Relationship issue

[Anewusername]

It's not you it's me

We have been together three years. In that time we have seen estrangement of her adult son and death of my mother

We met on dating website. I have never had feelings for her but relished the attention. We met during lockdown and I was in a bad place headwise as was she (health and family issues)

She was on long term sick when we met and since left. She took a former employer to court and lost. Now she is on jobseekers (anxiety and a leg issue)

She works very part time as an Amazon driver. She is ok with money (not extravagant but overspends on little things regularly)

We have not been intimate in 2 years she had issues with menstrual cycle and I made 0 effort.

I feel like a worthless boyfriend

I earn good money and had an inheritance. I wanted to buy her small house in Poland (foreigners can't own land in Poland) so if we split up she would have something to call her own. (She had a bad upbringing kid at young age and anxiety health problems)

She says we should get married to save aying tax on gift but is upset that I don't want to get married

I worry she does not follow through on things (weight loss, job, education)
She has professional qualification she keeps postponing and the org has given her one last chance to finish or they kick her out. It cost 3k that I gave her

We do not share much interests and I worry she has no hobbies or interests of her own... nothing bar shopping and scrolling through Facebook.

I don't want to be with her but it's killing me the thought of hurting her.
I don't want to hurt her and I feel like a piece of crap boyfriend

I feel like I'm along for the ride and I don't know how to get off.

I think I want kids but she doesn't and I think I've missed the boat in life

Just want to cry right now but I don't know how to show emotion

Just needed to type this out.

[Luke.]

You're kidding right? WTF are you doing with her? Run...

Edited to add, this is an actual joke isn't it?

[andburg]

Put it this way….

All the time you’re strung her along to not hurt her she’s not out there potentially meeting somebody who might have real feelings.
The same applies to you!!

Man up, be honest and have the conversation.

Edit: if you want kids and she doesn’t you need to find somebody who does before you get too late in life to have the time and energy they need.

Edited by andburg on Tuesday 19th September 20:29

[markiii]

If you never had feelings for her wtaf did you bother in the first place?

[michael2219]

I am sorry that you are going through some mental discomfort. From what you have said It would be very wise to leave. Be the big person and leave.

If you have no feelings for her etc and it’s more that you feel sorry for her then do both of you a favour and part ways. You are on this planet once.

This is not your issue. Depends what you see out of a relationship but a starting point is that they should be a positive to your life and it sounds the opposite.

This isn't about you being selfish either. How she feels after is not your issue. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON AND FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

Don't give her anything else either.

Edited by michael2219 on Wednesday 20th September 11:27

[Hereward]

If Gillette reads this his head is gonna explode!

[anonymous-user]

michael2219 said:

I am sorry that you are going through some mental discomfort. From what you have said It would be very wise to leave. Be the big person and leave.

If you have no feelings for her etc and it’s more that you feel sorry for her then do both of you a favour and part ways. You are on this planet once.

This is not your issue. Depends what you see out of a relationship but a starting point is that they should be a positive to your life and it sounds the opposite.

This isn't about you being selfish either. How she feels after is not your issue. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON AND FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE.

Don't give her anything else either.

100% agree, you cannot stay with someone because you feel sorry for them. Do not buy the property for her and definitely DO NOT marry her out of some duty you feel to look after her.

If you marry her I guarantee you will get taken to the cleaners.

You need to end this, the longer it goes on the worse it is going to get for her.

Do you currently live together, if so how do you split the finances?

Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 20th September 13:20

[BoRED S2upid]

You’ve never had feelings for her? Really?

[NicheMonkey]

Sorry for being blunt but I was gonna say is this a relationship of convenience but you don't even have that! Tell her you don't have feelings for or have ever... Sounds more like a friend that's moved in lol.

[markiii]

a friend with no benefits and lots of baggage

why you feel teh need to buy her a house Poland or otherwise is beyond me.

As for getting married. Thats a surefire way of giving her most of everything yo u own

[Rowe]

Hereward said:

If Gillette reads this his head is gonna explode!

as soon as I got to "long term sick", it was the first username which popped into my head .

[Badda]

No idea what you’re asking here.

You’re with a person you don’t have feelings for, presumably as you’d rather that than be alone.

You’re in a pretend relationship of your own making. Stop the pretending now.

[Wills2]

Hereward said:

If Gillette reads this his head is gonna explode!

LOL

[PurpleTurtle]

So you have a miserable time with someone who brings absolutely nothing to the table, want to dump her but can't bring yourself to do it, yes?

This sounds like some kind of desperate co-dependency.

FFS grow a pair, act like an adult and tell her it is over, the world won't spin off its axis.

[Sheets Tabuer]

In the three years you've been with her she's not worked, not had sex with you for two of those years and spends her time shopping and scrolling through facebook and wants to marry you knowing you earn good money and have an inheritance?

That about it?

[Jamescrs]

Op its time to cut and run.

Clearly this relationship isn't working. She wants to.marry you so she can take half of everything.

Forget buying her a house in Poland or anywhere else.

Call it a day, time for.you both to move on.

[elise2000]

Just end it. Soon. From experience of staying a relationship way too long (until she ran off with someone else and a shed load of money), please just do it.

[Don Roque]

Stop wasting your time and get this over with, you absolute doormat.

[Jamescrs]

Hereward said:

If Gillette reads this his head is gonna explode!

I'm.looking forward to him finding his way to this thread

Edited by Jamescrs on Wednesday 20th September 19:56

[FMOB]

Reading your post says she wants you to be her carer, to do everything for her while she gives nothing back.

As others have said, getting married would be the worst financial move ever, you might as well give 50% of your net worth (including your pension) to a random person in the pub who will say hello once a week and expect you to buy the beer everytime.

Change is hard but your empathy/sympathy is being abused so you need to walk away and certainly don't knock her up if she offers it because she can see the free lunch walking away.