Dealing with stress and anxiety
Discussion
Hi All,
I'm a long-standing PH member and using a new account just as I wanted some anonymity.
I'm having some real issues with anxiety and stress. I always have I think but as I am turning 40 this year, I am more and more concerned about my long term health. I can feel an early grave coming on if I don't find a way to chill out.
I've noticed the following things:
I exercise, have a mostly decent home life, no money issues, etc. I don't sleep well but never have really.
Symptoms
Thanks all
I'm a long-standing PH member and using a new account just as I wanted some anonymity.
I'm having some real issues with anxiety and stress. I always have I think but as I am turning 40 this year, I am more and more concerned about my long term health. I can feel an early grave coming on if I don't find a way to chill out.
I've noticed the following things:
- It's often when things are out of my control
- Most of the time things aren't even that bad objectively, in fact it's pretty light but due to no control it's hard to relax
- It's also made more intense when there are lots of things all at once, many of which depend on each other and again it's hard to plan/relax
I exercise, have a mostly decent home life, no money issues, etc. I don't sleep well but never have really.
Symptoms
- Shoulders up by my ears very tense and actually a bit painful
- Breathing is heavier and also quicker
- Bit shakey
- Irritable and very moody
- Edgy
- Hard to concentrate and relax in general
Thanks all
Edited by ItIsPrivate on Wednesday 3rd January 09:53
I've had very low level anxiety as long as I can remember - rising a bit if I'm flying anywhere (though the flights are fine, it's airports) - but it flared up into full-blown anxiety attacks (again particularly when travelling) a couple of years ago. I'm pretty sure that escalation was work related as we'd been bought and I was having to deal with far too much change and too many new people.
It was also worse if I was under too much pressure or being interrupted while working.
My GP gave me beta blockers to turn off thee direct physical symptoms - the fight-or-flight and heart palpitations. That helped me a lot; I could recognise them as my brain overreacting. I tried CBT but got nowhere; REBT was a bit more helpful.
I then did six months or so on a low dose of SSRIs. By the end of that I'd got to the point where I could identify if I was getting anxious, work out if it was a false alarm, and act accordingly. I am unsure how much the SSRIs did versus having made other changes over the same period.
For me the other shift was a friend putting things together - stress with change, stress with lots of new people, stress with interruptions - and suggesting I try a couple of online tests for autism. I'm not saying you are, but there are familiar things in what you've posted (and poor sleep is quite common). The RAADS-R is a good place to start if you want, but I may be adding 1 and 1 and getting 7.
Best of luck; I hope at least some of this is helpful, even if it's just "it's not just you".
It was also worse if I was under too much pressure or being interrupted while working.
My GP gave me beta blockers to turn off thee direct physical symptoms - the fight-or-flight and heart palpitations. That helped me a lot; I could recognise them as my brain overreacting. I tried CBT but got nowhere; REBT was a bit more helpful.
I then did six months or so on a low dose of SSRIs. By the end of that I'd got to the point where I could identify if I was getting anxious, work out if it was a false alarm, and act accordingly. I am unsure how much the SSRIs did versus having made other changes over the same period.
For me the other shift was a friend putting things together - stress with change, stress with lots of new people, stress with interruptions - and suggesting I try a couple of online tests for autism. I'm not saying you are, but there are familiar things in what you've posted (and poor sleep is quite common). The RAADS-R is a good place to start if you want, but I may be adding 1 and 1 and getting 7.
Best of luck; I hope at least some of this is helpful, even if it's just "it's not just you".
Horrible thing anxiety, what worked for me and took a long time to realize, don’t fight it, the sooner you accept it and become used to it the sooner you will become bored of it and realize that it can’t harm you, in fact i when I do have days of super high anxiety I use that nervousness and wave of energy to get things done, I’m familiar with all the physical symptoms too, again just it’s just your body doing its thing, nothing to worry about, look up The Dare response, that gives loads of great advice,
Plus the usual advice on cutting down on alcohol and caffeine, as mentioned fresh air and exercise helps too
Plus the usual advice on cutting down on alcohol and caffeine, as mentioned fresh air and exercise helps too
Squadrone Rosso said:
If you’re able, do something physical in the fresh air.
Thank you - I am doing a lot more exercise in the last 1-2 months and really enjoying it. Rejoined my running club, starting turbo sessions and walking more. That is helping. Thanks again for the advice
Sporky said:
and suggesting I try a couple of online tests for autism. I'm not saying you are, but there are familiar things in what you've posted (and poor sleep is quite common). The RAADS-R is a good place to start if you want, but I may be adding 1 and 1 and getting 7.
Best of luck; I hope at least some of this is helpful, even if it's just "it's not just you".
Thanks for all the advice, really helpful, especially with the things that didn't work and the way you've started to identify it at an earlier stage to start to deal with it.Best of luck; I hope at least some of this is helpful, even if it's just "it's not just you".
I don't know if it's possible but I feel I've got more autistic over the years. I worked in the emergency services for years and was very resillient, dealing with lots of things and enjoying it. No trauma or anything like that.
Anyway, I've noticed I do have some unusual quirks:
- Really hate being sat in between lots of people. Like if there is a table of people, I would always feel 100x more relaxed on the end rather than in the middle of a big row.
- Noise - if there are 10 converations on going around it me it sets me on edge. Similarly, I once went to a theme park and the sound of lots of kids screaming really made me tense up.
- If you met me you'd think I'm a nice guy, sociable, good laugh etc. I am but there is also a point where I get really "tired" in company. Like if I was with some people it's fine for an hour. But if I was with them for an entire day, or two days, then it will really get hard to keep energy levels up. I just get worn down by it.
I have bad anxiety, maybe not as bad as some but it affects me daily, I'm a bus driver and the job has made the anxiety worse over the years, constantly worrying whether i am going to get some lunatic passenger who's going to go on the offensive with me over something out of my control, and i worry over that from every stop i pull up to, I also don't do well around people in general as i often feel awkward or like i don't fit into the conversation that's ongoing.
The only place that takes that away is when i am at home and i can let the defenses down, I've had people say well quit the job if that's a part of my anxiety issues but it's not so simple when the hours i do fit perfectly with childcare and there not been much else out there that fits in with our home life so i unfortunately put up with it.
The only place that takes that away is when i am at home and i can let the defenses down, I've had people say well quit the job if that's a part of my anxiety issues but it's not so simple when the hours i do fit perfectly with childcare and there not been much else out there that fits in with our home life so i unfortunately put up with it.
ItIsPrivate said:
I don't know if it's possible but I feel I've got more autistic over the years. I worked in the emergency services for years and was very resillient, dealing with lots of things and enjoying it. No trauma or anything like that.
I think it absolutely can shift, and it's possible to get good at things. Just thinking out loud, perhaps a different emotional response to things helps with dealing with emergency services stuff.From the detail you've added I think it's worth doing the test, perhaps it'll be a route to further understanding and some tactics to deal with the things you find harder.
ItIsPrivate said:
Anyway, I've noticed I do have some unusual quirks:
Just to point out, statistically, NONE of the above is unusual at all, Derren Brown or someone similar used that as part of a tv show, "mind reading" and amazing people that he figured out that they didn't like to be the centre of attention, when it's actually really common. - Really hate being sat in between lots of people. Like if there is a table of people, I would always feel 100x more relaxed on the end rather than in the middle of a big row.
- Noise - if there are 10 converations on going around it me it sets me on edge. Similarly, I once went to a theme park and the sound of lots of kids screaming really made me tense up.
- If you met me you'd think I'm a nice guy, sociable, good laugh etc. I am but there is also a point where I get really "tired" in company. Like if I was with some people it's fine for an hour. But if I was with them for an entire day, or two days, then it will really get hard to keep energy levels up. I just get worn down by it.
I'm a bit unusual in that I'm the opposite, I like being in the middle and entertaining, but particularly if it's with customers then I will still "breathe out" at the end of the day and have a beer.
Edited by Hammersia on Wednesday 3rd January 10:50
Hi, I'm hoping that I can give you some advice and maybe it might hit home. I'm 43 and have been suffering for years with stress, anxiety, depression (low level) and panic attacks. I have now realised that it's been a prolonged childhood trauma that I've never dealt until now which has caused many of my 'issues'.
Somethings that helped me were other people going through tough times and talking about it and what they said to me.
1. You can't control other people or situations, only how you react to them.
This was big, I always wanted to be in control and couldn't relax knowing I couldn't influence every situation I was in. Turns out 99% of things that happen around me needs NO reaction from me. I was getting scared of normal every day places looking for a danger that didn't exist, or I would react poorly to what folk said to me, over analyzing every word and making it into a big deal when it wasn't.
2. We're all playing the big game of life, we all end up dead and don't know when it's going to happen so enjoy the now, for get the past and don't live in the future.
Sounds bleak but I was regretting the past and trying to live out future moments in my head all the while ignoring the NOW and missing the wonderful life I've got going on around me. Procrastinating was killing all my joy, I would worry about events, going places, future work meetings and calls expecting the worst but when it came around it was all good. I've spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened - Mark Twain - 100% me!
3. Talk to people, tell them how you feel, find a club (Andys Man Club?) as saying the problem out loud can sometimes make it seem less scary.
I've done group and individual therapy over the past 2 months along with weekly meetings talking about my feelings. It's done wonders for me to the point many of my old hang ups are gone or much less impactful on my life. I've had great advice from other people around me and have seen a massive improvement in my physical and mental health. Sleeping better, eating better, avoidance behavior all but gone. Not freaking out or worrying about the simple stuff.
Even my work has been very supportive after I told them about what I was going through. If your work is decent, they will have some form of Mental Health care or help available and should be very supportive.
In my therapy I was shown visual guides along with the reading material that at first seemed stupid but has helped me massively. It sounds like you are trying to problem solve what you are seeing as real threats and situations while you are out with your window of tolerance. If you are already worried it's hard for the 'new brain' to problem solve as your old brain is reacting to a perceived threat. You are maybe within a fight or flight response hence why your tense and your breathing is faster than normal.
You need to find a way to anchor yourself back down, distract from the problem and get your new brain engaged again to problem solve rationally. When your in a heightened state your can easily become overwhelmed and make poor decisions. I've gone back and reviewed some of my past issues and wrote down how I was feeling, what I wanted to do, what I actually done, how it made me feel at the time etc. Some of the decision making when I read it out loud was absurd, but that's how I dealt with it with no rationale and it's helped me see current 'problems' in a different light.
What is the problem? How do I feel physically/mentally? What do I want to do (usually avoid/remove myself for the area)? What am I going to do? Anchor myself back to reality, distract my brain until I'm a little bit calmer, make sound decisions based on what I know....... Oh, this has happened before, it may be scary BUT this scenario hasn't killed me before, my body is hyped pushing me to fight or flight, calm down and deal with this rationally. The more I do it this way, the less scary these situations become.
Hope some of that makes sense?
Somethings that helped me were other people going through tough times and talking about it and what they said to me.
1. You can't control other people or situations, only how you react to them.
This was big, I always wanted to be in control and couldn't relax knowing I couldn't influence every situation I was in. Turns out 99% of things that happen around me needs NO reaction from me. I was getting scared of normal every day places looking for a danger that didn't exist, or I would react poorly to what folk said to me, over analyzing every word and making it into a big deal when it wasn't.
2. We're all playing the big game of life, we all end up dead and don't know when it's going to happen so enjoy the now, for get the past and don't live in the future.
Sounds bleak but I was regretting the past and trying to live out future moments in my head all the while ignoring the NOW and missing the wonderful life I've got going on around me. Procrastinating was killing all my joy, I would worry about events, going places, future work meetings and calls expecting the worst but when it came around it was all good. I've spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened - Mark Twain - 100% me!
3. Talk to people, tell them how you feel, find a club (Andys Man Club?) as saying the problem out loud can sometimes make it seem less scary.
I've done group and individual therapy over the past 2 months along with weekly meetings talking about my feelings. It's done wonders for me to the point many of my old hang ups are gone or much less impactful on my life. I've had great advice from other people around me and have seen a massive improvement in my physical and mental health. Sleeping better, eating better, avoidance behavior all but gone. Not freaking out or worrying about the simple stuff.
Even my work has been very supportive after I told them about what I was going through. If your work is decent, they will have some form of Mental Health care or help available and should be very supportive.
In my therapy I was shown visual guides along with the reading material that at first seemed stupid but has helped me massively. It sounds like you are trying to problem solve what you are seeing as real threats and situations while you are out with your window of tolerance. If you are already worried it's hard for the 'new brain' to problem solve as your old brain is reacting to a perceived threat. You are maybe within a fight or flight response hence why your tense and your breathing is faster than normal.
You need to find a way to anchor yourself back down, distract from the problem and get your new brain engaged again to problem solve rationally. When your in a heightened state your can easily become overwhelmed and make poor decisions. I've gone back and reviewed some of my past issues and wrote down how I was feeling, what I wanted to do, what I actually done, how it made me feel at the time etc. Some of the decision making when I read it out loud was absurd, but that's how I dealt with it with no rationale and it's helped me see current 'problems' in a different light.
What is the problem? How do I feel physically/mentally? What do I want to do (usually avoid/remove myself for the area)? What am I going to do? Anchor myself back to reality, distract my brain until I'm a little bit calmer, make sound decisions based on what I know....... Oh, this has happened before, it may be scary BUT this scenario hasn't killed me before, my body is hyped pushing me to fight or flight, calm down and deal with this rationally. The more I do it this way, the less scary these situations become.
Hope some of that makes sense?
ItIsPrivate said:
Squadrone Rosso said:
If you’re able, do something physical in the fresh air.
Thank you - I am doing a lot more exercise in the last 1-2 months and really enjoying it. Rejoined my running club, starting turbo sessions and walking more. That is helping. Thanks again for the advice
Sporky said:
and suggesting I try a couple of online tests for autism. I'm not saying you are, but there are familiar things in what you've posted (and poor sleep is quite common). The RAADS-R is a good place to start if you want, but I may be adding 1 and 1 and getting 7.
Best of luck; I hope at least some of this is helpful, even if it's just "it's not just you".
Thanks for all the advice, really helpful, especially with the things that didn't work and the way you've started to identify it at an earlier stage to start to deal with it.Best of luck; I hope at least some of this is helpful, even if it's just "it's not just you".
I don't know if it's possible but I feel I've got more autistic over the years. I worked in the emergency services for years and was very resillient, dealing with lots of things and enjoying it. No trauma or anything like that.
Anyway, I've noticed I do have some unusual quirks:
- Really hate being sat in between lots of people. Like if there is a table of people, I would always feel 100x more relaxed on the end rather than in the middle of a big row.
- Noise - if there are 10 converations on going around it me it sets me on edge. Similarly, I once went to a theme park and the sound of lots of kids screaming really made me tense up.
- If you met me you'd think I'm a nice guy, sociable, good laugh etc. I am but there is also a point where I get really "tired" in company. Like if I was with some people it's fine for an hour. But if I was with them for an entire day, or two days, then it will really get hard to keep energy levels up. I just get worn down by it.
I will echo the posts directing you towards mindfulness.
Found this book very helpful:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-gui...
I didn't necessarily think that it was helpful at the time of doing the practices but a few months on and I seem to be in a better place than I've been in a long time.
Found this book very helpful:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-gui...
I didn't necessarily think that it was helpful at the time of doing the practices but a few months on and I seem to be in a better place than I've been in a long time.
Nothing much to add other than there’s some good advice above and you are definitely not alone.
Anxiety can be very unpleasant to live with, and has had a big impact on my life at times.
Actually, the one thing I will add, is don’t be afraid to let people know how you are doing. People are far more accepting of mental health issues than even a decade ago, and it takes a weight off your mind.
Anxiety can be very unpleasant to live with, and has had a big impact on my life at times.
Actually, the one thing I will add, is don’t be afraid to let people know how you are doing. People are far more accepting of mental health issues than even a decade ago, and it takes a weight off your mind.
Some really good advice above. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, as you can see by the responses, this is very common. I always feel that anxiety is the liar and depression is the bully. Fortunately we live in an age where asking for help with those 2 is not stigmatised.
Talking therapy can really help (have used betterhelp myself in the past).
As mentioned above, Andy's man club seems like a really good group (I usually work Monday evenings so haven't been along as yet). I've also used some simple breathing apps to help when I feel myself tensing up.
Talking therapy can really help (have used betterhelp myself in the past).
As mentioned above, Andy's man club seems like a really good group (I usually work Monday evenings so haven't been along as yet). I've also used some simple breathing apps to help when I feel myself tensing up.
Sticks. said:
So you don't sleep well.
I find that if I lack good sleep my ability to deal with all the everyday stuff/pressures of like is significantly decreased and I feel stressed.
So maybe that'd be a good staring point, albeit not the whole solution.
That’s very much a vicious circle. The more tired you are, the quicker the anxiety hits (even from minor things) which causes you to lie in bed worrying, and so on. I find that if I lack good sleep my ability to deal with all the everyday stuff/pressures of like is significantly decreased and I feel stressed.
So maybe that'd be a good staring point, albeit not the whole solution.
Breaking the cycle might be as simple as no alcohol or caffeine in the evening plus over the counter sleeping tablets for a week, or may be much harder.
as well as the excellent suggestions already offered and, if youre not averse to short term use of anti-anxiety medication, could also consider using promethazine as an "as required" addition to your arsenal..
many people with anxiety states carry a tablet or two with them "just in case". not right for everyone but the idea of a safety net is reassuring for some.
usually cheaper to buy over the counter, no prescription required but you will need to ask the pharmacist for it. trade names "Sominex" (marketed as a sleep aid) and Phenergan, adult dose is 25-50mg. other sedating anti-histamines available but promethazine is licensed as a sedative/anti-anxiety etc
many people with anxiety states carry a tablet or two with them "just in case". not right for everyone but the idea of a safety net is reassuring for some.
usually cheaper to buy over the counter, no prescription required but you will need to ask the pharmacist for it. trade names "Sominex" (marketed as a sleep aid) and Phenergan, adult dose is 25-50mg. other sedating anti-histamines available but promethazine is licensed as a sedative/anti-anxiety etc
ItIsPrivate said:
Anyway, I've noticed I do have some unusual quirks:
I get like this all the time, although for me it's due to hearing loss. I just take myself away for a brief moment of calm before returning to the noise. Although I have hearing loss I am sensitive to loud noise.- Really hate being sat in between lots of people. Like if there is a table of people, I would always feel 100x more relaxed on the end rather than in the middle of a big row.
- Noise - if there are 10 converations on going around it me it sets me on edge. Similarly, I once went to a theme park and the sound of lots of kids screaming really made me tense up.
- If you met me you'd think I'm a nice guy, sociable, good laugh etc. I am but there is also a point where I get really "tired" in company. Like if I was with some people it's fine for an hour. But if I was with them for an entire day, or two days, then it will really get hard to keep energy levels up. I just get worn down by it.
I always sit on the end of a table, again due to hearing loss, otherwise I can't hear one of the people either side of me and I end up ignoring them, which I'd rather not do (also handy for getting away for the frequent noise breaks). I can't handle 2 conversations going on at once nevermind 10!
My advice, just make an effort to get to tables first and sit on the end. If you don't like noisy crowed places then don't go to them. It works for me. Yes you might miss out on stuff but if you wouldn't enjoy it anyway due to anxiety then it's no big loss. Ear plugs also help (aka party plugs) so you can still hear but it's not so loud.
Check out a podcast called “disordered”
https://www.disordered.fm/
also look up a book by Claire Weekes called “Hope and help for your nerves” it’s an old book but a very good one.
Don’t think of it as a threat as hard as that is.
https://www.disordered.fm/
also look up a book by Claire Weekes called “Hope and help for your nerves” it’s an old book but a very good one.
Don’t think of it as a threat as hard as that is.
Edited by Endless Nameless on Wednesday 3rd January 23:37
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