Positivity

[Scabutz]

This isn't a new years resolution just happened to be thinking about it at this time.

I'm a very negative person, always see the downsides, I got it from my parents who were the same, there was always a joke about the family curse when mild irritating things happen, as a family we have never really suffered a serious set back.

Anyway my wife complains that I'm always negative about things and I have at times suffered quite bad anxiety which I don't think is helped by viewing everything as a problem or potential issue.

So I want to be more positive. Anybody got any tips or books etc to recommend with strategies for changing this mindset?

I have done CBT in the past which helped with the anxiety and reframing thinking so that might be worth revisiting, my wife is a counsellor and recommend short term solution focus therapy so might try those.

It's so ingrained in me that I don't even realise I am doing it.

[Skyedriver]

"Why are you always so negative about things?"
I hear that a lot from my wife too. You are not alone.

[Caddyshack]

Positive thinking is a skill.

You need to notice the negative thoughts and stop them in their tracks and counter them with a positive.

Before my feet hit the ground in the morning I make sure I say to myself "today will be a great day"

Also spend 20 mins a day listening to positive meditation recordings - get something like audible. Make it a mini hobby

[Slowboathome]

Caddyshack said:

Positive thinking is a skill.......

..... Make it a mini hobby

Nice.

[The Rotrex Kid]

This is a good book if you want a dose of reality rather than positivity. You don’t always have to be positive, you just have to give a fk about what matters and not give a fk about what doesn’t. The skill is working that out and balancing it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Subtle_Art_of_No...

[Doofus]

Caddyshack said:

Positive thinking is a skill.

Perhaps, but I think people are predisposed to optimism or pessimism.

I'm an optimist, and when things get bad (and they have, on occasion), I tend to get more optimistic.

"It'll be alright in the end, and if it's not alright now, then it's not the end yet."


Probably not very helpful to the OP, though...

[Caddyshack]

Doofus said:

Caddyshack said:

Positive thinking is a skill.

Perhaps, but I think people are predisposed to optimism or pessimism.

I'm an optimist, and when things get bad (and they have, on occasion), I tend to get more optimistic.

"It'll be alright in the end, and if it's not alright now, then it's not the end yet."


Probably not very helpful to the OP, though...

Not sure on that one. Our brain is a largely empty vessel when we are born, we learn a lot of our responses from our parents, family and piers.

I suspect you had a good internal dialogue set of lessons very early on.

[Boosted LS1]

I learnt from an ex girlfriend to seek out the positives in things. It became quite easy once I changed my mindset and life became a lot better and easier afterwards.

Tomorrow is a fresh start, a new opportunity and a new girlfriend.

Edited by Boosted LS1 on Sunday 1st January 20:55

[Scabutz]

The Rotrex Kid said:

This is a good book if you want a dose of reality rather than positivity. You don’t always have to be positive, you just have to give a fk about what matters and not give a fk about what doesn’t. The skill is working that out and balancing it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Subtle_Art_of_No...

Thanks will give that a go. I definitely get mixed up focusing on things that aren't important.

[The Rotrex Kid]

Scabutz said:

The Rotrex Kid said:

This is a good book if you want a dose of reality rather than positivity. You don’t always have to be positive, you just have to give a fk about what matters and not give a fk about what doesn’t. The skill is working that out and balancing it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Subtle_Art_of_No...

Thanks will give that a go. I definitely get mixed up focusing on things that aren't important.

It’s something I think a lot of people struggle with. Getting too caught up and ‘sweating the small stuff’

Good luck.

[LaterLosers]

Start with the simple things like good manners and politeness it sets you apart from the majority. If you’re nice to people they are generally nice to you back it will also help build your self-esteem and confidence. Leading to a far more positive outlook on life.

[Doofus]

Caddyshack said:

Not sure on that one. Our brain is a largely empty vessel when we are born, we learn a lot of our responses from our parents, family and piers.

Southend, Weston-Super-Mare and Blackpool in my case.

[Caddyshack]

Doofus said:

Caddyshack said:

Not sure on that one. Our brain is a largely empty vessel when we are born, we learn a lot of our responses from our parents, family and piers.

Southend, Weston-Super-Mare and Blackpool in my case.

Oops…well spotted.

[kevinon]

Good that you're aware of the inner dialogue. Sounds like you are bringing it into the open - a great start. So you've followed Jung -

"Until we make the subconscious conscious, it controls our life and we call it fate" is a Jung quote that helps me engage with 'shadow' motivations.

I believe that all our responses served a purpose (or felt like they served a purpose), at some time. We generally learn these 'solutions' like anxiety quite young. So runs quite deep.

Now, - how to 'reset' these deep murky thinking? Work in progress for me, and one of the simplest tools I use is 'gratitude'. Every day I peel off 10 sentences in my head . . . . I feel gratitude for 1, 2, 3 etc.


When I reach 10 (I count on my fingers) I stop. Normally I have started to form the 11th in my head, but the stopping gives me a feeling of - "I have too many things to feel good about in my life. " very subtle.

DM me if you feel it would be useful to you - I think we're on a similiar path

[mikiec]

Don’t watch, read or listen to the news. It is constantly full of negative things happening. Life has a far more positive outlook without it.

[Scabutz]

mikiec said:

Don’t watch, read or listen to the news. It is constantly full of negative things happening. Life has a far more positive outlook without it.

100%. I've stopped this recently. I realised it was feeding my anxiety and as you say it was wall to wall negativity.

[Slowboathome]

Scabutz said:

mikiec said:

Don’t watch, read or listen to the news. It is constantly full of negative things happening. Life has a far more positive outlook without it.

100%. I've stopped this recently. I realised it was feeding my anxiety and as you say it was wall to wall negativity.

I second this. Gave it up about 4 months ago and really glad I did.

[toohuge]

I found expressing gratitude on a regular basis to be one of the most effective techniques for improving my well being. Every morning, I write 3 things I am grateful for - after a few weeks, I was shocked at how much better I felt and how easily I saw things to be grateful for in my life. - it's free and easy to try out

[simons123]

Reading Stoicism helped me massively. 'Negative Visulation'....Expect and prepare for the worst mentally and everything else is a bonus. Sounds negative but it really isn't. If times are good 'this too shall pass', if times are bad then 'this too shall pass' also. There is no need to be outwardly positive and certainly not outward negative either, just be neutral. Stop complaining is the first thing to do because as depressing as it sounds the fact is no one really cares about your problems as everyone is too busy with there own.

[Fusion777]

mikiec said:

Don’t watch, read or listen to the news. It is constantly full of negative things happening. Life has a far more positive outlook without it.

This is worth heeding. If you want to stay informed, just skim the headlines/front page. Staying out of NPE is a good start, too.

Focus more on what's in your locus of control rather than what's "out there". Don't worry about what's going on in Westminster, you can't really influence it anyway. Self, family, friends.

A lot of the time we over complicate things, and that can be where the anxiety and stress creeps in.