Just exisiting rather than making progress / moving forward
Discussion
Long time member under a different username, and probably building on / continuing a theme on this forum.
I wouldn't say it is recent but I have been feeling that I am just existing these days rather than making any progress in life (whatever that means). Everything seems to be a challenge and another thing to "get done and over with" and I'm struggling to find the time, let alone enthusiasm to undertake any hobbies, be they sitting in or out.
The only thing I do manage is to get to the gym 3 - 4 days a week and progress on this front seems to have stalled. In addition I have been struggling to keep a semi decent diet, I'm not piling on the weight, but it's not great. I have knocked drinking during the week on the head and moderating alcohol a lot though.
I did have a lot of work stress 2021-22, where I went off for a month with stress and burn out, then during end of 2022 I was "managed out" and then ended up in a role I was mis-sold before moving 8 weeks later. But now work wise the thing is, I'm on a decent wage, with a decent company that treat me pretty well and I am recognised for doing well. But I don't feel like it and I have lost enthusiasm for actually doing a good job and being innovative, but am still doing well.
Personally we have had a number of close family deaths (siblings unexpected deaths) between 2019 - 2022 and a few diagnoses of cancer too.
We had a tortuous time moving house in 2022 / 3 but finally did it and despite getting some REALLY bad mortgage advice and when things were really bad we were facing selling the new place, we are now ok. That did take it's toll through and I had to do a lot to not cave when we thought we may have to sell. When the mortgage ends it's not great, but we can afford it. We have been living like we already have to cover the raise and we are more than comfortable, which is far in excess of what we can ask.
So looking at things I should be good (we are thankful and grateful) and I should be feeling that things are in a good place, health is ok, work is ok, finances aren't a struggle, we have a nice place and I don't want for toys and friends. I can also look after the parents when needed and I have volunteered for a charity to mentor ACE children.
But I'm just not there, I can't seem to focus on anything work or hobbies and everything is a slog to start or get done. However, if I do get out on a bicycle or something when I'm there I do have a good time.
The OH is going through a lot with work, however, and it is severely effecting their health and pretty much whole life, leaving me with a fair bit of housework etc. to pick up.
Speaking to a few people I know, I know a few going through it and in many cases they have some legitimate reasons, but I feel like I don't and that I should be getting stuck in and making the most of my time and being grateful I am in a good position.
Anyhow, general rant and stuff...
I wouldn't say it is recent but I have been feeling that I am just existing these days rather than making any progress in life (whatever that means). Everything seems to be a challenge and another thing to "get done and over with" and I'm struggling to find the time, let alone enthusiasm to undertake any hobbies, be they sitting in or out.
The only thing I do manage is to get to the gym 3 - 4 days a week and progress on this front seems to have stalled. In addition I have been struggling to keep a semi decent diet, I'm not piling on the weight, but it's not great. I have knocked drinking during the week on the head and moderating alcohol a lot though.
I did have a lot of work stress 2021-22, where I went off for a month with stress and burn out, then during end of 2022 I was "managed out" and then ended up in a role I was mis-sold before moving 8 weeks later. But now work wise the thing is, I'm on a decent wage, with a decent company that treat me pretty well and I am recognised for doing well. But I don't feel like it and I have lost enthusiasm for actually doing a good job and being innovative, but am still doing well.
Personally we have had a number of close family deaths (siblings unexpected deaths) between 2019 - 2022 and a few diagnoses of cancer too.
We had a tortuous time moving house in 2022 / 3 but finally did it and despite getting some REALLY bad mortgage advice and when things were really bad we were facing selling the new place, we are now ok. That did take it's toll through and I had to do a lot to not cave when we thought we may have to sell. When the mortgage ends it's not great, but we can afford it. We have been living like we already have to cover the raise and we are more than comfortable, which is far in excess of what we can ask.
So looking at things I should be good (we are thankful and grateful) and I should be feeling that things are in a good place, health is ok, work is ok, finances aren't a struggle, we have a nice place and I don't want for toys and friends. I can also look after the parents when needed and I have volunteered for a charity to mentor ACE children.
But I'm just not there, I can't seem to focus on anything work or hobbies and everything is a slog to start or get done. However, if I do get out on a bicycle or something when I'm there I do have a good time.
The OH is going through a lot with work, however, and it is severely effecting their health and pretty much whole life, leaving me with a fair bit of housework etc. to pick up.
Speaking to a few people I know, I know a few going through it and in many cases they have some legitimate reasons, but I feel like I don't and that I should be getting stuck in and making the most of my time and being grateful I am in a good position.
Anyhow, general rant and stuff...
NewbieX0 said:
Long time member under a different username, and probably building on / continuing a theme on this forum.
I wouldn't say it is recent but I have been feeling that I am just existing these days rather than making any progress in life (whatever that means). Everything seems to be a challenge and another thing to "get done and over with" and I'm struggling to find the time, let alone enthusiasm to undertake any hobbies, be they sitting in or out.
The only thing I do manage is to get to the gym 3 - 4 days a week and progress on this front seems to have stalled. In addition I have been struggling to keep a semi decent diet, I'm not piling on the weight, but it's not great. I have knocked drinking during the week on the head and moderating alcohol a lot though.
I did have a lot of work stress 2021-22, where I went off for a month with stress and burn out, then during end of 2022 I was "managed out" and then ended up in a role I was mis-sold before moving 8 weeks later. But now work wise the thing is, I'm on a decent wage, with a decent company that treat me pretty well and I am recognised for doing well. But I don't feel like it and I have lost enthusiasm for actually doing a good job and being innovative, but am still doing well.
Personally we have had a number of close family deaths (siblings unexpected deaths) between 2019 - 2022 and a few diagnoses of cancer too.
We had a tortuous time moving house in 2022 / 3 but finally did it and despite getting some REALLY bad mortgage advice and when things were really bad we were facing selling the new place, we are now ok. That did take it's toll through and I had to do a lot to not cave when we thought we may have to sell. When the mortgage ends it's not great, but we can afford it. We have been living like we already have to cover the raise and we are more than comfortable, which is far in excess of what we can ask.
So looking at things I should be good (we are thankful and grateful) and I should be feeling that things are in a good place, health is ok, work is ok, finances aren't a struggle, we have a nice place and I don't want for toys and friends. I can also look after the parents when needed and I have volunteered for a charity to mentor ACE children.
But I'm just not there, I can't seem to focus on anything work or hobbies and everything is a slog to start or get done. However, if I do get out on a bicycle or something when I'm there I do have a good time.
The OH is going through a lot with work, however, and it is severely effecting their health and pretty much whole life, leaving me with a fair bit of housework etc. to pick up.
Speaking to a few people I know, I know a few going through it and in many cases they have some legitimate reasons, but I feel like I don't and that I should be getting stuck in and making the most of my time and being grateful I am in a good position.
Anyhow, general rant and stuff...
It sounds like you've been through quite a lot recently and these things can have a delayed effect. You get through them on adrenaline and then you crash, for a while.I wouldn't say it is recent but I have been feeling that I am just existing these days rather than making any progress in life (whatever that means). Everything seems to be a challenge and another thing to "get done and over with" and I'm struggling to find the time, let alone enthusiasm to undertake any hobbies, be they sitting in or out.
The only thing I do manage is to get to the gym 3 - 4 days a week and progress on this front seems to have stalled. In addition I have been struggling to keep a semi decent diet, I'm not piling on the weight, but it's not great. I have knocked drinking during the week on the head and moderating alcohol a lot though.
I did have a lot of work stress 2021-22, where I went off for a month with stress and burn out, then during end of 2022 I was "managed out" and then ended up in a role I was mis-sold before moving 8 weeks later. But now work wise the thing is, I'm on a decent wage, with a decent company that treat me pretty well and I am recognised for doing well. But I don't feel like it and I have lost enthusiasm for actually doing a good job and being innovative, but am still doing well.
Personally we have had a number of close family deaths (siblings unexpected deaths) between 2019 - 2022 and a few diagnoses of cancer too.
We had a tortuous time moving house in 2022 / 3 but finally did it and despite getting some REALLY bad mortgage advice and when things were really bad we were facing selling the new place, we are now ok. That did take it's toll through and I had to do a lot to not cave when we thought we may have to sell. When the mortgage ends it's not great, but we can afford it. We have been living like we already have to cover the raise and we are more than comfortable, which is far in excess of what we can ask.
So looking at things I should be good (we are thankful and grateful) and I should be feeling that things are in a good place, health is ok, work is ok, finances aren't a struggle, we have a nice place and I don't want for toys and friends. I can also look after the parents when needed and I have volunteered for a charity to mentor ACE children.
But I'm just not there, I can't seem to focus on anything work or hobbies and everything is a slog to start or get done. However, if I do get out on a bicycle or something when I'm there I do have a good time.
The OH is going through a lot with work, however, and it is severely effecting their health and pretty much whole life, leaving me with a fair bit of housework etc. to pick up.
Speaking to a few people I know, I know a few going through it and in many cases they have some legitimate reasons, but I feel like I don't and that I should be getting stuck in and making the most of my time and being grateful I am in a good position.
Anyhow, general rant and stuff...
The only advice I can offer you is eat the elephant one piece at a time. Take each day as it comes. Just keep going, even if you have to walk. If you feel unable to walk, and like you're going to jump, seek medical help.
There's a very good chance that you will gradually start to feel better.
I thought this was going to be another stalled restoration or restomod project.
Sounds like you're responding as any normal person would with everything that you've had to deal with.
I've found that when in this mindset - the best thing to reset your thinking is to do something different for a short period. Usually going somewhere out of your comfort zone or starting a new interest.
When back in normality, you'll feel the same again but the reset will at least give you respite from where you are now.
If you don't, you probably will still get out of that mindset - it will just take longer.
Sounds like you're responding as any normal person would with everything that you've had to deal with.
I've found that when in this mindset - the best thing to reset your thinking is to do something different for a short period. Usually going somewhere out of your comfort zone or starting a new interest.
When back in normality, you'll feel the same again but the reset will at least give you respite from where you are now.
If you don't, you probably will still get out of that mindset - it will just take longer.
NewbieX0 said:
they have some legitimate reasons, but I feel like I don't
Read back your post and try to objectively imagine what you'd think if I (or a close friend of yours) had in fact posted it.Everything has not been fine, you've had a very stressful / draining few years, even if you perhaps had to pretend everything was fine in order to get through it.
Talking about it is a great part of the process, but you need to acknowledge / accept / give yourself credit for what you have had to deal with. You have value, your reasons are not illegitimate "because it's me", been there, and I was wrong.
Sounds like you're dealing with a lot and never underestimate how much of a toll a buildup of lots of stress can be. I had a similar outlook a few years back with a buildup of lots of things. I'm no expert but I do know that I'm not in the same place I was then, and you won't be in time either. Things will look up and will get better. I don't know what your support network is like, but I was lucky to have a few close friends I could lean on. They couldn't solve my problems but just shooting the breeze with them did help. Maybe you have someone to go for a beer with who will listen to your troubles?
I also found going for hikes helped. I'm not much for outdoor activities but bought some boots and spent lot of time exploring the scenery in my native Northumberland. May not work for everyone but certainly helped me. Anyway, sorry to hear of your problems and I hope things pick up for you soon.
I also found going for hikes helped. I'm not much for outdoor activities but bought some boots and spent lot of time exploring the scenery in my native Northumberland. May not work for everyone but certainly helped me. Anyway, sorry to hear of your problems and I hope things pick up for you soon.
Yes, been exactly where you are a year ago, in my case meds helped a lot and like you I had gone through a lot in the last few years. Im now back to boring normality and enjoying the mundane things. Pick up something you really fancy in the supermarket, treat yourself to a pub lunch but most of all keep talking.
Theres a lot going on here that much is clear. Sometimes too much going on in an environment that is stressful leads to a "deer in the headlights" moment or period. You do nothing feel like you are not going anywhere or achieving anything. This in turn creates more buildup of thing. It becomes a spiral.
Talk through all those things that are out there that are going on. Start looking for the easy gains. What could you resolve today? Don't look at the things that will take weeks or months to resolve or you have no power to resolve. These will only add to the sense of frustration when you can't resolve them today. Building on the small gains you hopefully build the energy to address the things that will take longer to resolve. You need to work through the gears not try peddling your bike in the highest gear immediately.
Talk through all those things that are out there that are going on. Start looking for the easy gains. What could you resolve today? Don't look at the things that will take weeks or months to resolve or you have no power to resolve. These will only add to the sense of frustration when you can't resolve them today. Building on the small gains you hopefully build the energy to address the things that will take longer to resolve. You need to work through the gears not try peddling your bike in the highest gear immediately.
To be honest, it sounds like you have gone through some really tough times recently so is treading water such a bad thing? There's so much pressure to constantly be progressing these days, but you've got to give yourself some credit for keeping going with everything that's been going on.
Thanks everyone.
Thinking back on the talking it through with mate", out of my close friends, one I supported with a bad job situation from 2020 until this year, including financially and he's still struggling, another I was and still am helping him rebuild his business after some very bad stuff that saw him almost lose his home and another was calling me 3 days a week, drunk and then threatened to top himself and tried late last year, thankfully it wasn't successful and he is getting help. That did lead me down a bit of a spiral as it was that "one time I didn't answer the phone", but talking for 4 hours until the early hours was physically exhausting me.
Of those who I would talk to, looking at it objectively, I was / am taking on a lot from them too.
After reading that I realised that I have also been avoiding going biking, which was always a nice time out, partially because the guys I ride with would f**k off in to the distance, are very competitive, and it may sound stupid, but live in a massively different financial bracket and lifestyle to me. Don't get me wrong, it's not a comparison and "keeping up with the Jones's" but there is often a bit of a "just do X" and it is a bit embarassing saying "sorry guys I just can't afford that" (sometimes it is time, others money). And that has been weighing on me a lot, stupid I know. So then there is the "I'm not riding, so getting un-fit etc"
I do feel like my ability to do smaller things is diminishing though. I run out of energy to do things. Home and work, if there are disagreements, I just don't have the motivation to stand up and I've always been one to do that. I can see those changes and do feel quite down about it. And I think that the confidence has gotten me to where I am now.
Again, thanks to everyone, I do appreciate it.
Pistom said:
I thought this was going to be another stalled restoration or restomod project.
Lets' not look in the garage....Thinking back on the talking it through with mate", out of my close friends, one I supported with a bad job situation from 2020 until this year, including financially and he's still struggling, another I was and still am helping him rebuild his business after some very bad stuff that saw him almost lose his home and another was calling me 3 days a week, drunk and then threatened to top himself and tried late last year, thankfully it wasn't successful and he is getting help. That did lead me down a bit of a spiral as it was that "one time I didn't answer the phone", but talking for 4 hours until the early hours was physically exhausting me.
Of those who I would talk to, looking at it objectively, I was / am taking on a lot from them too.
SturdyHSV said:
Read back your post and try to objectively imagine what you'd think if I (or a close friend of yours) had in fact posted it.
.
I guess you're right. If I read my post I would be telling them to share the issue and get out and do things, have a hobby etc. .
After reading that I realised that I have also been avoiding going biking, which was always a nice time out, partially because the guys I ride with would f**k off in to the distance, are very competitive, and it may sound stupid, but live in a massively different financial bracket and lifestyle to me. Don't get me wrong, it's not a comparison and "keeping up with the Jones's" but there is often a bit of a "just do X" and it is a bit embarassing saying "sorry guys I just can't afford that" (sometimes it is time, others money). And that has been weighing on me a lot, stupid I know. So then there is the "I'm not riding, so getting un-fit etc"
GT03ROB said:
Theres a lot going on here that much is clear. Sometimes too much going on in an environment that is stressful leads to a "deer in the headlights" moment or period. You do nothing feel like you are not going anywhere or achieving anything. This in turn creates more buildup of thing. It becomes a spiral.
Talk through all those things that are out there that are going on. Start looking for the easy gains. What could you resolve today? Don't look at the things that will take weeks or months to resolve or you have no power to resolve. These will only add to the sense of frustration when you can't resolve them today. Building on the small gains you hopefully build the energy to address the things that will take longer to resolve. You need to work through the gears not try peddling your bike in the highest gear immediately.
It this may be it. Talk through all those things that are out there that are going on. Start looking for the easy gains. What could you resolve today? Don't look at the things that will take weeks or months to resolve or you have no power to resolve. These will only add to the sense of frustration when you can't resolve them today. Building on the small gains you hopefully build the energy to address the things that will take longer to resolve. You need to work through the gears not try peddling your bike in the highest gear immediately.
I do feel like my ability to do smaller things is diminishing though. I run out of energy to do things. Home and work, if there are disagreements, I just don't have the motivation to stand up and I've always been one to do that. I can see those changes and do feel quite down about it. And I think that the confidence has gotten me to where I am now.
Again, thanks to everyone, I do appreciate it.
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