Dealing with deceit

[dba7108]

I've been married for 18 months. My wife works as an air stewardess. On a recent trip away I've found out she has feeling for someone else a co worker. I found texts on her phone about how she has so much she wants to tell him. This has all started over the course of. 3 day trip away. She said it started with him putting his hand on her knee and she said she liked it. She hasn't said much else but I asked her if they kissed and she brushed over it so I'm guessing they have done whatever. We had a massive argument and she begged me to take her back. Next day I checked her work ipad and she had emailed him saying come on this trip in September. I instantly phoned him up and said if he responds to any messages I will be talking to his wife. He begged me not to say anything and that was that.
I still can't get these thoughts out my head. I feel sick all the time. My wife won't change jobs and says she is not on the same flight as him - I've even been looking on her roster to check as I'm paranoid.
I try not to talk about the incident with her as it ends up in an argument. She said she had been feeling lonely in our relationship and life kids etc had got her down and she enjoyed the attention off him.

[GT3Manthey]

Have to say it’s not encouraging after just 18 months of marriage.

I can’t see things improving unless she is prepared to change jobs as you’ll never believe she’s not up to no good with this guy.

[Big Rig]

dba7108 said:

I've been married for 18 months. My wife works as an air stewardess. On a recent trip away I've found out she has feeling for someone else a co worker. I found texts on her phone about how she has so much she wants to tell him. This has all started over the course of. 3 day trip away. She said it started with him putting his hand on her knee and she said she liked it. She hasn't said much else but I asked her if they kissed and she brushed over it so I'm guessing they have done whatever. We had a massive argument and she begged me to take her back. Next day I checked her work ipad and she had emailed him saying come on this trip in September. I instantly phoned him up and said if he responds to any messages I will be talking to his wife. He begged me not to say anything and that was that.
I still can't get these thoughts out my head. I feel sick all the time. My wife won't change jobs and says she is not on the same flight as him - I've even been looking on her roster to check as I'm paranoid.
I try not to talk about the incident with her as it ends up in an argument. She said she had been feeling lonely in our relationship and life kids etc had got her down and she enjoyed the attention off him.

Mate come on, you know the answer. You're checking her messages/emails/shift roster, there's zero trust, time to move on.

Shouldn't tar all with the same brush but my future brother in law is a pilot for Emirates, he's single, nothing special to look at, and lets just say there's no shortage of stewardesses throwing themselves at him when they have a layover and go out, married or not. I think it's a status thing with being with a pilot tbh.

Edited by Big Rig on Wednesday 30th August 08:37

[Gargamel]

Hi, that's terrible news, especially so early in your marriage.

I am afraid my advice is to separate. You are right it is unfair for you to ask her to change jobs, but of course if she really loved you then she wouldn't do it.

Once you have outed the love interest and she has not put a stop to it, then the trust is gone. Better to rip the band aid now and move on.

Being attracted to someone else shouldn't end any marriage, but lying to your spouse, to their face about it, is in my opinion pretty unforgiveable.

[GT3Manthey]

Big Rig said:

Mate come on, you know the answer. You're checking her messages/emails/shift roster, there's zero trust, time to move on.

Shouldn't tar all with the same brush but my future brother in law is a pilot for Emirates, he's single, nothing special to look at, and lets just say there's no shortage of stewardesses throwing themselves at him when they have a layover and go out, married or not. I think it's a status thing with being with a pilot tbh.

Edited by Big Rig on Wednesday 30th August 08:37

Seems it’s a thing -

Airline relationships happen frequently
Speaking of sex, it transpires in among flight staff too. Hannah says: 'The airline industry is quite incestuous. When I worked for my first airline, everyone was seeing each other. 'Cabin crew and pilots, pilots and pilots, cabin crew and cabin crew.2 days ago

[GT3Manthey]

dba7108 said:

I've been married for 18 months. My wife works as an air stewardess. On a recent trip away I've found out she has feeling for someone else a co worker. I found texts on her phone about how she has so much she wants to tell him. This has all started over the course of. 3 day trip away. She said it started with him putting his hand on her knee and she said she liked it. She hasn't said much else but I asked her if they kissed and she brushed over it so I'm guessing they have done whatever. We had a massive argument and she begged me to take her back. Next day I checked her work ipad and she had emailed him saying come on this trip in September. I instantly phoned him up and said if he responds to any messages I will be talking to his wife. He begged me not to say anything and that was that.
I still can't get these thoughts out my head. I feel sick all the time. My wife won't change jobs and says she is not on the same flight as him - I've even been looking on her roster to check as I'm paranoid.
I try not to talk about the incident with her as it ends up in an argument. She said she had been feeling lonely in our relationship and life kids etc had got her down and she enjoyed the attention off him.

Big red flag here is begging for you to take her back and then immediately still contacting this guy asking him to be on the same flight as her.

[Sycamore]

I'd be telling his wife regardless.

You'd want to be told in the alternate situation.

[GilletteFan]

You need to divorce. It's plain and simple. It's fortunate you don't have any kids yet. Don't accommodate any games. Nothing better than getting rid of troublesome women as she appears to be. Have some spine and see what you need to through.

[Jamescrs]

I
If genuine I really hope its not linked to this thread is SP&L

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

[GT3Manthey]

Sycamore said:

I'd be telling his wife regardless.

You'd want to be told in the alternate situation.

I agree.

I’d be curious to know if he has kids too .

As blokes we all know he’s just getting a cheap shag where’s she sounds like she’s more into him.

OP , you will never trust her again and she’s already gone behind your back again so I’d be ending the relationship and letting his missus know.

He had no consideration for you when he had designs on your wife did he

[GilletteFan]

GT3Manthey said:

Seems it’s a thing -

Airline relationships happen frequently
Speaking of sex, it transpires in among flight staff too. Hannah says: 'The airline industry is quite incestuous. When I worked for my first airline, everyone was seeing each other. 'Cabin crew and pilots, pilots and pilots, cabin crew and cabin crew.2 days ago

In a business class thread, I mentioned that back in the day partying was legendary. With cabin crews checking in, pre-drinking and hitting the clubs every time they landed. Was immediately shot down by some members with their heads in the sand. I seriously wonder how naive a lot of people are? There is lot's of sex happening within crews, between crews and with frequent passengers that know a few good places to go in each city.

[GilletteFan]

GT3Manthey said:

I agree.

I’d be curious to know if he has kids too .

As blokes we all know he’s just getting a cheap shag where’s she sounds like she’s more into him.

OP , you will never trust her again and she’s already gone behind your back again so I’d be ending the relationship and letting his missus know.

He had no consideration for you when he had designs on your wife did he

Had to look ay my address bar again because I thought I was on mumsnet after reading this. Talk about bitter and vengeful.

[GT3Manthey]

GilletteFan said:

Had to look ay my address bar again because I thought I was on mumsnet after reading this. Talk about bitter and vengeful.

And yet you’ve just posted this on the other thread-



I have mentioned in the past how degenerate many women are thesedays - vile, demanding and on medication/ drugs. Couldn't get rid of them fast enough. I've even had a couple of situations where "daddy" had come to mouth off at me. I let them release their hormone induced dummy spits and then laughed it off. Seriously, what is with these dads?

Seems to me the OP is not getting the respect he deserves. I would not accept this either, but then again I'm not a simple provider. I would also not take the advice of fathers as they are heavily biased - as evident by some of the posts in this thread.

It's my way or the high way. Most women will regret it when they settle with the next guy.

[Terminator X]

O/T but amazed that people don't lock their phones in 2023.

TX.

[GilletteFan]

GT3Manthey said:

And yet you’ve just posted this on the other thread-



I have mentioned in the past how degenerate many women are thesedays - vile, demanding and on medication/ drugs. Couldn't get rid of them fast enough. I've even had a couple of situations where "daddy" had come to mouth off at me. I let them release their hormone induced dummy spits and then laughed it off. Seriously, what is with these dads?

Seems to me the OP is not getting the respect he deserves. I would not accept this either, but then again I'm not a simple provider. I would also not take the advice of fathers as they are heavily biased - as evident by some of the posts in this thread.

It's my way or the high way. Most women will regret it when they settle with the next guy.

Yes? And he shouldn't accept her behaviour. I can't comment about his choice of partner since it's done, but I mentioned what I would do if I was in his shoes. And that's divorce her and never look back.

[Jamescrs]

Terminator X said:

O/T but amazed that people don't lock their phones in 2023.

TX.

I'm sure modern phones pretty much push the owner into setting some sort of PIN as standard but as the OP is married i'm sure he knows his wife's PIN, I know my wifes and she knows mine, it's no big deal in normal circumstances.

[Terminator X]

Jamescrs said:

Terminator X said:

O/T but amazed that people don't lock their phones in 2023.

TX.

I'm sure modern phones pretty much push the owner into setting some sort of PIN as standard but as the OP is married i'm sure he knows his wife's PIN, I know my wifes and she knows mine, it's no big deal in normal circumstances.

Do you check your wife's messages though?

TX.

[elise2000]

I’d say get out, now. Divorce marginally easier now than further down the line when finances are even more intertwined

[Jamescrs]

Terminator X said:

Do you check your wife's messages though?

TX.

Never felt a need, have looked at her emails occasionally because all the communication from schools goes to her email address and I've needed to confirm details.

Nothing exciting im afraid.

Equally she knows to look at mine for things relating to running the household such as utility bills, insurances etc.

[Four Litre]

OP, sounds like you gave her a chance and she lied again by asking him to go on a trip in September. I'm not a detective but it wont be long before they are playing hide the sausage in the sun.

Ask yourself what she would do if this was reversed. I think you would find she would be off to her Mum's house in no time at all. Just have it out with her, ask her if she genuinely loves you (not as a friend), judging her reaction will be all you need to know.

Best of luck.