Helping a neighbour with dementia

[Pieman68]

Just a bit of a cry for help really.

Next door but one is a 77 year old lady who has declined rapidly. Lives on her own and has no children - cousin visits once a week and takes her out and I believe there is an older persons outreach charity that do the same.

She knows I work from home so has taken to visiting for a cuppa and a chat. Some days are better than others but she has convinced herself that the council are coming to evict her (amongst other things)

Had a really rough day today and I'm at a bit of a loss. She's convinced when she goes with her cousin tomorrow to watch the coronation that she's not bringing her back and is putting her in a home.

I've been called a Judas for lying to her, a thief when she couldn't find her mother's rings (which she then found). Then she went home, came back 5 minutes later asking me to give her things back, before telling my teenager not to end up like me and the wife as he walked in from work. I understand she's confused and struggling but that cut me a bit deep when I have just tried to help her.

To be honest I've no experience, am just trying to be neighbourly but it's ridiculous. Her house is full of notes and reminders, she won't lock her door in case she gets locked in and I feel she needs a lot more support that she is getting (I also think visits to me are part loneliness).

Does anybody have any idea how to help? I do have her cousin's number and have spoken to her a few times but she seems quite abrupt and possibly in denial of how bad it is. I'm worried that my neighbour could end up going wandering and could come to harm

Any suggestions or help gratefully received

[littlebasher]

A colleague of mine had similar encounters with his neighbour. Her family not interested, seemed content to let things play out despite it being raised with them.

All changed, after she came around his house with a bag containing around £15K in cash that she wanted him to hide from them. Then they finally dealt with the situation, that led to her being moved to a care home.

Sorry that I can't add anything more constructive.

[Badda]

Do you know who her GP is?

If so, give them a call and alert them.

I’m not sure where you’re based but also google ‘safeguarding Surrey’ (obviously change for your county) and how to report a vulnerable person should appear.

Good luck.

[Vasco]

I think you can contact Social Services to at least obtain their guidance. I'll be watching the responses from others as I have a situation near me which may end up being rather similar.

[Jakey54]

Call your local council- whoever you pay council tax to - ask to speak to one of their safeguarding officers. They ought to be able to offer to get her help or signpost you to get support and advice.

[Steve_H80]

As said you need to contact your local social services and push the responsibility onto them, after you've spoken to someone put it in writing.
It sounds harsh but a) it not your problem, and b) you are not qualified and do not have the resources to deal with this.
Dementia is a bd of a thing and it needs specialist help. Hopefully she can be taken into care if she has progressed that far where she can be looked after and will be much happier (not lonely, not so confused, not so frightened etc etc).

[Pieman68]

Thanks for the feedback all, I'll look into contacting the council on Tuesday

[loskie]

yep adult Social Services.

A good reminder to everyone to have a power of attorney in place before things get too bad

https://www.leeds.gov.uk/adult-social-care
This may or not be relevant to your patch but just Google

Getting old is crap and the population is ageing and will continue to do so as health care progresses but why when there's little quality of life.

[Vasco]

loskie said:

yep adult Social Services.

A good reminder to everyone to have a power of attorney in place before things get too bad

https://www.leeds.gov.uk/adult-social-care
This may or not be relevant to your patch but just Google

Getting old is crap and the population is ageing and will continue to do so as health care progresses but why when there's little quality of life.

Absolutely, thanks for highlighting the need for a Power of Attorney - BEFORE the situation deteriorates. It's easy to do and I keep reminding people of how important it is as you/family get older.
So many people know little about taking out a Power of Attorney. That needs to change.

[V1nce Fox]

Thank you for trying to help.

[Grumps.]

From personal experience, just contact social services and do not get involved, as it can up being very messy.

Good luck!

[Pieman68]

Well just for an update, things escalated quickly. She was wondering around early on Sunday morning knocking on doors so somebody called an ambulance out. She was taken into hospital for tests and the current thinking is the rapid deterioration over the last couple of weeks is more delirium than dementia (she does have memory issues though).

Apparently she's improved since being under their care - there's some possibility that it's her anti-depressants or a UTI that have caused the recent issues

[V1nce Fox]

Pieman68 said:

Well just for an update, things escalated quickly. She was wondering around early on Sunday morning knocking on doors so somebody called an ambulance out. She was taken into hospital for tests and the current thinking is the rapid deterioration over the last couple of weeks is more delirium than dementia (she does have memory issues though).

Apparently she's improved since being under their care - there's some possibility that it's her anti-depressants or a UTI that have caused the recent issues

UTI is a favourite for this one.

[S100HP]

Pieman68 said:

Well just for an update, things escalated quickly. She was wondering around early on Sunday morning knocking on doors so somebody called an ambulance out. She was taken into hospital for tests and the current thinking is the rapid deterioration over the last couple of weeks is more delirium than dementia (she does have memory issues though).

Apparently she's improved since being under their care - there's some possibility that it's her anti-depressants or a UTI that have caused the recent issues

I was just about to post advising to raise a concern for welfare with the ambulance service, on the basis you'd not seem her for a few days....

They'd attend, carry out some obs and go from there. Raise safeguarding etc.

Seems like someone else did it before I could suggest it tho

[Allegro_Snapon]

We've just had similar. In three weeks an ex Professor who was bright as a button has gone to putting their waste in everyone elses bins on the road. Only they have put food in recycle bins, garden waste in the normal waste bin and recycle waste in the garden bins. Our ring doorbell caught who it was and we did have a quite word with their wife who was finding other behaviours odd.

In the end it was the bin men who contacted social services as apparently mixed waste like this and contaminated waste is a classic sign! (We do live in an area of town mostly of over 70s!). How clever.

they moved to a council home this morn.

[numtumfutunch]

You sound like a thoroughly decent human being and shes lucky to have you next door

Other than that GP/social services/her family/whatever

Good luck

[PurpleTurtle]

Currently dealing with my 83yo dad going into care with dementia.

We’re a loving family (his wife of 60yrs and two 50yo sons) and even we are finding some situations challenging.

Good on you for looking out for her, I hate to think what would have happened to my dad if he was on his own, so am sending thanks on behalf of all those caring for someone with dementia.

However, as stated up the thread, this is best left to Social Services who have the skills and resources to help her.

[Unreal]

Not much to add to the good advice already given but I would just say make sure you go with someone if you go into her home. Sadly, relatives do emerge from the woodwork and then start asking questions about where cash, jewellery and other items have gone. My gran sold (gave away for buttons) loads of valuable stuff to thieving knockers. Good luck with it all.