Positivity mindset
Discussion
May not be the right place, but I have been posting on the "Depression" thread and in a whole world of trouble in my head. I'm someone that is naturally quite negative and pessimistic. I hate it (ironic).
I have read that this is a common mindset and you can train yourself to be more positive and upbeat about things. Similar I suppose to CBT.
As an example:
- Me: I am absolutely dreading xyz, I know I will be miserable and overworked
- Me: This holiday is really disappointing, the hotel is nowhere near what I thought. It's all ruined
Those are two things I recently experienced myself.
Do you have any similar experiences with this, any one similar to myself in terms of trying to change mindset?
Thanks
I have read that this is a common mindset and you can train yourself to be more positive and upbeat about things. Similar I suppose to CBT.
As an example:
- Me: I am absolutely dreading xyz, I know I will be miserable and overworked
- Me: This holiday is really disappointing, the hotel is nowhere near what I thought. It's all ruined
Those are two things I recently experienced myself.
Do you have any similar experiences with this, any one similar to myself in terms of trying to change mindset?
Thanks
The great learner for me was:
Whatever is "pissing you off today and f
king up your head" will probably be unimportant in 6 months time, let it go, live for the moment. Plan but don't project.
Happier people tend to gather happy people around them, and vice versa. So a bit of faking it, can prove useful.
Not easy a change of mindset but I believe it can be done to some degree.
Whatever is "pissing you off today and f
king up your head" will probably be unimportant in 6 months time, let it go, live for the moment. Plan but don't project.Happier people tend to gather happy people around them, and vice versa. So a bit of faking it, can prove useful.
Not easy a change of mindset but I believe it can be done to some degree.
I've always worked on the premise that happiness is a choice, and acceptance is key. Once you can accept that things are they way they are (this is our holiday), rather than comparing it to some hypothetical ideal (I wish it was better), you will find it much easier to be happy about the situation. Easier said than done, and may be complete bks.
ks.Interesting two examples, I can be a bit like that too. But its worth noting, lots of people have those thoughts as well its just working out the tactics you need personally to get through it - what works for one person doesn't work for another.
My wife is bloody awesome at overcoming stuff like that, dont get me wrong for a minute or two it hits her hard but she is a very action orientated person - in that if you cant do anything about it, dont worry about it, if you can, make sure you do.
So if you are dreading something like work, go in and talk to them about it and tell them whats going on
For the hotel, if she doesn't like it she goes and challenges them on day one (she did it before and they transferred us to a better hotel discounted etc 5 mins down the road which was miles better)
For me, I tend to do stuff that gets me away from it for a while, I love to play football it just lets me forget the problems and come back later with a refreshed view.
My wife is bloody awesome at overcoming stuff like that, dont get me wrong for a minute or two it hits her hard but she is a very action orientated person - in that if you cant do anything about it, dont worry about it, if you can, make sure you do.
So if you are dreading something like work, go in and talk to them about it and tell them whats going on
For the hotel, if she doesn't like it she goes and challenges them on day one (she did it before and they transferred us to a better hotel discounted etc 5 mins down the road which was miles better)
For me, I tend to do stuff that gets me away from it for a while, I love to play football it just lets me forget the problems and come back later with a refreshed view.
Don't be afraid to seek professional help.
But don't worry about the things you can't change and look for the positives in any given situation.
One thing I try and do is spend some time each week thinking about all the things that i can see going wrong, and then about what i could do if they actually happened, that way if they do happen I am already better prepared to deal with them.
then I spend a similar amount of time thinking about all the things that could go right and what I can do to make that more likely and then try and do that.
doesn't always work out but it does help and focuses the mind on looking for positives.
But don't worry about the things you can't change and look for the positives in any given situation.
One thing I try and do is spend some time each week thinking about all the things that i can see going wrong, and then about what i could do if they actually happened, that way if they do happen I am already better prepared to deal with them.
then I spend a similar amount of time thinking about all the things that could go right and what I can do to make that more likely and then try and do that.
doesn't always work out but it does help and focuses the mind on looking for positives.
Epictetus has you covered, "Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them", or words to that effect. Stoicism.
CBT may well be helpful, may give some tools to help better judge your emotional reactions and perceptions.
"this hotel isn't what I hoped, therefore the holiday is ruined", that's catastrophising, and in reality, you had high hopes for the hotel, and they weren't met, that's all that has actually happened, and objectively that really isn't a big thing?
The idea of ruination and disappointment is on you from that point, that's how you're reacting to the simple reality of what happened.
In terms of stuff you dread, personally I've always found an element of acceptance that it is going to happen and part of the process, tied with focusing on the reality that once you have completed the difficult thing, that will then free you from worrying about it and it will be over has been helpful.
Particularly with things like exams, interviews, first fire up of the first engine you've ever built, the scary bit is the middle of the process, not the end, and once you're past the scary bit, there's the next stage. Sure that might end up being difficult again, but it might not, and you can take it a step at a time either way.
See someone though, talk to a GP or a support group etc., talking about everything makes everything better, it really does.
CBT may well be helpful, may give some tools to help better judge your emotional reactions and perceptions.
"this hotel isn't what I hoped, therefore the holiday is ruined", that's catastrophising, and in reality, you had high hopes for the hotel, and they weren't met, that's all that has actually happened, and objectively that really isn't a big thing?
The idea of ruination and disappointment is on you from that point, that's how you're reacting to the simple reality of what happened.
In terms of stuff you dread, personally I've always found an element of acceptance that it is going to happen and part of the process, tied with focusing on the reality that once you have completed the difficult thing, that will then free you from worrying about it and it will be over has been helpful.
Particularly with things like exams, interviews, first fire up of the first engine you've ever built, the scary bit is the middle of the process, not the end, and once you're past the scary bit, there's the next stage. Sure that might end up being difficult again, but it might not, and you can take it a step at a time either way.
See someone though, talk to a GP or a support group etc., talking about everything makes everything better, it really does.
Al Gorithum said:
A couple of (hopefully) helpful questions to ask yourself when feeling a bit glum:
1. Is there anyone else in the world (much) worse off than me? If the answer is yes, then you're doing OK.
2. Did anyone I love or like die? If the answer is no, then you're doing OK.
Glass half full
Indeed. How lucky we are that the biggest problems we face exist only in our minds. 1. Is there anyone else in the world (much) worse off than me? If the answer is yes, then you're doing OK.
2. Did anyone I love or like die? If the answer is no, then you're doing OK.
Glass half full
We aren't hungry, or cold, or tired, or in bondage, or being exploited, in fear of death, or violence. It's almost as if everything is too easy. Not that that is much help to someone with depression, but it is a worrying aspect of our modern comfortable existences.
Our default approach is generally to think of the negative and focus on how bad things could be. It's kept us alive as a species for millennia.
With practice, you can change what you focus on from the negative to the positive, and even look at finding the positive in the negative.
It starts with
"What can I think about instead?" and "What can I look forward to next week?"
but you can also try
"What can I learn from this?" and "What opportunities for growth (or business) are there?"
With practice, you can change what you focus on from the negative to the positive, and even look at finding the positive in the negative.
It starts with
"What can I think about instead?" and "What can I look forward to next week?"
but you can also try
"What can I learn from this?" and "What opportunities for growth (or business) are there?"
Could also be a case of overthinking, I find gratitude helps hugely, make a list of things that you have in your life that you are grateful for, look at them every day especially before bed, get into nature, even a simple walk through a park or wood can do wonders for creating a positive mindset, or maybe do some charity work for the underprivileged, putting stuff back into the community is a great mood lifter.
Al Gorithum said:
Also, try Yoga. May sound a bit poofy but it's not. It's brilliant for the body and the mind. Trust me on this
on the subject of things that sound like bks but actually do work there is always positive self affirmation. Spend a few minutes in front of the mirror every day telling yourself it is going to be a great day, you are a winner etc it really does work - the original fake it till you make it routine.You could be a covert narcissist OP. If you are I feel you are destined for this for the rest of your life and simply looking to obtain some supply by starting this thread.
Many “depressed” souls are actually afflicted with a personality disorder that goes undiagnosed and can not be effectively treated for the most part.
I would get to therapy first off and inform them exactly what your feelings and thoughts are and also mention narcissistic/bpd traits being present.
Many “depressed” souls are actually afflicted with a personality disorder that goes undiagnosed and can not be effectively treated for the most part.
I would get to therapy first off and inform them exactly what your feelings and thoughts are and also mention narcissistic/bpd traits being present.
LeftField500 said:
You could be a covert narcissist OP. If you are I feel you are destined for this for the rest of your life and simply looking to obtain some supply by starting this thread.
Many “depressed” souls are actually afflicted with a personality disorder that goes undiagnosed and can not be effectively treated for the most part.
I would get to therapy first off and inform them exactly what your feelings and thoughts are and also mention narcissistic/bpd traits being present.
Wow haha, I definitely am not a narcissist - not sure why you think or suggested that. Many “depressed” souls are actually afflicted with a personality disorder that goes undiagnosed and can not be effectively treated for the most part.
I would get to therapy first off and inform them exactly what your feelings and thoughts are and also mention narcissistic/bpd traits being present.
I have a referral into the Doctor and also to a counsellor. Taking it day-to-day. Today has been a good day and really productive.
Regardless of all of that, I am just keen to change my outlook and be more upbeat, positive and grateful. I spoke with my Mum about all of this as she is so positive it's unbelievable, even though she's had a really tough life. Her outlook and advice was really good and similar to what some others have said in this thread.
Thanks everyone, there are some absolutely amazing thoughts and suggestions here. I particularly like how some of them are boiled down to a very simple mindset which helps a lot.
Yoga was recommended to me on another thread. I am definitely going to do this, I've done it in the past but just for general flexibility rather than mental health and relaxation.
Yoga was recommended to me on another thread. I am definitely going to do this, I've done it in the past but just for general flexibility rather than mental health and relaxation.
A whole series of interesting articles from the BBC here: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20230103-how-...
Not that I'm an expert in any way, but the things I recognise are:
Practice Makes Perfect
and
Consistency is King
If I've taken anything from my own depression and CBT journey and the various things I've read, it's that when you start out something new, you'll be a bit st at it. In my head, I find this hard to deal with, so I do need to remind myself that if it was easy, I wouldn't need to practice, read books and see professionals to be taught how. Just wish I could take my own advice more often!
Not that I'm an expert in any way, but the things I recognise are:
Practice Makes Perfect
and
Consistency is King
If I've taken anything from my own depression and CBT journey and the various things I've read, it's that when you start out something new, you'll be a bit s
t at it. In my head, I find this hard to deal with, so I do need to remind myself that if it was easy, I wouldn't need to practice, read books and see professionals to be taught how. Just wish I could take my own advice more often! I am generally of a positive and optimistic mindset, but I get particularly stressed/ worried about certain events.
As an example, this week I had an important three day audit. This meant I was not sleeping well and was working more hours than normal prior to the audit. It went really well this week, but my anxiety levels last weekend were high. This happens once per annum and I never really find a good coping mechanism......
I try to focus on the longer term outlook rather than the specific event (easier said than done). I also reflect on the past, and that means I remember positive thoughts rather than negative thoughts which gives some perspective.
I was a grumpy bd this week though 
As an example, this week I had an important three day audit. This meant I was not sleeping well and was working more hours than normal prior to the audit. It went really well this week, but my anxiety levels last weekend were high. This happens once per annum and I never really find a good coping mechanism......
I try to focus on the longer term outlook rather than the specific event (easier said than done). I also reflect on the past, and that means I remember positive thoughts rather than negative thoughts which gives some perspective.
I was a grumpy b
d this week though Smitters said:
A whole series of interesting articles from the BBC here: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20230103-how-...
Not that I'm an expert in any way, but the things I recognise are:
Practice Makes Perfect
and
Consistency is King
If I've taken anything from my own depression and CBT journey and the various things I've read, it's that when you start out something new, you'll be a bit st at it. In my head, I find this hard to deal with, so I do need to remind myself that if it was easy, I wouldn't need to practice, read books and see professionals to be taught how. Just wish I could take my own advice more often!
4 stages to learningNot that I'm an expert in any way, but the things I recognise are:
Practice Makes Perfect
and
Consistency is King
If I've taken anything from my own depression and CBT journey and the various things I've read, it's that when you start out something new, you'll be a bit s
t at it. In my head, I find this hard to deal with, so I do need to remind myself that if it was easy, I wouldn't need to practice, read books and see professionals to be taught how. Just wish I could take my own advice more often! 1. Unconscious incompetence - you don't know what you don't know.
2. Conscious incompetence - You know what you don't know
3. Conscious competence - you have to think about doing it right.
4. Unconscious competence - you just do it without thinking about having to do it.
Keeping this in mind while learning a skill can really help you to push through to the next stage.
From Bridge of Spies :
"I have a mandate to serve you. Nobody else does. Quite frankly, everybody else has an interest in sending you to the electric chair."
" All right..."
"You don't seem alarmed."
"Would it help?"
....worrying or stressing over things really doesn't resolve them. If you can influence or change something..... do it. If you can't don't worry....what will be will be but worrying won't change it. Focus on what you can do something about. Doing something is always better than fretting about something.
I think there is also a tendency for people to feel overwhelmed by stuff which can contribute to depression, they can't see the wood for the trees & end up doing nothing . Again using a similar logic helps...... can I do something about it now? Do I need to do something about it now? If the answer to both questions is "yes" you've just set your priority, park enverything else.
"I have a mandate to serve you. Nobody else does. Quite frankly, everybody else has an interest in sending you to the electric chair."
" All right..."
"You don't seem alarmed."
"Would it help?"
....worrying or stressing over things really doesn't resolve them. If you can influence or change something..... do it. If you can't don't worry....what will be will be but worrying won't change it. Focus on what you can do something about. Doing something is always better than fretting about something.
I think there is also a tendency for people to feel overwhelmed by stuff which can contribute to depression, they can't see the wood for the trees & end up doing nothing . Again using a similar logic helps...... can I do something about it now? Do I need to do something about it now? If the answer to both questions is "yes" you've just set your priority, park enverything else.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff