I see no real purpose in living
Discussion
This has taken a lot for me to post as i never really knew whether i would be laughed at or criticised for how i feel but i don't really have anyone i feel comfortable talking to.
I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, maybe not as bad as some people, but all the same it's always lingered around in my day to day life, it's also worth mentioning that i suffer from a health condition that doesn't give me a day off, and something i am neglecting badly over the last 12 months, and even more so over the last couple of months or so.
12 months ago i lost my mum, it was unexpected and it quite literally turned my world upside down, this massive void in my life that i somehow had to accept, it also had a major impact of other members of my family where turning to drink was involved as a coping mechanism (them not me) and it caused a big divide amongst us, then within the last 6 weeks i lost a grandparent who i had a very close relationship with also die unexpectedly that reopened the wound again that happened 12 months ago.
Now you may wonder well what's he getting at here, well since the loss of my grandparent it come to me and a few others to clear the house out of belongings etc to put up for sale, this is something i have hated with an absolute passion as you are slowly pulling apart memories of things not only from your childhood past in there, but also getting rid of things that may not mean so much to you but it clearly did to them, and in the process of doing this its seemingly accelerated my depression even more where all i can see now is decades of personal and sentimental items getting taken apart to where there is no longer anything of the person you loved, and it got me thinking well is this it to life?
We spend years of accumulating things for in the end there not to be much trace of you in a matter of weeks, nothing but a memory, I also appreciate this could come across as selfish of me when some people don't get a chance at life or get it cut short but this whole last 12 months has made me think well "what's the point "
I don't want to particularly go in to too much detail but my health condition has took a battering simply through me neglecting myself with no desire to want to do my medication or go to appointments that i should be doing, and something that could put me in a position where my life could also he at risk but it doesn't seem to phase me?
Again don't think that this has all happened in the last 12 months (it hasn't) i have a history of depression etc, but maybe recent events has made me question life more and i just don't know how to deal with it?
I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, maybe not as bad as some people, but all the same it's always lingered around in my day to day life, it's also worth mentioning that i suffer from a health condition that doesn't give me a day off, and something i am neglecting badly over the last 12 months, and even more so over the last couple of months or so.
12 months ago i lost my mum, it was unexpected and it quite literally turned my world upside down, this massive void in my life that i somehow had to accept, it also had a major impact of other members of my family where turning to drink was involved as a coping mechanism (them not me) and it caused a big divide amongst us, then within the last 6 weeks i lost a grandparent who i had a very close relationship with also die unexpectedly that reopened the wound again that happened 12 months ago.
Now you may wonder well what's he getting at here, well since the loss of my grandparent it come to me and a few others to clear the house out of belongings etc to put up for sale, this is something i have hated with an absolute passion as you are slowly pulling apart memories of things not only from your childhood past in there, but also getting rid of things that may not mean so much to you but it clearly did to them, and in the process of doing this its seemingly accelerated my depression even more where all i can see now is decades of personal and sentimental items getting taken apart to where there is no longer anything of the person you loved, and it got me thinking well is this it to life?
We spend years of accumulating things for in the end there not to be much trace of you in a matter of weeks, nothing but a memory, I also appreciate this could come across as selfish of me when some people don't get a chance at life or get it cut short but this whole last 12 months has made me think well "what's the point "
I don't want to particularly go in to too much detail but my health condition has took a battering simply through me neglecting myself with no desire to want to do my medication or go to appointments that i should be doing, and something that could put me in a position where my life could also he at risk but it doesn't seem to phase me?
Again don't think that this has all happened in the last 12 months (it hasn't) i have a history of depression etc, but maybe recent events has made me question life more and i just don't know how to deal with it?
Sorry for your two significant bereavements.
Even though your anxiety and depression episodes have pre-dated these bereavements, you have to contextualise the way you currently feel against these traumatic things that you are going through.
What is the meaning, what is purpose, these are things which we all hope to discover. I think everyone asks questions of themselves. To get anywhere with either of those, you must make it your priority to stay in it. You've got to try to manage your physical and mental health so that you have the continued opportunity.
Difficult to say this without sounding like a t
t so here it goes;
You need to be your own ally. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, have reasonable expectations for yourself in the times you are barely functioning... question your negative self-talk.
The fact you have come here asking is a valuable step because it means you've identified and acknowledged that there is a problem.
The way you are feeling can and will improve.
P.S. Speak to your GP ASAP
Even though your anxiety and depression episodes have pre-dated these bereavements, you have to contextualise the way you currently feel against these traumatic things that you are going through.
What is the meaning, what is purpose, these are things which we all hope to discover. I think everyone asks questions of themselves. To get anywhere with either of those, you must make it your priority to stay in it. You've got to try to manage your physical and mental health so that you have the continued opportunity.
Difficult to say this without sounding like a t
t so here it goes; You need to be your own ally. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, have reasonable expectations for yourself in the times you are barely functioning... question your negative self-talk.
The fact you have come here asking is a valuable step because it means you've identified and acknowledged that there is a problem.
The way you are feeling can and will improve.
P.S. Speak to your GP ASAP
Edited by HustleRussell on Monday 27th February 15:23
Commiserations OP. Regarding losing a much-loved parent, I've been there myself so understand what you're going through.
Time is a great healer, so at some point (years) the pain will subside but never disappear.
It's very difficult to come to terms with, so I hope you can get help or find the strength required until things improve - which they will.
All the best mate!
Time is a great healer, so at some point (years) the pain will subside but never disappear.
It's very difficult to come to terms with, so I hope you can get help or find the strength required until things improve - which they will.
All the best mate!
All I can say is that I've had a very similar experience when I lost my dad back in 2018.
Ever since then I've had no desire to think about the future, I'm completely numb emotionally and can't focus on anything (quite an issue for a project manager).
I got married in May last year and it was a nice day but I struggled to get excited about it. My little girl is the only thing I genuinely feel anything about. Even then I can zone out and be absent when she's with me.
I'm trying to talk to a therapist but they're inundated with people feeling low at the moment and I got the impression that unless I'm actively seeking to self-harm or kill myself they don't prioritise your treatment. My next step is going through my wife's BUPA cover but the last time I spoke to one of their therapists we spent more time focusing on my weight gain rather than my depression. I would push you to speak to someone though, you might have better luck than me.
There must be a way out of feeling like this. I don't want to reach my 60's (currently 31) and feel like I've wasted my life because of depression and PTSD.
Ever since then I've had no desire to think about the future, I'm completely numb emotionally and can't focus on anything (quite an issue for a project manager).
I got married in May last year and it was a nice day but I struggled to get excited about it. My little girl is the only thing I genuinely feel anything about. Even then I can zone out and be absent when she's with me.
I'm trying to talk to a therapist but they're inundated with people feeling low at the moment and I got the impression that unless I'm actively seeking to self-harm or kill myself they don't prioritise your treatment. My next step is going through my wife's BUPA cover but the last time I spoke to one of their therapists we spent more time focusing on my weight gain rather than my depression. I would push you to speak to someone though, you might have better luck than me.
There must be a way out of feeling like this. I don't want to reach my 60's (currently 31) and feel like I've wasted my life because of depression and PTSD.
Thanks guys for the quick replies
I'm a very complex individual, never see things black and white, even though that's probably how i should think sometimes, I think my reasoning for coming here is that talking to any family member i do have about this wouldn't really be fair when some of them too are going through similar with the bereavement at least, and thought also it maybe worth getting opinions from others that have either experienced similar or who also have a story.
I've constantly put myself down in life, can never see the bright side, and there is so much more i could post, but the anxiety stops me from doing this for fear of people potentially thinking "God he's banging on a bit" but even whilst i do have a history, this more recent event in the last 7 weeks has made me question life in a way i have never done before, I'll also put it out there for anyone concerned that i am not suicidal, just seemingly have no desire to want to live, and i hate myself for saying that considering others do have that desire but have life cut short for different reasons?
I've also had an email a few moments ago from pistonheads about this post and the number for samartians, my negative attitude sees ringing them as pointless as all i see in my own mind is someone sat behind a desk listening to someone else bang on about his life like the many thousands they'll have listened to in the past.
I have my own young family, so have many reasons to want to desire life, but find it very difficult.
I'm a very complex individual, never see things black and white, even though that's probably how i should think sometimes, I think my reasoning for coming here is that talking to any family member i do have about this wouldn't really be fair when some of them too are going through similar with the bereavement at least, and thought also it maybe worth getting opinions from others that have either experienced similar or who also have a story.
I've constantly put myself down in life, can never see the bright side, and there is so much more i could post, but the anxiety stops me from doing this for fear of people potentially thinking "God he's banging on a bit" but even whilst i do have a history, this more recent event in the last 7 weeks has made me question life in a way i have never done before, I'll also put it out there for anyone concerned that i am not suicidal, just seemingly have no desire to want to live, and i hate myself for saying that considering others do have that desire but have life cut short for different reasons?
I've also had an email a few moments ago from pistonheads about this post and the number for samartians, my negative attitude sees ringing them as pointless as all i see in my own mind is someone sat behind a desk listening to someone else bang on about his life like the many thousands they'll have listened to in the past.
I have my own young family, so have many reasons to want to desire life, but find it very difficult.
James_33 said:
I've also had an email a few moments ago from pistonheads about this post and the number for samartians, my negative attitude sees ringing them as pointless as all i see in my own mind is someone sat behind a desk listening to someone else bang on about his life like the many thousands they'll have listened to in the past.
We sent the email because we are concerned for you and want you to get help. The contacts we gave are some of the best people around and they willing to speak with you because they care and want to help.
You have made a good step in posting here, so go the next step and give them a call. Have a chat and see if it helps rather than dismissing them straight away.
I lost my Mum to suicide when I was 17 - I was also first to the scene and, sadly, this is the only remaining memory of her I have, nearly 4 decades later.
Losing a parent is indeed a void that never gets filled and the loss is hard to predict in terms of how we each handle it. I have two sisters and we each reacted differently to our Mum's death; by that I mean how we dealt with it. I attended two funerals for her, the cremation in South Africa where my family and friends there said goodbye and then here in the UK, where her own Mum and brother said goodbye at the burial of her ashes next to her Dad.
It was not an easy time.
I went through a patch of depression that lingered for a number of years - held a gun to my head at one point. Actually, in hindsight a 'funny' story in itself. I was at wits end and decided to join my Mum and so drove to the beach with my gun; a beauty spot to end it all in. I parked the car at the entrance to the footpath and gazed at the waves readying my firearm.
Just then some chap appears and starts having a go at me for my admittedly bad choice of parking! Because he realised I wasn't listening, he stormed around my car with threats of violence...saw my gun...my face was probably one of not being all there too. He stopped and said...'no worries, mate, park where you like'! His own expression priceless!
Live in the moment. Take each day as it comes and try to enjoy each day and don't think too far ahead for awhile. That helped me. I made a real effort to enjoy the small stuff and Life took over, time passed and I have experienced many great moments I'm glad I was around for.
Losing a parent is indeed a void that never gets filled and the loss is hard to predict in terms of how we each handle it. I have two sisters and we each reacted differently to our Mum's death; by that I mean how we dealt with it. I attended two funerals for her, the cremation in South Africa where my family and friends there said goodbye and then here in the UK, where her own Mum and brother said goodbye at the burial of her ashes next to her Dad.
It was not an easy time.
I went through a patch of depression that lingered for a number of years - held a gun to my head at one point. Actually, in hindsight a 'funny' story in itself. I was at wits end and decided to join my Mum and so drove to the beach with my gun; a beauty spot to end it all in. I parked the car at the entrance to the footpath and gazed at the waves readying my firearm.
Just then some chap appears and starts having a go at me for my admittedly bad choice of parking! Because he realised I wasn't listening, he stormed around my car with threats of violence...saw my gun...my face was probably one of not being all there too. He stopped and said...'no worries, mate, park where you like'! His own expression priceless!
Live in the moment. Take each day as it comes and try to enjoy each day and don't think too far ahead for awhile. That helped me. I made a real effort to enjoy the small stuff and Life took over, time passed and I have experienced many great moments I'm glad I was around for.
James_33 said:
I've constantly put myself down in life, can never see the bright side, and there is so much more i could post, but the anxiety stops me from doing this for fear of people potentially thinking "God he's banging on a bit"
>snip<
I've also had an email a few moments ago from pistonheads about this post and the number for samartians, my negative attitude sees ringing them as pointless as all i see in my own mind is someone sat behind a desk listening to someone else bang on about his life like the many thousands they'll have listened to in the past.
That's the Depression/Anxiety 'monkey' on your shoulder, whispering negative thoughts into your ear.>snip<
I've also had an email a few moments ago from pistonheads about this post and the number for samartians, my negative attitude sees ringing them as pointless as all i see in my own mind is someone sat behind a desk listening to someone else bang on about his life like the many thousands they'll have listened to in the past.
It sounds simple, but you need to be a bit kinder to yourself and allow yourself to be helped.
The Samaritans are used to hearing from all walks of life who have all sorts of problems. You don't do that job out of obligation or if you're fed up with hearing about people's problems. They want to hear from you, that's why they're there.
Give them a call, talking rarely makes your problems worse.
OP as you said you have your own young family, can I presume that you have a partner? Have you spoken to them about how you feel?
The Samaritans are amazing. They are volunteers and do it to help people.
There is also https://giveusashout.org/ which is like the Samaritans but via text if you prefer that.
And of course speak to your GP and NHS 111.
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-serv...
The Samaritans are amazing. They are volunteers and do it to help people.
There is also https://giveusashout.org/ which is like the Samaritans but via text if you prefer that.
And of course speak to your GP and NHS 111.
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-serv...
I lost my Mum 12 months ago so can get where you are coming from to some extent.
For me though it made me realise that possessions and bank balances don't mean anything at the end. We were fortunate to have a lot of very good memories with her and it's nice to think you can create those with other loved ones going forward.
For me though it made me realise that possessions and bank balances don't mean anything at the end. We were fortunate to have a lot of very good memories with her and it's nice to think you can create those with other loved ones going forward.
James_33 said:
Thanks guys for the quick replies
I'm a very complex individual, never see things black and white, even though that's probably how i should think sometimes. I've constantly put myself down in life, can never see the bright side, and there is so much more i could post, but the anxiety stops me from doing this for fear of people potentially thinking "God he's banging on a bit"
I think you might be surprised how many other people think like this. Well, I know I do and there can't be just us two! I'm a very complex individual, never see things black and white, even though that's probably how i should think sometimes. I've constantly put myself down in life, can never see the bright side, and there is so much more i could post, but the anxiety stops me from doing this for fear of people potentially thinking "God he's banging on a bit"
I'd suggest treating it as just a blip in life, just a lot of bad stuff happening at once (same going on here), maybe think about doing some volunteer work if you have time to see all the poor buggers who are much worse off than us and who keep going anyway.
LosingGrip said:
OP as you said you have your own young family, can I presume that you have a partner? Have you spoken to them about how you feel?
The Samaritans are amazing. They are volunteers and do it to help people.
There is also https://giveusashout.org/ which is like the Samaritans but via text if you prefer that.
And of course speak to your GP and NHS 111.
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-serv...
Yes i do have a partner, she's aware of how i am but then struggles to know what to say sometimes, as right as i know she is when she offers advice to me she's also someone that can be a little too blunt with me which on occasion doesn't help.The Samaritans are amazing. They are volunteers and do it to help people.
There is also https://giveusashout.org/ which is like the Samaritans but via text if you prefer that.
And of course speak to your GP and NHS 111.
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-serv...
I didn't know about the text services offered, maybe thats something for me to look at, I usually feel better writing things down than on the phone.
NorthDave said:
I lost my Mum 12 months ago so can get where you are coming from to some extent.
For me though it made me realise that possessions and bank balances don't mean anything at the end. We were fortunate to have a lot of very good memories with her and it's nice to think you can create those with other loved ones going forward.
I come from a working class background so expensive possessions or big bank balances have never really been a thing, but you are absolutely right, clearing this house recently and getting rid of things that are no good to anyone so have been thrown or given to charity have been a bit of an eye opener for me.For me though it made me realise that possessions and bank balances don't mean anything at the end. We were fortunate to have a lot of very good memories with her and it's nice to think you can create those with other loved ones going forward.
James_33 said:
I know i keep repeating myself, but thank you everyone for replying to me, means more than you think.
You've done a really sensible thing posting about your concerns. People actually do care and you're far from alone.One thing to note is that things do always improve, even if that is hard to imagine when feeling low.
James_33 said:
I come from a working class background so expensive possessions or big bank balances have never really been a thing, but you are absolutely right, clearing this house recently and getting rid of things that are no good to anyone so have been thrown or given to charity have been a bit of an eye opener for me.
My one grandparent horded a ton of stuff and I remember my aunt spending months and months going through it all after she died quite suddenly. Lots was donated or given away but lots was just things that no one left had any tangible relationship with - things like photographs of (maybe) family but no one knew who it was. It struck me at the time that keeping all this stuff, most of which she probably had forgotten about, was just storing exactly the problem you describe for someone else. The emotional toll it took on my aunt at the time was not insignificant.The grandparents on the other side of my family are quite open about getting rid of things and generally keeping on top of their possessions so their children don't have a mountain of stuff to wade through.
I am much less emotional about things than I used to be. At the end of the day you can't take any of it with you, but the memories you have with your grandparent you will cherish for the rest of your life. And over time the pain of those memories subsides and they will bring you joy again.
Definitely consider talking to someone. It is very liberating in my experience to be able to be totally honest about how you feel.
James_33 said:
I know i keep repeating myself, but thank you everyone for replying to me, means more than you think.
It was an excellent move for you to post about your concerns. There are far more people out there to help you - but you need to take that next move.Your first step was to post on here, now follow up the second step.
Best wishes.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff