anyone a parent of a girl with ADD / ADHD?
Discussion
Had contact from school in the last couple of weeks.
Going down the independent route of having assessments don’t to establish an additional need as something is holding Y4 daughter back.
Seems like we have been a step forward and then a few back on this educational journey but things keep coming back to this point so be good to finally know where she stands and how to support.
I suspect inattentive ADD or ADHD as a lot
Of Boxes are ticked.
One of my concerns - how do you tell an 8-10
Year old they have a label. I don’t want her to latch onto it and say it’s not my fault it’s my adhd and use it as a crutch or a get out of jail free card.
Sounds like it presents differently with girls. Did anyone get a diagnosis with a daughter and then things click into place and management and assisting techniques really helped ?
It seems like something that’s going to be a problem within academia but once into the real world, I don’t have huge concerns and think she will be fine.
Going down the independent route of having assessments don’t to establish an additional need as something is holding Y4 daughter back.
Seems like we have been a step forward and then a few back on this educational journey but things keep coming back to this point so be good to finally know where she stands and how to support.
I suspect inattentive ADD or ADHD as a lot
Of Boxes are ticked.
One of my concerns - how do you tell an 8-10
Year old they have a label. I don’t want her to latch onto it and say it’s not my fault it’s my adhd and use it as a crutch or a get out of jail free card.
Sounds like it presents differently with girls. Did anyone get a diagnosis with a daughter and then things click into place and management and assisting techniques really helped ?
It seems like something that’s going to be a problem within academia but once into the real world, I don’t have huge concerns and think she will be fine.
My 11 year old is just like me so yes pretty sure she has it…. Just teach self awareness: when you behave like this, it is because x, this is how it impacts you, and this how it can make other people feel. Find ways to overcome the less favourable traits like procrastination for stuff she doesn’t ‘want’ to do and turning her attention to other thoughts and amplify the good traits like deep focus in stuff she likes doing and creative thinking; she needs to learn to make the best of her personal traits in the same way everyone else with a ‘normal’ brain does. It will serve her well at school, in relationships and her working life. I still struggle with active listening; you have about 20 seconds of conversation to capture my focus, at which point if there isn’t a problem to solve I’m off thinking about things which are important to me - it can be a challenge especially when the other half is starting a monologue ( but this could just be a bloke thing and not related), but at least I’m aware of it so I can self correct.
Edited by MDUBZ on Tuesday 13th February 10:00
My Son (9yrs) was struggling at School. Lack of attention and disruptive. We had him assessed privately and he has ADD. Interestingly, I now also recognise the same behaviors in myself. He has some low dose medication. No side effects and he is a changed pupil. Attentive, engaged and doing really well. His teachers are delighted.
I was worried about all of your concerns but it's not even been a thing. He just gets on with life and has never mentioned it.
I do however, tailor my conversations with him, and make succinct statements rather than waffle about a subject.
I too have about a 20 second attention span. I can't tell you how frustrating it is for me to start a new task at work, only to find myself at the Fridge or putting the kettle on instead of just getting on with it. In that respect, learning coping strategies on a personal level can really help.
Good luck, it'll be fine for sure.
I was worried about all of your concerns but it's not even been a thing. He just gets on with life and has never mentioned it.
I do however, tailor my conversations with him, and make succinct statements rather than waffle about a subject.
I too have about a 20 second attention span. I can't tell you how frustrating it is for me to start a new task at work, only to find myself at the Fridge or putting the kettle on instead of just getting on with it. In that respect, learning coping strategies on a personal level can really help.
Good luck, it'll be fine for sure.
I was just wondering why it’s called disorder.
https://www.additudemag.com/attention-deficit-diso...
It seems that the terminology is changing?
It’s all just sliding scales isn’t it?
Yes you might have low attention span, or easily distracted… but in subduing that are you reducing the benefits of that type of brain?
Isn’t it better to leave that alone and boost the ability to work with it?
Ie, kid doesn’t fit school box, make them fit with pills. This seems terribly archaic in a world of supposed support for mental health and where everyone is unique.
https://www.additudemag.com/attention-deficit-diso...
It seems that the terminology is changing?
It’s all just sliding scales isn’t it?
Yes you might have low attention span, or easily distracted… but in subduing that are you reducing the benefits of that type of brain?
Isn’t it better to leave that alone and boost the ability to work with it?
Ie, kid doesn’t fit school box, make them fit with pills. This seems terribly archaic in a world of supposed support for mental health and where everyone is unique.
Mr Whippy said:
It’s all just sliding scales isn’t it?
Yes. There is no medical diagnosis for ADD, ADHD, Autism etc. While it's obvious to anyone that some are deeply, very deeply within the autistic spectrum and struggle to cope may diagnosed as on the spectrum simply answer questions in a way that someone else has decided demonstrates something. It's very dubious as a diagnosis and on any given day I suspect many on here including myself would fail/pass/whatever a psychometric autistic spectrum test. At what point does a normal child with a 'personality' become a child with ADHD or autism?We decided on private schools for our 3 and all got into academically strong schools. The boys did great, my daughter initially also. A couple of years in she started lagging, and we suspected something wasn't quite right although tbh we really didn't make any kind of deal about it (hormones, changes, etc). Anyway, we did discuss it with the school and they thought some kind of ADHD, ADD type thing - mild, but still there. School said she'll be OK here but might have to run very hard to keep up, despite lots of coping strategies they could offer. Alternative was a more pastoral school.
We did have her assessed by the school (not via GP or anything) and she did appear to be mildly on the scale. Anyway, we moved schools and she's never looked back. As we did have her assessed she got extra time in exams, even offered (not needed actually) a reader in exams to help with processing stuff. She knew the assessment, she never made any kind of deal about it and we never treated her differently to the other 2 at all. Also, we were absolutely adamant that we would not allow any ADHD/ADD medication. She ended up with 9 GCSE's and 4 A levels.
This year she graduates from Notts Uni as a fully qualified primary school teacher. She still uses a few coping strategies now & then but you'd never know if you met her. She's just an awesome young woman!
I do think that the ADHD/ADD/Autism thing is massively over-prescribed. My wife's sister is a high school teacher in a regular state school. She says about 25% of kids there have some kind of diagnosis, most on some form of medication. That's an isolated example I'm aware of but, nonetheless, that's absurd. Rod Liddle in last weeks Spectator did a piece about this too. I feels it's massively overdone, even for kids that get slightly distracted for a few mins in lessons. Despite our experience with our daughter, I remain very sceptical about any ADHD/ADD/Autism labelling.
We did have her assessed by the school (not via GP or anything) and she did appear to be mildly on the scale. Anyway, we moved schools and she's never looked back. As we did have her assessed she got extra time in exams, even offered (not needed actually) a reader in exams to help with processing stuff. She knew the assessment, she never made any kind of deal about it and we never treated her differently to the other 2 at all. Also, we were absolutely adamant that we would not allow any ADHD/ADD medication. She ended up with 9 GCSE's and 4 A levels.
This year she graduates from Notts Uni as a fully qualified primary school teacher. She still uses a few coping strategies now & then but you'd never know if you met her. She's just an awesome young woman!
I do think that the ADHD/ADD/Autism thing is massively over-prescribed. My wife's sister is a high school teacher in a regular state school. She says about 25% of kids there have some kind of diagnosis, most on some form of medication. That's an isolated example I'm aware of but, nonetheless, that's absurd. Rod Liddle in last weeks Spectator did a piece about this too. I feels it's massively overdone, even for kids that get slightly distracted for a few mins in lessons. Despite our experience with our daughter, I remain very sceptical about any ADHD/ADD/Autism labelling.
Edited by Ezra on Wednesday 14th February 11:49
Thank you to all who took the time to post.
Ezra thats excellent and you must be incredibly proud.
The daughter this relates to is a lovely chatty kid, she going to have some strengths and weaknesses like all and I currently doubt she is ever going to be a great at maths but I don't feel she needs medicating at all. I have no formal diagnosis yet but working memory has been mentioned a couple of times and hopefully this then leads to a diagnosis ( subject to something to diagnose) that allows a few techniques to help her and we can be on the right page.
School (private) have been great, and so long as my kids don't end up being police officers or car detailers I will be quite happy with all of them
I honestly think if she is ADD / ADHD its not the end of the world, I just don't want her to be an academic write off if she processes things a different way. At home she can construct quite a well crafted argument and debate which often leads to me cracking up. She will be just fine in life of that I am sure.
Ezra thats excellent and you must be incredibly proud.
The daughter this relates to is a lovely chatty kid, she going to have some strengths and weaknesses like all and I currently doubt she is ever going to be a great at maths but I don't feel she needs medicating at all. I have no formal diagnosis yet but working memory has been mentioned a couple of times and hopefully this then leads to a diagnosis ( subject to something to diagnose) that allows a few techniques to help her and we can be on the right page.
School (private) have been great, and so long as my kids don't end up being police officers or car detailers I will be quite happy with all of them
I honestly think if she is ADD / ADHD its not the end of the world, I just don't want her to be an academic write off if she processes things a different way. At home she can construct quite a well crafted argument and debate which often leads to me cracking up. She will be just fine in life of that I am sure.
JimmyConwayNW said:
Thank you to all who took the time to post.
Ezra thats excellent and you must be incredibly proud.
The daughter this relates to is a lovely chatty kid, she going to have some strengths and weaknesses like all and I currently doubt she is ever going to be a great at maths but I don't feel she needs medicating at all. I have no formal diagnosis yet but working memory has been mentioned a couple of times and hopefully this then leads to a diagnosis ( subject to something to diagnose) that allows a few techniques to help her and we can be on the right page.
School (private) have been great, and so long as my kids don't end up being police officers or car detailers I will be quite happy with all of them
I honestly think if she is ADD / ADHD its not the end of the world, I just don't want her to be an academic write off if she processes things a different way. At home she can construct quite a well crafted argument and debate which often leads to me cracking up. She will be just fine in life of that I am sure.
Unfortinately schooling / exams have no real flexibility which can be very difficult for some kids. My daughter really stuggled at school with attention, concentration and absorbing information (we never got a formal assesment of anything, I just blamed her addcition to social media Ezra thats excellent and you must be incredibly proud.
The daughter this relates to is a lovely chatty kid, she going to have some strengths and weaknesses like all and I currently doubt she is ever going to be a great at maths but I don't feel she needs medicating at all. I have no formal diagnosis yet but working memory has been mentioned a couple of times and hopefully this then leads to a diagnosis ( subject to something to diagnose) that allows a few techniques to help her and we can be on the right page.
School (private) have been great, and so long as my kids don't end up being police officers or car detailers I will be quite happy with all of them
I honestly think if she is ADD / ADHD its not the end of the world, I just don't want her to be an academic write off if she processes things a different way. At home she can construct quite a well crafted argument and debate which often leads to me cracking up. She will be just fine in life of that I am sure.
), however she managed to get some A levels and is now at University doing a very practical based couse she loves and has a good chance of coming away with a 1st which will lead to a great career for her.Sound like you're doing all the right things. I am a strong believer in good role models and, as a parent, setting an example. My daughter saw mum & dad not fussing about things, not making a big deal of it and just crossing bridges as and when we came to them, and definitely not creating a victim, woe is me, environment for her to fall into. It was certainly a case of here's something to address, let's do it calmly, find a solution and move on.
The other thing is that kids are quite resilient and, given good support & guidance, will generally find a natural pathway through these types if issues. My daughter is hugely independent now, has spent 4 years away at uni living in halls/student housing, worked all summer at Camp America in NY last year and will likely find a job away from home in Notts later this year.
I think you and your daughter will be fine if you continue to offer the support, guidance and love she needs, and avoid placing her on a pedastal as a victim. In Yorkshire we have a saying...."just need to crack on with things". Works most of the time
The other thing is that kids are quite resilient and, given good support & guidance, will generally find a natural pathway through these types if issues. My daughter is hugely independent now, has spent 4 years away at uni living in halls/student housing, worked all summer at Camp America in NY last year and will likely find a job away from home in Notts later this year.
I think you and your daughter will be fine if you continue to offer the support, guidance and love she needs, and avoid placing her on a pedastal as a victim. In Yorkshire we have a saying...."just need to crack on with things". Works most of the time
popeyewhite said:
It's very dubious as a diagnosis and on any given day I suspect many on here including myself would fail/pass/whatever a psychometric autistic spectrum test.
That simply isn't true. The diagnosis process is long and fairly gruelling, and while there are lots of questions you can't fake it to the extent that you'd fool two (or more) clinical psychogists who are following the diagnostic process. It's not just the answers, it's how you answer.If you're not autistic you might be able to answer the AQ10 to get a referral, but you wouldn't make it through the initial screening interview, let alone the full assessment process.
Edited by Sporky on Thursday 15th February 15:39
Ezra said:
I do think that the ADHD/ADD/Autism thing is massively over-prescribed. My wife's sister is a high school teacher in a regular state school. She says about 25% of kids there have some kind of diagnosis, most on some form of medication. That's an isolated example I'm aware of but, nonetheless, that's absurd. Rod Liddle in last weeks Spectator did a piece about this too. I feels it's massively overdone, even for kids that get slightly distracted for a few mins in lessons. Despite our experience with our daughter, I remain very sceptical about any ADHD/ADD/Autism labelling.
I unfortunately think you’re way behind the times. Firstly, it’s not ADD/ADHD, it’s just ADHD, and anyone who uses ADD shows how old their learning is.Edited by Ezra on Wednesday 14th February 11:49
Secondly, in years gone by neurodivergence - ASD, ADHD, Dyslexia etc. was very underdiagnosed. With an increase in understanding, this has resulted in an increase in obvious symptoms and as a result, diagnoses. 25% isn’t an unreasonable approximation for the neurodivergent population as a whole. Who knows someone in their 30’s or 40’s who went through their entire education without even a hint of a neurodiversity diagnosis, yet have recently found out they have ASD or ADHD? Lots of people I bet, or maybe even you?
Just because there are lots of people seemingly with it, doesn’t mean that it’s overprescribed or overlabelled, it just means that society is slowly catching up with the reality of neurodiversity and it’s slowly coming into focus just how many people struggle with the neurotypical systems and processes that don’t work for a large proportion of the population.
It is slow though, most medical professionals still have outdated and prejudicial knowledge of the subject. Treating the issue is always better than not and it doesn’t always have to be medication. Untreated can lead to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. So ignore the fear of the label and embrace the talents and abilities that it brings.
I think also the diagnosis rate may currently be higher than the percentage of ND people, because of the 30s/40s people.
The other thing I meant to add is that "the spectrum" is not a linear scale from not-ND at one end, through "a bit quirky", and on to "can't dress themselves".
The spectrum is meant to indicate that ND people will typically have a variety of traits; some more common, some less do, but we each have a different combination, and that combination may change over time and (very much) depending on the immediate environment.
It's more like a night sky; each star is a trait, and each ND person is a different constellation. My wife is autistic too; we have much in common, but we also have some completely opposed traits.
The other thing I meant to add is that "the spectrum" is not a linear scale from not-ND at one end, through "a bit quirky", and on to "can't dress themselves".
The spectrum is meant to indicate that ND people will typically have a variety of traits; some more common, some less do, but we each have a different combination, and that combination may change over time and (very much) depending on the immediate environment.
It's more like a night sky; each star is a trait, and each ND person is a different constellation. My wife is autistic too; we have much in common, but we also have some completely opposed traits.
roscopervis said:
Ezra said:
I do think that the ADHD/ADD/Autism thing is massively over-prescribed. My wife's sister is a high school teacher in a regular state school. She says about 25% of kids there have some kind of diagnosis, most on some form of medication. That's an isolated example I'm aware of but, nonetheless, that's absurd. Rod Liddle in last weeks Spectator did a piece about this too. I feels it's massively overdone, even for kids that get slightly distracted for a few mins in lessons. Despite our experience with our daughter, I remain very sceptical about any ADHD/ADD/Autism labelling.
I unfortunately think you’re way behind the times. Firstly, it’s not ADD/ADHD, it’s just ADHD, and anyone who uses ADD shows how old their learning is.Edited by Ezra on Wednesday 14th February 11:49
Secondly, in years gone by neurodivergence - ASD, ADHD, Dyslexia etc. was very underdiagnosed. With an increase in understanding, this has resulted in an increase in obvious symptoms and as a result, diagnoses. 25% isn’t an unreasonable approximation for the neurodivergent population as a whole. Who knows someone in their 30’s or 40’s who went through their entire education without even a hint of a neurodiversity diagnosis, yet have recently found out they have ASD or ADHD? Lots of people I bet, or maybe even you?
Just because there are lots of people seemingly with it, doesn’t mean that it’s overprescribed or overlabelled, it just means that society is slowly catching up with the reality of neurodiversity and it’s slowly coming into focus just how many people struggle with the neurotypical systems and processes that don’t work for a large proportion of the population.
It is slow though, most medical professionals still have outdated and prejudicial knowledge of the subject. Treating the issue is always better than not and it doesn’t always have to be medication. Untreated can lead to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. So ignore the fear of the label and embrace the talents and abilities that it brings.
That's exactly what is happening with ADD/ADHD etc. It is seemingly everywhere, and an excuse for everything. You and me will simply have to agree to disagree on this.
Our 14 year old daughter has a condition called Misophonia. She was diagnosed at 10.
We have always been really clear with her that the condition will never go away but she has a choice about how she deals with it and therefore, ultimately, has control.
We have always focused on goal-setting and then working through what adjustments and accommodations have to be made to achieve that goal.
Polly has always been clear that she does not want to take medication, which sometimes makes the path harder for her but she is performing super-well at school, has a great circle of friends and an enriching set of hobbies and interests that she actively engages with. She may be a grumpy teenager who takes her understandable frustrations out on Mrs CGT3 and I at times but we can live with that.
Making them realise that, in the real world none of us are perfect and all of us have to take responsibility for overcoming challenges is a vital 1st step.
We have always been really clear with her that the condition will never go away but she has a choice about how she deals with it and therefore, ultimately, has control.
We have always focused on goal-setting and then working through what adjustments and accommodations have to be made to achieve that goal.
Polly has always been clear that she does not want to take medication, which sometimes makes the path harder for her but she is performing super-well at school, has a great circle of friends and an enriching set of hobbies and interests that she actively engages with. She may be a grumpy teenager who takes her understandable frustrations out on Mrs CGT3 and I at times but we can live with that.
Making them realise that, in the real world none of us are perfect and all of us have to take responsibility for overcoming challenges is a vital 1st step.
Ezra said:
Your profile states "Listen to who shouts the loudest, not who knows the most"
That's exactly what is happening with ADD/ADHD etc. It is seemingly everywhere, and an excuse for everything. You and me will simply have to agree to disagree on this.
Sometimes things are reasons rather than excuses. That's exactly what is happening with ADD/ADHD etc. It is seemingly everywhere, and an excuse for everything. You and me will simply have to agree to disagree on this.
Sporky said:
Ezra said:
Your profile states "Listen to who shouts the loudest, not who knows the most"
Your response to a careful, reasoned post is to have a dig at a quote on a profile and then dismiss every point out of hand?Forester1965 said:
Ezra said:
Your profile states "Listen to who shouts the loudest, not who knows the most"
That's exactly what is happening with ADD/ADHD etc. It is seemingly everywhere, and an excuse for everything. You and me will simply have to agree to disagree on this.
Sometimes things are reasons rather than excuses. That's exactly what is happening with ADD/ADHD etc. It is seemingly everywhere, and an excuse for everything. You and me will simply have to agree to disagree on this.
My teenage daughter displays traits (mental and physical, which are often both present) similar to me and some other family members on both sides of my family, but seemingly magnified by female hormonal things -which makes for some very testing incidents and difficulties for her. I can empathise with some of it, but she obviously won't listen to me.
If it was easy to improve and reduce ADHD tendencies, I would have behaved differently myself too....
She has been started on assessment.
I am uncertain about the whole ADHD thing myself, and to what extent is a "disorder" (it is frustrating, though), but I have consistently differed from "the norm" in a number of ways all my life (although these things were not labelled in past decades) -masked to varying degrees and success by some skills that are much better developed that "the norm".
I have been caught out/found out by people who struggle to comprehend why I cannot do some normal/trivial things very well at all, especially as I am very good at other things. It has been very frustrating for me and them over the years.
My daughter is similar and was not aware of many of my childhood quirks. My son is similar to me in some of the more positive aspects, but does not display the ADHD traits that his sister does.
Spontaneity good, planning and procedure/routine bad.
Much of it seems to be about fitting into the conventions and very regulated systems and rules of modern life and work.
I do wonder if it would have been more of a positive in the pre industrial revolution era.
Ps. I noticed a reference above to not being good at maths. I am quite good at maths. My daughter doesn't like maths.
If it was easy to improve and reduce ADHD tendencies, I would have behaved differently myself too....
She has been started on assessment.
I am uncertain about the whole ADHD thing myself, and to what extent is a "disorder" (it is frustrating, though), but I have consistently differed from "the norm" in a number of ways all my life (although these things were not labelled in past decades) -masked to varying degrees and success by some skills that are much better developed that "the norm".
I have been caught out/found out by people who struggle to comprehend why I cannot do some normal/trivial things very well at all, especially as I am very good at other things. It has been very frustrating for me and them over the years.
My daughter is similar and was not aware of many of my childhood quirks. My son is similar to me in some of the more positive aspects, but does not display the ADHD traits that his sister does.
Spontaneity good, planning and procedure/routine bad.
Much of it seems to be about fitting into the conventions and very regulated systems and rules of modern life and work.
I do wonder if it would have been more of a positive in the pre industrial revolution era.
Ps. I noticed a reference above to not being good at maths. I am quite good at maths. My daughter doesn't like maths.
Edited by Woodrow Wilson on Saturday 17th February 13:15
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