Difficult 15 year old - Normal or Referral needed?
Discussion
I am posting with a different user name to normal but am looking for views on how we best handle this situation. I am mid forties, divorced and live with my new partner. We have 3 children between us. The two girls are late teens and are great , interact with us both, appreciate us as we do them and we have a great relationship with both of them.
My partners son however is trickier. The problem is I have seen this before but its difficult to know what to do when he isn't mine. I am trying to support my partner but she doesn't really know what to do in the circumstances and has been honest in that regard but has buried her head and just hopes it will be ok, I am not sure that outcome will happen without intervention.
I have seen this before from afar but am not qualified in any way . I met my first wife at University who had a younger brother who displayed difficulty in social interactions, his Dad wanted him assessed but his Mum was always defensive and said he was fine. He's now mid thirties and cant hold a real conversation although he is somewhat intelligent, he would walk out of a room if people are in it, never interacted at xmas etc and just stayed in his room, it was like getting blood from a stone, just didn't want to interact at all. That of course is fine and I am all for being inclusive but that doesn't help him or the people around him to make the best of him he can be. He was a good lad but by Mum doing nothing when he was younger they have missed the boat on giving him any guidance or support.
Fast forward 20 years and in my current set up I am looking at similar but as he isn't mine I am encouraging my partner to do something about it but she wants to keep the peace, leave him to it and frankly let him do what he likes. He is 15.
He wont interact with us unless talked too and that is one word answers, no manners, selfish, has his agenda and rarely even says thank you. Stays in his room most of the time and wont do anything with us out of the house, for those thinking he's a typical 15 year old, its worse than that. This has gone on for 3 years although we have only lived together 6 months he has been difficult for her the whole time, when we met at him being 11 I thought it odd he was in his bedroom all the time, 15 yes but at 11 they still want to kick a ball around, I offered but no. He doesn't respect her and is often rude to her but she just takes it without wanting to react. He stays with us half the week and there is an atmosphere. Him and I have had words a couple of times when on holiday but I am trying to be supportive and make sure we don't ignore his needs.
He has recently begun wearing his airpods all the time in the house which is hardly a crime but it avoids all contact with us now, he cooks on his own, wont eat our meals, doesn't sit with us but constantly avoids talking to us as he is listening to his phone, either tv or music. The silence is not helpful!
He goes most of the day avoiding us and he seems to want to be alone, I don't think he dislikes his parents or his sister, me or my daughter but he is so sheltered I am concerned about him in the future. This is the only thing my partner and I have words about.
I want her to do something about it but obviously he's not my son, she doesn't find his Dad very helpful but she would rather let him do what he wants than find out if he needs any support or whether he may be suffering with anything.
Deep down it could be he is angry his parents split up, he doesn't know why they did and was 9 at the time, I think they are worried he might blame them so don't want to poke the bear but for me its doing him a disservice by ignoring it. Sheis worried, if she challenges him about the rudeness etc he will just get angry so ignores it, I wouldn't be so accepting if he was mine.
Its a tricky one to describe here, its not a Kevin and perry situation, I genuinely believe he needs some professional help but my partner just says he wont go, case closed. I have told her it might need to get worse before it gets better but I cant get involved although he lives in our house (we bought it together), I don't see it right to get involved.
My suggestion is she talks to his Dad on a serious level (who also has the same view that the lad is very difficult, moody, and his partner and him spend a lot of time discussing why he is so difficult) and speak to the doctor, get some advice off Mumsnet would be a start and take it from there but there is a lot of resistance.
Any ideas?
My partners son however is trickier. The problem is I have seen this before but its difficult to know what to do when he isn't mine. I am trying to support my partner but she doesn't really know what to do in the circumstances and has been honest in that regard but has buried her head and just hopes it will be ok, I am not sure that outcome will happen without intervention.
I have seen this before from afar but am not qualified in any way . I met my first wife at University who had a younger brother who displayed difficulty in social interactions, his Dad wanted him assessed but his Mum was always defensive and said he was fine. He's now mid thirties and cant hold a real conversation although he is somewhat intelligent, he would walk out of a room if people are in it, never interacted at xmas etc and just stayed in his room, it was like getting blood from a stone, just didn't want to interact at all. That of course is fine and I am all for being inclusive but that doesn't help him or the people around him to make the best of him he can be. He was a good lad but by Mum doing nothing when he was younger they have missed the boat on giving him any guidance or support.
Fast forward 20 years and in my current set up I am looking at similar but as he isn't mine I am encouraging my partner to do something about it but she wants to keep the peace, leave him to it and frankly let him do what he likes. He is 15.
He wont interact with us unless talked too and that is one word answers, no manners, selfish, has his agenda and rarely even says thank you. Stays in his room most of the time and wont do anything with us out of the house, for those thinking he's a typical 15 year old, its worse than that. This has gone on for 3 years although we have only lived together 6 months he has been difficult for her the whole time, when we met at him being 11 I thought it odd he was in his bedroom all the time, 15 yes but at 11 they still want to kick a ball around, I offered but no. He doesn't respect her and is often rude to her but she just takes it without wanting to react. He stays with us half the week and there is an atmosphere. Him and I have had words a couple of times when on holiday but I am trying to be supportive and make sure we don't ignore his needs.
He has recently begun wearing his airpods all the time in the house which is hardly a crime but it avoids all contact with us now, he cooks on his own, wont eat our meals, doesn't sit with us but constantly avoids talking to us as he is listening to his phone, either tv or music. The silence is not helpful!
He goes most of the day avoiding us and he seems to want to be alone, I don't think he dislikes his parents or his sister, me or my daughter but he is so sheltered I am concerned about him in the future. This is the only thing my partner and I have words about.
I want her to do something about it but obviously he's not my son, she doesn't find his Dad very helpful but she would rather let him do what he wants than find out if he needs any support or whether he may be suffering with anything.
Deep down it could be he is angry his parents split up, he doesn't know why they did and was 9 at the time, I think they are worried he might blame them so don't want to poke the bear but for me its doing him a disservice by ignoring it. Sheis worried, if she challenges him about the rudeness etc he will just get angry so ignores it, I wouldn't be so accepting if he was mine.
Its a tricky one to describe here, its not a Kevin and perry situation, I genuinely believe he needs some professional help but my partner just says he wont go, case closed. I have told her it might need to get worse before it gets better but I cant get involved although he lives in our house (we bought it together), I don't see it right to get involved.
My suggestion is she talks to his Dad on a serious level (who also has the same view that the lad is very difficult, moody, and his partner and him spend a lot of time discussing why he is so difficult) and speak to the doctor, get some advice off Mumsnet would be a start and take it from there but there is a lot of resistance.
Any ideas?
Tricky one isn’t it. I wouldn’t force it you don’t want him to hate you as well as his parents. Does he go to school? Is he doing ok? No sign of self harm or anything like that?
Does he have any hobbies? Music? You could take him to a gig try and talk to him as a friend not a step dad.
Does he have any hobbies? Music? You could take him to a gig try and talk to him as a friend not a step dad.
If he is going to school ok without too much protest and has a circle of friends, I think you are ok. You could ask the school how he interacts in class, does he hide quietly at the back or does he contribute freely. is he sensitive to noisy environments, and change, (spectrum stuff)
My daughter has aspergers syndrome (diagnosed aged 18), getting her to go to school at 15 was near impossible, she hates loud noises, did not contribute at all in class at school, had a very limited circle of friends at school, all misfits in one way shape or form.
On the plus side she has 10 A* at GCSE, 4A* at A Level, a first in zoology and is currently doing a phd on the interactions of lizard venom with human cells. She still has very few friends are rarely leaves her room, she cannot go to a shop, answer the door or even send an email to a stranger.
Op - it sort of sounds like normal 15 year old stuff to me, but its worth looking for the signs and speaking to school. Trust me, mega intelligence and no social skills is not a win.
My daughter has aspergers syndrome (diagnosed aged 18), getting her to go to school at 15 was near impossible, she hates loud noises, did not contribute at all in class at school, had a very limited circle of friends at school, all misfits in one way shape or form.
On the plus side she has 10 A* at GCSE, 4A* at A Level, a first in zoology and is currently doing a phd on the interactions of lizard venom with human cells. She still has very few friends are rarely leaves her room, she cannot go to a shop, answer the door or even send an email to a stranger.
Op - it sort of sounds like normal 15 year old stuff to me, but its worth looking for the signs and speaking to school. Trust me, mega intelligence and no social skills is not a win.
I think you have to pick your battles and also at the same time keep things in proportion. It doesn't sound like he's doing much wrong, he's just being an annoying teenager. Yes, pick him up on manners etc, but it is easy to lose sight of proportion because teenagers do know how to push your buttons, and, to some extent will sub-consciously push them just to feel like they have some control over aspects of their life...
You can try asking him if he wants to help you cook dinner, or ask him what he would like for dinner and cook that for everyone, likewise you could take him to a football game or watch football together perhaps. But I don't think you need to be too worried. Just don't push him away or punish him for wanting to spend time on his own. Let him know that he's always welcome to hang out with you.
You can try asking him if he wants to help you cook dinner, or ask him what he would like for dinner and cook that for everyone, likewise you could take him to a football game or watch football together perhaps. But I don't think you need to be too worried. Just don't push him away or punish him for wanting to spend time on his own. Let him know that he's always welcome to hang out with you.
Yeah its complicated. I have some experience here both from being from a divorced household and also when meeting my wife who had a teenage son.
If school is ok then my gut feeling is he is as well.
There are few things though. As its a shared custody thing you just don't know what he is being told in the other house, it is possible his dad is s
tcanning his mum at every available opportunity (something my mum did alot). It's possible he gets no support there and so has carved out this lifestyle for himself of self sufficiency out of need (something I did because my dads girlfriend was a tt), thus when he is at mums, he is angry and resentful (I spent most of my teenage years angry and resentful). Its also possible he is a moody arse teenager pissed off at the entire world around him not just you guys.
Some advice (which you are free to ignore) from a fellow step parent. Maybe just try to be ok with the silence a bit, if you both like football just put it on and sit in silence. Then do the same for the next match and the next match, eventually he might mention a specific goal or play, just let him be himself in a non pressurised environment. The great thing about being a step parent is that, you aren't his dad so you can be that outlet if you can make yourself available to it, make sure he knows you are around and leave him to it, don't huff or puff or roll your eyes when stuff isnt right, or he is rude etc, its down to his mum to correct that, not you.
Its the primary thing I couldn't bare about my dads girlfriend when she moved in, it was the "I'm here, I'm the adult, I am your dads girlfriend and by extension what I say goes!" I had parents, I didn't need or want a 3rd parent, what I could have done with was an outlet for when my parents occasionally put me in the middle of some bullst or someone to sit silently and watch the F1 with or something. Not a friend, not a role model, not a third parent but an adult who could help me when I needed it. It sounds a bit selfish maybe but I was 15, all 15 years olds are self centred pricks 
If school is ok then my gut feeling is he is as well.
There are few things though. As its a shared custody thing you just don't know what he is being told in the other house, it is possible his dad is s
tcanning his mum at every available opportunity (something my mum did alot). It's possible he gets no support there and so has carved out this lifestyle for himself of self sufficiency out of need (something I did because my dads girlfriend was a tt), thus when he is at mums, he is angry and resentful (I spent most of my teenage years angry and resentful). Its also possible he is a moody arse teenager pissed off at the entire world around him not just you guys.Some advice (which you are free to ignore) from a fellow step parent. Maybe just try to be ok with the silence a bit, if you both like football just put it on and sit in silence. Then do the same for the next match and the next match, eventually he might mention a specific goal or play, just let him be himself in a non pressurised environment. The great thing about being a step parent is that, you aren't his dad so you can be that outlet if you can make yourself available to it, make sure he knows you are around and leave him to it, don't huff or puff or roll your eyes when stuff isnt right, or he is rude etc, its down to his mum to correct that, not you.
Its the primary thing I couldn't bare about my dads girlfriend when she moved in, it was the "I'm here, I'm the adult, I am your dads girlfriend and by extension what I say goes!" I had parents, I didn't need or want a 3rd parent, what I could have done with was an outlet for when my parents occasionally put me in the middle of some bulls
t or someone to sit silently and watch the F1 with or something. Not a friend, not a role model, not a third parent but an adult who could help me when I needed it. It sounds a bit selfish maybe but I was 15, all 15 years olds are self centred pricks Looking back on my life I have realised a few things and wondered how I would have treated in the modern age.
At same age at this young man (15) I hated interacting with family at gatherings and we had quite a few of those. I would stay up in my room as much as possible.
School friends were going off to youth clubs, london to see gigs, getting girlfriends, pushing boundaries….and I would be up in my room reading. I just felt this stuff happened to other people somehow, not to me. People used to meet up at an outside swimming pool in summer - I didn’t go once: too worried about my skinny body and just had no clue how to behave.
I had a number of after school jobs: washing cars, delivering newspapers and would feel so embarrassed if anyone I knew saw me. I recall hiding on the ground behind a car i was washing as a couple of girls from school started to come down the road.
I lost touch with people when I left school, then college. I have no friends from that time at all. Apart from one guy I met years later at a school reunion.
With hindsight, only realised a few years back, I was self-harming by cutting my lips with nail clippers.
Got my first job and did go out with some people after work. On taking another job I never saw them again. Similar with the next company.
No clues with girls at all. Anyway, why would they be interested in me?
I carried a knife. Bought a blank firing pistol and would go on walks carrying that with me; not really sure why? My 18th birthday I spent with my dad and an uncle. I was aware other people were going on holidays to Spain, not me. I had developed an ‘outsider’ persona.
I got offered a day release course (Applied Biology) and on the first day there one of girls in the group said ‘let’s go for lunch’. I ended up having to push start her car.
Saved my life…her and another couple of fellow students. Made a real effort to break down this black-clad Joy Division loner. They were doing stuff like holidaying with friends in France or going out to parties - dragged me along. Suddenly I had two or three different social groups.
I’m sure these days my 15-20 year old self would have been in a category of some sort. Self-harming? No social skills really…. It was seen as a ‘bit of a phase’. If I had been pushed to further assessment, singled out by doctors..?
Yet, I have ended up ‘life and soul of party’ kind of person, able to present to groups, build business relationships etc etc… I’ve ended up at 56 having, I think, a really interesting life. Moved to a different country and have developed a good group of friends here vey easily.
I look back and cringe about my behaviour and lost opportunities. I’m still not entirely sure how much was the real innate personality of me and how much was me thinking ‘this is how I should behave’.
I guess - light at end of the tunnel. Don’t be too quick to add extra weight to his life by getting him seen as more ‘outside’; than he is already. Hopefully just ‘a phase’.
At same age at this young man (15) I hated interacting with family at gatherings and we had quite a few of those. I would stay up in my room as much as possible.
School friends were going off to youth clubs, london to see gigs, getting girlfriends, pushing boundaries….and I would be up in my room reading. I just felt this stuff happened to other people somehow, not to me. People used to meet up at an outside swimming pool in summer - I didn’t go once: too worried about my skinny body and just had no clue how to behave.
I had a number of after school jobs: washing cars, delivering newspapers and would feel so embarrassed if anyone I knew saw me. I recall hiding on the ground behind a car i was washing as a couple of girls from school started to come down the road.
I lost touch with people when I left school, then college. I have no friends from that time at all. Apart from one guy I met years later at a school reunion.
With hindsight, only realised a few years back, I was self-harming by cutting my lips with nail clippers.
Got my first job and did go out with some people after work. On taking another job I never saw them again. Similar with the next company.
No clues with girls at all. Anyway, why would they be interested in me?
I carried a knife. Bought a blank firing pistol and would go on walks carrying that with me; not really sure why? My 18th birthday I spent with my dad and an uncle. I was aware other people were going on holidays to Spain, not me. I had developed an ‘outsider’ persona.
I got offered a day release course (Applied Biology) and on the first day there one of girls in the group said ‘let’s go for lunch’. I ended up having to push start her car.
Saved my life…her and another couple of fellow students. Made a real effort to break down this black-clad Joy Division loner. They were doing stuff like holidaying with friends in France or going out to parties - dragged me along. Suddenly I had two or three different social groups.
I’m sure these days my 15-20 year old self would have been in a category of some sort. Self-harming? No social skills really…. It was seen as a ‘bit of a phase’. If I had been pushed to further assessment, singled out by doctors..?
Yet, I have ended up ‘life and soul of party’ kind of person, able to present to groups, build business relationships etc etc… I’ve ended up at 56 having, I think, a really interesting life. Moved to a different country and have developed a good group of friends here vey easily.
I look back and cringe about my behaviour and lost opportunities. I’m still not entirely sure how much was the real innate personality of me and how much was me thinking ‘this is how I should behave’.
I guess - light at end of the tunnel. Don’t be too quick to add extra weight to his life by getting him seen as more ‘outside’; than he is already. Hopefully just ‘a phase’.
jdw100 said:
Looking back on my life I have realised a few things and wondered how I would have treated in the modern age.
At same age at this young man (15) I hated interacting with family at gatherings and we had quite a few of those. I would stay up in my room as much as possible.
School friends were going off to youth clubs, london to see gigs, getting girlfriends, pushing boundaries….and I would be up in my room reading. I just felt this stuff happened to other people somehow, not to me. People used to meet up at an outside swimming pool in summer - I didn’t go once: too worried about my skinny body and just had no clue how to behave.
I had a number of after school jobs: washing cars, delivering newspapers and would feel so embarrassed if anyone I knew saw me. I recall hiding on the ground behind a car i was washing as a couple of girls from school started to come down the road.
I lost touch with people when I left school, then college. I have no friends from that time at all. Apart from one guy I met years later at a school reunion.
With hindsight, only realised a few years back, I was self-harming by cutting my lips with nail clippers.
Got my first job and did go out with some people after work. On taking another job I never saw them again. Similar with the next company.
No clues with girls at all. Anyway, why would they be interested in me?
I carried a knife. Bought a blank firing pistol and would go on walks carrying that with me; not really sure why? My 18th birthday I spent with my dad and an uncle. I was aware other people were going on holidays to Spain, not me. I had developed an ‘outsider’ persona.
I got offered a day release course (Applied Biology) and on the first day there one of girls in the group said ‘let’s go for lunch’. I ended up having to push start her car.
Saved my life…her and another couple of fellow students. Made a real effort to break down this black-clad Joy Division loner. They were doing stuff like holidaying with friends in France or going out to parties - dragged me along. Suddenly I had two or three different social groups.
I’m sure these days my 15-20 year old self would have been in a category of some sort. Self-harming? No social skills really…. It was seen as a ‘bit of a phase’. If I had been pushed to further assessment, singled out by doctors..?
Yet, I have ended up ‘life and soul of party’ kind of person, able to present to groups, build business relationships etc etc… I’ve ended up at 56 having, I think, a really interesting life. Moved to a different country and have developed a good group of friends here vey easily.
I look back and cringe about my behaviour and lost opportunities. I’m still not entirely sure how much was the real innate personality of me and how much was me thinking ‘this is how I should behave’.
I guess - light at end of the tunnel. Don’t be too quick to add extra weight to his life by getting him seen as more ‘outside’; than he is already. Hopefully just ‘a phase’.
Utterly relatable. To the OP I think, let it be. At same age at this young man (15) I hated interacting with family at gatherings and we had quite a few of those. I would stay up in my room as much as possible.
School friends were going off to youth clubs, london to see gigs, getting girlfriends, pushing boundaries….and I would be up in my room reading. I just felt this stuff happened to other people somehow, not to me. People used to meet up at an outside swimming pool in summer - I didn’t go once: too worried about my skinny body and just had no clue how to behave.
I had a number of after school jobs: washing cars, delivering newspapers and would feel so embarrassed if anyone I knew saw me. I recall hiding on the ground behind a car i was washing as a couple of girls from school started to come down the road.
I lost touch with people when I left school, then college. I have no friends from that time at all. Apart from one guy I met years later at a school reunion.
With hindsight, only realised a few years back, I was self-harming by cutting my lips with nail clippers.
Got my first job and did go out with some people after work. On taking another job I never saw them again. Similar with the next company.
No clues with girls at all. Anyway, why would they be interested in me?
I carried a knife. Bought a blank firing pistol and would go on walks carrying that with me; not really sure why? My 18th birthday I spent with my dad and an uncle. I was aware other people were going on holidays to Spain, not me. I had developed an ‘outsider’ persona.
I got offered a day release course (Applied Biology) and on the first day there one of girls in the group said ‘let’s go for lunch’. I ended up having to push start her car.
Saved my life…her and another couple of fellow students. Made a real effort to break down this black-clad Joy Division loner. They were doing stuff like holidaying with friends in France or going out to parties - dragged me along. Suddenly I had two or three different social groups.
I’m sure these days my 15-20 year old self would have been in a category of some sort. Self-harming? No social skills really…. It was seen as a ‘bit of a phase’. If I had been pushed to further assessment, singled out by doctors..?
Yet, I have ended up ‘life and soul of party’ kind of person, able to present to groups, build business relationships etc etc… I’ve ended up at 56 having, I think, a really interesting life. Moved to a different country and have developed a good group of friends here vey easily.
I look back and cringe about my behaviour and lost opportunities. I’m still not entirely sure how much was the real innate personality of me and how much was me thinking ‘this is how I should behave’.
I guess - light at end of the tunnel. Don’t be too quick to add extra weight to his life by getting him seen as more ‘outside’; than he is already. Hopefully just ‘a phase’.
The kid is probably already trying to 'analyse himself out of a good time' without you adding to it.
Can I suggest, you tell him you want to do a climbing course, learn how to belay, and need a partner for one evening.
Then the following week tell him you wants to go again, but you need a partner. Ask him if he'd like to make it a regular thing. Only talk to him about climbing. Never about any of the other st in his life.
Climbing solves all problems I find.
The idea about cooking is a good one. If he like cooking, suggest you both prepare a bbq in the summer for the family, let him be in charge of lighting it.
Let him be in charge of the summer cocktails and cold beer bucket. Get him slightly pissed.
I would not talk to him about his behaviour, other than saying. Yes. It's st being a teenager. No bills to pay, free food, free telly, people who love you. I'd hate that too. Youth, wasted on the young.
I've had teenagers. They can spend hours doing fk all (shooting aliens or something).
The only thing my wife did was insist we all sat at the dining table for tea (dinner if you are southern) no ifs no buts. And then, play ask Dad an embarrassing question about his day. I'd say "we had a new starter, young lad of about 25" one of the kids would pipe up "Do you fancy him?" "Not my type" "did you show him the stationary cupboard?" "No, I let the secretary show him" "Did you show him.the canteen" "I didnt" "Is that because you've ate all the pies" etc... take the piss out of Dad, to lighten the load...."But you are gay Dad" "Really?" "You are a bit" "You can tell us, we won't judge"
Everyone gets a job. Only dispensation was at exam time. During school holidays, they were expected to make one evening meal each week.
Mind you she also played "ready steady cook" with our oldest child. Let the fridge and freezer go nearly empty and then say ive rum out of money this week...I've only got these 3 fresh ingredients, please conjur up some magic. He can now make a three course meal from an empty fridge, with whatever he can find in the cupboard.
Then the following week tell him you wants to go again, but you need a partner. Ask him if he'd like to make it a regular thing. Only talk to him about climbing. Never about any of the other s
t in his life. Climbing solves all problems I find.
The idea about cooking is a good one. If he like cooking, suggest you both prepare a bbq in the summer for the family, let him be in charge of lighting it.
Let him be in charge of the summer cocktails and cold beer bucket. Get him slightly pissed.
I would not talk to him about his behaviour, other than saying. Yes. It's s
t being a teenager. No bills to pay, free food, free telly, people who love you. I'd hate that too. Youth, wasted on the young. I've had teenagers. They can spend hours doing f
k all (shooting aliens or something). The only thing my wife did was insist we all sat at the dining table for tea (dinner if you are southern) no ifs no buts. And then, play ask Dad an embarrassing question about his day. I'd say "we had a new starter, young lad of about 25" one of the kids would pipe up "Do you fancy him?" "Not my type" "did you show him the stationary cupboard?" "No, I let the secretary show him" "Did you show him.the canteen" "I didnt" "Is that because you've ate all the pies" etc... take the piss out of Dad, to lighten the load...."But you are gay Dad" "Really?" "You are a bit" "You can tell us, we won't judge"
Everyone gets a job. Only dispensation was at exam time. During school holidays, they were expected to make one evening meal each week.
Mind you she also played "ready steady cook" with our oldest child. Let the fridge and freezer go nearly empty and then say ive rum out of money this week...I've only got these 3 fresh ingredients, please conjur up some magic. He can now make a three course meal from an empty fridge, with whatever he can find in the cupboard.
Similar situation, 11 year old boy who is my partners and is entitled, distant, and spoilt, whereas the girls in the family are fantastic in comparison.
For me a lot of the issues stem from his mum doting on him, he gets away with everything and she waits on him hand and foot. Not sure if it’s similar in your case, but might be as a single mum she doesn’t feel empowered to keep him in line, and also my partner has mentioned she feel guilty that he doesn’t have his dad in his life so is overcompensating.
Must be tough for a single mum and I have seen similar patterns where boys are involved, they are less likely to talk about emotions, especially to someone who isn’t their dad, so I’d recommend a lot of patience and also introducing some discipline where appropriate, but balance it with some praise if possible.
For me a lot of the issues stem from his mum doting on him, he gets away with everything and she waits on him hand and foot. Not sure if it’s similar in your case, but might be as a single mum she doesn’t feel empowered to keep him in line, and also my partner has mentioned she feel guilty that he doesn’t have his dad in his life so is overcompensating.
Must be tough for a single mum and I have seen similar patterns where boys are involved, they are less likely to talk about emotions, especially to someone who isn’t their dad, so I’d recommend a lot of patience and also introducing some discipline where appropriate, but balance it with some praise if possible.
Sounds almost identical to me at that age - until I was around 17 / 18.
I really wanted to be a part of things, especially get togethers, but would always avoid like the plague and find excuses.
Not sure why, think I was just always embarrassed for some reason, didn't want to make conversation - had always been very quiet at that point.
Think the turning point for me was when I decided that I was missing out and forced myself out a few times.
My interest was always cars, so attended a few meets when I was in my late teens / early 20's and made a few good friends, had a good laugh - a few of which I'm still good friends with today.
I really wanted to be a part of things, especially get togethers, but would always avoid like the plague and find excuses.
Not sure why, think I was just always embarrassed for some reason, didn't want to make conversation - had always been very quiet at that point.
Think the turning point for me was when I decided that I was missing out and forced myself out a few times.
My interest was always cars, so attended a few meets when I was in my late teens / early 20's and made a few good friends, had a good laugh - a few of which I'm still good friends with today.
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