Loneliness. Anyone else suffer with it?
Discussion
People can feel alone in a crowded room more so when they are actually alone, I never feel alone when I am actually alone, but in certain situations a crowded room as an example the feeling can be over whelming.
I recall last year I was at a supplier conference at one of the large Supermarkets it was awful, 800 people in this tea and coffee breakout area, low ceilings and just a wall of chatter noise I felt so alone, so I went outside to be alone and suddenly felt fine!
I can be a real chatterbox when I want to and my career (term used in loosest sense) has been built on meeting strangers and getting on with them and building relationships often having to present at meetings and hold the room, do all the introductions and make everyone feels comfortable and at ease, however put me in a crowded room full of hundreds of strangers where I have no role to play and all I'll want to do is walk out.
Wills2 said:
People can feel alone in a crowded room more so when they are actually alone, I never feel alone when I am actually alone, but in certain situations a crowded room as an example the feeling can be over whelming.
I recall last year I was at a supplier conference at one of the large Supermarkets it was awful, 800 people in this tea and coffee breakout area, low ceilings and just a wall of chatter noise I felt so alone, so I went outside to be alone and suddenly felt fine!
I can be a real chatterbox when I want to and my career (term used in loosest sense) has been built on meeting strangers and getting on with them and building relationships often having to present at meetings and hold the room, do all the introductions and make everyone feels comfortable and at ease, however put me in a crowded room full of hundreds of strangers where I have no role to play and all I'll want to do is walk out.
100% this. Feeling lonely is nothing about people, it's about the situation and more specifically about your expectations.I recall last year I was at a supplier conference at one of the large Supermarkets it was awful, 800 people in this tea and coffee breakout area, low ceilings and just a wall of chatter noise I felt so alone, so I went outside to be alone and suddenly felt fine!
I can be a real chatterbox when I want to and my career (term used in loosest sense) has been built on meeting strangers and getting on with them and building relationships often having to present at meetings and hold the room, do all the introductions and make everyone feels comfortable and at ease, however put me in a crowded room full of hundreds of strangers where I have no role to play and all I'll want to do is walk out.
I love being alone. I can do my own thing and nobody's going to be on my case. I play golf on my own, I walk on my own, I play games on my own. I love my own company.
I also love being with people I know, that I can talk s
t with and not worry about what they're thinking. Crowded bar with a few good mates and I'm happy as Larry.At a conference full of people I don't know, who all seem to be getting on like a house on fire and I'm stuck in corner talking to nobody and feeling like I'm an outsider? Loneliest place in the world.
I go through bouts of this, normally when im working aware at a new business, once im settled in I find a gym and BJJ club and relax more, I do however prefer my own company and normally spend time at home just with dog and the wife. A lot of my lonely bouts are due to being bored, I have a routine that involves moments of waiting, that's when it hits, its been harder since father passed away in January as I used to call him during these empty times
TTmonkey said:
Lonely in here…….
Yes mate, not alone being alone at times. It’s improved for me since getting a very playful dog.
I miss the office too.
I was just thinking about the cliched "get a dog" and here it is. My sister did this and her life is basically a nanny for the dog. It did not help with her loneliness and she is still single. It's her personality that is the issue and her general mental illness. Yes mate, not alone being alone at times. It’s improved for me since getting a very playful dog.
I miss the office too.
If you want friends, you are socialise with other dog owners if you pursue this route. I highly recommend you go to your local park and witness what these interactions are like. I'm sure you can imagine what this looks like.
I recommend trying to overcome laziness and excuses and put yourself out there. Getting a dog will only sustain your current ways apart from being a nanny to something that will stink up your home - yes, dogs stink and will get dander and fur all over your home and belongings.
A friend of mine is socially awkward and I thought he would be a virgin for life. He ended up marrying a woman with mental illness issues. They are now parents and keeping busy with it. I don't know if this is the best solution, but he is not lonely anymore as he has no time to feel it.
Get out. Make new and real connections. Engage in ups and downs. Feel loved and appreciated. Rinse and repeat. You won't be lonely if you can tick these off.
My dad always felt lonely, it lead to many affairs.
I rarely feel lonely and love spending time on my own but that may be because I know that I can find company when I want it.
It is probably a hugely complicated area and I doubt it is only / all about the amount of friends you have. I tend to get very geeky and in deep with my hobbies and that can make me feel disconnected in other conversations - I realise when talking to people about their lives how involved in my hoodies I am.
I rarely feel lonely and love spending time on my own but that may be because I know that I can find company when I want it.
It is probably a hugely complicated area and I doubt it is only / all about the amount of friends you have. I tend to get very geeky and in deep with my hobbies and that can make me feel disconnected in other conversations - I realise when talking to people about their lives how involved in my hoodies I am.
Hmm, not something I have suffered with, think am lucky as am quite comfortable with people or alone but that might be circumstances because either state is temporary, not sure how I would cope alone for extended periods.
Used to travel with work and relish being away over a weekend, people always felt obliged to keep me entertained but was quite happy mooching alone.
Used to travel with work and relish being away over a weekend, people always felt obliged to keep me entertained but was quite happy mooching alone.
I live alone now, and it's been somewhat interesting. Back in the day as a young man I was always insistent to family and friends that I would live alone in a remote wilderness (e.g. Outer Hebrides) and run a classic car restoration business. Then I met my (now ex) wife, we settled down and married, made a home & formed friendships, etc. I've always been very comfortable in my own skin, but my wife was someone who needed friends, and moved from one to the next like a butterfly. I'm the kind of person who makes deep, meaningful and lasting friendships - she was very much of the transitory type.
In social situations I am perfectly comfortable when I'm with people I know - life and soul of the party, getting the drinks in, telling tall stories and keeping things moving. Conversely, if I'm with people I don't know, I'm gripped with a strange neuralgia - unwilling to speak or interact with others, I recoil into the corner and avoid putting myself 'out there'. It's very odd, and I've had it for 20+ years. For someone otherwise outgoing and gregarious, it's very out of character and most unusual.
In social situations I am perfectly comfortable when I'm with people I know - life and soul of the party, getting the drinks in, telling tall stories and keeping things moving. Conversely, if I'm with people I don't know, I'm gripped with a strange neuralgia - unwilling to speak or interact with others, I recoil into the corner and avoid putting myself 'out there'. It's very odd, and I've had it for 20+ years. For someone otherwise outgoing and gregarious, it's very out of character and most unusual.
Roderick Spode said:
I live alone now, and it's been somewhat interesting. Back in the day as a young man I was always insistent to family and friends that I would live alone in a remote wilderness (e.g. Outer Hebrides) and run a classic car restoration business. Then I met my (now ex) wife, we settled down and married, made a home & formed friendships, etc. I've always been very comfortable in my own skin, but my wife was someone who needed friends, and moved from one to the next like a butterfly. I'm the kind of person who makes deep, meaningful and lasting friendships - she was very much of the transitory type.
In social situations I am perfectly comfortable when I'm with people I know - life and soul of the party, getting the drinks in, telling tall stories and keeping things moving. Conversely, if I'm with people I don't know, I'm gripped with a strange neuralgia - unwilling to speak or interact with others, I recoil into the corner and avoid putting myself 'out there'. It's very odd, and I've had it for 20+ years. For someone otherwise outgoing and gregarious, it's very out of character and most unusual.
Thanks for sharing. Why do you feel your behaviour around those you don't know is that way? And it sounds like you feel this is out of character. How has this effected your work and relationships? In social situations I am perfectly comfortable when I'm with people I know - life and soul of the party, getting the drinks in, telling tall stories and keeping things moving. Conversely, if I'm with people I don't know, I'm gripped with a strange neuralgia - unwilling to speak or interact with others, I recoil into the corner and avoid putting myself 'out there'. It's very odd, and I've had it for 20+ years. For someone otherwise outgoing and gregarious, it's very out of character and most unusual.
Megaflow said:
Suffering badly today.
Currently sat here alone in a lay by.
Is this where it ends?
Nah mate this is where it starts. Currently sat here alone in a lay by.
Is this where it ends?
It is not about eradicating the loneliness. Embrace it and weave your story through it.
We are here as ourselves and living your reality is all you have.
In moments as you are now there is no one to influence you or for you to accommodate when considering things. You may be selfish now and engage with what it is that has historically allowed you to be at peace with that which is around you. Nature is a real easy place to start, along with driving my favourite roads to allow me to quiet my head by being immersed in a physical and mental task that requires full attenuation, I use photography as a tactic to protect my mental wellbeing. When shooting photos I can engage with the landscape/subject without having to answer to anyone or communicate. It is time for me to feel connected, I have no end goal for the works I produce but it is the act that gives me clarity itself.
Go drive your big loop in the motor, tune in to the finer details of the drive and work on line choice or braking points
Wills2 said:
People can feel alone in a crowded room more so when they are actually alone, I never feel alone when I am actually alone, but in certain situations a crowded room as an example the feeling can be over whelming.
I recall last year I was at a supplier conference at one of the large Supermarkets it was awful, 800 people in this tea and coffee breakout area, low ceilings and just a wall of chatter noise I felt so alone, so I went outside to be alone and suddenly felt fine!
I can be a real chatterbox when I want to and my career (term used in loosest sense) has been built on meeting strangers and getting on with them and building relationships often having to present at meetings and hold the room, do all the introductions and make everyone feels comfortable and at ease, however put me in a crowded room full of hundreds of strangers where I have no role to play and all I'll want to do is walk out.
I really don't enjoy crowds - I used to get this but now try to avoid them as best as possible. Anything more than 3 or 4 people in a room & I start to get a bit anxious!I recall last year I was at a supplier conference at one of the large Supermarkets it was awful, 800 people in this tea and coffee breakout area, low ceilings and just a wall of chatter noise I felt so alone, so I went outside to be alone and suddenly felt fine!
I can be a real chatterbox when I want to and my career (term used in loosest sense) has been built on meeting strangers and getting on with them and building relationships often having to present at meetings and hold the room, do all the introductions and make everyone feels comfortable and at ease, however put me in a crowded room full of hundreds of strangers where I have no role to play and all I'll want to do is walk out.
Would the above be best described as a minor Panic Attack?
Megaflow said:
Suffering badly today.
...
Is this where it ends?
Hopefully not....
Is this where it ends?
I suspect you are misinterpreting your feelings though. Alone and lonely are not the same. Being alone is generally a comfortable feeling. Lonely is something you feel within a relationship.
I would have a think about your relationships and what you think might be lacking from them. hth
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