Feeling like *@!#
Discussion
Was about to post this in SPL but some people are unhelpful and Im not in a great frame of mind right now.
Two weeks ago I had a knock on the door and 2 police officers asked me to attend the police station - well they arrested me so didnt have much choice - over an apparent allegation towards a minor 15 years ago.
I am gobsmacked and dumbfounded over why this person has said this.
I have the support of my partner although her support comes in waves as she is not coping with this whole situation very well and I am doing my best to help her.
I read plenty of posts on here of people feeling suicidal or at rock bottom and Ive been lucky enough to never feel like this and have had a happy and productive life. BUT this past week I have been one of those and had such dark thoughts.
Ive watched enough police programmes to be sat here worried that I could get fitted up for this. Where there is smoke fire etc.
Two weeks ago I had a knock on the door and 2 police officers asked me to attend the police station - well they arrested me so didnt have much choice - over an apparent allegation towards a minor 15 years ago.
I am gobsmacked and dumbfounded over why this person has said this.
I have the support of my partner although her support comes in waves as she is not coping with this whole situation very well and I am doing my best to help her.
I read plenty of posts on here of people feeling suicidal or at rock bottom and Ive been lucky enough to never feel like this and have had a happy and productive life. BUT this past week I have been one of those and had such dark thoughts.
Ive watched enough police programmes to be sat here worried that I could get fitted up for this. Where there is smoke fire etc.
When you were released from custody did you get any paperwork on support for you? If you did, have a look and see who is around your area for support.
The following is more generic.
NHS 111 - They will have a mental health department.
Samaritans - won’t give you advice but you can speak to a stranger and they will listen.
Your GP
Shout - https://giveusashout.org/ - similar to the Samaritans but via text if that’s better for you.
If you are struggling and feel you need immediate help call 999 for the ambulance service.
I hope that helps and that you get the support that you need.
The following is more generic.
NHS 111 - They will have a mental health department.
Samaritans - won’t give you advice but you can speak to a stranger and they will listen.
Your GP
Shout - https://giveusashout.org/ - similar to the Samaritans but via text if that’s better for you.
If you are struggling and feel you need immediate help call 999 for the ambulance service.
I hope that helps and that you get the support that you need.
dba7108 said:
Was about to post this in SPL but some people are unhelpful and Im not in a great frame of mind right now.
Two weeks ago I had a knock on the door and 2 police officers asked me to attend the police station - well they arrested me so didnt have much choice - over an apparent allegation towards a minor 15 years ago.
I am gobsmacked and dumbfounded over why this person has said this.
I have the support of my partner although her support comes in waves as she is not coping with this whole situation very well and I am doing my best to help her.
I read plenty of posts on here of people feeling suicidal or at rock bottom and Ive been lucky enough to never feel like this and have had a happy and productive life. BUT this past week I have been one of those and had such dark thoughts.
Ive watched enough police programmes to be sat here worried that I could get fitted up for this. Where there is smoke fire etc.
What have you been charged with?Two weeks ago I had a knock on the door and 2 police officers asked me to attend the police station - well they arrested me so didnt have much choice - over an apparent allegation towards a minor 15 years ago.
I am gobsmacked and dumbfounded over why this person has said this.
I have the support of my partner although her support comes in waves as she is not coping with this whole situation very well and I am doing my best to help her.
I read plenty of posts on here of people feeling suicidal or at rock bottom and Ive been lucky enough to never feel like this and have had a happy and productive life. BUT this past week I have been one of those and had such dark thoughts.
Ive watched enough police programmes to be sat here worried that I could get fitted up for this. Where there is smoke fire etc.
If you are feeling suicidal, speak to your GP urgently.
I would take heart in the fact that in the current climate, any allegations have to be seen to be taken seriously, regardless of how unfounded they are. 15 years? He said, she said? The chance of prosecution cannot be high, let alone a conviction. More importantly, talk to others, talk to your doctor, there are people there to help.
Even us on the internet. It's surprisingly easy to work yourself into an unfounded state. Speak to people.
Even us on the internet. It's surprisingly easy to work yourself into an unfounded state. Speak to people.
The police are just following protocol. Any allegations of this nature, and they follow what feels like quite a presumptuous, heavy handed approach.
If it's a case of he said she said from 15 years ago and nothing more, the officers themselves will likely already know it'll get NFA'd (no further action). That long ago, I've hardly heard of any go further than victim interview, suspect interview and then either NFA or the victim magically drops it.
You'll just have to ride it out. Get some representation, though. The police aren't on anyone's side here.
If it's a case of he said she said from 15 years ago and nothing more, the officers themselves will likely already know it'll get NFA'd (no further action). That long ago, I've hardly heard of any go further than victim interview, suspect interview and then either NFA or the victim magically drops it.
You'll just have to ride it out. Get some representation, though. The police aren't on anyone's side here.
rawenghey said:
The police are just following protocol. Any allegations of this nature, and they follow what feels like quite a presumptuous, heavy handed approach.
If it's a case of he said she said from 15 years ago and nothing more, the officers themselves will likely already know it'll get NFA'd (no further action). That long ago, I've hardly heard of any go further than victim interview, suspect interview and then either NFA or the victim magically drops it.
You'll just have to ride it out. Get some representation, though. The police aren't on anyone's side here.
Make sure it’s good representation. It’s not unheard of for old accusations like this to result in prosecution due to poor legal representation. Happened to a family member. If it's a case of he said she said from 15 years ago and nothing more, the officers themselves will likely already know it'll get NFA'd (no further action). That long ago, I've hardly heard of any go further than victim interview, suspect interview and then either NFA or the victim magically drops it.
You'll just have to ride it out. Get some representation, though. The police aren't on anyone's side here.
Badda said:
Make sure it’s good representation. It’s not unheard of for old accusations like this to result in prosecution due to poor legal representation. Happened to a family member.
They'd need something tangible this long after the event, but yes bad representation can slow down the process. However, 15 years out, no evidence, one word against another... you'd perhaps go one of two ways to bosh this off as the suspect. EDIT: Saw the alleged victim was a minor, so one way then. OP just get a solicitor. Solicitor doesn't mean guilt, it's just the most sensible thing to do.
Edited by rawenghey on Monday 27th February 05:57
SlimJim16v said:
Also see a solicitor, the police are not your friends.
This ^^^^ 100%There’s only a small number of guys on here who’ve walked a mile in your shoes, and I’m one of them, (12 years, drugs).
I’m a great believer in innocent until proven guilty, so I’ll assume that you are innocent.
I’m going to be honest with you. Things are either going to get better quite quickly, drag on for ages, (likely), or get a lot worse.
The coming months are going to be the toughest months of your life. But the good news is that you are far tougher, far stronger and far more resilient than you ever thought you were.
Life is full of ups and downs. So what are you going to do every time things go wrong? Do something stupid or stand up and fight?
You’re going to fight of course. You’ve got to. There’s others depending on you to do so. Your Wife, your parents, your kids(?), they’ll all depending on you to be tough and to be a man. They’ll come a point in the future when all of this will be behind you, and that will be the point at which you’ll be glad you didn’t do anything foolish. Persevere and you can get through this.
Don’t tell anyone else in real life about this. If you do, you’ll soon find out that many family and friends will drop you like a stone.
Exercise. Hit the gym, swimming, running, cycling. Eat well. Both of these are great for mental health.
Stay off of the bottle or any drugs, (including sleeping tablets). They’ll just make things a lot worse.
Don’t go Googling what happens to guys charged with certain offences when they go inside. That’s not going to help you and Google is full of a lot of rubbish and untruths.
Take some yoga or meditation classes. That stuff is absolute magic at sorting your head out, and I can say that from personal experience.
I’ve seen a lot of guys, physically big guys with a reputation for being tough on the street really struggle when they go away, (including one of my old comrades). Don’t be them. You’re better than them, tougher than them. No matter what, you absolutely can get through this. You just need to box up your demons and negative thoughts and face what may be coming head on.
In the meantime, don’t go troubling trouble until trouble troubles you. At the moment, these allegations are only allegations, and ones that are 15 years old.
See a solicitor ASAP. Were you given a Duty Solicitor? If so, I’d suggest dropping them for someone else. Chose your legal team carefully. Some are corrupt and you could end up with a Defense Team that essentially works for the Prosecution.
I’m sorry if my advice doesn’t sound all airy-fairy, but now isn’t the time to be all delicate about matters. Now is the time to give your head a shake, roll up your sleeves and fight.
My email is open for PMs if you need it.
Chin up and good luck
105.4 said:
This ^^^^ 100%
There’s only a small number of guys on here who’ve walked a mile in your shoes, and I’m one of them, (12 years, drugs).
I’m a great believer in innocent until proven guilty, so I’ll assume that you are innocent.
I’m going to be honest with you. Things are either going to get better quite quickly, drag on for ages, (likely), or get a lot worse.
The coming months are going to be the toughest months of your life. But the good news is that you are far tougher, far stronger and far more resilient than you ever thought you were.
Life is full of ups and downs. So what are you going to do every time things go wrong? Do something stupid or stand up and fight?
You’re going to fight of course. You’ve got to. There’s others depending on you to do so. Your Wife, your parents, your kids(?), they’ll all depending on you to be tough and to be a man. They’ll come a point in the future when all of this will be behind you, and that will be the point at which you’ll be glad you didn’t do anything foolish. Persevere and you can get through this.
Don’t tell anyone else in real life about this. If you do, you’ll soon find out that many family and friends will drop you like a stone.
Exercise. Hit the gym, swimming, running, cycling. Eat well. Both of these are great for mental health.
Stay off of the bottle or any drugs, (including sleeping tablets). They’ll just make things a lot worse.
Don’t go Googling what happens to guys charged with certain offences when they go inside. That’s not going to help you and Google is full of a lot of rubbish and untruths.
Take some yoga or meditation classes. That stuff is absolute magic at sorting your head out, and I can say that from personal experience.
I’ve seen a lot of guys, physically big guys with a reputation for being tough on the street really struggle when they go away, (including one of my old comrades). Don’t be them. You’re better than them, tougher than them. No matter what, you absolutely can get through this. You just need to box up your demons and negative thoughts and face what may be coming head on.
In the meantime, don’t go troubling trouble until trouble troubles you. At the moment, these allegations are only allegations, and ones that are 15 years old.
See a solicitor ASAP. Were you given a Duty Solicitor? If so, I’d suggest dropping them for someone else. Chose your legal team carefully. Some are corrupt and you could end up with a Defense Team that essentially works for the Prosecution.
I’m sorry if my advice doesn’t sound all airy-fairy, but now isn’t the time to be all delicate about matters. Now is the time to give your head a shake, roll up your sleeves and fight.
My email is open for PMs if you need it.
Chin up and good luck
Some good advice in this post.There’s only a small number of guys on here who’ve walked a mile in your shoes, and I’m one of them, (12 years, drugs).
I’m a great believer in innocent until proven guilty, so I’ll assume that you are innocent.
I’m going to be honest with you. Things are either going to get better quite quickly, drag on for ages, (likely), or get a lot worse.
The coming months are going to be the toughest months of your life. But the good news is that you are far tougher, far stronger and far more resilient than you ever thought you were.
Life is full of ups and downs. So what are you going to do every time things go wrong? Do something stupid or stand up and fight?
You’re going to fight of course. You’ve got to. There’s others depending on you to do so. Your Wife, your parents, your kids(?), they’ll all depending on you to be tough and to be a man. They’ll come a point in the future when all of this will be behind you, and that will be the point at which you’ll be glad you didn’t do anything foolish. Persevere and you can get through this.
Don’t tell anyone else in real life about this. If you do, you’ll soon find out that many family and friends will drop you like a stone.
Exercise. Hit the gym, swimming, running, cycling. Eat well. Both of these are great for mental health.
Stay off of the bottle or any drugs, (including sleeping tablets). They’ll just make things a lot worse.
Don’t go Googling what happens to guys charged with certain offences when they go inside. That’s not going to help you and Google is full of a lot of rubbish and untruths.
Take some yoga or meditation classes. That stuff is absolute magic at sorting your head out, and I can say that from personal experience.
I’ve seen a lot of guys, physically big guys with a reputation for being tough on the street really struggle when they go away, (including one of my old comrades). Don’t be them. You’re better than them, tougher than them. No matter what, you absolutely can get through this. You just need to box up your demons and negative thoughts and face what may be coming head on.
In the meantime, don’t go troubling trouble until trouble troubles you. At the moment, these allegations are only allegations, and ones that are 15 years old.
See a solicitor ASAP. Were you given a Duty Solicitor? If so, I’d suggest dropping them for someone else. Chose your legal team carefully. Some are corrupt and you could end up with a Defense Team that essentially works for the Prosecution.
I’m sorry if my advice doesn’t sound all airy-fairy, but now isn’t the time to be all delicate about matters. Now is the time to give your head a shake, roll up your sleeves and fight.
My email is open for PMs if you need it.
Chin up and good luck
In terms of your health, speak to somebody. If you can afford to see somebody privately this will be quicker than through the NHS. Otherwise your GP or Samaritans is a safe bet.
Legally, get a solicitor and get their advice.
Hope it works out with your health.
dba7108 said:
Was about to post this in SPL but some people are unhelpful and Im not in a great frame of mind right now.
Two weeks ago I had a knock on the door and 2 police officers asked me to attend the police station - well they arrested me so didnt have much choice - over an apparent allegation towards a minor 15 years ago.
I am gobsmacked and dumbfounded over why this person has said this.
I have the support of my partner although her support comes in waves as she is not coping with this whole situation very well and I am doing my best to help her.
I read plenty of posts on here of people feeling suicidal or at rock bottom and Ive been lucky enough to never feel like this and have had a happy and productive life. BUT this past week I have been one of those and had such dark thoughts.
Ive watched enough police programmes to be sat here worried that I could get fitted up for this. Where there is smoke fire etc.
I’d definitely get yourself a solicitor. Might have been an idea to have got a duty solicitor at the time . Two weeks ago I had a knock on the door and 2 police officers asked me to attend the police station - well they arrested me so didnt have much choice - over an apparent allegation towards a minor 15 years ago.
I am gobsmacked and dumbfounded over why this person has said this.
I have the support of my partner although her support comes in waves as she is not coping with this whole situation very well and I am doing my best to help her.
I read plenty of posts on here of people feeling suicidal or at rock bottom and Ive been lucky enough to never feel like this and have had a happy and productive life. BUT this past week I have been one of those and had such dark thoughts.
Ive watched enough police programmes to be sat here worried that I could get fitted up for this. Where there is smoke fire etc.
All depends on what you’ve been accused of but regardless you need some legal representation
Difficult times ahead......
15yrs ago I was arrested for allegedly shooting someone.
Firstly..I didn't, I was legally shooting on the land she was shot on....and was first on the scene.... Weapon in hand
This was enough for the police to make my life a misery for months on end and I will admit at one point I nearly convinced myself that I MUST of done it and that I was blocking it or had constructed an alternate set of events in my head.... Such was the conviction of their belief in my guilt and their tactics in trying to extract a "confession" from me.
Looking back on it, I can understand how some people confess to crimes they did not commit - just to make it end.
When your loved ones and closest friends are looking you in the eye and suggesting that if you did do it "you should just tell them" the world can be a very lonely place and for months I was a mess.
Get a solicitor..... Be co operative but don't walk into that room with police officers for a "chat" without a solicitor.... Regardless of what the police say about the nature of the "chat"...... As has been mentioned - their not your mates.
My sympathies OP.... Being a marked man and innocent is deeply unpleasant but one way or another you'll come out of it.
15yrs ago I was arrested for allegedly shooting someone.
Firstly..I didn't, I was legally shooting on the land she was shot on....and was first on the scene.... Weapon in hand
This was enough for the police to make my life a misery for months on end and I will admit at one point I nearly convinced myself that I MUST of done it and that I was blocking it or had constructed an alternate set of events in my head.... Such was the conviction of their belief in my guilt and their tactics in trying to extract a "confession" from me.
Looking back on it, I can understand how some people confess to crimes they did not commit - just to make it end.
When your loved ones and closest friends are looking you in the eye and suggesting that if you did do it "you should just tell them" the world can be a very lonely place and for months I was a mess.
Get a solicitor..... Be co operative but don't walk into that room with police officers for a "chat" without a solicitor.... Regardless of what the police say about the nature of the "chat"...... As has been mentioned - their not your mates.
My sympathies OP.... Being a marked man and innocent is deeply unpleasant but one way or another you'll come out of it.
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