Sometimes can’t get it up
Discussion
Never felt the need to ask for advice before but where better than a forum of opinionated men right?!
So burner account created - here we go:
My life had changed alot since the start of the year and it’s been a very stressful few months.
My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in Feb, kind if brought on a big reflection period for me which has ended in me separating from my wife (and have 2 young kids).
I’m now living in my mums spare room while I sort out finances for a flat, house etc
Since the separation I’ve been seeing a very close friend from work and we have an amazing time together, including lots of sex, and both truly believe we have a future together.
The only problem we have is that recently, maybe 1 in 5 times, I just can’t get it up. And the more I worry about it the worse it seems to be getting. She is outrageously fit (i’m very much punching) so the desire is definitely not a problem. However, I do feel less horny overall.
Any advice? Has the stress of all the changes just caught up with me and affecting me in this way?
Is there any easy way of helping the situation in the mean time?
Or do I just need to sort my head out and stop worrying about it?
Other info: mid thirties, not overweight or unhealthy
So burner account created - here we go:
My life had changed alot since the start of the year and it’s been a very stressful few months.
My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer in Feb, kind if brought on a big reflection period for me which has ended in me separating from my wife (and have 2 young kids).
I’m now living in my mums spare room while I sort out finances for a flat, house etc
Since the separation I’ve been seeing a very close friend from work and we have an amazing time together, including lots of sex, and both truly believe we have a future together.
The only problem we have is that recently, maybe 1 in 5 times, I just can’t get it up. And the more I worry about it the worse it seems to be getting. She is outrageously fit (i’m very much punching) so the desire is definitely not a problem. However, I do feel less horny overall.
Any advice? Has the stress of all the changes just caught up with me and affecting me in this way?
Is there any easy way of helping the situation in the mean time?
Or do I just need to sort my head out and stop worrying about it?
Other info: mid thirties, not overweight or unhealthy
Edited by WinstonTheDog on Thursday 30th May 11:58
Stress and diet are big factors.
https://youtu.be/zBxcXstvlpc?si=YqOPT-m9NwRQSYkt
This vid especially:
https://youtu.be/lbtc-y0Qcic?si=lzj0bdv5VHYbSFrz
https://youtu.be/zBxcXstvlpc?si=YqOPT-m9NwRQSYkt
This vid especially:
https://youtu.be/lbtc-y0Qcic?si=lzj0bdv5VHYbSFrz
Edited by Getragdogleg on Thursday 30th May 12:03
Edited by Getragdogleg on Thursday 30th May 12:04
Never experienced but I imagine with a lot of stressful things on your mind and the rollercoaster of emotions (guilt, sorrow etc) I would have thought your limp man expererience is a normal response to the situation you are in.
Make sure you take time out for yourself to reflect and do the right thing by your kids and ex wife to pave the way for a feeling of "i did my very best" to counter the natural emotional feelings that come with leaving your family and having to deal with a sick parent.
Make sure you take time out for yourself to reflect and do the right thing by your kids and ex wife to pave the way for a feeling of "i did my very best" to counter the natural emotional feelings that come with leaving your family and having to deal with a sick parent.
How much porn do you watch? I would go cold turkey and see if that makes a difference.
I am sure it is all psychological, the stress of the divorce and complete upheaval of your life will definitely be a contributing factor.
Are you on any kind of anti depressants? these can have an effect.
I am sure it is all psychological, the stress of the divorce and complete upheaval of your life will definitely be a contributing factor.
Are you on any kind of anti depressants? these can have an effect.
Can you still get it up when you’re furiously abusing yourself in front of youjizz?
If so it’s all in your head. It’s probably guilt over breaking up your family. You don’t want to be thinking about your young children’s sadness but whether you know it or not, it’s in your head niggling away.
The right thing to do is probably talk about it with your new bird. It’s not like she won’t have noticed. Just explain that you fancy her but have a lot on your mind. Most important thing is don’t worry about it. If you worry it will get worse.
Easier said than done.
If so it’s all in your head. It’s probably guilt over breaking up your family. You don’t want to be thinking about your young children’s sadness but whether you know it or not, it’s in your head niggling away.
The right thing to do is probably talk about it with your new bird. It’s not like she won’t have noticed. Just explain that you fancy her but have a lot on your mind. Most important thing is don’t worry about it. If you worry it will get worse.
Easier said than done.
Likely stress related OP.
I have a colleague in a very similar situation to yourself, to the point I had to read your post twice to make sure you aren't my colleague but I don't believe so given the age difference and my colleague has moved back into a flat he was renting out.
Anyway my colleague left his wife and kids at the start of this year and very quickly got together with a woman at work after (we suspect it was going on all along but that's by the by now). He seemed to be happy and pretty relaxed about things on the surface and he has suddenly snapped and gone off work with stress long term.
I have no idea if he can get it up or not but I think in the circumstances stress can creep in and catch you unawares if you are not careful
I have a colleague in a very similar situation to yourself, to the point I had to read your post twice to make sure you aren't my colleague but I don't believe so given the age difference and my colleague has moved back into a flat he was renting out.
Anyway my colleague left his wife and kids at the start of this year and very quickly got together with a woman at work after (we suspect it was going on all along but that's by the by now). He seemed to be happy and pretty relaxed about things on the surface and he has suddenly snapped and gone off work with stress long term.
I have no idea if he can get it up or not but I think in the circumstances stress can creep in and catch you unawares if you are not careful
You're trying to emotionally disengage with all that's gone before and it's daunting to be with someone else intimately. Despite what women think, you can't just show us a hot girl and expect trouser fireworks if your head is not in the game, men need emotional connection as well in that department. The other stresses you mentioned won't help either.
For context I had a similar 'captain floppy' moment happen a while back as through various circumstances it had been a while since myself and Miss Badger had done the deed. I was worried it would be crap and felt extra anxiety as it had been some time and Mr Happy sodded off after initially being enthusiastic about the situation
Obviously, if it keeps on happening and particularly happening when you're alone, hit up the doctors, but otherwise, general stress plays a huge role.
For context I had a similar 'captain floppy' moment happen a while back as through various circumstances it had been a while since myself and Miss Badger had done the deed. I was worried it would be crap and felt extra anxiety as it had been some time and Mr Happy sodded off after initially being enthusiastic about the situation
Obviously, if it keeps on happening and particularly happening when you're alone, hit up the doctors, but otherwise, general stress plays a huge role.
It's probably a mix of the stress and maybe some guilt. Plus if your partner is outrageously fit and you feel you're punching above your weight, you'll be extra anxious to please her and that'll be making it worse. Make 100% sure she understands it's not because of her, because many women think it is.
Not that I've personal experience of letting down many women, you understand....
Not that I've personal experience of letting down many women, you understand....
Edited by king arthur on Thursday 30th May 16:41
How old are you?
Consider getting blood tests at your GP, or as I did recently I paid for it to be done privately online with Medichecks as I had a few different health related symptoms. amongst other things I found I had a high level of a hormone called Oestradial which apparently can cause erectile disfunction. High Oestradial can be lowered by reducing weight, reducing alcohol consumption and keeping stress under control
Medichecks send you a kit and you book an appointment with one of their associated private local clinics who take the sample and you post it off to Medichecks and get online results in a few days. I paid for the most comprehensive test kit which cost me about £230 but I consider it money well spent. But you can pay less for just specific tests.
As for Viagra you can get it from chemists like Boots, and can order it online following a quick online health survey, and collect from store in an unmarked package so the staff won't know what it is.
My suggestion if you go this route is talk about it with your partner and don't take it in secret, otherwise when you have unplanned sex you'll stress yourself out with worry. Maybe explain it's probably health/stress related with everything that's gone on in you life recently. That way it's just part of having sex and she knows it's not about her or that you're not attracted to her. She'll end up telling you to pop a tablet cus she wants sex in 30mins time and you can laugh about it.
I tried viagra once but the tablet got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck all day
Consider getting blood tests at your GP, or as I did recently I paid for it to be done privately online with Medichecks as I had a few different health related symptoms. amongst other things I found I had a high level of a hormone called Oestradial which apparently can cause erectile disfunction. High Oestradial can be lowered by reducing weight, reducing alcohol consumption and keeping stress under control
Medichecks send you a kit and you book an appointment with one of their associated private local clinics who take the sample and you post it off to Medichecks and get online results in a few days. I paid for the most comprehensive test kit which cost me about £230 but I consider it money well spent. But you can pay less for just specific tests.
As for Viagra you can get it from chemists like Boots, and can order it online following a quick online health survey, and collect from store in an unmarked package so the staff won't know what it is.
My suggestion if you go this route is talk about it with your partner and don't take it in secret, otherwise when you have unplanned sex you'll stress yourself out with worry. Maybe explain it's probably health/stress related with everything that's gone on in you life recently. That way it's just part of having sex and she knows it's not about her or that you're not attracted to her. She'll end up telling you to pop a tablet cus she wants sex in 30mins time and you can laugh about it.
I tried viagra once but the tablet got stuck in my throat and I had a stiff neck all day
Edited by The Gauge on Friday 31st May 10:34
The scariest thing for someone suffering, even intermittently with erecting the happy sausage, is unplanned sex. If you know it's likely going to happen on a particular night, day, car park or dressed as a giant cow with udders being milked, then the old blue pill takes care of the anxiety monkey.
But unplanned sex with no time or option to safety-net it up with Viagra is like an anxiety dagger to the heart of the afflicted.
But unplanned sex with no time or option to safety-net it up with Viagra is like an anxiety dagger to the heart of the afflicted.
My last partner was surprised, when I usually dominated the stairs as I knew she was staying over, when she surprised me and then seemed puzzled that I was no longer on the balcony.
I just told her and said she'll have to wait 30 mins. She was fine with it.
Shame we were just friends with regular benefits.
My previous girlfriend would get very shirty if things weren't happening and same with the one before her.
Got me thinking that we, as men, need to be careful about criticising our other half's behaviour, especially in the sack, yet I seem to find women who think nothing of getting peed off the 'few' times I couldn't perform, and making a big thing of it
I have a complex now, I reckon, but then I'm in my 60s so time to find another hobby
I just told her and said she'll have to wait 30 mins. She was fine with it.
Shame we were just friends with regular benefits.
My previous girlfriend would get very shirty if things weren't happening and same with the one before her.
Got me thinking that we, as men, need to be careful about criticising our other half's behaviour, especially in the sack, yet I seem to find women who think nothing of getting peed off the 'few' times I couldn't perform, and making a big thing of it
I have a complex now, I reckon, but then I'm in my 60s so time to find another hobby
Try 5mg once-a-day Cialis or Tadalafil instead of Viagra for a while - it means you're ready to go anytime rather than popping something 30 minutes before action. There are plenty of reputable online sites (eg Dr Fox) as it's not yet OTC like Viagra. It's probably not the final solution - it sounds like you need to de-stress for that, but it might remove one source of worry.
The usual caveats of course; read up on on any contraindications but it doesn't sound like you are on BP medication or the like.
The usual caveats of course; read up on on any contraindications but it doesn't sound like you are on BP medication or the like.
fouronthefloor said:
It's amazing the amount of men who don't suffer from this but seem to know an extraordinary amount about how to alleviate the problem 
Yeah well, that's a bit of a broad statement. I have used Viagra, because whilst I can get it up, it sometimes doesn't stay up. First hand experience of popping the blue pills, leading to an erection that could knock a wall down.Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff