimes I would be sent away on a training course, which would require presentations to the other attendees. Annoyingly these would always go well, and I think it was because I wasn’t worrying about looking like an idiot in front of colleagues and managers. I kind of proved this point to myself again in my next job, where I represented clients at tribunal hearings and actually enjoyed it.
One tactic which might help is to avoid launching straight into the presentation. An off-topic ‘ice-breaker’ quip or a bit of banter with the attendees can help if you get the opportunity. Good luck
On one occasion I had to do 2 presentations to about 16 more senior colleagues in a boardroom. The first presentation was near the start of the meeting, and the second was towards the end. First presentation was a disaster, just as you have described. I then had to sit there, embarrassed and angry with myself, waiting for disaster No. 2, but it didn’t happen. Second presentation was fine. The difference was, I was beyond caring by that point, and I really didn’t give a toss how it went.
I left that job, after 16 years, but had I stayed I honestly don’t think I would ever have been comfortable with presentations unless they were a regular part of my work (they were not). Sometimes I would be sent away on a training course, which would require presentations to the other attendees. Annoyingly these would always go well, and I think it was because I wasn’t worrying about looking like an idiot in front of colleagues and managers. I kind of proved this point to myself again in my next job, where I represented clients at tribunal hearings and actually enjoyed it.
One tactic which might help is to avoid launching straight into the presentation. An off-topic ‘ice-breaker’ quip or a bit of banter with the attendees can help if you get the opportunity. Good luck
I should mention that one thing that may be holding you back if you think it's really uncomfortable and that's how things went when you were a child at school. Did something bad happen when you were speaking in class or in a school play? That can ruin things for life. Sometimes, just practising public speaking can help you push through (the more you do it, the easier it gets), but sometimes even doing that makes no difference and you might be better off seeking therapy.
Firstly, you are not alone - don't be hard on yourself. I would bet some of the people in that meeting were thinking they were glad to not be presenting.
I was the same if I had to do a presentation in front of a lot of people - Interestingly I work from home full time now and have no issues with presenting remotely so it has to be a self-conscious thing - easier said than done but try not to look inwardly whilst you are presenting -
but key as someone else has said is to know what you are talking about (practice your presentation) if you are up there fidgeting but your knowledge of your presentation is good then it will come across fine.
There is no quick fix and everyone is different but there is a large number of people the same as you so don't kick yourself..
Honestly thought about a stiff whiskey beforehand, but thought imagine if it doesn’t help, then I’m a nervous wreck who also smells a bit of alcohol, maybe not the best look…
Okay, I’m not going to give up, it was the first one at this company so maybe it will get easier, I’ll try more relaxation techniques and I’ve found a reasonably local speakers group so I’ll go along next week.
If nothing works then I’ll get a hip flask and go the alcohol route.
Why doesn’t have to be so bloody horrible!! I can’t believe I get so weird just because I need to talk to some people about stuff I know!!
Okay, I’m not going to give up, it was the first one at this company so maybe it will get easier, I’ll try more relaxation techniques and I’ve found a reasonably local speakers group so I’ll go along next week.
If nothing works then I’ll get a hip flask and go the alcohol route.
Why doesn’t have to be so bloody horrible!! I can’t believe I get so weird just because I need to talk to some people about stuff I know!!
RSTurboPaul said:
Couple of pints at lunchtime to loosen you up? lol
(This is not a good idea.)
Why not? Could work.(This is not a good idea.)
Anyway,
An old climber once told me that whenever he got nervous up on a rock face or mountain he’d sing. Years later I remembered this when working as a tradesman and having to go up big ladders and scaffolding etc.
It does work, it kind of interrupts the panic feedback loop. Probably not much use to the OP as he can hardly walk on stage singing. But if you research it there may be other methods like doing sums in your head etc.
I used to hate these as well and get all anxious and tongue tied but now am more comfortable with this sort of thing although it's not a big part of my job.
One thing I found for me was that rehearsing too much only made things worse, so now I would just make a list of points that I want to cover and not have a word for word transcript ready to hand. That way the talk would seem a lot more at ease and conversational rather than a stand up and brain dump on everyone.
Also allows me to drop in a dad joke or two if I forget something and ad-lib. (Dad jokes are still considered a victimless crime so don't worry)
One thing I found for me was that rehearsing too much only made things worse, so now I would just make a list of points that I want to cover and not have a word for word transcript ready to hand. That way the talk would seem a lot more at ease and conversational rather than a stand up and brain dump on everyone.
Also allows me to drop in a dad joke or two if I forget something and ad-lib. (Dad jokes are still considered a victimless crime so don't worry)
OP go easy on yourself. I struggle with this and have had all sorts of training / experience. One thing a trainer once told me was 'Nobody likes it and if you enjoy standing up in front of 100's of people to present, there's something wrong with you!'
The other problem is that you are focusing on what people think of you, the best presenters worry about what people think of their content, which is much easier said and done.
I chatted to a programme director about it years ago, he was amazing at presenting, could engage a room with hundreds of people in it, without much notice. He said he had a dread of social situations. If he went to the pub he wouldn't speak in a group of people and would just listen as he felt uncomfortable socially as it would be informal and I guess more about him than external content.
After 30 years, I still dread presentations!!
The other problem is that you are focusing on what people think of you, the best presenters worry about what people think of their content, which is much easier said and done.
I chatted to a programme director about it years ago, he was amazing at presenting, could engage a room with hundreds of people in it, without much notice. He said he had a dread of social situations. If he went to the pub he wouldn't speak in a group of people and would just listen as he felt uncomfortable socially as it would be informal and I guess more about him than external content.
After 30 years, I still dread presentations!!
Edited by Four Litre on Thursday 11th July 14:24
Misanthroper said:
Honestly thought about a stiff whiskey beforehand, but thought imagine if it doesn’t help, then I’m a nervous wreck who also smells a bit of alcohol, maybe not the best look…
Okay, I’m not going to give up, it was the first one at this company so maybe it will get easier, I’ll try more relaxation techniques and I’ve found a reasonably local speakers group so I’ll go along next week.
If nothing works then I’ll get a hip flask and go the alcohol route.
Why doesn’t have to be so bloody horrible!! I can’t believe I get so weird just because I need to talk to some people about stuff I know!!
Vodka has no smell Okay, I’m not going to give up, it was the first one at this company so maybe it will get easier, I’ll try more relaxation techniques and I’ve found a reasonably local speakers group so I’ll go along next week.
If nothing works then I’ll get a hip flask and go the alcohol route.
Why doesn’t have to be so bloody horrible!! I can’t believe I get so weird just because I need to talk to some people about stuff I know!!
lolIMHO presenting is just practice, the more you do it the easier it becomes^. For me bullet points I found easiest as that allowed you to say what you want without reading from a script. The latter always awful IMHO.
^by practice I mean general presenting over and over so not one specific presentation
TX.
Edit - personal thing, we used to get scored at presentations you know all feedback is good feedback. I scored 2 of 10 for my first one!
^by practice I mean general presenting over and over so not one specific presentation
TX.
Edit - personal thing, we used to get scored at presentations you know all feedback is good feedback. I scored 2 of 10 for my first one!
Edited by Terminator X on Thursday 11th July 14:36
Have you ever done a presentation skills course?
I've done a couple over the years. I would say that while they won't solve the "in the moment" problem directly, they are a good way of making sure that you are prepared and skilled in what it is that you are trying to do. In this sense, they give you to tools to solve the problem indirectly.
They also give you a safe space to practice and learn things that help with the anxiety. E.g. How to stand, what to do with your hands, how to structure your content etc.
(Although I do remember the first one I ever did where one of the people (not me) on it had a habit of scratching his balls on stage - he had no idea he was doing it until we all saw it on video! - don't do that ! )
And if you have a solid plan for "how" you are going to do it, then it takes some of the pressure off the act of doing it. It allows you to look confident even when you might not be.
The other option is to video yourself presenting and figure out what changes you want to make. Simple changes can make a big difference to the way you present and that in turn gives you the confidence that you need.
I've done a couple over the years. I would say that while they won't solve the "in the moment" problem directly, they are a good way of making sure that you are prepared and skilled in what it is that you are trying to do. In this sense, they give you to tools to solve the problem indirectly.
They also give you a safe space to practice and learn things that help with the anxiety. E.g. How to stand, what to do with your hands, how to structure your content etc.
(Although I do remember the first one I ever did where one of the people (not me) on it had a habit of scratching his balls on stage - he had no idea he was doing it until we all saw it on video! - don't do that ! )
And if you have a solid plan for "how" you are going to do it, then it takes some of the pressure off the act of doing it. It allows you to look confident even when you might not be.
The other option is to video yourself presenting and figure out what changes you want to make. Simple changes can make a big difference to the way you present and that in turn gives you the confidence that you need.
BoomerPride said:
Are you experiencing fight or flight reflex? This is a burst of adrenaline and is quite natural, but it can be very debilitating.
I had it for many months and presentations were dreadful experiences. I researched relaxation techniques and the doctor prescribed betablockers. It took a while to resolve though.
Betablockers (Propranolol) is what you want. It kills the fight or flight feeling and leaves you to generally be yourself. Musicians use them all the time for the shakes while playing and performance anxiety. It's a game changer for those less at ease with presenting. I know, as I'm just the same - and hate it more than anything, pretty much.I had it for many months and presentations were dreadful experiences. I researched relaxation techniques and the doctor prescribed betablockers. It took a while to resolve though.
https://www.drugs.com/comments/propranolol/for-per...
https://www.musiciansway.com/blog/2010/03/musician...
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