Autism, Cahms, anywhere else?
Discussion
As per the title….my 12 year old has moderate autism, now at secondary school and has high anxiety and a decent amount of anger that is a struggle to control. At school she can just about manage, although often manifests as being sick or anxiety. At home she throws, yells, swears, punches, kicks etc. I’m happy that she can control herself mostly at school and will let loose at home as she does need to decompress and let it all out i8n a safe place. My issue is that she’s been having therapy through Relate and they say they can’t do anything else for her and to pursue help through a gp referral to cahms. We all know that’s a two year waiting list and isn’t exactly the pinnacle of decent help when you are top of the queue. Does anyone have experience of this, where to go to next, what to try etc?
Hi, have a 10 year old daughter who is exactly the same, just about manages to control herself at school but the meltdowns when she gets home are something else :-( its well known that girls mask this very well, so is much harder to spot than boys.
We went through school for a referral to CYPS (Children and young persons services, same as CAMHS I think), got rejected, appealed, got taken on, 4 sessions with her and finally after 2.5 years she has now had an autism diagnosis - its quite an anti climax to be honest, she has now been discharged from CYPS with a couple of leaflets and a pamphlet of who to contact to get help now, but at least we have the diagnosis, which is for life.
I know it looks a log time ahead, but the quicker you can get a referral made, the quicker she will be (eventually) seen, unfortunately I do no think there is any quick fox to all of this.
Very best of luck going forward
We went through school for a referral to CYPS (Children and young persons services, same as CAMHS I think), got rejected, appealed, got taken on, 4 sessions with her and finally after 2.5 years she has now had an autism diagnosis - its quite an anti climax to be honest, she has now been discharged from CYPS with a couple of leaflets and a pamphlet of who to contact to get help now, but at least we have the diagnosis, which is for life.
I know it looks a log time ahead, but the quicker you can get a referral made, the quicker she will be (eventually) seen, unfortunately I do no think there is any quick fox to all of this.
Very best of luck going forward
Sorry, not got any pointers for where to go but wanted to say, from what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re daughters doing as well as can be hoped for with the support of her parents and the professionals involved.
12 is a tricky age for any girl and if she’s doing ok navigating the intense world of year 8 at school with autism then that’s a result. Like you say, it’s good that she can trust in you to take the built up tension she feels outside the house. You’re doing a good job and your daughter is taking in both your and the professional guidance she’s getting. Sounds like you’re all smashing it to me. You’ll get there, keep going.
12 is a tricky age for any girl and if she’s doing ok navigating the intense world of year 8 at school with autism then that’s a result. Like you say, it’s good that she can trust in you to take the built up tension she feels outside the house. You’re doing a good job and your daughter is taking in both your and the professional guidance she’s getting. Sounds like you’re all smashing it to me. You’ll get there, keep going.
First step is to go see you GP and ask if they have access to any local charities working with young people with Autism, or if they have any behaviour resource services in your area. Absolutely pursue the referral to CAMHS, so that you get on the waiting list.
Second have a chat with your daughters school, they may be able to offer some emotional literacy support through pastoral services.
Having healthy ways at home where she can engage in her feelings of anger, i.e after school does she need to go outside to help her regulate, or you can also try and redirect her when she is feeling frustrated, such as punching pillows, having sensory toys that are safe for her to squeeze/ throw.
It may be useful to look on amazon for books related to feelings and autism.
Here are some to try:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reducing-Childs-Anxiety-A...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Volcano-My-Tummy-Children...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-5-Point-Scale-...
Second have a chat with your daughters school, they may be able to offer some emotional literacy support through pastoral services.
Having healthy ways at home where she can engage in her feelings of anger, i.e after school does she need to go outside to help her regulate, or you can also try and redirect her when she is feeling frustrated, such as punching pillows, having sensory toys that are safe for her to squeeze/ throw.
It may be useful to look on amazon for books related to feelings and autism.
Here are some to try:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reducing-Childs-Anxiety-A...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Volcano-My-Tummy-Children...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-5-Point-Scale-...
Has the autism been diagnosed? You mention anxiety - is this GAD, and again has it been diagnosed? It may well be the underlying anxiety is a precursor to any behaviour seen as autism related. Would counselling be an option?
You can pay for a private autism consultation and test that provides a diagnosis - one way or the other. The outcome can be used to ask for related treatment in school.
You can pay for a private autism consultation and test that provides a diagnosis - one way or the other. The outcome can be used to ask for related treatment in school.
Thankyou for the replies. She has been diagnosed for two years, although I’ve known for a lot longer. GP isn’t able to give any further help unless I want to push for medication (I absolutely don’t). She’s in Year 7 and with moving school, I fully expected things to be worse. The first term was awful, she’s more settled now apart from the anxiety. So the anxiety causes the physical nausea, feeling dizzy etc and later on, massive rage. It’s just how I can help her to vent and then calm down. I’ve tried a few places today who have basically said to stick with it and she will grow out of it….I know it changes with age but having a chair lobbed at your head makes you want it sooner!
She only really feels safe at home, but because she behaves at school, they don’t care about helping or finding help. I’m thanking of going for some help in the private sector but it’s a minefield. Children’s practitioners are scant at best. It shouldn’t be so hard to find help for your child.
She only really feels safe at home, but because she behaves at school, they don’t care about helping or finding help. I’m thanking of going for some help in the private sector but it’s a minefield. Children’s practitioners are scant at best. It shouldn’t be so hard to find help for your child.
"Masking" is common with autistic spectrum condition, in other words a child seems to just about hold it together at school though under the surface they are falling to pieces. So it all comes out once back at home. You'd think it was a completely different child to the one the teachers describe. It sounds from your description like she doesn't have additional learning needs or attends special needs school so would be towards the "high functioning" end of the spectrum perhaps? And around year 7 is a common age for these things to emerge in children who until that point have bottled things up and only recently begun to realise for themselves that they seem to perceive the world differently to their peers.
Few practical pointers that might be helpful or otherwise. Has she got an EHCP, or the precurser to that, a SEN support plan? Schools or parents can apply, and may be easier if applied for by parents. But that provides a legal framework to provide support (including potentially additional funding if required) to support her to stay and cope in school. Is school too noisy, too busy, and is that causing overwhelm? Could a reduced timetable, even temporarily, to get her through a difficult and stressful time, be considered?
Does she have any pets at home? Animals can be extremely calming to autistic children. Dogs in particular, though not suitable for all families and not possible in all households. At the risk of grossing out, a vet friend of mine highly rates rats for autistic children. Unlike more common rodent pets like hamsters, they don't bite, can be easily trained (even potty trained), love being cuddled by children and can have a profoundly calming influence.
An educational psychologist review can be very helpful, especially when looking at EHCP or suitability of current school provision. For some people though, child occupational therapy can be a game changer, as many children with autism they experience sensory integration problems - put bluntly, our brains are constantly bombarded with all kinds of sensory inputs ranging from taste, smell, position of our limbs, sight, sound, and most people subconsciously filter out all but the relevant things to them - the sound of the person speaking to you for instance. Many people who are autistic struggle immensely with what's described as sensory overload and this can be especially tiring in a noisy school environment, Which results in exhaustion, fatigue and a low breaking point when back at home. An OT could be helpful for identifying sensory issues and strategies for overcoming, or at least limiting the impact they have on the individual. Ear plugs, darkened glasses, "fidget toys", physio ball - all can help provide comfort in different ways. Though also the child will need to learn to understand and name their emotions for themselves and recognise the impending signs of not coping in order to avoid the meltdown that will otherwise inevitably occur.
I deliberately haven't said anything about CAMHS because ultimately it's not a fix for most people; much of supporting a child with autism is about learning to understand how they perceive the world and making adjustments by trial and error and as outlined above that help them to cope in a world that isn't autistic friendly which in turn helps avoid the need to join (very long) CAMHS waiting lists.
Few practical pointers that might be helpful or otherwise. Has she got an EHCP, or the precurser to that, a SEN support plan? Schools or parents can apply, and may be easier if applied for by parents. But that provides a legal framework to provide support (including potentially additional funding if required) to support her to stay and cope in school. Is school too noisy, too busy, and is that causing overwhelm? Could a reduced timetable, even temporarily, to get her through a difficult and stressful time, be considered?
Does she have any pets at home? Animals can be extremely calming to autistic children. Dogs in particular, though not suitable for all families and not possible in all households. At the risk of grossing out, a vet friend of mine highly rates rats for autistic children. Unlike more common rodent pets like hamsters, they don't bite, can be easily trained (even potty trained), love being cuddled by children and can have a profoundly calming influence.
An educational psychologist review can be very helpful, especially when looking at EHCP or suitability of current school provision. For some people though, child occupational therapy can be a game changer, as many children with autism they experience sensory integration problems - put bluntly, our brains are constantly bombarded with all kinds of sensory inputs ranging from taste, smell, position of our limbs, sight, sound, and most people subconsciously filter out all but the relevant things to them - the sound of the person speaking to you for instance. Many people who are autistic struggle immensely with what's described as sensory overload and this can be especially tiring in a noisy school environment, Which results in exhaustion, fatigue and a low breaking point when back at home. An OT could be helpful for identifying sensory issues and strategies for overcoming, or at least limiting the impact they have on the individual. Ear plugs, darkened glasses, "fidget toys", physio ball - all can help provide comfort in different ways. Though also the child will need to learn to understand and name their emotions for themselves and recognise the impending signs of not coping in order to avoid the meltdown that will otherwise inevitably occur.
I deliberately haven't said anything about CAMHS because ultimately it's not a fix for most people; much of supporting a child with autism is about learning to understand how they perceive the world and making adjustments by trial and error and as outlined above that help them to cope in a world that isn't autistic friendly which in turn helps avoid the need to join (very long) CAMHS waiting lists.
Chromegrill…
She is definitely pro at masking when at school. Not so much when generally out, shopping etc. I do limit those activities as much as possible during school term time as she is just totally overloaded and needs the weekends to decompress. She has an ECHP but it’s not much use. It allows her to leave the classroom with a pass at any time she wishes, otherwise there isn’t a lot of value. Education wise she is fine and, as you say, high functioning. As she walks out of school she always rings me and starts a barrage of swearing, shouting etc….the beginning of meltdown after coping so long. It breaks me each day as I know how much she struggles to keep a lid on it all, she should be able to be herself. Yet I know she will have to manage in later life in this way and now is a good time to start.
We do have a bulldog as a pet, she’s excellent with my daughter and is a real comfort at times. She would love a cat as well but my eldest is highly allergic. As for the OC, I honestly hadn’t heard of it in this way before. She definitely needs coping strategies in this. I’m unsure how to go about finding someone that can do this. Any ideas?
She is definitely pro at masking when at school. Not so much when generally out, shopping etc. I do limit those activities as much as possible during school term time as she is just totally overloaded and needs the weekends to decompress. She has an ECHP but it’s not much use. It allows her to leave the classroom with a pass at any time she wishes, otherwise there isn’t a lot of value. Education wise she is fine and, as you say, high functioning. As she walks out of school she always rings me and starts a barrage of swearing, shouting etc….the beginning of meltdown after coping so long. It breaks me each day as I know how much she struggles to keep a lid on it all, she should be able to be herself. Yet I know she will have to manage in later life in this way and now is a good time to start.
We do have a bulldog as a pet, she’s excellent with my daughter and is a real comfort at times. She would love a cat as well but my eldest is highly allergic. As for the OC, I honestly hadn’t heard of it in this way before. She definitely needs coping strategies in this. I’m unsure how to go about finding someone that can do this. Any ideas?
If your daughter already has an EHCP, how often is it reviewed and how thoroughly is it scrutinised? Unfortunately many many EHCPs are poorly completed with vague suggestions and hard to measure outcomes when they are really supposed to have tightly defined interventions to address specific needs and measurable outcomes. https://www.ipsea.org.uk/ or https://www.specialneedsjungle.com/ will be your friend here to help work through what's missing and insist that it's better written next time the annual review comes up. Having a watertight EHCP can make a big difference and it should allow more than just permission (that quite possibly is rarely sought or granted) to skip the occasional lesson when feeling really overwhelmed.. Hardly surprising if the poor girl is expending a whole load more energy than the other kids in the class trying to keep a lid on things at school, that the mask falls off as soon as she leaves for home.
Your daughter's school SENCO may know of an OT - might even be that one comes in already to provide support to other children. If so push for her to be assessed. You could ask your GP or her community paediatrician (if she has one) for a referral, making specific reference to the needs documented in the EHCP. Or if you can afford a private consultation (and potentially further follow up), search online for paediatric occupational therapists, ensuring they have specific experience with children and young people with ASD.
Exercise (of any form she is prepared to tolerate, and at whatever time of the day suits her) could be a good suggestion too. Again that might have OT links if she has any proprioceptive issues.
But ultimately it's going to be important to try to understand what's going on inside her head that explains how and why she thinks or reacts in particular ways (obviously that's easier said than done, and no two autistic children will be identical). From that hopefully she can begin to find the adaptations that will enable her to cope better.
Your daughter's school SENCO may know of an OT - might even be that one comes in already to provide support to other children. If so push for her to be assessed. You could ask your GP or her community paediatrician (if she has one) for a referral, making specific reference to the needs documented in the EHCP. Or if you can afford a private consultation (and potentially further follow up), search online for paediatric occupational therapists, ensuring they have specific experience with children and young people with ASD.
Exercise (of any form she is prepared to tolerate, and at whatever time of the day suits her) could be a good suggestion too. Again that might have OT links if she has any proprioceptive issues.
But ultimately it's going to be important to try to understand what's going on inside her head that explains how and why she thinks or reacts in particular ways (obviously that's easier said than done, and no two autistic children will be identical). From that hopefully she can begin to find the adaptations that will enable her to cope better.
My friend is autistic and married the first girl that positively responded to him. He met her via online dating. She's also autistic and extremely odd. They have kids and the eldest one is showing lot's of problems. None of the kids talk and the parents are highly introverted, so there is little discussion in the family apart from the mother's one way conversations. I observed the eldest kid expressed so much frustration when playing. She would pick items up and smash them into the ground (plush toys) and she even picked up a wooden toy and almost smashed it, but I managed to stop her. I also observed her hitting toys and punching their faces out of frustration - she must be hurting inside. I suspect she doesn't engage with her parents because her parents are quite unusual especially the mother - easily the coldest mother i've ever met. A lazy mother who doesn't even cook proper meals for the family.
They have her doing gymnastics and they take the kids out a couple of time per week to the park. They are overly protective parents and are extremely frugal. The kids don't have access to any type of media entertainment. They only read books and play games with their parents. No talking outside of teaching and discipline. I have mixed feelings on whether she is mirroring her parents when with them, needing to take out anger after spending time with them or she is just ok when she's with other people. She is ok when I spent time with her. I really think she's different around her parents and is trying to appease them as they are completely incapable of understanding people... let alone a developing young child.
Is there anyway I can get my friend to help his kids? My concern is their kids will end up like their mother who I am shocked was even interested in putting herself out on online dating in the first place. BTW, they have they have put their kids in gymnastics to tire her out.
Having written the above, It is understandable that highly introverted and autistic parents would want their kids to be the same as themselves. It's just awful to watch as I know my friend had many social issues and is why he married the first girl who ever responded to him relatively late in his life. It is a real tragedy as he's a nice guy.
They have her doing gymnastics and they take the kids out a couple of time per week to the park. They are overly protective parents and are extremely frugal. The kids don't have access to any type of media entertainment. They only read books and play games with their parents. No talking outside of teaching and discipline. I have mixed feelings on whether she is mirroring her parents when with them, needing to take out anger after spending time with them or she is just ok when she's with other people. She is ok when I spent time with her. I really think she's different around her parents and is trying to appease them as they are completely incapable of understanding people... let alone a developing young child.
Is there anyway I can get my friend to help his kids? My concern is their kids will end up like their mother who I am shocked was even interested in putting herself out on online dating in the first place. BTW, they have they have put their kids in gymnastics to tire her out.
Having written the above, It is understandable that highly introverted and autistic parents would want their kids to be the same as themselves. It's just awful to watch as I know my friend had many social issues and is why he married the first girl who ever responded to him relatively late in his life. It is a real tragedy as he's a nice guy.
Edited by GilletteFan on Saturday 22 April 23:54
OP - I was reading about something called brown noise which can be played through ear phones. It's like a constant noise a bit deeper than white noise which the brain is able to focus on and then zone out. It is quite calming.
I'm not autistic (or have kids) but I do find some environments overly stimulating and putting that noise on through headphones is quite calming. I use it on packed trains etc to isolate me from the rest of the people and allow me to think clearly or read.
It might be worth a shot? There are playlists and things on spotify.
I'm not autistic (or have kids) but I do find some environments overly stimulating and putting that noise on through headphones is quite calming. I use it on packed trains etc to isolate me from the rest of the people and allow me to think clearly or read.
It might be worth a shot? There are playlists and things on spotify.
So…. We have tried dance, kickboxing, street dance and a couple of other classes. Basically she wants to do her own thing and not really learn from a teacher, she has her own way of doing things and it isn’t always the same as the rest! She also just wants to be at home really. So we’ve just a got a swingball for the garden that she smacks the bejesus out of, plus a huge keyboard as she showed a lot of love for the one when at the in-laws. When I can get her to use these, it helps refocus and calm down. Shame they can’t be used at school, although she would probably just lamp someone with them…
ECHP is reviewed each term, although I’m no longer part of the process. At junior school I was invited in for it or discussed over the phone, now I get an email with it on and that’s it. I’m going to be reading the site you sent me and making some much more thorough notes to discuss with the senco . Letting her leave lessons when overwhelmed is good, but she’s too scared of authority/teachers to use it . The website you sent looks excellent, I appreciate the link. Google hits just take you to anecdotes and it’s not particularly relevant. Private OT this week as well.
There’s so many issues with the frustration of friendships, emotions, hormones and just working out how you actually feel..trying to help her is hard. Trying to help her see that friends are important but being taken for a t
t by them is not right and to be alone and content can be good. She’s a good lass to have on your side, she’s loyal and will always stand up for her friends. Then they bog off without her or ignore her and she doesn’t understand why. The explanation that girls are bhes and make friends with boys doesn’t help…I’m ranting now, my heart breaks for her sometimes. She doesn’t really understand the world she is forced into. I get her rage and why she throws and punches.
NorthD, brown noise…I’m off to YouTube to investigate! Thankyou.
Gillette, wow. Some folk shouldn’t have kids, I guess. I’m obviously on the spectrum and had a lot of therapy before having kids as I was determined to not be cold and ignorant. I’m not good at hugs, noise, people always on and around me etc. I’ve never had a day go by where I don’t hug my kids, tell them how I love them and try my absolute best for them in whatever way they need. It’s good that your friend has other people around to help his kids sometimes. There’s no perfect parent, but you should at least try! From what I’ve seen, it’s common for the ASD to go for the first person that shows them attention.
ECHP is reviewed each term, although I’m no longer part of the process. At junior school I was invited in for it or discussed over the phone, now I get an email with it on and that’s it. I’m going to be reading the site you sent me and making some much more thorough notes to discuss with the senco . Letting her leave lessons when overwhelmed is good, but she’s too scared of authority/teachers to use it . The website you sent looks excellent, I appreciate the link. Google hits just take you to anecdotes and it’s not particularly relevant. Private OT this week as well.
There’s so many issues with the frustration of friendships, emotions, hormones and just working out how you actually feel..trying to help her is hard. Trying to help her see that friends are important but being taken for a t
t by them is not right and to be alone and content can be good. She’s a good lass to have on your side, she’s loyal and will always stand up for her friends. Then they bog off without her or ignore her and she doesn’t understand why. The explanation that girls are bhes and make friends with boys doesn’t help…I’m ranting now, my heart breaks for her sometimes. She doesn’t really understand the world she is forced into. I get her rage and why she throws and punches. NorthD, brown noise…I’m off to YouTube to investigate! Thankyou.
Gillette, wow. Some folk shouldn’t have kids, I guess. I’m obviously on the spectrum and had a lot of therapy before having kids as I was determined to not be cold and ignorant. I’m not good at hugs, noise, people always on and around me etc. I’ve never had a day go by where I don’t hug my kids, tell them how I love them and try my absolute best for them in whatever way they need. It’s good that your friend has other people around to help his kids sometimes. There’s no perfect parent, but you should at least try! From what I’ve seen, it’s common for the ASD to go for the first person that shows them attention.
you could be writing about our daughter. She wasn't diagnosed til later though.
As people have said Secondary school is the killer time, social interaction rules change as girls go thru puberty. Quirks become noticed and makes them stand out and be targets for the less accepting people, nobody want to invite the odd kid. Have a read of this https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/i-am-autisti... It is very much exactly what is happening for your daughter.
Also https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/parenting-a-... for a parents perspective and your own sanity.
We took our daughter out of school for nearly 2 years it was so bad. |Lets just say violence and knives were involved a number of times trying to get her to go to school. It just wasn't worth it.
So I hear your pain and fully understand what you are going thru, it can get better, but it can get worse before that
I dont know your financial situation, but Internet schools are an option, specialist therapy could also help there are people out there who are appropriate You dont say why Relate cannot work with her, is it just expertise or something else? See the above website, they have a network of people they can refer to).
On a practical note would a punchbag or large soft toy she can 'attack' assist in getting out her end of day frustrations?
Also look at this thread on here https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
As people have said Secondary school is the killer time, social interaction rules change as girls go thru puberty. Quirks become noticed and makes them stand out and be targets for the less accepting people, nobody want to invite the odd kid. Have a read of this https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/i-am-autisti... It is very much exactly what is happening for your daughter.
Also https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/parenting-a-... for a parents perspective and your own sanity.
We took our daughter out of school for nearly 2 years it was so bad. |Lets just say violence and knives were involved a number of times trying to get her to go to school. It just wasn't worth it.
So I hear your pain and fully understand what you are going thru, it can get better, but it can get worse before that
I dont know your financial situation, but Internet schools are an option, specialist therapy could also help there are people out there who are appropriate You dont say why Relate cannot work with her, is it just expertise or something else? See the above website, they have a network of people they can refer to).
On a practical note would a punchbag or large soft toy she can 'attack' assist in getting out her end of day frustrations?
Also look at this thread on here https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
Edited by sparkyhx on Monday 24th April 17:38
Sparky, those places look good, Thankyou. Lots of reading going on. I’d take her out of school but she’s a hermit at the best of times and she won’t sit with me and do any work at all, lockdown proved that and she won’t even attempt homework. Thankfully we haven’t got to knives and all that, it sounds like you had an incredibly tough time. School just isn’t the great time that lots of folks think it should be.
I’m looking into a punchbag that should be able to fix up in the garage rafters and give some kind of outlet. Punching pillows apparently isn’t as gratifying as smacking the crap out of something solid, so she says. Relate stopped seeing her as the counsellor said she was at the end of her expertise for anger in children. Although the anxiety and hermitude are still there and could have done with more help. Three sessions, each for 20 minutes…not quite what they advertised .
I’m very grateful to everyone who has replied and the great places to go read up and get some help/understanding.
I’m looking into a punchbag that should be able to fix up in the garage rafters and give some kind of outlet. Punching pillows apparently isn’t as gratifying as smacking the crap out of something solid, so she says. Relate stopped seeing her as the counsellor said she was at the end of her expertise for anger in children. Although the anxiety and hermitude are still there and could have done with more help. Three sessions, each for 20 minutes…not quite what they advertised .
I’m very grateful to everyone who has replied and the great places to go read up and get some help/understanding.
My 14 year old is at the beginning of this journey as well - We've managed to get into the system with BUPA but its still slow. She had an initial consultation online with a psychologist and will be having ASD / ADHD tests, though the psychologist didn't think that the ASD one would show much. Her Anxiety has become exponentially worse this school year though to the point of getting her out of the house is a major operation.
Tonyvid, I’m in Lincolnshire. We’ve tried online therapy and stuff but she just doesn’t seem to engage.
Madcow…good luck to you, having a diagnosis helps with exam times and how they can sit gcse etc. The anxiety is a total nightmare, she loses all coping mechanisms when in the throes.
Madcow…good luck to you, having a diagnosis helps with exam times and how they can sit gcse etc. The anxiety is a total nightmare, she loses all coping mechanisms when in the throes.
Bullybutt said:
Sparky, those places look good, Thankyou. Lots of reading going on. I’d take her out of school but she’s a hermit at the best of times and she won’t sit with me and do any work at all, lockdown proved that and she won’t even attempt homework. Thankfully we haven’t got to knives and all that, it sounds like you had an incredibly tough time. School just isn’t the great time that lots of folks think it should be.
I’m looking into a punchbag that should be able to fix up in the garage rafters and give some kind of outlet. Punching pillows apparently isn’t as gratifying as smacking the crap out of something solid, so she says. Relate stopped seeing her as the counsellor said she was at the end of her expertise for anger in children. Although the anxiety and hermitude are still there and could have done with more help. Three sessions, each for 20 minutes…not quite what they advertised .
I’m very grateful to everyone who has replied and the great places to go read up and get some help/understanding.
Just hang in there and do your best thats all you can do. Both my kids have Autism and ADHD, my son now 28 is married with a child and is a primary school teacher, my daughter graduated Uni (8ish hrs drive from home), and moved out last week to a flat with her boyfriend for her first job. 3 hrs drive away from home. fingers crossed but she seems to have settled so far.I’m looking into a punchbag that should be able to fix up in the garage rafters and give some kind of outlet. Punching pillows apparently isn’t as gratifying as smacking the crap out of something solid, so she says. Relate stopped seeing her as the counsellor said she was at the end of her expertise for anger in children. Although the anxiety and hermitude are still there and could have done with more help. Three sessions, each for 20 minutes…not quite what they advertised .
I’m very grateful to everyone who has replied and the great places to go read up and get some help/understanding.
Came to health forum today to post up and see if anyone could help me help my daughter and found this thread!
My 11 year old daughter has always had what I believe are "spectrum" type attributes as do I. She's mostly loved primary school though and until 7 weeks ago the last 2 years of primary school have been her most enjoyable if anything with active roles in many areas of school life. She’s always struggled with anxiety but I wouldn't say it ever really impacted life to a problematic level.
I guess probably mild form of ASD the more I learn - can cope with but doesn't like noise, busy places, change, cheats, clubs, play dates. Does love animals, nature, art, rules, home, quiet etc. In many areas attributes we probably need more of in the world.
7 weeks ago she went to an 3 night school camp and really struggled on night 1 then had to come home she was so upset the next day. It feels like it's been a trigger for lots of stored up emotions to come out (from a girl that very rarely cried) and she's been struggling since then. The more I read on masking I feel like it's possible she’s been doing that for months or longer and struggling with extra school and friendship responsibilities and complexities that come with being a pre-teen. I can imagine if true this has been mentally exhausting and the gates just opened. The transition to secondary school is incredibly worrying for her too and she can't stop thinking about how she'll cope, I think the camp has given a taster of what a much busier school environment will be like as well as having to get to class etc. A lot of the worries she will be totally fine with and it's the fear of the unknown vs the reality of her capability. We're seeing start of school refusal and major separation anxiety and I'm worried about how best to support. The pace with which it's come to the surface has really caught us off guard.
Our primary school has been great and started CAMHS route long ago for more basic support - but it sounds like CAMHS is completely reactive to the worst cases and even then as others have said it’s perhaps not brilliant.
We have private health care and I started that route too when it all kicked off - after 3 weeks they said they are overloaded with child cases and would be delays etc. It didn't feel great and pretty disappointing. I’ve found a local (private) child psychologist and my wife and I met her this week with plan for our daughter to meet with her next week and see where we go from there.
At present we're managing to get her into school building (just), though she is spending more and more time out of class and with support assistants. The difficulty getting her into school building feels harder each day and I can see a vicious circle forming - the less contact with friends, her subjects and that routine the less she wants to go to class. The less she goes into class the less she wants to even go into the building. In many ways the solutions are making it worse. Personally I don't want her to change very much or feel like she needs to - but I remember secondary school and know we need to help her navigate it.
Good luck to everyone and sorry I don’t have much in way of solutions. I’ve found a lot of the above posts incredibly helpful though and will share anything useful I find.
My 11 year old daughter has always had what I believe are "spectrum" type attributes as do I. She's mostly loved primary school though and until 7 weeks ago the last 2 years of primary school have been her most enjoyable if anything with active roles in many areas of school life. She’s always struggled with anxiety but I wouldn't say it ever really impacted life to a problematic level.
I guess probably mild form of ASD the more I learn - can cope with but doesn't like noise, busy places, change, cheats, clubs, play dates. Does love animals, nature, art, rules, home, quiet etc. In many areas attributes we probably need more of in the world.
7 weeks ago she went to an 3 night school camp and really struggled on night 1 then had to come home she was so upset the next day. It feels like it's been a trigger for lots of stored up emotions to come out (from a girl that very rarely cried) and she's been struggling since then. The more I read on masking I feel like it's possible she’s been doing that for months or longer and struggling with extra school and friendship responsibilities and complexities that come with being a pre-teen. I can imagine if true this has been mentally exhausting and the gates just opened. The transition to secondary school is incredibly worrying for her too and she can't stop thinking about how she'll cope, I think the camp has given a taster of what a much busier school environment will be like as well as having to get to class etc. A lot of the worries she will be totally fine with and it's the fear of the unknown vs the reality of her capability. We're seeing start of school refusal and major separation anxiety and I'm worried about how best to support. The pace with which it's come to the surface has really caught us off guard.
Our primary school has been great and started CAMHS route long ago for more basic support - but it sounds like CAMHS is completely reactive to the worst cases and even then as others have said it’s perhaps not brilliant.
We have private health care and I started that route too when it all kicked off - after 3 weeks they said they are overloaded with child cases and would be delays etc. It didn't feel great and pretty disappointing. I’ve found a local (private) child psychologist and my wife and I met her this week with plan for our daughter to meet with her next week and see where we go from there.
At present we're managing to get her into school building (just), though she is spending more and more time out of class and with support assistants. The difficulty getting her into school building feels harder each day and I can see a vicious circle forming - the less contact with friends, her subjects and that routine the less she wants to go to class. The less she goes into class the less she wants to even go into the building. In many ways the solutions are making it worse. Personally I don't want her to change very much or feel like she needs to - but I remember secondary school and know we need to help her navigate it.
Good luck to everyone and sorry I don’t have much in way of solutions. I’ve found a lot of the above posts incredibly helpful though and will share anything useful I find.
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