Rebooting Your Life
Discussion
Anyone here rebooted their life? If so, what did you do? How did you do it? What did you read/listen to to help? And how did you record your progress? This is me....
I'm 56 in two weeks time and pretty fed up to be honest. Constantly tired, rarely really happy, struggle for money and at times, feel lonely.
I'm obese, weighing in at more than 22 stone although I am 6'3" tall. I can lose weight simply by walking regularly and cutting down what I eat; I lost five stone in ten months pre COVID but mentally, the whole pandemic thing affected me more than I'd care to admit and it's all back on. But...
Life is too busy. I work full time in sports administration (with two days a week from home), part time as a data analyst for a sports data company, I produce football programmes for four non-league clubs and I'm secretary for a club too, though I'm giving this up in just over a month as it's too much now. The data analyst role is the only one I enjoy and I get to meet loads of people however....
My loneliness comes from having been single for fifteen years and having no older family. Have four children (32, 28 and twins of 23) & the youngest two live with me, we get on brilliantly. They came to live with me suddenly in 2012 and I made up my mind not to bring any partners into their life till they settled back down. Since then, no relationship at all which, 99% of the time, I don't mind, but I do sometimes wish there was a +1.
Live in a rented house on the outskirts of Bristol. Rent is cheap, it's not in great condition but tbh if I asked my landlord to spend a lot on it, the rent would go up so I live with it. Most of the issues are cosmetic so I leave them be.
So with time ticking on and my birthday a fortnight today, thought I'd better make a change. Anyone taken stock of their life and made some proper real changes? Who did you get advice from - was it podcasts, books, visits to counsellors or what? Did you just crack on and do it or did you write a blog or tweet about your changes?
I want to change. I'm a funny guy, people like me and I like people. But wobbling around life as I am for another 20-25 years holds no appeal to me whatsoever and I'd welcome any genuine advice anyone can give me, particularly from those folk who have been here.
I'm 56 in two weeks time and pretty fed up to be honest. Constantly tired, rarely really happy, struggle for money and at times, feel lonely.
I'm obese, weighing in at more than 22 stone although I am 6'3" tall. I can lose weight simply by walking regularly and cutting down what I eat; I lost five stone in ten months pre COVID but mentally, the whole pandemic thing affected me more than I'd care to admit and it's all back on. But...
Life is too busy. I work full time in sports administration (with two days a week from home), part time as a data analyst for a sports data company, I produce football programmes for four non-league clubs and I'm secretary for a club too, though I'm giving this up in just over a month as it's too much now. The data analyst role is the only one I enjoy and I get to meet loads of people however....
My loneliness comes from having been single for fifteen years and having no older family. Have four children (32, 28 and twins of 23) & the youngest two live with me, we get on brilliantly. They came to live with me suddenly in 2012 and I made up my mind not to bring any partners into their life till they settled back down. Since then, no relationship at all which, 99% of the time, I don't mind, but I do sometimes wish there was a +1.
Live in a rented house on the outskirts of Bristol. Rent is cheap, it's not in great condition but tbh if I asked my landlord to spend a lot on it, the rent would go up so I live with it. Most of the issues are cosmetic so I leave them be.
So with time ticking on and my birthday a fortnight today, thought I'd better make a change. Anyone taken stock of their life and made some proper real changes? Who did you get advice from - was it podcasts, books, visits to counsellors or what? Did you just crack on and do it or did you write a blog or tweet about your changes?
I want to change. I'm a funny guy, people like me and I like people. But wobbling around life as I am for another 20-25 years holds no appeal to me whatsoever and I'd welcome any genuine advice anyone can give me, particularly from those folk who have been here.
Hello mate, nice honest post there thanks for laying things out. I've been through something pretty major and the best thing is to find out what works for you. Definitely get some ideas from others as you are doing, but if you're unhappy, find out why. You've already outlined some good things and started to make changes... being too busy, you do multiple jobs, one you enjoy more. You mentioned walking but you're probably too knackered by the sounds of it? Exercise is just the magic pill that can really help us but don't do the wrong stuff if you don't like it. It helps keep me sane 
You do it your way. Write things down, question yourself, why do I feel like that? Does that really make me happy or do I think it does or am I meant to think that makes me happy because parents/culture/whatever say I should enjoy it. Its not selfish to put your needs further near the front of your priority! You're already on the right track. Hope that helps.
You do it your way. Write things down, question yourself, why do I feel like that? Does that really make me happy or do I think it does or am I meant to think that makes me happy because parents/culture/whatever say I should enjoy it. Its not selfish to put your needs further near the front of your priority! You're already on the right track. Hope that helps.
I'd say to sort one thing out at a time or it can get overwhelming. If you can make getting fit around some kind of social scene (eg fitness class or sports club) then you'll lose weight and potentially meet someone special but at a minimum you'll be healthier and probably feel better about life in general.
Thanks for reaching out, I'm 52 this year, married, 2 children 12 and 14 and feel very much the same.
I did however join the local Council gym, I f
king hate going, however I've stuck it once a week and lost 2 stone. I still fkING hate going, however I go, do a programme for 35 minutes on the cross training, sweat my knackers off and feel much, much better. I hate it, but love it, perhaps try the gym.
I don't think you have to enjoy something for it to be good in your life, you might even hate it and it still does something good if that makes sense.
I think as we get older we strangely start to think we should enjoy things all the time.
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but getting out to the gym once a week is really helping me, try it, fully expecting to hate it, I do!
I did however join the local Council gym, I f
king hate going, however I've stuck it once a week and lost 2 stone. I still fkING hate going, however I go, do a programme for 35 minutes on the cross training, sweat my knackers off and feel much, much better. I hate it, but love it, perhaps try the gym.I don't think you have to enjoy something for it to be good in your life, you might even hate it and it still does something good if that makes sense.
I think as we get older we strangely start to think we should enjoy things all the time.
Sorry I can't be more helpful, but getting out to the gym once a week is really helping me, try it, fully expecting to hate it, I do!
Maybe some voluntary work with your local wildlife trust?
https://www.avonwildlifetrust.org.uk/get-involved/...
https://www.avonwildlifetrust.org.uk/get-involved/...
It's funny how people look at what they don't have and compare.
You have kids and obviously have a good relationship with them.
You have a job you quite enjoy
You are tall (what I'd give to be tall)
The two things you seem most unhappy about are completely within your own power to change though and one will massively help with the other
Getting fit
Getting female company.
Your kids are adults can't see why a conversation with them about dating would be an issue.
You have kids and obviously have a good relationship with them.
You have a job you quite enjoy
You are tall (what I'd give to be tall)
The two things you seem most unhappy about are completely within your own power to change though and one will massively help with the other
Getting fit
Getting female company.
Your kids are adults can't see why a conversation with them about dating would be an issue.
I would start by having a serious focus, for instance trying to get your weight down to fifteen stone over (say) two years.
Easier said than done I know, but people have done it.
In my experience, life is pretty crap and mundane for 80% of people, everybody would like more money etc, but there's no magic wand,
You have a pretty full social life, many people would love to be in your position.
Good luck, You've taken the first step by talking about it which can often be therapeutic.
Easier said than done I know, but people have done it.
In my experience, life is pretty crap and mundane for 80% of people, everybody would like more money etc, but there's no magic wand,
You have a pretty full social life, many people would love to be in your position.
Good luck, You've taken the first step by talking about it which can often be therapeutic.
Thanks to everyone that has posted so far, appreciate each & every comment! There's more than I thought there would be waking up this morning.....
I struggle with multi-quoting so forgive me for going back to basics...
White-Noise - I'd already decided to knock the secretary's role on the head. This season with the weather decimating the fixture list at grass roots level, it's been like almost two seasons in one, the amount of rearrangements we've had. And I let the four clubs I produce programmes for know at Christmas that this was my final season - again, the weather has made this a real ballache at times. Three of the programmes are online, one is printed but the work still goes in and I've had 20-25 postponements so many hours of work in the bin.
Hoofy - The time issue is probably the one I need to sort first & I'm taking steps to address this now, dropping the stuff that I don't enjoy or takes up time. Once that is organised, I can get out walking again - I genuinely really like walking and having lost a good amount of weight before, I know I can do it IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS SORTED TOO (capitals on purpose to emphasise the point). I live near the railway path that links Bristol to Bath and can get on there whenever really, this will be a big focus.
dundarach - there's a gym literally 100 yards from my house at the local secondary, I'm not the greatest lover of gyms but it's an idea for sure. I lost a decent amount of weight maybe a decade ago through gym visits, certainly worth considering.
lizardbrain100% correct, I'll never be content until I'm slim(mer) than now. Sure walking will be my saviour.
Hereward A good idea but maybe to consider when I've decluttered my life a little bit. I wouldn't want to take on anything else right now but certainly a way of getting out and improving my health whilst doing good.
asfault They say that "comparison is the thief of joy" and you make the points well. The two areas are 1000% connected; part of the reason I'm single is down to how I look and a lack of self esteem. Regarding the kids, the stance I took on dating was back in 2012 and I've just got out of the habit of dating, there wouldn't be any awkward conversations to be had. As above, I think I'm pretty undateable with my looks, my body size and also how "time-poor" I am. Once those things are sorted out, I'll be more of a catch.
Wacky Racer Thanks, that is definitely the first thing on the list to attack. As mentioned in my OP, I lost 5 stone in 10 months during 2019-20 simply by eating better and walking. Stuck some headphones on and walked about 1,800 miles in that time but when COVID arrived, the hour's exercise didn't really cut it & I lost some work so went to Sainsbury's for a few months doing online picking. Similar amount of steps but all indoors and short jerky turning movements rather than striding out. And then at the shift's end, didn't feel like going for a walk. That got me down and hence I put the 5 stone back on in less than two years.
And yes, it does feel therapeutic already.
I struggle with multi-quoting so forgive me for going back to basics...
White-Noise - I'd already decided to knock the secretary's role on the head. This season with the weather decimating the fixture list at grass roots level, it's been like almost two seasons in one, the amount of rearrangements we've had. And I let the four clubs I produce programmes for know at Christmas that this was my final season - again, the weather has made this a real ballache at times. Three of the programmes are online, one is printed but the work still goes in and I've had 20-25 postponements so many hours of work in the bin.
Hoofy - The time issue is probably the one I need to sort first & I'm taking steps to address this now, dropping the stuff that I don't enjoy or takes up time. Once that is organised, I can get out walking again - I genuinely really like walking and having lost a good amount of weight before, I know I can do it IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS SORTED TOO (capitals on purpose to emphasise the point). I live near the railway path that links Bristol to Bath and can get on there whenever really, this will be a big focus.
dundarach - there's a gym literally 100 yards from my house at the local secondary, I'm not the greatest lover of gyms but it's an idea for sure. I lost a decent amount of weight maybe a decade ago through gym visits, certainly worth considering.
lizardbrain100% correct, I'll never be content until I'm slim(mer) than now. Sure walking will be my saviour.
Hereward A good idea but maybe to consider when I've decluttered my life a little bit. I wouldn't want to take on anything else right now but certainly a way of getting out and improving my health whilst doing good.
asfault They say that "comparison is the thief of joy" and you make the points well. The two areas are 1000% connected; part of the reason I'm single is down to how I look and a lack of self esteem. Regarding the kids, the stance I took on dating was back in 2012 and I've just got out of the habit of dating, there wouldn't be any awkward conversations to be had. As above, I think I'm pretty undateable with my looks, my body size and also how "time-poor" I am. Once those things are sorted out, I'll be more of a catch.
Wacky Racer Thanks, that is definitely the first thing on the list to attack. As mentioned in my OP, I lost 5 stone in 10 months during 2019-20 simply by eating better and walking. Stuck some headphones on and walked about 1,800 miles in that time but when COVID arrived, the hour's exercise didn't really cut it & I lost some work so went to Sainsbury's for a few months doing online picking. Similar amount of steps but all indoors and short jerky turning movements rather than striding out. And then at the shift's end, didn't feel like going for a walk. That got me down and hence I put the 5 stone back on in less than two years.
And yes, it does feel therapeutic already.
GloverMart said:
Hoofy - The time issue is probably the one I need to sort first & I'm taking steps to address this now, dropping the stuff that I don't enjoy or takes up time. Once that is organised, I can get out walking again - I genuinely really like walking and having lost a good amount of weight before, I know I can do it IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS SORTED TOO (capitals on purpose to emphasise the point). I live near the railway path that links Bristol to Bath and can get on there whenever really, this will be a big focus.
Great. Maybe join a walking/hiking/rambling group. That's a great way of making new friends, meeting women with similar interests, and losing weight.Also, consider 24 hour fasts. If you're overweight, you're eating too much (I know CICO doesn't work... but it does). A 24 hour fast once a week drops 3 meals from your week. In fact, I'd do it twice a week maybe Monday and Thursday. And every non-fasting day, eating only after midday or before midday. You can't get fat by not eating.
Maybe think of taking your kids out for the weekend nothing expensive but just a trip away somewhere for the day. But make it a habit to spend that quality time somewhere different and interesting with them or just yourself say every month - I find a change of scene helps me a lot when I get bogged down by the same routine day in and day out. Just need to break the rut sometimes.
Get a dog (realise that this is a big step and you're a renter but maybe possible....?) mine forces me out of the house and helps me meet people, he's also my pal when I'm not doing that well in my own head.
I find that I need mantras that I can repeat in my head that I can just fall back on when things get too much and I need to focus on getting stuff done or not losing sight of things I want to do. I read this, which has a lot of nonsense in it but also had some real gems for me : Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins.
Get a dog (realise that this is a big step and you're a renter but maybe possible....?) mine forces me out of the house and helps me meet people, he's also my pal when I'm not doing that well in my own head.
I find that I need mantras that I can repeat in my head that I can just fall back on when things get too much and I need to focus on getting stuff done or not losing sight of things I want to do. I read this, which has a lot of nonsense in it but also had some real gems for me : Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins.
Simple answer, maybe,find something you love n do it!
Two years ago started playing guitar again after 20+ years, totally into it,never bored.
Current contract I've been able to cycle to work 6 miles each way in London, feel so much better with the exercise,no need to go mad on a training schedule that you hate.
Travel,get away somewhere different
Two years ago started playing guitar again after 20+ years, totally into it,never bored.
Current contract I've been able to cycle to work 6 miles each way in London, feel so much better with the exercise,no need to go mad on a training schedule that you hate.
Travel,get away somewhere different
Hoofy said:
GloverMart said:
Hoofy - The time issue is probably the one I need to sort first & I'm taking steps to address this now, dropping the stuff that I don't enjoy or takes up time. Once that is organised, I can get out walking again - I genuinely really like walking and having lost a good amount of weight before, I know I can do it IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS SORTED TOO (capitals on purpose to emphasise the point). I live near the railway path that links Bristol to Bath and can get on there whenever really, this will be a big focus.
Great. Maybe join a walking/hiking/rambling group. That's a great way of making new friends, meeting women with similar interests, and losing weight.Also, consider 24 hour fasts. If you're overweight, you're eating too much (I know CICO doesn't work... but it does). A 24 hour fast once a week drops 3 meals from your week. In fact, I'd do it twice a week maybe Monday and Thursday. And every non-fasting day, eating only after midday or before midday. You can't get fat by not eating.
mcelliott said:
Hoofy said:
GloverMart said:
Hoofy - The time issue is probably the one I need to sort first & I'm taking steps to address this now, dropping the stuff that I don't enjoy or takes up time. Once that is organised, I can get out walking again - I genuinely really like walking and having lost a good amount of weight before, I know I can do it IF EVERYTHING ELSE IS SORTED TOO (capitals on purpose to emphasise the point). I live near the railway path that links Bristol to Bath and can get on there whenever really, this will be a big focus.
Great. Maybe join a walking/hiking/rambling group. That's a great way of making new friends, meeting women with similar interests, and losing weight.Also, consider 24 hour fasts. If you're overweight, you're eating too much (I know CICO doesn't work... but it does). A 24 hour fast once a week drops 3 meals from your week. In fact, I'd do it twice a week maybe Monday and Thursday. And every non-fasting day, eating only after midday or before midday. You can't get fat by not eating.
Weight loss:
It’s really hard! Stop focussing on the 5 stone, focus on what you can do this week/month. I don’t advocate for weight watchers type programmes as like you already have you’ll put the weight back on, but if a weekly check in helps for the first stone it might be worth a look.
Drastic measure - have you spoken to the docs about your weight and possibility of gastric surgery? I know two people who’ve gone through the process and it’s changed all aspects of their lives.
Walking:
There’s a bristol group of mental health mates, which may be worth a look:
https://www.mentalhealthmates.co.uk/find-a-walk/
If you’re happy to head around the ring road there’s a group in Winterbourne that meet every Wednesday eve.. a mix of young and old, a few blokes but mostly women. They rotate who you chat to so you get a wide variety of conversation.
Cycling:
A step up from a walk, but still relatively low impact and the perfect route on your doorstep - take advantage of it. Bikes are cheap again now everyone’s forgotten covid
If you don’t have the budget for a bike I can lend you an XL mountain bike - it’s not perfect but would get you started.
Relationships:
I don’t know the modern world of online dating, but put yourself out there. You’re not an undesirable as you think. See who else thinks the same. You might not bag an 8 hour session with a model, but a decent meal with good company has got to beat a takeaway alone.
Mindset:
Being harsh, we’ve been through this before. You’ve got the motivation, but not the discipline. You can only find this for yourself. If there’s a mental health aspect to it, you need to find the right support first or all of the above goes out the window.
I’ve been through the cycles of motivation and have good years and off years. I’m currently 3 months into a good cycle but I’m aware of what I need to do this time to keep disciplined.
Goals:
Be realistic with what you can achieve. Doing better today than yesterday is far more important that looking at the big picture.
It’s really hard! Stop focussing on the 5 stone, focus on what you can do this week/month. I don’t advocate for weight watchers type programmes as like you already have you’ll put the weight back on, but if a weekly check in helps for the first stone it might be worth a look.
Drastic measure - have you spoken to the docs about your weight and possibility of gastric surgery? I know two people who’ve gone through the process and it’s changed all aspects of their lives.
Walking:
There’s a bristol group of mental health mates, which may be worth a look:
https://www.mentalhealthmates.co.uk/find-a-walk/
If you’re happy to head around the ring road there’s a group in Winterbourne that meet every Wednesday eve.. a mix of young and old, a few blokes but mostly women. They rotate who you chat to so you get a wide variety of conversation.
Cycling:
A step up from a walk, but still relatively low impact and the perfect route on your doorstep - take advantage of it. Bikes are cheap again now everyone’s forgotten covid
If you don’t have the budget for a bike I can lend you an XL mountain bike - it’s not perfect but would get you started. Relationships:
I don’t know the modern world of online dating, but put yourself out there. You’re not an undesirable as you think. See who else thinks the same. You might not bag an 8 hour session with a model, but a decent meal with good company has got to beat a takeaway alone.
Mindset:
Being harsh, we’ve been through this before. You’ve got the motivation, but not the discipline. You can only find this for yourself. If there’s a mental health aspect to it, you need to find the right support first or all of the above goes out the window.
I’ve been through the cycles of motivation and have good years and off years. I’m currently 3 months into a good cycle but I’m aware of what I need to do this time to keep disciplined.
Goals:
Be realistic with what you can achieve. Doing better today than yesterday is far more important that looking at the big picture.
Thanks again for all the replies and the email I received, some kind folk on here - even the one that suggested fasting! 
giantt - A friend of mine that writes a blog wrote a piece on Corrour yesterday, the highest mainline railway station in the UK. My ancestors were from the North of Scotland and I've always fancied going up there so I might look at spending a few days up there this year in between the midgie season and the rain! I'm not one for lying on beaches, would be a risk of being harpooned for starters, but a few days in remoteness sounds great.
coldoRS, Hoofy and mcelliott - can't argue with the notion that moving more will help me. As I've mentioned already, walking is my thing and I actually enjoy it. Just before COVID, I was walking to Bath (about 7.5 miles) and then catching the train back, it was great and all for about a fiver. It's quite a pleasant walk, even on the western side of Bath where it becomes urban, you still have the river alongside you all the way. I don't even mind walking in the pouring rain, it worked for me last time and it will work again. But I ain't fasting!
breeks - I think a dog would be good but I'm often away all day and wonder if I could keep it stimulated enough. A cat might be an idea, but they can be funny fkers at the best of times.... I'll give it some thought.
bristolbaron - Great post, thanks for taking the time. I've looked into MentalHealthMates since your post and there's also one in Bath too which I can get to quickly. Like the idea of the social aspect as I walk on my own most of the time. I'll politely disagree with you about my level of desirability though, it's far lower than you think. And while gastric surgery is an option, I can't see me going for it.
One point you make that stands out is the target; not focusing on the big loss but concentrating on smaller mini-losses. One podcast I've listened to more than once is the Diary of a CEO one with the PT James Smith. He can be a little direct sometimes but he makes the similar point that if you set smaller goals, you will naturally achieve them quicker and more regularly, rewarding yourself each time. So for me, I would be better aiming for a half stone, then another half stone, then another, then another until I've lost all I need to lose. And for me, at my current weight, I'd like to lose seven stone which would get me down to 15 stone 6, the weight I was when I moved up here in 1999 aged 31. So working on that basis, it's 14 mini goals rather than one large one that, to be honest, will be a year or two away for quite a while.
Again, appreciate all your help.
giantt - A friend of mine that writes a blog wrote a piece on Corrour yesterday, the highest mainline railway station in the UK. My ancestors were from the North of Scotland and I've always fancied going up there so I might look at spending a few days up there this year in between the midgie season and the rain! I'm not one for lying on beaches, would be a risk of being harpooned for starters, but a few days in remoteness sounds great.
coldoRS, Hoofy and mcelliott - can't argue with the notion that moving more will help me. As I've mentioned already, walking is my thing and I actually enjoy it. Just before COVID, I was walking to Bath (about 7.5 miles) and then catching the train back, it was great and all for about a fiver. It's quite a pleasant walk, even on the western side of Bath where it becomes urban, you still have the river alongside you all the way. I don't even mind walking in the pouring rain, it worked for me last time and it will work again. But I ain't fasting!
breeks - I think a dog would be good but I'm often away all day and wonder if I could keep it stimulated enough. A cat might be an idea, but they can be funny f
kers at the best of times.... I'll give it some thought. bristolbaron - Great post, thanks for taking the time. I've looked into MentalHealthMates since your post and there's also one in Bath too which I can get to quickly. Like the idea of the social aspect as I walk on my own most of the time. I'll politely disagree with you about my level of desirability though, it's far lower than you think. And while gastric surgery is an option, I can't see me going for it.
One point you make that stands out is the target; not focusing on the big loss but concentrating on smaller mini-losses. One podcast I've listened to more than once is the Diary of a CEO one with the PT James Smith. He can be a little direct sometimes but he makes the similar point that if you set smaller goals, you will naturally achieve them quicker and more regularly, rewarding yourself each time. So for me, I would be better aiming for a half stone, then another half stone, then another, then another until I've lost all I need to lose. And for me, at my current weight, I'd like to lose seven stone which would get me down to 15 stone 6, the weight I was when I moved up here in 1999 aged 31. So working on that basis, it's 14 mini goals rather than one large one that, to be honest, will be a year or two away for quite a while.
Again, appreciate all your help.
gregs656 said:
The health side of it seems like you know what you need to do.
What is stopping the part time analyst role becoming full time, if that is what you enjoy?
The role is collecting data at football matches so I'm limited in how many games I can do in a season. I've done the role for seven years now, initially starting with 20-30 matches per season & now this season will be the third campaign running I've done 80+. I've previously applied for the same role in cricket twice but didn't get it. What is stopping the part time analyst role becoming full time, if that is what you enjoy?
It's just the best job ever but given the lack of roles within the company, would struggle to get more hours than now although they did recently advertise for writers for text commentaries online which would have been another cracking job.
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