Living with the menopause

[towser]

Hi,

My other half has been going through the menopause for the last 6-8 months and has been emotionally up and down, almost on an hourly basis, over the Christmas period. The last 2-3 days have been particularly bad.

It feels like a lot of her frustration and anger gets directed at me - even if I'm just minding my own business I'm a legitimate target. I generally bite my tongue, try and rationalise things and manage my feelings of injustice.

I have to say I do feel like just walking away and not coming back at times, however, we've got two youngish kids (10 and 12) so I go with the flow to give them some kind of stability and normality when it's at it's worst but they do notice and I know it's impacting them - my son especially who occassionally mutters dark thoughts about his mother.

I'm not ignoring the hell that my other half is going through (that's how I rationalise a lot of the bad things) but it's hard to keep positive!

For anyone else who's been through this, how did you deal with it, how long does this last?

[Langleyuser]

Please explore HRT , will help you both be sane. Don’t underestimate the turbulence menopause can create and there is no reason to try and brave it when better options like HRT are available.

[alscar]

There are lots of threads / posts on here about it.
Fwiw the answer can be years - my MIL’s lasted for about a decade but she was not too adversely affected.
My wife has been going through it for about 3 years - the worst for her seemed to be the hot flushes which after being on patches for the last year have pretty much vanished.
Moods can vary tremendously.
I would say Patience from your perspective is probably the one key word and obviously understanding.
Not starting conversations that appear to cause trigger points also a good idea.

[towser]

Langleyuser said:

Please explore HRT , will help you both be sane. Don’t underestimate the turbulence menopause can create and there is no reason to try and brave it when better options like HRT are available.

Thanks - she is on HRT but it seems to be a bit hit and miss from wht I understand.....

[towser]

alscar said:

There are lots of threads / posts on here about it.
Fwiw the answer can be years - my MIL’s lasted for about a decade but she was not too adversely affected.
My wife has been going through it for about 3 years - the worst for her seemed to be the hot flushes which after being on patches for the last year have pretty much vanished.
Moods can vary tremendously.
I would say Patience from your perspective is probably the one key word and obviously understanding.
Not starting conversations that appear to cause trigger points also a good idea.

Thanks - will look those threads up. Yeah, conversations are a minefield at the moment.....

[J1_Jon]

same here; nhs gp & gynea no idea; try going private

[Phil.]

towser said:

Thanks - she is on HRT but it seems to be a bit hit and miss from wht I understand.....

My wife tried HRT and it was a disaster. She ended up suicidal. There are many types and doses of HRT and I understand you need to constantly review and change to find the correct solution for each individual. I also think there is a massive hype about HRT so I’d try different things, maybe even coming off it for a while.

Additionally, understand that the experience you describe, especially the focus of her wrath whilst you are only breathing, is perfectly normal. It’s horrible to experience as a husband/partner as it feels like you’re pretty worthless and everything you have and still contribute to the relationship is a waste of time. But you need to take a step back on realise what is actually happening.

My advice would be to talk to her on good days and explain what you are witnessing, very rationally and without any fault being mentioned. You need to get close to her on this, effective calm communication is vital. She needs to be able to reflect on her behavior and feelings in a safe place with you. If you do this then you’ll begin to understand what is happening to her and be able to provide the support when needed rather than feeling bad. Remember, it’s not your fault she’s being horrible to you, at the same time it’s not hers either, she’s literally out of control due to the blasted hormones flooding her body.

If she’s having a bad day then take the kids out if you can or provide support in other ways. She also needs to eat healthily, exercise (walking/yoga/gym etc.) and get good sleep. If you can discuss this and support her to achieve it then she will respond positively.

It’s going to be a long haul though with some lows and some highs! The best bit is you can become much closer and as the menopause tapers off, you’ll find your relationship is on another level. In my experience that’s a much better outcome than a divorce.

[shambolic]

My missus has been going through menopause for nearly last 20 years. Had to get a hysterectomy 4/5 years after we got married due to a tumour on her ovaries.
She’s been on HRT patches to try and regulate hormones since. Recently she had a new doctor who actually advised about getting Testosterone for her too.
Didn’t know that the ovaries produced this as well as female hormones.
It explains a lot with her loss of sex drive hair loss muscle tone. Although last 4 years she had thyroid cancer which has similar symptoms etc. I just put it down to me being uglier and older. (I jest) but it is an issue so speak to a proper specialist and don’t let a GP fob you off

[surveyor]

It's very trying on a relationship. After a thread on here and discussing it with my wife she actually went and did get HRT. It took a while and was beginning to work when her prescription ran out as she could not get through to the doctors to make an appointment for a checkup.

This confused her body and she ended up in A&E due to torrential bleeding.

She's now back to how she was before HRT, but the mood swings seem better. Her main issue is not sleeping, and it is pretty debilitating at times.

[Slow.Patrol]

It seems that a lot of menopause issues are caused by lack of sleep. Imagine having ho get up 4-5 times a night due to overheating issues, every single night.

I know of some woman who have got relief from taking small doses of amitriptyline to help with sleep.

[alscar]

Slow.Patrol said:

It seems that a lot of menopause issues are caused by lack of sleep. Imagine having ho get up 4-5 times a night due to overheating issues, every single night.

I know of some woman who have got relief from taking small doses of amitriptyline to help with sleep.

Yup my wife takes that ( for nerve pain ) and it definitely assists with sleep - downside is she always feels very groggy when she gets up and that feeling lasts a good few hours.