Somethings changed (MH)
Discussion
Using a throwaway/unlinked account.
Not sure what I’m hoping to get by sharing this, but if others have experienced similar it may help to hear back or read.
The past few weeks I’ve been feeling progressively less ‘well’ mentally. I’ve had some minor health problems for months which I’m working through (nothing serious - and I’m now starting to wonder whether this is all linked) which I think has muddied things somewhat, however lately things feel like they’ve progressed and I’ve found myself crying for no obvious reason.
When I’m crying, it feels like a ‘wave’ has come over me, life suddenly feels less important/numb, my typical logic goes out the window and I struggle to see or get excited about the future. Typically these waves are coupled with feeling really unwell - almost feels like a panic attack, just want to sleep/be sick (but never do). I can feel them coming and I can tell when they’ve ended (it’s like a reset button is pressed, I’m back to my normal self but emotionally drained).
I’m typically a really excitable/happy/forward looking person. I’m normally emotionally pretty stable (last time I cried was at a funeral) and am the optimist in the household. I’m male, 39, with an amazing family and well paid job. I want for nothing in life, which in a way makes this harder because I feel completely selfish for even contemplating crying. But yet here I am, either hiding in the toilet at work crying in between meetings, or going up to my bedroom and burying my head in the pillow so my kids don’t see.
I’ve used the word ’crying’ a lot in this post… it’s the only word I’ve found to describe this so far but I recognise this is just describing the release of an emotion.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’m heading towards (or already at) depression, and feeling awful that this will have an impact on those around me. If this is what depression feels like, it’s nothing like what I previously thought.
Not sure what I’m hoping to get by sharing this, but if others have experienced similar it may help to hear back or read.
The past few weeks I’ve been feeling progressively less ‘well’ mentally. I’ve had some minor health problems for months which I’m working through (nothing serious - and I’m now starting to wonder whether this is all linked) which I think has muddied things somewhat, however lately things feel like they’ve progressed and I’ve found myself crying for no obvious reason.
When I’m crying, it feels like a ‘wave’ has come over me, life suddenly feels less important/numb, my typical logic goes out the window and I struggle to see or get excited about the future. Typically these waves are coupled with feeling really unwell - almost feels like a panic attack, just want to sleep/be sick (but never do). I can feel them coming and I can tell when they’ve ended (it’s like a reset button is pressed, I’m back to my normal self but emotionally drained).
I’m typically a really excitable/happy/forward looking person. I’m normally emotionally pretty stable (last time I cried was at a funeral) and am the optimist in the household. I’m male, 39, with an amazing family and well paid job. I want for nothing in life, which in a way makes this harder because I feel completely selfish for even contemplating crying. But yet here I am, either hiding in the toilet at work crying in between meetings, or going up to my bedroom and burying my head in the pillow so my kids don’t see.
I’ve used the word ’crying’ a lot in this post… it’s the only word I’ve found to describe this so far but I recognise this is just describing the release of an emotion.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’m heading towards (or already at) depression, and feeling awful that this will have an impact on those around me. If this is what depression feels like, it’s nothing like what I previously thought.
You have opened up here and I have a feeling that its taken a while so full marks for finding the courage
As above you really need to speak to an expert
Dont hold back any longer and book an appointment with your GP
Youve done the hardest bit which is admitting you *might* need help
Good luck
Thanks for the advice both. I’m going to get on the phone to my GP tomorrow morning and follow this up as it’s really starting to weigh on me. I’m actually on holiday abroad at the moment - I stupidly thought the break might help but all I’ve done since getting here is flip between being ok and in bits so I don’t think it’s working unfortunately.
Well done for posting, it takes a lot of courage to do that and be honest about your feelings, especially when you don't really understand them.
I would be wary of any diagnosis from an internet forum, however well meaning.
As others have said though, talking to a professional is a very good first step - it can help greatly just to talk to someone about what's been going on.
It can also help immensely to talk to your partner about it and explore how you're feeling in conversation with them, not to get an answer, but to get their insight. They may well have a different perspective on your life and behaviour that can be very helpful to hear. It can also relieve the stress of feeling like you have to carry this alone.
I think it can also be helpful to point out some statistics:
20 million anti-depressants prescribed in just 3 months, so 7 million a month, for a total adult population of c.55 million and that's just the ones who have admitted they need help and for whom anti-depressants are appropriate.
In short: there are a lot of people who need support with their mental health. You probably work with some. You are not alone.
I would be wary of any diagnosis from an internet forum, however well meaning.
As others have said though, talking to a professional is a very good first step - it can help greatly just to talk to someone about what's been going on.
It can also help immensely to talk to your partner about it and explore how you're feeling in conversation with them, not to get an answer, but to get their insight. They may well have a different perspective on your life and behaviour that can be very helpful to hear. It can also relieve the stress of feeling like you have to carry this alone.
I think it can also be helpful to point out some statistics:
NHS said:
Between January to March 2021 there were 20.2 million antidepressant drugs prescribed in the UK
Source: https://www.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/statistical-collections/...20 million anti-depressants prescribed in just 3 months, so 7 million a month, for a total adult population of c.55 million and that's just the ones who have admitted they need help and for whom anti-depressants are appropriate.
In short: there are a lot of people who need support with their mental health. You probably work with some. You are not alone.
Edited by youngsyr on Wednesday 9th August 23:49
youngsyr said:
20 million anti-depressants prescribed in just 3 months, so 7 million a month, for a total adult population of c.55 million and that's just the ones who have admitted they need help and for whom anti-depressants are appropriate.
In short: there are a lot of people who need support with their mental health. You probably work with some. You are not alone.
Those statistics are quite stark - I had no idea it was so prevalent. Thanks for sharing, it’s helped normalise what I’m experiencing even if it is a sad statistic.In short: there are a lot of people who need support with their mental health. You probably work with some. You are not alone.
I called my GP this morning. Could barely get through the call as I was just in floods of tears. They’re unable to help me whilst I’m abroad which is unfortunate, but they’ve offered a phone appointment for the day I return so I’ve just got to hold onto that for now.
Hi mate, I've felt like you for years now. It's bloody awful so you have my sympathies. Much of my 30s and 40s has been lost to poor mental health.
However I'm definitely on the up again. In my case I'm pretty sure it was predominately caused by underlying health issues. I discovered I had catastrophically high blood pressure and then subsequently diagnosed with severe sleep apnoea which not only can cause high blood pressure but also depression.
Ultimately my health issues were like death by a thousand paper cuts and ultimately my mood just got progressively worse.
It might not be the case for you but thought I would just add my experience to give you some food for thought.
However I'm definitely on the up again. In my case I'm pretty sure it was predominately caused by underlying health issues. I discovered I had catastrophically high blood pressure and then subsequently diagnosed with severe sleep apnoea which not only can cause high blood pressure but also depression.
Ultimately my health issues were like death by a thousand paper cuts and ultimately my mood just got progressively worse.
It might not be the case for you but thought I would just add my experience to give you some food for thought.
Having been there myself, away from therapy and medication, one of the best things I found (and am very vocal about) is talking to friends and family about your feelings, and to not bottle it up when you get those waves. As men we often try to not show it or talk, but there is nothing shameful about mental health struggles, and as others have said, chances are you know/work with multiple people that are also suffering.
The really big thing is that you have recognised that this isn't "normal" for you, and are taking steps to fix it. Sound like you have got everything lined up for when you are back, so until then don't be too hard on yourself for feeling your feelings, and I'm sure it will all be looking up soon
The really big thing is that you have recognised that this isn't "normal" for you, and are taking steps to fix it. Sound like you have got everything lined up for when you are back, so until then don't be too hard on yourself for feeling your feelings, and I'm sure it will all be looking up soon
elegantpuzzle said:
youngsyr said:
20 million anti-depressants prescribed in just 3 months, so 7 million a month, for a total adult population of c.55 million and that's just the ones who have admitted they need help and for whom anti-depressants are appropriate.
In short: there are a lot of people who need support with their mental health. You probably work with some. You are not alone.
Those statistics are quite stark - I had no idea it was so prevalent. Thanks for sharing, it’s helped normalise what I’m experiencing even if it is a sad statistic.In short: there are a lot of people who need support with their mental health. You probably work with some. You are not alone.
I called my GP this morning. Could barely get through the call as I was just in floods of tears. They’re unable to help me whilst I’m abroad which is unfortunate, but they’ve offered a phone appointment for the day I return so I’ve just got to hold onto that for now.
On the statistics - is it really that surprising? I think as a society we weren't in great shape mental health wise before the pandemic, but after 2 and a half years of being in a locked-down crisis state, it's no surprise to me that many people are suffering with their mental health.
This is an interesting article, titled: COVID-19 pandemic triggers 25% increase in prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide
https://www.who.int/news/item/02-03-2022-covid-19-...
And there are several long running threads with members feeling exactly like you do...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
I’ve just had a surprise call from the on call GP - seems the receptionist took pity on me and broke the ‘not whilst you’re abroad’ rules.
The GP was lovely despite me barely being able to string together a sentence. She’s got a prescription waiting for me when I return to the UK on Tuesday. 50mg Sertraline. She’s also put me on the wait list to speak to the in house mental health practitioner.
The GP was lovely despite me barely being able to string together a sentence. She’s got a prescription waiting for me when I return to the UK on Tuesday. 50mg Sertraline. She’s also put me on the wait list to speak to the in house mental health practitioner.
elegantpuzzle said:
I’ve just had a surprise call from the on call GP - seems the receptionist took pity on me and broke the ‘not whilst you’re abroad’ rules.
The GP was lovely despite me barely being able to string together a sentence. She’s got a prescription waiting for me when I return to the UK on Tuesday. 50mg Sertraline. She’s also put me on the wait list to speak to the in house mental health practitioner.
Good news. The GP was lovely despite me barely being able to string together a sentence. She’s got a prescription waiting for me when I return to the UK on Tuesday. 50mg Sertraline. She’s also put me on the wait list to speak to the in house mental health practitioner.
This thread (also linked above) is all about people's experience with Sertraline:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Hopefully the GP explained this to you, but be prepared for a very difficult fortnight or so when you first start it, but keep going (post on that thread if you need support) and stick with it and you'll soon start to see the benefits.
youngsyr said:
Good news.
This thread (also linked above) is all about people's experience with Sertraline:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Hopefully the GP explained this to you, but be prepared for a very difficult fortnight or so when you first start it, but keep going (post on that thread if you need support) and stick with it and you'll soon start to see the benefits.
Thanks for this. The GP did mention it might get worse before it gets better but like you suggested pushing through it until things stabilise. I’ll check the thread out.This thread (also linked above) is all about people's experience with Sertraline:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Hopefully the GP explained this to you, but be prepared for a very difficult fortnight or so when you first start it, but keep going (post on that thread if you need support) and stick with it and you'll soon start to see the benefits.
It seems like this happens a lot around this kind of age. I know we take the piss out of the 'mid life crisis' but I think there's something in it. Some days I wake up feeling depressed, miserable and generally f
ked off with everything despite being in a similar situation to the OP, (with a less well paid job!). Yet other days I'm bouncing, hyped up and enthusiastic, maybe too much. Strange, probably need to start my own thread rather than jumping in on everyone else's!
ked off with everything despite being in a similar situation to the OP, (with a less well paid job!). Yet other days I'm bouncing, hyped up and enthusiastic, maybe too much. Strange, probably need to start my own thread rather than jumping in on everyone else's!It has always happened with men, in particular, what has changed is we are now willing to get help instead of sufferring oor worse.
With my parents there were just two mental health issues, the first was barking at the moon mad who needed locking away and the rest who should pull themselves together, we have moved on from that now.
It was a hard conversation for me with them when i was ill
Yes as we age it can seem we have used up so much of our allotted time that things are futile but there is more to it than that, the chemical imbalance is the key cause. we need to learn to relax more and fret less and stay balanced
With my parents there were just two mental health issues, the first was barking at the moon mad who needed locking away and the rest who should pull themselves together, we have moved on from that now.
It was a hard conversation for me with them when i was ill
Yes as we age it can seem we have used up so much of our allotted time that things are futile but there is more to it than that, the chemical imbalance is the key cause. we need to learn to relax more and fret less and stay balanced
elegantpuzzle said:
When I’m crying, it feels like a ‘wave’ has come over me, life suddenly feels less important/numb, my typical logic goes out the window and I struggle to see or get excited about the future. Typically these waves are coupled with feeling really unwell - almost feels like a panic attack, just want to sleep/be sick (but never do). I can feel them coming and I can tell when they’ve ended (it’s like a reset button is pressed, I’m back to my normal self but emotionally drained).
I'm not a doctor so take what I write with a pinch of salt.I went through something similar a few years ago. I developed a panic disorder out of the blue.
When I say out of the blue, I mean my mental health had been up and down over the years since I was about 18, the stress at work had become unbearable, I was eating badly and putting on weight, and the only exercise I got was walking to the car...but other than that.....
For a while, It got worse and worse to the point where I couldn't go out and do basic things like shopping.
I saw a doctor, they did the diagnostics, (ECGs, blood pressure, blood tests etc) and told me there was nothing physically wrong with me.
4 years down the line and I have never felt better.
I told my close friends what was happening. It helped just admitting to people what was happening and suprised me how many other people I knew who had similar issues.
I started dealing with the work stress by accepting that not everything can be done. At least not right now. Here are the things that are important. We are working on them. This other stuff isn't going to get done for a while unless you hire more people. You can't just say 'yes' to every customer request, dump it on my desk and expect me to pull a rabit out my ass.
Started eating better. I resticted myself to one takeaway a week rather than 4-5 nights a week because I'm late home from work and can't be f
ked with cooking or going to the supermarket tonight.Finally, exercise. I can't stress this one enough. Over the last 5 years or so I had become a bit pudgy and unfit. I just started by going for an hour long walk every evening (or lunchtime during the winter). I've now got running and cycling in the mix too.
I've gone from feeling a bit out of breath walking up stairs to feeling like I did 10 years ago. I'm now getting into hill walking. I did a volcano in Indonesia and Scafell Pike this year.
I find just going for a walk or a bike ride is a great reset for the day. Even if i'm in a bad mood or feeling low when I go out, by the time I get back after some fresh air and exertion, I feel much better.
I have been prescribed Paroxetine for 26 years!
It was prescribed to me for severe anxiety rather than depression. This "Anti-Depressant" has a bad wrap but, for me , its been a life saver ( maybe i am UK longest user?!!)
It just keeps me on an even keel, and the only time it's not, is when i have tried to "self-medicate" with alcohol, which is a big mistake to make.
I will be on it for the rest of my life , and for people who thinks it makes you physically bad , i am 13/14% bodyfat and people think i am much younger than my 51 years- even though i am bald.
When ia'm on form, i train hard, have good nutrition, and i am better shape then most people my age.
Exercise and nutrition have been a very good side line!
It was prescribed to me for severe anxiety rather than depression. This "Anti-Depressant" has a bad wrap but, for me , its been a life saver ( maybe i am UK longest user?!!)
It just keeps me on an even keel, and the only time it's not, is when i have tried to "self-medicate" with alcohol, which is a big mistake to make.
I will be on it for the rest of my life , and for people who thinks it makes you physically bad , i am 13/14% bodyfat and people think i am much younger than my 51 years- even though i am bald.
When ia'm on form, i train hard, have good nutrition, and i am better shape then most people my age.
Exercise and nutrition have been a very good side line!
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