Travelling/anxiety/overthinking
Discussion
Small bit of background….I’ve always been an anxious traveller but it got a lot worse after having children. I haven’t been on a plane in 20 years now, although I did try a few years ago and ended up with a nervous breakdown and cancelling the holiday etc. I’m fine in the uk and generally I’m a lot better than I have been in years with anxiety etc. I realise that it’s not necessarily the flying and it’s the being out of control, away from home and not within my ability to drive back etc.
I’m now at the stage where i would like to book a few days away as a treat for my husband’s 50th birthday. I’m considering a short flight to Dublin etc. It feels very doable until I got a costing and details and the overthinking starts. Will I actually cope, will I cancel it, will I ruin everything and waste the money, should I just go uk and not risk it etc…. Advice from friends is 50/50. Do it and open your world up again and then just go uk as you will enjoy it and definitely cope.
Guess I’m asking for impartial advice or opinions. Anyone had similar or any nuggets of wisdom for me?
I’m now at the stage where i would like to book a few days away as a treat for my husband’s 50th birthday. I’m considering a short flight to Dublin etc. It feels very doable until I got a costing and details and the overthinking starts. Will I actually cope, will I cancel it, will I ruin everything and waste the money, should I just go uk and not risk it etc…. Advice from friends is 50/50. Do it and open your world up again and then just go uk as you will enjoy it and definitely cope.
Guess I’m asking for impartial advice or opinions. Anyone had similar or any nuggets of wisdom for me?
Travelling is a great way to put the world into context and I've found it to massively reduce anxiety about many things for me.
However, first you have to get there! It might be wise to look into some form of counselling such as CBT, and learn some methods to cope better with the anxiety you have around getting on a plane etc.
Then you can be confident when you go, rather than fearing that you will not be able to get on the plane, and potentially stopping the trip before it gets started.
However, first you have to get there! It might be wise to look into some form of counselling such as CBT, and learn some methods to cope better with the anxiety you have around getting on a plane etc.
Then you can be confident when you go, rather than fearing that you will not be able to get on the plane, and potentially stopping the trip before it gets started.
I recently had anxiety that was onset by a big stage of grief in my life.
This manifested itself thru anxiety and more specifically anxiety through the need to control situations such as always needing to drive places, always needing to plan trips/events/uk holidays so I was in control knew everything and this was my way of controlling the anxiety.
My anxiety itself was around feeling trapped on a plane (I get similar feelings when getting a haircut for example) and was all about being trapped and feeling sick or having stomach problems this and that
I've been having councilling sessions and there is no quick or easy answer.
You are managing your anxiety symptoms thru control and the only way I found to stop/improve this is to 'lean' into uncomfortable situations and keep up a journal of what I've been up to, how I've been feeling so I can look back at where I've come from.
I started with days out in the UK whether my partner chose everything, where we went what we did she drove and I just went along for the ride.
Meals out for me are difficult as well so I started off in places that were easy to eat out in like spoons (use the app) then built up to more 'challenging' places.
I found slowly that my relinquishing the control I wasn't reinforcing the anxiety thoughts. The more you give in to the anxiety/overthinking the more you are reinforcing your brain. Telling your brain its done a good job of protecting you.
This has enabled me to just come back from a 5 night stay in Mallorca which I had nothing to do with the planning of. My partner sorted the flights the hotel the transfers the dog sitter and everything.
We even got delayed sat on the plane for 7 hours and I happy sitting reading my kindle.
Just need to start small and move towards a bigger goal of getting abroad and keep a log so you can look back and check yourself.
This manifested itself thru anxiety and more specifically anxiety through the need to control situations such as always needing to drive places, always needing to plan trips/events/uk holidays so I was in control knew everything and this was my way of controlling the anxiety.
My anxiety itself was around feeling trapped on a plane (I get similar feelings when getting a haircut for example) and was all about being trapped and feeling sick or having stomach problems this and that
I've been having councilling sessions and there is no quick or easy answer.
You are managing your anxiety symptoms thru control and the only way I found to stop/improve this is to 'lean' into uncomfortable situations and keep up a journal of what I've been up to, how I've been feeling so I can look back at where I've come from.
I started with days out in the UK whether my partner chose everything, where we went what we did she drove and I just went along for the ride.
Meals out for me are difficult as well so I started off in places that were easy to eat out in like spoons (use the app) then built up to more 'challenging' places.
I found slowly that my relinquishing the control I wasn't reinforcing the anxiety thoughts. The more you give in to the anxiety/overthinking the more you are reinforcing your brain. Telling your brain its done a good job of protecting you.
This has enabled me to just come back from a 5 night stay in Mallorca which I had nothing to do with the planning of. My partner sorted the flights the hotel the transfers the dog sitter and everything.
We even got delayed sat on the plane for 7 hours and I happy sitting reading my kindle.
Just need to start small and move towards a bigger goal of getting abroad and keep a log so you can look back and check yourself.
My wife suffers from this. Anxiety was spoiling the holiday for her, the build up to the flight and then whilst away worrying about the flight home. Spoiing it for me too, I hate seeing her stressed.
She went on a flying without fear course, including a short flight. It worked, full of enthusiasm we booked a flight to Venice and one to Nice. She was okay, not brilliant but coped.
Unfortunately we didn't keep the momentum up, and she reverted.
It's the fear of fear..
She went on a flying without fear course, including a short flight. It worked, full of enthusiasm we booked a flight to Venice and one to Nice. She was okay, not brilliant but coped.
Unfortunately we didn't keep the momentum up, and she reverted.
It's the fear of fear..
Random thought - if you are comfortable in your car, how about catching the ferry from Holyhead to Dublin - then you have your own safe space in your car, lots of fresh air, you can see out over the water if you go with Stena (my one and only experience with P&O was no outside deck area for passengers)
Lots of UK cars, but just be warned they do like their toll roads over there, so take a fair amount of small Euro to pay for them as soon as you get off the ferry. They also drive on the correct side of the road, and fairly similar driving styles. (OK, Belfast is lawless driving, and the speed limits are a lot more generous, you can do 120 down the motorway but are stuck at 70 here /s )
Lots of UK cars, but just be warned they do like their toll roads over there, so take a fair amount of small Euro to pay for them as soon as you get off the ferry. They also drive on the correct side of the road, and fairly similar driving styles. (OK, Belfast is lawless driving, and the speed limits are a lot more generous, you can do 120 down the motorway but are stuck at 70 here /s )
PositronicRay said:
She went on a flying without fear course, including a short flight. It worked, .
This is a good suggestion, there will be people there to help you cope in the right environment.Its not easy to deal with & you may never know how to sort it without trying a few things.
Is it the actual flying though or the process that gets you there? Airports can be stressful places, deadlines to be place, queues, people, bossy people, noise, more people, unfamiliarity, etc, etc.
Mr Ben, I’ve done a lot of cbt and other therapy over the years, although nothing lately. I don’t know if i trust in its methods really and my trusted therapist doesn’t practice anymore. Maybe I’m just scared of bringing it all up again…
Evo, the feeling sick, faint, stomach issues are absolutely what I fear whilst away or on the plane. I can do a lot more than I could years ago. My first therapy aim was to go into a shop and buy something, it was the worst part of my life. Three young kids, husband away with work and I couldn’t even walk out the front door. Now nothing fazes me except this travelling business.
Positronic, have looked into them, particularly the one at Birmingham airport but I never got round to it or the husband was always away at the time etc. I know…excuses. The fear of fear is exactly right. The fear of those feelings and the physical manifestation.
Peanut, ferries are worse than flying lol.
GT03, the lack of control, the fear of being sick, the embarrassment, letting people down, the hard work that goes on in my brain and body to try and cope….
Evo, the feeling sick, faint, stomach issues are absolutely what I fear whilst away or on the plane. I can do a lot more than I could years ago. My first therapy aim was to go into a shop and buy something, it was the worst part of my life. Three young kids, husband away with work and I couldn’t even walk out the front door. Now nothing fazes me except this travelling business.
Positronic, have looked into them, particularly the one at Birmingham airport but I never got round to it or the husband was always away at the time etc. I know…excuses. The fear of fear is exactly right. The fear of those feelings and the physical manifestation.
Peanut, ferries are worse than flying lol.
GT03, the lack of control, the fear of being sick, the embarrassment, letting people down, the hard work that goes on in my brain and body to try and cope….
Bullybutt said:
Positronic, have looked into them, particularly the one at Birmingham airport but I never got round to it or the husband was always away at the time etc. I know…excuses. The fear of fear is exactly right. The fear of those feelings and the physical manifestation.
That's where Mrs P took hers one sunday 15yrs ago, run by Virgin IIRC. No rhyme or reason for it, others on the course were from every age group, demographic and background.ETA
Some Trivia, most of Full Metal Jacket was shot at pinewood studios because Stanley Kubric wouldn't fly anymore.
Edited by PositronicRay on Thursday 7th September 10:01
PositronicRay said:
Some Trivia, most of Full Metal Jacket was shot at pinewood studios because Stanley Kubric wouldn't fly anymore.
Most of his films were shot in the UK. Hardly ever attended filming that was done elsewhere. One of the Vietnam jungle clearing scenes was shot in a field at the back my old local in Upminster! Anyway.... OP....
Dublin's a good test. As you say, it's not a long flight (less than an hour IIRC) and if you really need to, it's easy enough to come back via rail, ferry or road.
To ease some of the stress....
Book short-term parking as close to the terminal as possible
Book lounge-access at both ends (quiet, free food and drink and far from the madding crowds) - this normally comes with fast track security.
Book seats with extra legroom.
HTH
I used to have bad travel anxiety - planes were a big problem
I got some diazepam from the Docs, which helped take the edge off.
Then, I started small - like you’re planning on doing. My first flight was Luton to Glasgow - the plane barely gets in the air
My tips:
Have someone with you who understands your situation and is sympathetic, but is comfortable flying themselves and laid back about timings, etc
Take something with you to distract you. If you’re nervous, there’s nothing worse than staring at the seat in front, thinking about it. Take a book or an iPad or whatever.
Think about and take one step at a time. Don’t think about the whole journey. Step one is getting to the airport. Step two, park the car, step three - check in. Step four - security and so on. Breaking it up like this makes it more manageable
Take steps to make your flight easier - choose your seat in advance, get extra legroom if you want more space. I had to (and still do) have an aisle seat so I can get up if I need to.
I fly all the time now, including long haul - zero stress.
Good luck
I got some diazepam from the Docs, which helped take the edge off.
Then, I started small - like you’re planning on doing. My first flight was Luton to Glasgow - the plane barely gets in the air
My tips:
Have someone with you who understands your situation and is sympathetic, but is comfortable flying themselves and laid back about timings, etc
Take something with you to distract you. If you’re nervous, there’s nothing worse than staring at the seat in front, thinking about it. Take a book or an iPad or whatever.
Think about and take one step at a time. Don’t think about the whole journey. Step one is getting to the airport. Step two, park the car, step three - check in. Step four - security and so on. Breaking it up like this makes it more manageable
Take steps to make your flight easier - choose your seat in advance, get extra legroom if you want more space. I had to (and still do) have an aisle seat so I can get up if I need to.
I fly all the time now, including long haul - zero stress.
Good luck
I’ve had a fair amount of diazepam over the years. Doesn’t take the edge off for travelling though. I’m thinking about doing the weekend away in the uk to relieve the stress and timing for now and book into the course when there’s a space at leisure, rather than rushing around to try and get on it before January. I’m also failing to find a course that finishes with a short flight at the end.
Looking at it from a slightly different direction...
Does your husband have any particular desire to go to Dublin? Will it be a holiday he can enjoy if you are stressed and anxious prior the trip, and during (as you have to fly back)?
There are plenty of places in the UK to go for a few days away which would probably be a lot less stressful for all involved.
Does your husband have any particular desire to go to Dublin? Will it be a holiday he can enjoy if you are stressed and anxious prior the trip, and during (as you have to fly back)?
There are plenty of places in the UK to go for a few days away which would probably be a lot less stressful for all involved.
boxst said:
You can tell your GP and they may prescribe a benzodiazepine (like Diazepam). It reduces stress and anxiety. Just don't drink alcohol!
Diazepam and a healthy measure of gin will be fine. Bullybutt said:
Small bit of background….I’ve always been an anxious traveller but it got a lot worse after having children. I haven’t been on a plane in 20 years now, although I did try a few years ago and ended up with a nervous breakdown and cancelling the holiday etc. I’m fine in the uk and generally I’m a lot better than I have been in years with anxiety etc. I realise that it’s not necessarily the flying and it’s the being out of control, away from home and not within my ability to drive back etc.
I’m now at the stage where i would like to book a few days away as a treat for my husband’s 50th birthday. I’m considering a short flight to Dublin etc. It feels very doable until I got a costing and details and the overthinking starts. Will I actually cope, will I cancel it, will I ruin everything and waste the money, should I just go uk and not risk it etc…. Advice from friends is 50/50. Do it and open your world up again and then just go uk as you will enjoy it and definitely cope.
Guess I’m asking for impartial advice or opinions. Anyone had similar or any nuggets of wisdom for me?
I used to struggle and still the wife really struggles with flying and is anxious at every noise, bump or movement. We found the best way was a window seat and a daytime flight to enjoy the views along with a load of podcasts to listen to with ear cancelling headphones. Normally she just rests her head on my shoulder and relaxes a bit more that way. However nobody will be the same so there is no one size fits all answer.I’m now at the stage where i would like to book a few days away as a treat for my husband’s 50th birthday. I’m considering a short flight to Dublin etc. It feels very doable until I got a costing and details and the overthinking starts. Will I actually cope, will I cancel it, will I ruin everything and waste the money, should I just go uk and not risk it etc…. Advice from friends is 50/50. Do it and open your world up again and then just go uk as you will enjoy it and definitely cope.
Guess I’m asking for impartial advice or opinions. Anyone had similar or any nuggets of wisdom for me?
I guess it is just a case of building up confidence as you already seem to have done in other situations already which is proof that you are able to fight the fear and gradually introduce things slowly without the fear. Maybe do a little short flight (30-45 minutes air time) on Easyjet or Ryanair. Newish aircrafts which are comfortable enough and routes around the UK. Slowly build it up to an hour and then maybe short flights to Europe. Always give yourself a little reward for a flight though. We do trips to European cities now so it can definitely improve.
Weirdly the thing that stopped my nervousness was flight on a seaplane. Only being couple of thousand feet up and the cockpit was wide open and you could see everything going on which was reassuring. Other tip was to to think of it like a car journey as a passenger, loads of potholes, bumps and turns and you just get out of the car and not think about it
On the flip side if you are just planning on Dublin and unlikely to want to travel by plane any further in the future then is it worth the stress and anxiety? It may be worth the stress if you want to open right up and travel a bit more regularly
Is it actually flying or just getting yourself into a situation that you can’t get out of when you want to. I am guessing it is the latter.
If so, don’t beat yourself up as there are plenty of places to go to in England.
Getting yourself in a real panic is stressful for you, and also for your husband, who no doubt cares about you and doesn’t want to see you in this situation.
I have found that if you lead a generally stress less life, then this problem will get better, although will never totally disappear. I suffered most with having for young children and running my own business, see the logic!
I really do understand your anxieties. They are totally natural to a lot of people and therefore it is very difficult to take advice from people who don’t understand so don’t bother!
Good luck with whatever you do.
If so, don’t beat yourself up as there are plenty of places to go to in England.
Getting yourself in a real panic is stressful for you, and also for your husband, who no doubt cares about you and doesn’t want to see you in this situation.
I have found that if you lead a generally stress less life, then this problem will get better, although will never totally disappear. I suffered most with having for young children and running my own business, see the logic!
I really do understand your anxieties. They are totally natural to a lot of people and therefore it is very difficult to take advice from people who don’t understand so don’t bother!
Good luck with whatever you do.
I fully understand about the ferry, duly noted!
I think I have seen a Youtube vid that explained the different noises and shakes that the plane makes, things like that noise is the wheels being un-locked, thats the wheels lowering, now you can feel the whole plane is slightly more shaky because the wheels are now down and locked, etc etc.
Also to add that if you look out you can see whats happening, this might explain some more movements - if you fly into one airport in southern Africa at certain times of the year there is a large area of small rivers just below the flight path, this is not the best for still air, so the plane again moves about a bit more - but if you look out the window you can see them and just knowing why things are happening is very re-assuring.
I am yet to meet a rude non-helpful air stewardess, they will know how to help as well.
As a classic, years ago I was trying to walk my girlfriend through an airport, she had taken the maximum amount diazepam allowed, and uttered the words "its like being on drugs"
I think I have seen a Youtube vid that explained the different noises and shakes that the plane makes, things like that noise is the wheels being un-locked, thats the wheels lowering, now you can feel the whole plane is slightly more shaky because the wheels are now down and locked, etc etc.
Also to add that if you look out you can see whats happening, this might explain some more movements - if you fly into one airport in southern Africa at certain times of the year there is a large area of small rivers just below the flight path, this is not the best for still air, so the plane again moves about a bit more - but if you look out the window you can see them and just knowing why things are happening is very re-assuring.
I am yet to meet a rude non-helpful air stewardess, they will know how to help as well.
As a classic, years ago I was trying to walk my girlfriend through an airport, she had taken the maximum amount diazepam allowed, and uttered the words "its like being on drugs"
Boyse7en, wow. Accurate. He’s never mentioned Dublin but it’s about the only place he’s not visited and I keep seeing folk going there! He won’t enjoy it if I’m stressed and upset, plus will be ultimately annoyed that I put us both through it. Bang on, uk it is this time.
Pavarotti, you’re right with building up, but if I’m already stressing now and second guessing how I’ll be then I think I’ll need more time to work with a therapist and a course with an airline, rather than the short time I’ve got between now and going away. Long term plan…
Phased, yep, sitting there and can’t get out, no escape etc. I know I’m a control freak, hence also having emetaphobia as well etc.
Peanut, I think the actual plane is probably ok, the lack of being in control and the physical symptoms and sickness I get is the part I hate. I was on 30mg diazepam a day at one point… didn’t do that much for me, I’m jealous of your girlfriend!
It’s just hard when the husband travels all around the world with work and then I don’t feel as if I can leave the uk. I know some of our children feel that they’ve missed out on foreign holidays as well because of it. It doesn’t help with the pressure from them all…
Pavarotti, you’re right with building up, but if I’m already stressing now and second guessing how I’ll be then I think I’ll need more time to work with a therapist and a course with an airline, rather than the short time I’ve got between now and going away. Long term plan…
Phased, yep, sitting there and can’t get out, no escape etc. I know I’m a control freak, hence also having emetaphobia as well etc.
Peanut, I think the actual plane is probably ok, the lack of being in control and the physical symptoms and sickness I get is the part I hate. I was on 30mg diazepam a day at one point… didn’t do that much for me, I’m jealous of your girlfriend!
It’s just hard when the husband travels all around the world with work and then I don’t feel as if I can leave the uk. I know some of our children feel that they’ve missed out on foreign holidays as well because of it. It doesn’t help with the pressure from them all…
Most anxiety can be squashed with proper breathing, a big slump of the shoulders and sigh, anxiety and panic is adrenaline with nowhere to go. You also need to practice noticing the thoughts and not acting on them to feed the anxiety and repeat the sigh, slump and breathing.
Your brain cannot process 3 things at once so when you feel anxious if you concentrate on the breathing whilst counting backwards from 300 but make it harder- maybe in 3s or just odd numbers then the anxiety stops as your brain cannot run the 3rd thing….when the anxious thoughts butt in you notice them and then return to the counting and breathing. If you do this every day it soon becomes a habit and anxiety can be banished forever.
Also, if you suffer from anxiety I would recommend not drinking alcohol for a few months whilst you beat it.
Your brain cannot process 3 things at once so when you feel anxious if you concentrate on the breathing whilst counting backwards from 300 but make it harder- maybe in 3s or just odd numbers then the anxiety stops as your brain cannot run the 3rd thing….when the anxious thoughts butt in you notice them and then return to the counting and breathing. If you do this every day it soon becomes a habit and anxiety can be banished forever.
Also, if you suffer from anxiety I would recommend not drinking alcohol for a few months whilst you beat it.
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