The menopause - your experience?
Discussion
Been with my girlfriend about 5 years, all going brilliantly, planning on moving in together, all marvellous.
Then a couple of months ago we had a holiday together, which was 'challenging' to say the least. I just didn't seem to be able to do anything right. After we got back she said we should have a 'break', and wrote me a letter saying that I didn't make enough effort, didn't make her feel special anymore, etc. I replied saying 'hang on, how about...' and put a few examples of stuff I'd done for her. Got told, actually I can't even remember exactly, stuff about 'I can't believe you're trying to get mileage out of those things' and suddenly it was all over!
This was a couple of months ago, there were some very mixed messages afterwards and heard through friends that I think she was regretting it.
Anyway, on to the point. She's 49 years old, and the amount of people (mostly women) who have said 'it's the menopause mate, they/we go a bit mad' is startling!
It's not something I've experienced before but it does feel like she's become someone else. I (really!) don't think there is anyone else involved, and that's very much the feedback I'm getting from people who know her well (that there isn't anyone) so I honestly don't think it's that. In a weird sort of way it would make it easier to understand if there was. And I don't think there is any recovering it from here anyway.
But I'm curious, has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? And does it settle down after a while or are they fundamentally changed?
Then a couple of months ago we had a holiday together, which was 'challenging' to say the least. I just didn't seem to be able to do anything right. After we got back she said we should have a 'break', and wrote me a letter saying that I didn't make enough effort, didn't make her feel special anymore, etc. I replied saying 'hang on, how about...' and put a few examples of stuff I'd done for her. Got told, actually I can't even remember exactly, stuff about 'I can't believe you're trying to get mileage out of those things' and suddenly it was all over!
This was a couple of months ago, there were some very mixed messages afterwards and heard through friends that I think she was regretting it.
Anyway, on to the point. She's 49 years old, and the amount of people (mostly women) who have said 'it's the menopause mate, they/we go a bit mad' is startling!
It's not something I've experienced before but it does feel like she's become someone else. I (really!) don't think there is anyone else involved, and that's very much the feedback I'm getting from people who know her well (that there isn't anyone) so I honestly don't think it's that. In a weird sort of way it would make it easier to understand if there was. And I don't think there is any recovering it from here anyway.
But I'm curious, has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? And does it settle down after a while or are they fundamentally changed?
Mum went through this (early) and remained considerably different and erratic for a couple of years until she was put onto HRT and it stabilised.
That was only because she confided in a friend of the family who happened to be a specialist women’s therapies nurse and was well versed in HRT and emerging treatments / therapies.
The meds lasted for years too.
That was only because she confided in a friend of the family who happened to be a specialist women’s therapies nurse and was well versed in HRT and emerging treatments / therapies.
The meds lasted for years too.
Her Ladyship is approaching this now and so far she hasn't displayed any signs of unusual behaviour - well no more than normal anyway.
To be fair though, i am not always the easiest person to live with so if she does start to get a bit cross, it's entirely possible it's my doing and so i will deserve it.
To be fair though, i am not always the easiest person to live with so if she does start to get a bit cross, it's entirely possible it's my doing and so i will deserve it.
Cupid-stunt said:
its a fekin nightmare.
Currently having to deal with that an teenage kids.
House is like a war zone most of the time as nothing is right.
49 & 13yrs old - dangerous combo.
I'm with you there. 56 & 13, possibly getting a little better but it may simply be Stockholm Syndrome...Currently having to deal with that an teenage kids.
House is like a war zone most of the time as nothing is right.
49 & 13yrs old - dangerous combo.
Hang in there.
wyson said:
My company started a menopause support group and also invited the men to come along and listen to the stories. Its treated as a defacto protected characteristic by HR now, even though this recognition isn't directly required by law. Can't be an easy thing at all.
Could be why https://www.personneltoday.com/hr/direct-line-meno...
My wife had peri-menopause and now full blown.
It is brutal for her...
No mood swings (she is not moody anyway) but she can get very emotional and weepy for no reason.
I am in awe of how she deals with the flushes, sleepless nights, muscle aches and bent double with what has all the hallmarks of endometriosis. She has not got that but has uterine fibroids.
She tried HRT but was crippled with pain, so she is off that. She has zero oestrogen, which makes it worse.
All this and a stressful job.
She ran a half marathon this morning and came top 5 for her age group.
I think most men don't know the half of it and menopausal women are often nails.
fourstardan said:
Makes sense they started it as they saw it as a risk to the company. Didn’t expect they did it out of the goodness of their hearts!Yup feckin nightmare, my wife has come through it now but jeez it was tough going for a while. Being a bloke I did mention seeking help/HRT which believe me wasn’t taken well , nothing wrong etc etc came the barks lol . Through it now and back to the person I married, ride it out guys ( deffo no pun) it’ll end one day . You know they’re worth it .
49, aware of what it's doing to her and regularly apologises, but it's brutal on the days when I can't do anything right. We own and run a small business together so we're together 24/7 unless we make an effort to make some space. Personally, I'm finding that an ageing and stroppy motorbike with a very uncomfortable pilllion seat (R1100S, in case anyone needs to get one) is a great way to get some "me time".
I try to understand and support her, but sometimes a few hours away is vital for my own mental health. Like they say on the plane, please fit your own oxygen mask before helping others.
I try to understand and support her, but sometimes a few hours away is vital for my own mental health. Like they say on the plane, please fit your own oxygen mask before helping others.
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