Anxiety / negative thoughts - your stories of recovery
Discussion
I am a regular PH reader and occasional contributor but would rather post this anonymously.
The first 27 years of my life were totally carefree. I had (have) a lovely family, friends and a decent but stressful career. Then one day I had a health scare, and I was hit with a colossal, intense wave of anxiety. I got quite sick and couldn't leave my bed for 2 weeks. In hindsight this was a burnout, and I didn't deal with it properly.
I spent the next 4 years consumed by anxiety, mostly health anxiety. I just about kept it together but at times my life was hell. I have had all the symptoms of anxiety, and then some. A constant dull ache in my stomach for over 2 years, spells of deep sadness, waking up with pins and needles every night, chest pain, lethargy, weak knees, for the last 3+ years a constant feeling of dizziness (turns out I do have a vestibular disorder), and worst of all insomnia. Lying awake ruminating, highly anxious, some nights literally getting zero sleep before having to dial in to a stressful job at 8am. The mental side was worse, I became fixated with the idea of suicide. I wasn't planning it, I didn't ever want it, it was the idea of it which terrified me, and the idea that if things got worse would I do it? This utterly terrified(es) me and I became stuck with these constant negative thoughts. (just to emphasize: I was never suicidal).
I wasted a lot of time on a wild goose chase trying to diagnose the various physical ailments rather than dealing with the underlying cause: anxiety. Finally a few months ago I started to address it: I saw a therapist, I was prescribed a small dose of Mirtazapine for sleep (life-saver), I took exercise more seriously, I started yoga/stretching, I practice breathing, and I educated myself. It sounds obvious but the realization that these things actually helped was extremely powerful, because up until this point I'd been a passenger. My mindset has changed to accepting anxiety rather than fighting it, and things are much better on that front.
However I still cannot rid myself of the extremely dark thoughts. I am completely entangled with them, they are near-constant and totally dominate my mind, to the point I don't even know whether I'm just thinking that I am deeply sad or am actually deeply sad. I still function, still take some pleasure and look forward to things so don't think I am depressed. When the thoughts aren't present, I'm OK.
I feel like I was making progress but I am hitting a wall with this. Its demoralizing, and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't experienced true happiness in years, or if I have its for a brief moment before the thoughts take over again.
I was hoping some of you may be able to share your experiences. Ideally your stories of recovery, I think this would help me, because at the moment I feel stuck in a perpetual loop.
The first 27 years of my life were totally carefree. I had (have) a lovely family, friends and a decent but stressful career. Then one day I had a health scare, and I was hit with a colossal, intense wave of anxiety. I got quite sick and couldn't leave my bed for 2 weeks. In hindsight this was a burnout, and I didn't deal with it properly.
I spent the next 4 years consumed by anxiety, mostly health anxiety. I just about kept it together but at times my life was hell. I have had all the symptoms of anxiety, and then some. A constant dull ache in my stomach for over 2 years, spells of deep sadness, waking up with pins and needles every night, chest pain, lethargy, weak knees, for the last 3+ years a constant feeling of dizziness (turns out I do have a vestibular disorder), and worst of all insomnia. Lying awake ruminating, highly anxious, some nights literally getting zero sleep before having to dial in to a stressful job at 8am. The mental side was worse, I became fixated with the idea of suicide. I wasn't planning it, I didn't ever want it, it was the idea of it which terrified me, and the idea that if things got worse would I do it? This utterly terrified(es) me and I became stuck with these constant negative thoughts. (just to emphasize: I was never suicidal).
I wasted a lot of time on a wild goose chase trying to diagnose the various physical ailments rather than dealing with the underlying cause: anxiety. Finally a few months ago I started to address it: I saw a therapist, I was prescribed a small dose of Mirtazapine for sleep (life-saver), I took exercise more seriously, I started yoga/stretching, I practice breathing, and I educated myself. It sounds obvious but the realization that these things actually helped was extremely powerful, because up until this point I'd been a passenger. My mindset has changed to accepting anxiety rather than fighting it, and things are much better on that front.
However I still cannot rid myself of the extremely dark thoughts. I am completely entangled with them, they are near-constant and totally dominate my mind, to the point I don't even know whether I'm just thinking that I am deeply sad or am actually deeply sad. I still function, still take some pleasure and look forward to things so don't think I am depressed. When the thoughts aren't present, I'm OK.
I feel like I was making progress but I am hitting a wall with this. Its demoralizing, and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't experienced true happiness in years, or if I have its for a brief moment before the thoughts take over again.
I was hoping some of you may be able to share your experiences. Ideally your stories of recovery, I think this would help me, because at the moment I feel stuck in a perpetual loop.
Suffered with anxiety for years, now mostly under control, had a very traumatic childhood which is what I put it down too, like you it manifested itself with health anxiety and thoughts of impending doom, very very hard to break the cycle, for the first stop was anti depressants, the I read a huge amount of mindfulness and also the gut brain barrier, I also spent years running away from anxiety, big mistake, I actually found through something called The Dare response that you have to run towards it, confront it and even demand more from it, the theory is that you eventually get bored of the anxious feelings, ask yourself what’s the worst thing that happen? Well for me it turned out to be nothing, it just thoughts.
On a practical note things that worked for me, keeping a journal, really clean eating, no drinking, lots of exercise especially walking and a magnesium tablet just before bed, it’s been a bloody hard slog there were times a thought I would never get back to being me ,almost 5yrs but I got there and so will you
So just to add, google The Dare response, and also The Anxiety Guy.
[footnote]Edited by mcelliott on Wednesday 28th February 12:05[/footnote
Also the physical symptoms of anxiety is just the body’s way of dealing with a threat, your fight or flight, so aches and pains are absolutely normal for someone with anxiety, nothing to worry about.
On a practical note things that worked for me, keeping a journal, really clean eating, no drinking, lots of exercise especially walking and a magnesium tablet just before bed, it’s been a bloody hard slog there were times a thought I would never get back to being me ,almost 5yrs but I got there and so will you
So just to add, google The Dare response, and also The Anxiety Guy.
[footnote]Edited by mcelliott on Wednesday 28th February 12:05[/footnote
Also the physical symptoms of anxiety is just the body’s way of dealing with a threat, your fight or flight, so aches and pains are absolutely normal for someone with anxiety, nothing to worry about.
Edited by mcelliott on Wednesday 28th February 12:16
anonymoususeruk said:
I am a regular PH reader and occasional contributor but would rather post this anonymously.
The first 27 years of my life were totally carefree. I had (have) a lovely family, friends and a decent but stressful career. Then one day I had a health scare, and I was hit with a colossal, intense wave of anxiety. I got quite sick and couldn't leave my bed for 2 weeks. In hindsight this was a burnout, and I didn't deal with it properly.
I spent the next 4 years consumed by anxiety, mostly health anxiety. I just about kept it together but at times my life was hell. I have had all the symptoms of anxiety, and then some. A constant dull ache in my stomach for over 2 years, spells of deep sadness, waking up with pins and needles every night, chest pain, lethargy, weak knees, for the last 3+ years a constant feeling of dizziness (turns out I do have a vestibular disorder), and worst of all insomnia. Lying awake ruminating, highly anxious, some nights literally getting zero sleep before having to dial in to a stressful job at 8am. The mental side was worse, I became fixated with the idea of suicide. I wasn't planning it, I didn't ever want it, it was the idea of it which terrified me, and the idea that if things got worse would I do it? This utterly terrified(es) me and I became stuck with these constant negative thoughts. (just to emphasize: I was never suicidal).
I wasted a lot of time on a wild goose chase trying to diagnose the various physical ailments rather than dealing with the underlying cause: anxiety. Finally a few months ago I started to address it: I saw a therapist, I was prescribed a small dose of Mirtazapine for sleep (life-saver), I took exercise more seriously, I started yoga/stretching, I practice breathing, and I educated myself. It sounds obvious but the realization that these things actually helped was extremely powerful, because up until this point I'd been a passenger. My mindset has changed to accepting anxiety rather than fighting it, and things are much better on that front.
However I still cannot rid myself of the extremely dark thoughts. I am completely entangled with them, they are near-constant and totally dominate my mind, to the point I don't even know whether I'm just thinking that I am deeply sad or am actually deeply sad. I still function, still take some pleasure and look forward to things so don't think I am depressed. When the thoughts aren't present, I'm OK.
I feel like I was making progress but I am hitting a wall with this. Its demoralizing, and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't experienced true happiness in years, or if I have its for a brief moment before the thoughts take over again.
I was hoping some of you may be able to share your experiences. Ideally your stories of recovery, I think this would help me, because at the moment I feel stuck in a perpetual loop.
Wow your story could be an exact mirror of what I went through. I even had the same thoughts! After years of therapy and trying all sorts of meds I kind of just accepted it all and it diminished significantly, but I would still get episodes that wouldn't last too long and I could manage my way through them. I found cardio exercise, running in particular to be an amazing help. (I couldn't run anywhere at the start so no excuses!) The first 27 years of my life were totally carefree. I had (have) a lovely family, friends and a decent but stressful career. Then one day I had a health scare, and I was hit with a colossal, intense wave of anxiety. I got quite sick and couldn't leave my bed for 2 weeks. In hindsight this was a burnout, and I didn't deal with it properly.
I spent the next 4 years consumed by anxiety, mostly health anxiety. I just about kept it together but at times my life was hell. I have had all the symptoms of anxiety, and then some. A constant dull ache in my stomach for over 2 years, spells of deep sadness, waking up with pins and needles every night, chest pain, lethargy, weak knees, for the last 3+ years a constant feeling of dizziness (turns out I do have a vestibular disorder), and worst of all insomnia. Lying awake ruminating, highly anxious, some nights literally getting zero sleep before having to dial in to a stressful job at 8am. The mental side was worse, I became fixated with the idea of suicide. I wasn't planning it, I didn't ever want it, it was the idea of it which terrified me, and the idea that if things got worse would I do it? This utterly terrified(es) me and I became stuck with these constant negative thoughts. (just to emphasize: I was never suicidal).
I wasted a lot of time on a wild goose chase trying to diagnose the various physical ailments rather than dealing with the underlying cause: anxiety. Finally a few months ago I started to address it: I saw a therapist, I was prescribed a small dose of Mirtazapine for sleep (life-saver), I took exercise more seriously, I started yoga/stretching, I practice breathing, and I educated myself. It sounds obvious but the realization that these things actually helped was extremely powerful, because up until this point I'd been a passenger. My mindset has changed to accepting anxiety rather than fighting it, and things are much better on that front.
However I still cannot rid myself of the extremely dark thoughts. I am completely entangled with them, they are near-constant and totally dominate my mind, to the point I don't even know whether I'm just thinking that I am deeply sad or am actually deeply sad. I still function, still take some pleasure and look forward to things so don't think I am depressed. When the thoughts aren't present, I'm OK.
I feel like I was making progress but I am hitting a wall with this. Its demoralizing, and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't experienced true happiness in years, or if I have its for a brief moment before the thoughts take over again.
I was hoping some of you may be able to share your experiences. Ideally your stories of recovery, I think this would help me, because at the moment I feel stuck in a perpetual loop.
I found this guy online - Charles Linden, I think its now called 'The Linden Method' where you can download the course. One strange thing that worked really well was the part where you pretend to be somebody else (in your head only!) You pick somebody you know who is very outgoing and confident and tell yourself your them and you don't suffer from anxiety anymore, over a few weeks this did make a huge difference.
However there is a twist to the story. Around 7 years ago my energy stated to fail and things like running and going to the gym became impossible. Eventually I collapsed (I had always been a strangely tired person, just thought that was me). To cut a long story short after tests etc it turned out I had a (benign) pituitary tumour that was affecting hormone production. Looking back I think I had had this since my late teens and the effects just became more apparent as I got older.
Since my proper diagnosis I started TRT and virtually turned into a different person, I think the tumour was the cause of my anxiety all along as Testosterone replacement has made such a huge difference to my psyche, I barely even have an anxious thought anymore.
It's worth getting a blood test to check your hormone levels are ok, just in case. After seeing the GP for years, even seeing a professional at the Priory nobody even thought to test mine. From speaking to the docs now, they still think Testosterone is just for sexual performance only, which we know now is not the case.
Best of luck OP and rest assured, your worst fears don't come true, however dark they become and however much you think they will. Its the same as if you though positively about winning the lottery every day, wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.
Lots of what you wrote rings true.
15 years in, triggered initially by a bad break up but in hindsight the warning signs were there years before.
Ultimately the awareness that the thoughts are a negative view of reality and using a mix of refeaming/CBT techniques helped me initially gain control. I still see a therapist and sense I always will as other life events triggered relapses.
Do you have partner/family/friend support? Talking helps me a lot, recent cancer diagnosis has actually forced so more open chats with those I may not of considered before.
You're not alone in feeling how you do, do message if you feel it'd help.
15 years in, triggered initially by a bad break up but in hindsight the warning signs were there years before.
Ultimately the awareness that the thoughts are a negative view of reality and using a mix of refeaming/CBT techniques helped me initially gain control. I still see a therapist and sense I always will as other life events triggered relapses.
Do you have partner/family/friend support? Talking helps me a lot, recent cancer diagnosis has actually forced so more open chats with those I may not of considered before.
You're not alone in feeling how you do, do message if you feel it'd help.
sunnygym said:
How did you go about finding a therapist, did you go through your GP ?
If you can afford it, go private. Appreciate many can't.I paid around £100/Hour. Found mine locally on google. 6 sessions for me. Best £600 I have spent in a long time.
She is also listed on here.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb?tr=Hdr_Brand
Some anxiety and generally feeling a bit rubbish.
Really helped.
I've a panic disorder, had it from my early teens and I'm now in my 40s. I thought nothing could help me; I was wrong.
Therapy and medication (sertraline), stopped my panic attacks and general anxiety, but the thing that most improved my mood was switching to a low carb diet and being more active. It was a revelation.
Therapy and medication (sertraline), stopped my panic attacks and general anxiety, but the thing that most improved my mood was switching to a low carb diet and being more active. It was a revelation.
Suffered anxiety for years. Had it in my teens, then I recall it sort of it alleviating somewhat in my 20s, but later on it came back and into my 40s its probably been at its worse. I fell into a really bad trap of drinking to quell the feelings. I almost became an alcoholic through it, was just drinking more and more to quieten the symptoms. I did then have a bit of epiphany that the booze was numbing it, but then making it worse next day, that went further when I realised that actually the alcohol was the primary cause of it. Not drinking made a massive difference to the severity of it. Still get it but dont spiral.
The worse things for me about it were some cognitive distortions, catastrophizing and fortune telling, basically inventing things that will happen and then making them out to be worse than they are, if they even happen at all. Great example was getting a new job. Should be pleased, by mind started going mental.
- The job isnt real and Im going to resign and then not have a job
- The referencing check will come back with a problem and then I cant have the job (no reason why it would)
- Its an elaborate ruse, someone is getting back at me (have no beef with anyone)
and on and on. Just ended up in a total spiral. Did any of it happen, no. Was all in my mind.
CBT has been good with things like this as it retrains your brain to think differently. Look for the evidence of when you have worried in the past, did those things happen and were they as bad as you thought.
Its still a work in progress and am prone to periods of badness, but it is better.
Another thing I found is like a, exposure type thearapy. A lot of the anxiety came from avoidant behaviour, which would then lead to rumination and bad thoughts. Now when I can recognise that something might cause me anxiety and want to avoid it I go into it headfirst to deal with whatever there is, half the time there isnt anything to worry about anyway and dealing with it there and then stops the anxiety building
The worse things for me about it were some cognitive distortions, catastrophizing and fortune telling, basically inventing things that will happen and then making them out to be worse than they are, if they even happen at all. Great example was getting a new job. Should be pleased, by mind started going mental.
- The job isnt real and Im going to resign and then not have a job
- The referencing check will come back with a problem and then I cant have the job (no reason why it would)
- Its an elaborate ruse, someone is getting back at me (have no beef with anyone)
and on and on. Just ended up in a total spiral. Did any of it happen, no. Was all in my mind.
CBT has been good with things like this as it retrains your brain to think differently. Look for the evidence of when you have worried in the past, did those things happen and were they as bad as you thought.
Its still a work in progress and am prone to periods of badness, but it is better.
Another thing I found is like a, exposure type thearapy. A lot of the anxiety came from avoidant behaviour, which would then lead to rumination and bad thoughts. Now when I can recognise that something might cause me anxiety and want to avoid it I go into it headfirst to deal with whatever there is, half the time there isnt anything to worry about anyway and dealing with it there and then stops the anxiety building
I had suffered a childhood PTSD that I did not recognize or deal with for all of my adult life until last year. It completely consumed me from anxiety to depression, panic attacks and more.
I would hit the self destruct button every few years and it would have pretty negative effects on family, friends and work.
I started going to Andy's Man Club at the start of last July and just speaking about things to guys that had similar stories made it easier for me to join up all the dots. Suddenly I began to see and catch myself acting in ways that were not natural to the situation I found myself in. I would challenge my own thoughts and behaviors and started to face up to my fears.
I'm just a bit sad it took my over 20 years to deal with it properly but at least I can now live my life (relatively) stress and anxiety free.
Life is for living, not living in fear of what might happen.
Don't let the 'what if's' destroy the 'what is' .
I would hit the self destruct button every few years and it would have pretty negative effects on family, friends and work.
I started going to Andy's Man Club at the start of last July and just speaking about things to guys that had similar stories made it easier for me to join up all the dots. Suddenly I began to see and catch myself acting in ways that were not natural to the situation I found myself in. I would challenge my own thoughts and behaviors and started to face up to my fears.
I'm just a bit sad it took my over 20 years to deal with it properly but at least I can now live my life (relatively) stress and anxiety free.
Life is for living, not living in fear of what might happen.
Don't let the 'what if's' destroy the 'what is' .
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