Friends. How often do you seem them and is it enough?
Poll: Friends. How often do you seem them and is it enough?
Total Members Polled: 29
Discussion
Mod's please don't move this elsewhere because I am asking this from a mental health perspective. Now that's out of the way.
How often do you see your friends, and I mean actual friends, not work colleagues, even if you class them as friends.
I see friends probably every other week on average, unfortunately I don't have many, and I definitely don't feel like it is enough.
I would like to make more, but I have Asperger's and it makes understanding if people are interested in me as a person very hard. It also makes trying new things a real challenge.
I am trying to understand if I am being overly needy or just normal.
ETA: Your probably going to see a lot more of me asking stupid questions this week, because I had a truly s
te weekend and need to attempt to understand what is going on inside my head.
How often do you see your friends, and I mean actual friends, not work colleagues, even if you class them as friends.
I see friends probably every other week on average, unfortunately I don't have many, and I definitely don't feel like it is enough.
I would like to make more, but I have Asperger's and it makes understanding if people are interested in me as a person very hard. It also makes trying new things a real challenge.
I am trying to understand if I am being overly needy or just normal.
ETA: Your probably going to see a lot more of me asking stupid questions this week, because I had a truly s
te weekend and need to attempt to understand what is going on inside my head.Edited by Megaflow on Monday 23 October 09:37
Maybe once every 6 months I'll see my mates from school, they live all over (nearest is 150 miles) so it's not easy to see them. Try do a holiday with them once a year. I'm quite happy in my own company so doesn't bother me too much and we speak on the group chat daily so always in touch.
I only get to see my best mate 2 or 3 times a year.
We don’t live that close to each other, have family commitments and work shifts.
On the occasions that we do get together, which may only be grabbing breakfast at a greasy spoon, it’s as if we only spoke the previous day.
This friendship is worth its weight in gold and either of us would drop everything if the other were really in trouble.
It would definitely be preferable to catch up more often, but there’s always a mickey taking Meme to be sent every other week, which often says enough so the other knows how you are doing.
It’s the quality of the friendship, not the frequency that you actually meet up that counts.
We don’t live that close to each other, have family commitments and work shifts.
On the occasions that we do get together, which may only be grabbing breakfast at a greasy spoon, it’s as if we only spoke the previous day.
This friendship is worth its weight in gold and either of us would drop everything if the other were really in trouble.
It would definitely be preferable to catch up more often, but there’s always a mickey taking Meme to be sent every other week, which often says enough so the other knows how you are doing.
It’s the quality of the friendship, not the frequency that you actually meet up that counts.
Emily's dad said:
I only get to see my best mate 2 or 3 times a year.
We don’t live that close to each other, have family commitments and work shifts.
On the occasions that we do get together, which may only be grabbing breakfast at a greasy spoon, it’s as if we only spoke the previous day.
This friendship is worth its weight in gold and either of us would drop everything if the other were really in trouble.
It would definitely be preferable to catch up more often, but there’s always a mickey taking Meme to be sent every other week, which often says enough so the other knows how you are doing.
It’s the quality of the friendship, not the frequency that you actually meet up that counts.
That is very true. And that in might be the route of my problem.We don’t live that close to each other, have family commitments and work shifts.
On the occasions that we do get together, which may only be grabbing breakfast at a greasy spoon, it’s as if we only spoke the previous day.
This friendship is worth its weight in gold and either of us would drop everything if the other were really in trouble.
It would definitely be preferable to catch up more often, but there’s always a mickey taking Meme to be sent every other week, which often says enough so the other knows how you are doing.
It’s the quality of the friendship, not the frequency that you actually meet up that counts.
I'm not sure my current friendships are that great, and that is not their fault it is my fault.
Because, and this goes back to what I referred to in my OP, I have this stupid idea in my head, that nobody is interested in me.
Probably yearly. Spread far and wide, and family gets in the way. It's not enough, but it's enough in that we don't lose touch and we pick up where we left off.
In the context of why you're asking the question OP, I've got a few mates from teenage years (so 35 years or so) and those are the strongest by far and have survived periods of non contact. I have one other friendship for the last 20 years that's similarly strong.
More recent friendships just aren't the same. Whether through likeminded interests or work, they're friendships but they don't have the depth.
Worth some thought, depending what you are looking for.
FWIW I strongly suspect I could be described as Asbergers, I definitely don't have many friends and never felt the need to have loads, I do value the ones I've got, but don't reach out to them an awful lot in between meetups. Dunno if that resonates or is any help.
In the context of why you're asking the question OP, I've got a few mates from teenage years (so 35 years or so) and those are the strongest by far and have survived periods of non contact. I have one other friendship for the last 20 years that's similarly strong.
More recent friendships just aren't the same. Whether through likeminded interests or work, they're friendships but they don't have the depth.
Worth some thought, depending what you are looking for.
FWIW I strongly suspect I could be described as Asbergers, I definitely don't have many friends and never felt the need to have loads, I do value the ones I've got, but don't reach out to them an awful lot in between meetups. Dunno if that resonates or is any help.
I see my best friend every Friday. Unless one of us is on holiday or something life changing/threatening comes up we are out every Friday.
Usually 6-8 pints, watch the footy or play snooker or just sit and tot.
Apart from that I don't see many other friends week to week/month to month. They don't go out much or when they do, like Saturday just gone, they end up on Popworld or somewhere else as st until 1/2/3 oclock.
But I see my mate every week without fail. the rest of the weekend is dad mode unless I can get an a few hours away.
Usually 6-8 pints, watch the footy or play snooker or just sit and tot.
Apart from that I don't see many other friends week to week/month to month. They don't go out much or when they do, like Saturday just gone, they end up on Popworld or somewhere else as s
t until 1/2/3 oclock. But I see my mate every week without fail. the rest of the weekend is dad mode unless I can get an a few hours away.
FNG said:
Probably yearly. Spread far and wide, and family gets in the way. It's not enough, but it's enough in that we don't lose touch and we pick up where we left off.
In the context of why you're asking the question OP, I've got a few mates from teenage years (so 35 years or so) and those are the strongest by far and have survived periods of non contact. I have one other friendship for the last 20 years that's similarly strong.
More recent friendships just aren't the same. Whether through likeminded interests or work, they're friendships but they don't have the depth.
Worth some thought, depending what you are looking for.
FWIW I strongly suspect I could be described as Asbergers, I definitely don't have many friends and never felt the need to have loads, I do value the ones I've got, but don't reach out to them an awful lot in between meetups. Dunno if that resonates or is any help.
I am trying to work out if I am placing unreasonable demands on friendships on how often I need to see them. Sadly I don't have any friendships that are as old as yours, my oldest friend I have know for ~25 years. But he know lives in Australia and the last time I saw him was in 2012 when he came over to spread his partners ashes in Glencoe. My other two friends are both ~15 years. Just about everyone else I'd class as an acquaintance.In the context of why you're asking the question OP, I've got a few mates from teenage years (so 35 years or so) and those are the strongest by far and have survived periods of non contact. I have one other friendship for the last 20 years that's similarly strong.
More recent friendships just aren't the same. Whether through likeminded interests or work, they're friendships but they don't have the depth.
Worth some thought, depending what you are looking for.
FWIW I strongly suspect I could be described as Asbergers, I definitely don't have many friends and never felt the need to have loads, I do value the ones I've got, but don't reach out to them an awful lot in between meetups. Dunno if that resonates or is any help.
Broadly speaking I have four groups of friends.
School friends - probably see each other once a year for a curry, group chat isn’t daily but will spark up weekly. They all have kids and are settled down, they don’t want to do anything more than a curry and that’s fine.
My core group of friends - these are friends I picked up after leaving school, from work, locally etc. somehow despite meeting most of them separately we all know each other. Probably see each other twice per year as a group, but individually more often for things like gigs. Group chat is all day every day.
Friends from ex wife - made some good friends through her that I see every couple of months.
Friends through partner - I see them a couple of times per month.
For reference I’m early 40s.
School friends - probably see each other once a year for a curry, group chat isn’t daily but will spark up weekly. They all have kids and are settled down, they don’t want to do anything more than a curry and that’s fine.
My core group of friends - these are friends I picked up after leaving school, from work, locally etc. somehow despite meeting most of them separately we all know each other. Probably see each other twice per year as a group, but individually more often for things like gigs. Group chat is all day every day.
Friends from ex wife - made some good friends through her that I see every couple of months.
Friends through partner - I see them a couple of times per month.
For reference I’m early 40s.
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