Signed off sick for the foreseeable future
Discussion
I'm on sick leave for the foreseeable future due to constantly emotionally breaking down over the past 2 months after coming across a presentation on domestic violence - which triggered memories I'd suppressed for 3 years, and disclosing (after 2 decades) traumatic events from when I was a young child.
GP diagnosed me with depression and signed me off for 2 weeks with a check up to see how I'm doing.
Feeling pretty useless and purposeless at the minute, along with heaps of personal s
t (I've (emotionally) broken down more times than the Alfa Owners' Club), and my brain isn't working right now. Therapy is on the way, antidepressants are stopped (reaction to them) and spending most of my time asleep / completely exhausted.
Any help / tips / advice on navigating this time / things to do are most welcome and appreciated.
GP diagnosed me with depression and signed me off for 2 weeks with a check up to see how I'm doing.
Feeling pretty useless and purposeless at the minute, along with heaps of personal s
t (I've (emotionally) broken down more times than the Alfa Owners' Club), and my brain isn't working right now. Therapy is on the way, antidepressants are stopped (reaction to them) and spending most of my time asleep / completely exhausted.Any help / tips / advice on navigating this time / things to do are most welcome and appreciated.
Sorry to read this, but i think you openness will help you here. You've laid things pretty bare right from the off, my suggestion would be to start talking to someone as soon as possible. Since the start of this year, i've been on a downward spiral, and ended up in a pretty unpleasant place.Having always been very negative, and having had a good few meltdowns myself, i finally started contacting councillors/therapists, as i clearly couldn't find my own solutions to "fix me".
I went online and found a therapist who i get on well with, and is very careful not to push me too hard. i've had about 8 sessions now, (usually once a week), and it's opened up all sorts from a not very nice childhood at times. Despite moments of intense sadness, pain, hurt, all the unpleasant negative feelings, it feels incredible once its out, and the relief from bringing it to the surface feels almost physical to me.
Were all different, and respond differently, none of us are a one size fits all solution, but if you're asking for help or advice, i think you will feel a great sense of relief talking to a professional, enough to get you back to a stable base, then if you wish you can delve deeper, and try to get all that st out of your life rather than carry it around.
On a practical note, i live abroad, but needed to speak to someone in english, so i have my sessions via zoom, or whatsapp video, and pay privately for them. they are £50 a session, and are the best money i have ever spent.
I wish you the best.
craig
I went online and found a therapist who i get on well with, and is very careful not to push me too hard. i've had about 8 sessions now, (usually once a week), and it's opened up all sorts from a not very nice childhood at times. Despite moments of intense sadness, pain, hurt, all the unpleasant negative feelings, it feels incredible once its out, and the relief from bringing it to the surface feels almost physical to me.
Were all different, and respond differently, none of us are a one size fits all solution, but if you're asking for help or advice, i think you will feel a great sense of relief talking to a professional, enough to get you back to a stable base, then if you wish you can delve deeper, and try to get all that s
t out of your life rather than carry it around.On a practical note, i live abroad, but needed to speak to someone in english, so i have my sessions via zoom, or whatsapp video, and pay privately for them. they are £50 a session, and are the best money i have ever spent.
I wish you the best.
craig
Don't push yourself to get back to "normal".
You've got the mental equivalent of a sprained ankle. Don't try to "run" as soon as you can "stand". You'll just hurt yourself more and take longer to heal.
Concentrate on the little things and the nice things in life and let wellness come to you. Don't worry about getting better, you will soon enough if you don't chase it.
You've got the mental equivalent of a sprained ankle. Don't try to "run" as soon as you can "stand". You'll just hurt yourself more and take longer to heal.
Concentrate on the little things and the nice things in life and let wellness come to you. Don't worry about getting better, you will soon enough if you don't chase it.
Sick leave like this is your opportunity to get better.
You need to make a plan and stick to it. Try anything. Some ideas (all from personal experience):
You absolutely have to exercise regularly. This doesn't have to be caning yourself (although I found that actually helped; for that half hour when you're trying to stop your lungs falling out of your arse you can't think about the sh*t stuff!) - walking is very good. I decided to do a 1/2 marathon (basically from couch) - I need a goal.
Get outside. Lots.
Speak to a counsellor. Pay for it if you can; the NHS will take forever. Like others have said, I do not begrudge the £45 an hour I pay to speak to mine.
Keep in touch with your GP. You need the sick notes, and they can signpost other help.
Something mindful - yoga, meditation etc. Every day.
What hobbies did you have? Try them again.
Make something. I found the Lego Defender fun.
Try to eat well. Sugar and brown food make you feel unwell and miserable. Likewise alcohol. I gave up caffeine too, that helped a little with anxiety levels and sleep.
Talk to your family and friends. Let them know what's going on. If they understand they can cut you some slack!
It's a bit early, but you could think about things you'd like to change going forward. Rock bottom is an interesting place, but it does give life back up top a fresh perspective.
You will not be going back to work in two weeks! This stuff takes time. I was off for over 3 months.
Above all, make a blood commitment to yourself (and us) that you will not do anything silly. I mean suicide.
You will get to the other side of this situation. It may not be pleasant getting there, but you will.
You need to make a plan and stick to it. Try anything. Some ideas (all from personal experience):
You absolutely have to exercise regularly. This doesn't have to be caning yourself (although I found that actually helped; for that half hour when you're trying to stop your lungs falling out of your arse you can't think about the sh*t stuff!) - walking is very good. I decided to do a 1/2 marathon (basically from couch) - I need a goal.
Get outside. Lots.
Speak to a counsellor. Pay for it if you can; the NHS will take forever. Like others have said, I do not begrudge the £45 an hour I pay to speak to mine.
Keep in touch with your GP. You need the sick notes, and they can signpost other help.
Something mindful - yoga, meditation etc. Every day.
What hobbies did you have? Try them again.
Make something. I found the Lego Defender fun.
Try to eat well. Sugar and brown food make you feel unwell and miserable. Likewise alcohol. I gave up caffeine too, that helped a little with anxiety levels and sleep.
Talk to your family and friends. Let them know what's going on. If they understand they can cut you some slack!
It's a bit early, but you could think about things you'd like to change going forward. Rock bottom is an interesting place, but it does give life back up top a fresh perspective.
You will not be going back to work in two weeks! This stuff takes time. I was off for over 3 months.
Above all, make a blood commitment to yourself (and us) that you will not do anything silly. I mean suicide.
You will get to the other side of this situation. It may not be pleasant getting there, but you will.
drmike37 said:
Sick leave like this is your opportunity to get better.
You need to make a plan and stick to it. Try anything. Some ideas (all from personal experience):
You absolutely have to exercise regularly. This doesn't have to be caning yourself (although I found that actually helped; for that half hour when you're trying to stop your lungs falling out of your arse you can't think about the sh*t stuff!) - walking is very good. I decided to do a 1/2 marathon (basically from couch) - I need a goal.
Get outside. Lots.
Speak to a counsellor. Pay for it if you can; the NHS will take forever. Like others have said, I do not begrudge the £45 an hour I pay to speak to mine.
Keep in touch with your GP. You need the sick notes, and they can signpost other help.
Something mindful - yoga, meditation etc. Every day.
What hobbies did you have? Try them again.
Make something. I found the Lego Defender fun.
Try to eat well. Sugar and brown food make you feel unwell and miserable. Likewise alcohol. I gave up caffeine too, that helped a little with anxiety levels and sleep.
Talk to your family and friends. Let them know what's going on. If they understand they can cut you some slack!
It's a bit early, but you could think about things you'd like to change going forward. Rock bottom is an interesting place, but it does give life back up top a fresh perspective.
You will not be going back to work in two weeks! This stuff takes time. I was off for over 3 months.
Above all, make a blood commitment to yourself (and us) that you will not do anything silly. I mean suicide.
You will get to the other side of this situation. It may not be pleasant getting there, but you will.
All of this resonates. A very good post. You need to make a plan and stick to it. Try anything. Some ideas (all from personal experience):
You absolutely have to exercise regularly. This doesn't have to be caning yourself (although I found that actually helped; for that half hour when you're trying to stop your lungs falling out of your arse you can't think about the sh*t stuff!) - walking is very good. I decided to do a 1/2 marathon (basically from couch) - I need a goal.
Get outside. Lots.
Speak to a counsellor. Pay for it if you can; the NHS will take forever. Like others have said, I do not begrudge the £45 an hour I pay to speak to mine.
Keep in touch with your GP. You need the sick notes, and they can signpost other help.
Something mindful - yoga, meditation etc. Every day.
What hobbies did you have? Try them again.
Make something. I found the Lego Defender fun.
Try to eat well. Sugar and brown food make you feel unwell and miserable. Likewise alcohol. I gave up caffeine too, that helped a little with anxiety levels and sleep.
Talk to your family and friends. Let them know what's going on. If they understand they can cut you some slack!
It's a bit early, but you could think about things you'd like to change going forward. Rock bottom is an interesting place, but it does give life back up top a fresh perspective.
You will not be going back to work in two weeks! This stuff takes time. I was off for over 3 months.
Above all, make a blood commitment to yourself (and us) that you will not do anything silly. I mean suicide.
You will get to the other side of this situation. It may not be pleasant getting there, but you will.
Get outside, and don't do anything silly, being particularly good advice.
AppleJuice said:
I'm on sick leave for the foreseeable future due to constantly emotionally breaking down over the past 2 months after coming across a presentation on domestic violence - which triggered memories I'd suppressed for 3 years, and disclosing (after 2 decades) traumatic events from when I was a young child.
GP diagnosed me with depression and signed me off for 2 weeks with a check up to see how I'm doing.
Feeling pretty useless and purposeless at the minute, along with heaps of personal st (I've (emotionally) broken down more times than the Alfa Owners' Club), and my brain isn't working right now. Therapy is on the way, antidepressants are stopped (reaction to them) and spending most of my time asleep / completely exhausted.
Any help / tips / advice on navigating this time / things to do are most welcome and appreciated.
From experience:GP diagnosed me with depression and signed me off for 2 weeks with a check up to see how I'm doing.
Feeling pretty useless and purposeless at the minute, along with heaps of personal s
t (I've (emotionally) broken down more times than the Alfa Owners' Club), and my brain isn't working right now. Therapy is on the way, antidepressants are stopped (reaction to them) and spending most of my time asleep / completely exhausted.Any help / tips / advice on navigating this time / things to do are most welcome and appreciated.
1. You won't feel this way for ever.
2. What's happening now is your body and brain doing what it needs to do.
3. I know it's hard, but try not to judge yourself.
4. Healing is going to take time, but you're on your way now.
5. I know it feels s
t, but to say again: you won't feel this way for ever.Good on you for posting. Must have been tough to write.
Therapy
My partner suffered PTSD some months after a traumatic medical experience.
EMDR with a therapist worked for her.
It encouraged me to finally see someone for anxiety and generally feeling rubbish for too long.
Talking openly, offloading and understanding the mechanics of the brain for me. And some distraction/grounding techniques.
Found ours on google locally but both listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb?tr=Hdr_Brand
We funded ourselves (£75-100/Hour). As another poster said, best money spent in a long time.
I think we both had around 6 sessions.
Some knowledgeable people on here ref mindfulness. I found Yoga helped. Movements and nidra relaxation.
Therapy
My partner suffered PTSD some months after a traumatic medical experience.
EMDR with a therapist worked for her.
It encouraged me to finally see someone for anxiety and generally feeling rubbish for too long.
Talking openly, offloading and understanding the mechanics of the brain for me. And some distraction/grounding techniques.
Found ours on google locally but both listed here
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb?tr=Hdr_Brand
We funded ourselves (£75-100/Hour). As another poster said, best money spent in a long time.
I think we both had around 6 sessions.
Some knowledgeable people on here ref mindfulness. I found Yoga helped. Movements and nidra relaxation.
Thank you everyone
elanfan and craigthecoupe - thank you; I've downloaded a few leaflets. I have now been referred for CBT and trauma therapy (GP appointment on Tuesday about it).
Thank you AudiMan9000!
Desiderata - thank you. Your analogy is very, very helpful. Will try and take things slow.
drmike37 - thank you so much! Eating as well as I can. My sister and BIL (my rocks) know now and are being super supportive. My non-bio family know as well now and are supporting me too. In terms of not doing anything silly - suicide - I nearly went through with it (millimetres away) when I was 8 years old. I don't want to and I won't do that again. I've only just told someone about when I was 8 (my GP).
Douglas Quaid - thank you. Will get outside.
Slowboathome - thank you. Really hard not to judge myself right now. So good to know I can get out the other side.
imck - thank you. It took me some time to get it down (not very dominate-the-stairs powerfully-built-director PH stereotype, but...I'm not). I have been referred for therapy (CBT and trauma) which I have a GP appointment on Tuesday about (trauma). Will try mindfulness and have a look around PH.
Following my body's reaction to antidepressants (heart palpitations and chest pain) and them being stopped, I have been referred by my GP and now have an ECG & blood tests on Tuesday morning. Anxious doesn't cover it.
elanfan and craigthecoupe - thank you; I've downloaded a few leaflets. I have now been referred for CBT and trauma therapy (GP appointment on Tuesday about it).
Thank you AudiMan9000!
Desiderata - thank you. Your analogy is very, very helpful. Will try and take things slow.
drmike37 - thank you so much! Eating as well as I can. My sister and BIL (my rocks) know now and are being super supportive. My non-bio family know as well now and are supporting me too. In terms of not doing anything silly - suicide - I nearly went through with it (millimetres away) when I was 8 years old. I don't want to and I won't do that again. I've only just told someone about when I was 8 (my GP).
Douglas Quaid - thank you. Will get outside.
Slowboathome - thank you. Really hard not to judge myself right now. So good to know I can get out the other side.
imck - thank you. It took me some time to get it down (not very dominate-the-stairs powerfully-built-director PH stereotype, but...I'm not). I have been referred for therapy (CBT and trauma) which I have a GP appointment on Tuesday about (trauma). Will try mindfulness and have a look around PH.
Following my body's reaction to antidepressants (heart palpitations and chest pain) and them being stopped, I have been referred by my GP and now have an ECG & blood tests on Tuesday morning. Anxious doesn't cover it.
OP this is a topic that I've got a huge amount of experience in on many levels.
You need to change you're mindset. You can't do it overnight but look at the positives of you; what are you like as a parent(?), partner? How do you compare to the adult(s) in you're childhood?
You need to see yourself as a survivor. The survivor.
I've made a few assumptions but consider the above. Think in a positive mindset of the above.
You need to change you're mindset. You can't do it overnight but look at the positives of you; what are you like as a parent(?), partner? How do you compare to the adult(s) in you're childhood?
You need to see yourself as a survivor. The survivor.
I've made a few assumptions but consider the above. Think in a positive mindset of the above.
Some great advice on here.
One bit of practical advice, does your employer offer any free counselling services, some do and it can save you a bit of cash - although £50 a session as a poster described above, is pretty decent, I've heard of epople being charged £500 for face to face.
Trust me, therapy is worth it.
One bit of practical advice, does your employer offer any free counselling services, some do and it can save you a bit of cash - although £50 a session as a poster described above, is pretty decent, I've heard of epople being charged £500 for face to face.
Trust me, therapy is worth it.
Hugo Stiglitz - thank you. I don't have any children (but do have a niece (my brother) and my sister and BIL are expecting) and am single at the moment. Compared to the adults in my childhood (my parents, basically) I am softer (more softly sprung - more French or Rover 75, as such, rather than the harsh M Sport / S Line unforgiving of people's mistakes, errors and... being human my parents exhibited in front of - and to - me), way, way more accepting of people (non-binary myself), open-minded, socially liberal, happy to wear whatever I like (now I'm free)...
Also happy and keen to help others without any strings attached or expectations of them. I don't hold things against people, though I am wary of being with people who behave in a stty manner.
Although I do overthink, worry and apologise too much - yet also am very quiet and closely-guarded (nearly 3 decades of grey-rocking due to an abusive father). At work, however, my 1:1 supervisor is great at teasing information out of me / reading between the lines of my DMs and seeing how I am really feeling (usually anxious) - she then chats things through with me or if things are more serious / outside her scope, escalates them to our manager. She's brilliant.
Further comparison to the adults in my childhood (parents), I am an introvert & run out of social battery very quickly when surrounded by / with loads of people and will scurry away to somewhere quiet. WFH was a godsend for me (2 days in (quiet office), 3 days WFH (until signed off)). 1:1 / 2:1 / 3:1 I can cope with. Any more and I struggle.
Also, I can't stand raised / aggressive / loud voices (being constantly shouted / screamed at and parents arguing during my childhood) nor can I cope with slamming doors inside a house or building. I'm easily overstimulated when there's loads of voices / noise and will shut down if I can't get away. Much prefer quiet environments.
Also can't stand 4-pots being driven aggressively / consistently higher in the rev range (my father's driving / throttle usage reflected how angry he was).
Sorry for the mini-essay.
hepy - thank you. I think the CBT I've been referred for is free (for me) from my workplace's occupational health provider. Trauma therapy will be on the NHS, so will hopefully save me some cash.
Really nervous about it though!
Sorry - it's taken me quite some time to type this out and post as I've gone back over it quite a bit and thought it probably far too much.
Also happy and keen to help others without any strings attached or expectations of them. I don't hold things against people, though I am wary of being with people who behave in a s
tty manner.Although I do overthink, worry and apologise too much - yet also am very quiet and closely-guarded (nearly 3 decades of grey-rocking due to an abusive father). At work, however, my 1:1 supervisor is great at teasing information out of me / reading between the lines of my DMs and seeing how I am really feeling (usually anxious) - she then chats things through with me or if things are more serious / outside her scope, escalates them to our manager. She's brilliant.
Further comparison to the adults in my childhood (parents), I am an introvert & run out of social battery very quickly when surrounded by / with loads of people and will scurry away to somewhere quiet. WFH was a godsend for me (2 days in (quiet office), 3 days WFH (until signed off)). 1:1 / 2:1 / 3:1 I can cope with. Any more and I struggle.
Also, I can't stand raised / aggressive / loud voices (being constantly shouted / screamed at and parents arguing during my childhood) nor can I cope with slamming doors inside a house or building. I'm easily overstimulated when there's loads of voices / noise and will shut down if I can't get away. Much prefer quiet environments.
Also can't stand 4-pots being driven aggressively / consistently higher in the rev range (my father's driving / throttle usage reflected how angry he was).
Hugo Stiglitz said:
You need to see yourself as a survivor. The survivor.
Thank you - I don't know what else to say right now.Sorry for the mini-essay.
hepy - thank you. I think the CBT I've been referred for is free (for me) from my workplace's occupational health provider. Trauma therapy will be on the NHS, so will hopefully save me some cash.
Really nervous about it though!
Sorry - it's taken me quite some time to type this out and post as I've gone back over it quite a bit and thought it probably far too much.
Your work sound very good. Most half decent workplaces are these days to be fair.
Are you keeping in contact with your manager and supervisor? She sounds like a gem who cares alot about you.
Understand the nervousness.
Nothing you say will sound stupid to the therapist. Try to be as open as you can.
They are likely to give you some tools to deal with the anxiety as well as helping with your trauma/PTSD.
This a grounding technique my partner was given by a helpline when her symptoms started
https://www.twinkl.co.uk/teaching-wiki/5-4-3-2-1-g...
Simple things like counting backwards in 3s or 7s from 100, names/places/food/anything from A to Z
It will force you to think and distract your brain from running away.
This is something I listen to from time to time and find very relaxing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H0FKzeuVVs&ab...
Is your Dad still in your life?
It doesn't sound like he deserves to be.
Hope tuesday goes well
Are you keeping in contact with your manager and supervisor? She sounds like a gem who cares alot about you.
Understand the nervousness.
Nothing you say will sound stupid to the therapist. Try to be as open as you can.
They are likely to give you some tools to deal with the anxiety as well as helping with your trauma/PTSD.
This a grounding technique my partner was given by a helpline when her symptoms started
https://www.twinkl.co.uk/teaching-wiki/5-4-3-2-1-g...
Simple things like counting backwards in 3s or 7s from 100, names/places/food/anything from A to Z
It will force you to think and distract your brain from running away.
This is something I listen to from time to time and find very relaxing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H0FKzeuVVs&ab...
Is your Dad still in your life?
It doesn't sound like he deserves to be.
Hope tuesday goes well
Not sure I can add much except;
In my experience, talking to someone really helps, but it does take time to untangle things. I had weekly therapy and it would really lift me for a few days, but in the early part, not for a whole week, so I would make sure I had enjoyable things planned that were not too challenging (e.g. listening to a Smith and Sniff podcast) to bounce me back up later in the week.
Being kind to yourself is really hard sometimes.
Lego is a brilliant mindful activity. Doesn't need to be a specific set either - just a old box from FB marketplace and spending some time making something random can be fun.
If getting the day to to day basics gets challenging, something that worked for me was to set a timer for a task I was avoiding, maybe a minute, or five minutes, and commit to the task for that long. When the timer went off, more often than not, I carried on anyway, but when I really needed to, it was permission to go back to bed for a bit instead.
All in all, here's wishing you wellness.
In my experience, talking to someone really helps, but it does take time to untangle things. I had weekly therapy and it would really lift me for a few days, but in the early part, not for a whole week, so I would make sure I had enjoyable things planned that were not too challenging (e.g. listening to a Smith and Sniff podcast) to bounce me back up later in the week.
Being kind to yourself is really hard sometimes.
Lego is a brilliant mindful activity. Doesn't need to be a specific set either - just a old box from FB marketplace and spending some time making something random can be fun.
If getting the day to to day basics gets challenging, something that worked for me was to set a timer for a task I was avoiding, maybe a minute, or five minutes, and commit to the task for that long. When the timer went off, more often than not, I carried on anyway, but when I really needed to, it was permission to go back to bed for a bit instead.
All in all, here's wishing you wellness.
Smitters said:
Not sure I can add much except;
In my experience, talking to someone really helps, but it does take time to untangle things. I had weekly therapy and it would really lift me for a few days, but in the early part, not for a whole week, so I would make sure I had enjoyable things planned that were not too challenging (e.g. listening to a Smith and Sniff podcast) to bounce me back up later in the week.
Being kind to yourself is really hard sometimes.
Lego is a brilliant mindful activity. Doesn't need to be a specific set either - just a old box from FB marketplace and spending some time making something random can be fun.
If getting the day to to day basics gets challenging, something that worked for me was to set a timer for a task I was avoiding, maybe a minute, or five minutes, and commit to the task for that long. When the timer went off, more often than not, I carried on anyway, but when I really needed to, it was permission to go back to bed for a bit instead.
All in all, here's wishing you wellness.
This is great advice, imho.In my experience, talking to someone really helps, but it does take time to untangle things. I had weekly therapy and it would really lift me for a few days, but in the early part, not for a whole week, so I would make sure I had enjoyable things planned that were not too challenging (e.g. listening to a Smith and Sniff podcast) to bounce me back up later in the week.
Being kind to yourself is really hard sometimes.
Lego is a brilliant mindful activity. Doesn't need to be a specific set either - just a old box from FB marketplace and spending some time making something random can be fun.
If getting the day to to day basics gets challenging, something that worked for me was to set a timer for a task I was avoiding, maybe a minute, or five minutes, and commit to the task for that long. When the timer went off, more often than not, I carried on anyway, but when I really needed to, it was permission to go back to bed for a bit instead.
All in all, here's wishing you wellness.
I'd just add: when I was at my lowest, my therapist advised me to tackle just one task each day that I could complete. It didn't matter how small the task was, so Iong as I could complete it. Just doing the washing up counts.
imck said:
Your work sound very good. Most half decent workplaces are these days to be fair.
Are you keeping in contact with your manager and supervisor? She sounds like a gem who cares alot about you.
Work is brilliant. I'm keeping in touch with my manager and my supervisor (She is lovely! I can't praise her highly enough!)Are you keeping in contact with your manager and supervisor? She sounds like a gem who cares alot about you.
imck said:
Is your Dad still in your life?
It doesn't sound like he deserves to be.
He is, sadly. All my stuff is still at my parents' house at the moment (I'm renting an apartment currently) and if I went NC then he would throw my belongings in a skip (he has threatened to do so before).It doesn't sound like he deserves to be.
As soon as I have bought / moved in to my own house and got my things, I will be going NC.
The amount of s
t he has done...imck said:
Hope tuesday goes well
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