Carers / home help

[PostHeads123]

My mum is 77 lives's on her own and has been going down hill mentally and physically for a while with a few minor falls recently and mental confusion, to me it appears to be alzheimer's / dimentia. I'm her only child and closest relative in terms of distance but I'm still 175miles away. Beginning of week she was found by neighbour on the floor and ambulance called I rushed up here and they thought it a stroke but now thinking a seizure, 4 days in hospital so far and still no MRI, I hate to bash the NHS but her treatment so far been terrible no one knows what is going on, I have asked to speak to doctor and nothing so far. I went to see her today and she is very confused mentally and agitated, I can't ever see her living on her own again, I need to go back to work on Monday.

I don't know what do to do, if I was to care for her myself I would need to stop working, I have no idea who / agencies I should approach for help to get carers in etc if she sent hone, is it the case the hospital would not be able to send her home without a risk assessment or carers in place? The plan before all this was to sell her flat and her move to a retirement place near me and her place went on the market last Monday the day before she was found on floor.

Thanks

[w1bbles]

I’m sorry to hear about her and your predicament. My wife and I are going through similar. I can’t tell you what you should do, but I can tell you what we have done.

From a care perspective we have used my MIL’s local authority to set up carers who are now going in twice a day to check medication taking and food preparation.

From a practical perspective we have installed a Ring doorbell so we can check who is coming and going and also whether my MIL is going out and returning safely. My wife is organising all food deliveries (confirmed via Ring) and is visiting once a week (100 miles away).

From a legal perspective we both have lasting power of attorney for parents (Scotland) and in my wife’s case we’ve used that to manage bill paying and bank accounts so that MIL doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do when lucid.

In our experience you’ll need to be actively involved and nicely firm with the carers, whose primary objective seems to be to get MIL to sell her house and use the proceeds to pay for a nursing home.

It’s a tough gig and I feel for you - my attitude is that MIL and we have paid a bucket load of tax over the years and we’ll make local authority services work for her and for us.

[SimonTheSailor]

Went through similar with my mother during COVID - i.e. seemingly no help.

It SHOULD ALL be dealt with through her GP. I know it's easy to say but they should put everything in place. They should put a 'care package' in place.

They should understand what's going on, they should know/understand her medication/needs.

Badger them/annoy them/turn up/phone them/complain.............. sadly seems the only way.

The GP should be in charge of what's going on.

[PositronicRay]

SimonTheSailor said:

Went through similar with my mother during COVID - i.e. seemingly no help.

It SHOULD ALL be dealt with through her GP. I know it's easy to say but they should put everything in place. They should put a 'care package' in place.

They should understand what's going on, they should know/understand her medication/needs.

Badger them/annoy them/turn up/phone them/complain.............. sadly seems the only way.

The GP should be in charge of what's going on.

This in spades, we had plenty of help from various agencies but a difficult and unsettling time.

AIUI the hospital won't discharge her unless suitable care arrangements are in place. It doesn't sound like she'll be able to move home either. I doubt anything will happen until the MRI has taken place.

[Ruskie]

Before she is discharged make sure they do a needs assessment, and put an emergency care package in place. With the greatest respect the GP is limited at this point, as she is not in the community at present. I would search out care providers and see what availability is as they are struggling for capacity regardless of where you are in the UK.

A memory test and bloods can confirm Dementia with a referral to the community memory team for further input. I would strongly suggest Lasting Power of Attorney as a priority for health and wealth via a solicitor.

[shed driver]

Ruskie said:

Before she is discharged make sure they do a needs assessment, and put an emergency care package in place. With the greatest respect the GP is limited at this point, as she is not in the community at present. I would search out care providers and see what availability is as they are struggling for capacity regardless of where you are in the UK.

A memory test and bloods can confirm Dementia with a referral to the community memory team for further input. I would strongly suggest Lasting Power of Attorney as a priority for health and wealth via a solicitor.

With regards to the LPA it can only be completed while they have the capacity to sign it. If they have dementia then they cannot give informed consent and you need to apply to the Court of Protection (iirc).

Good luck.

SD.

[Fozziebear]

This is going to be a hard time for you, having spent a year bouncing between Eastbourne/Nottingham/North Devon for work, home and my late father, it's tough. lucky for me there was a care package in place, I just needed to tweak it a bit for an additional visit and meals on wheels, but that took a long phone call, forms and an additional phone call, lucky for me I knew what to write and say, its about care, safety and hygiene, not about their condition, medical terms mean nothing, its about justification for the additional funded visit. I fitted a blink cctv system to check he was safe, also an Alexa view so he could watch the carers leave, key safe so they locked up and had access, I also got him a personal alarm fob to a 24/7 call centre, they can talk to them if it goes off and called me direct. LPA as stated can only be done pre dementia, no one thinks about these until needed, it can also take 3-4 months to be registered, my father passed before it was finalised, but id keep tight rein on his finances and direct contact with doctor for meds etc. like ive said, its going to be tough, ill be honest with you, if its dementia and they have had falls, you need to find a care home that deals with dementia care, try to find one close to you so you can visit loads, otherwise you'll be panicking about how they are.