Mid life crisis. Has anybody had one?
Discussion
I don't mean a go out and buy a bright red sports car and shag the secretary type crisis, with the exception of the shagging bit, I have been have a mid life crisis since I was about 22.
I mean a proper realising that this is your life type crisis, you not sure quite how you got here or where to go next type crisis.
Because I think I am having one... Currently torn between thinking I am living just for the weekends, and thinking if I jacked it all in WTF would I do with the time and loneliness.
I mean a proper realising that this is your life type crisis, you not sure quite how you got here or where to go next type crisis.
Because I think I am having one... Currently torn between thinking I am living just for the weekends, and thinking if I jacked it all in WTF would I do with the time and loneliness.
Yes I guess. But from a personal perspective.
Slept walked into a relationship that grew legs, then a house purchase, marriage and a child- but realised I wasn’t happy.
Not depressed per se, but simply was unhappy with my relationship and hence ‘life’.
Coincidentally I was that 40yr old, and there was an element of ‘s
t. I can be this ‘non happy’, tow the line, lobotomised guy for another 40 yrs’
So I made changes.
Life is about happiness has been my mantra ever since. It’s a priority. A necessity.
Slept walked into a relationship that grew legs, then a house purchase, marriage and a child- but realised I wasn’t happy.
Not depressed per se, but simply was unhappy with my relationship and hence ‘life’.
Coincidentally I was that 40yr old, and there was an element of ‘s
t. I can be this ‘non happy’, tow the line, lobotomised guy for another 40 yrs’So I made changes.
Life is about happiness has been my mantra ever since. It’s a priority. A necessity.
I'm possibly living through one or coming to the end of it. Mine is relatively minor I guess.
I've been with my wife since I was 21, we bought a house when I was 24 and spent the years to 30 spending every penny renovating it. I got into my job at 18 (accountancy - never really enjoyed but done alright and I'm far more practical as a person). We had 2 kids at 30/32 and by the time I got to 35 I went mad and bought a load of old VWs. I would say I did have times of minor depression leading up to that point.
For me it was something that had be brewing for a long time. Ever since I was small child I was into cars, mainly normal cars. I read all the magazine's of the era and could tell you the power, weight, 0-60 30-70, price of every main stream car on the market. As an 8 year old I knew which cars shared components and could tell from an indicator / wing mirror etc what car it was. Anyway those car desires to own, restore, gain skills were subdued for 17 years (I only had 2 boring cars in all that time) until I got to 35 and I started buying and restoring old VWs. They were cheap to get into which meant I could start to amass the cars that were in the magazines of my childhood years. I rationlised to myself that sticking with VWs meant I had the tools, knowledge of parts and it would somehow be man maths cheaper.
At one point I had 7 of them stashed away in various places and even bought one as a Valentines present for my wife, it arrived on Valentines day and was a red Golf GTI 16v. She wasn't impressed.
Anyway I think i am heading through it now as have a plan to get down to just 2 of my favourites which can be stored in my double garage and having just 2 will enable me to be balance my hobby time with family time as having 7 on the go and buying parts to make them as nice as possible is expensive. Not to mention the time consumed in my mind with restoration, parts diagrams etc etc
It is a relatively minor crisis response but was driven by having to keep "a lid on it" for years and as escapism from having been in a career for almost 20 years that I can't say I jump out of bed for nor challenges my mind in a satisfoctory way; it all seems a bit pointless sometimes.
I've been with my wife since I was 21, we bought a house when I was 24 and spent the years to 30 spending every penny renovating it. I got into my job at 18 (accountancy - never really enjoyed but done alright and I'm far more practical as a person). We had 2 kids at 30/32 and by the time I got to 35 I went mad and bought a load of old VWs. I would say I did have times of minor depression leading up to that point.
For me it was something that had be brewing for a long time. Ever since I was small child I was into cars, mainly normal cars. I read all the magazine's of the era and could tell you the power, weight, 0-60 30-70, price of every main stream car on the market. As an 8 year old I knew which cars shared components and could tell from an indicator / wing mirror etc what car it was. Anyway those car desires to own, restore, gain skills were subdued for 17 years (I only had 2 boring cars in all that time) until I got to 35 and I started buying and restoring old VWs. They were cheap to get into which meant I could start to amass the cars that were in the magazines of my childhood years. I rationlised to myself that sticking with VWs meant I had the tools, knowledge of parts and it would somehow be man maths cheaper.
At one point I had 7 of them stashed away in various places and even bought one as a Valentines present for my wife, it arrived on Valentines day and was a red Golf GTI 16v. She wasn't impressed.
Anyway I think i am heading through it now as have a plan to get down to just 2 of my favourites which can be stored in my double garage and having just 2 will enable me to be balance my hobby time with family time as having 7 on the go and buying parts to make them as nice as possible is expensive. Not to mention the time consumed in my mind with restoration, parts diagrams etc etc
It is a relatively minor crisis response but was driven by having to keep "a lid on it" for years and as escapism from having been in a career for almost 20 years that I can't say I jump out of bed for nor challenges my mind in a satisfoctory way; it all seems a bit pointless sometimes.
Edited by VeeReihenmotor6 on Wednesday 23 November 09:08
i discussed this sort of thing not long ago.
i am constantly thinking of the past. what i think i miss
-living with mates
-messing around partying and everything that goes with it
- being younger in general
- not having worries of jobs / money - i earnt 20-25k but it was enough to still do what i want and go out every friday and saturday
at the moment i do none of the above but been with someone almost 5 years with no marriage or kids.
im in a dead zone with no positives from either side. i dont go out and party but also dont have kids or married.
But all i ever do again last especially the last few weeks is listen to songs that remind me of the past. i even google maps of old places i lived as its weird it gives me some sort of nostalgic happiness.
ive spoken to many old friends about this and they say the miss it. but nothing like it seems i do.
i am constantly thinking of the past. what i think i miss
-living with mates
-messing around partying and everything that goes with it
- being younger in general
- not having worries of jobs / money - i earnt 20-25k but it was enough to still do what i want and go out every friday and saturday
at the moment i do none of the above but been with someone almost 5 years with no marriage or kids.
im in a dead zone with no positives from either side. i dont go out and party but also dont have kids or married.
But all i ever do again last especially the last few weeks is listen to songs that remind me of the past. i even google maps of old places i lived as its weird it gives me some sort of nostalgic happiness.
ive spoken to many old friends about this and they say the miss it. but nothing like it seems i do.
Like the OP I'm on about MLC #32 
But always forward looking, never rearward.
But always forward looking, never rearward.
PushedDover said:
Yes I guess. But from a personal perspective.
Slept walked into a relationship that grew legs, then a house purchase, marriage and a child- but realised I wasn’t happy.
Not depressed per se, but simply was unhappy with my relationship and hence ‘life’.
Coincidentally I was that 40yr old, and there was an element of ‘st. I can be this ‘non happy’, tow the line, lobotomised guy for another 40 yrs’
So I made changes.
Life is about happiness has been my mantra ever since. It’s a priority. A necessity.
This post ^^^ could have been written by me and I am in the throws of taking similar action.Slept walked into a relationship that grew legs, then a house purchase, marriage and a child- but realised I wasn’t happy.
Not depressed per se, but simply was unhappy with my relationship and hence ‘life’.
Coincidentally I was that 40yr old, and there was an element of ‘s
t. I can be this ‘non happy’, tow the line, lobotomised guy for another 40 yrs’So I made changes.
Life is about happiness has been my mantra ever since. It’s a priority. A necessity.
I dont miss partying or the like, or living with mates, I suspect if you went and did it again it wouldnt quite be the same and be a bit of a downer.
I think the thing that hit me (Im now 47) is my lack of focus on what I wanted to do as a career. I fell out of uni into the first company that would give me a job and 20 odd years later still doing roughly the same thing. I've been lucky, it let me travel the world, live in different countries, meet amazing people but fundamentally its not a job I can hand on heart say I enjoy, I speak to people who are passionate about their jobs and I am so envious. Thats what I wish I had.
I think the thing that hit me (Im now 47) is my lack of focus on what I wanted to do as a career. I fell out of uni into the first company that would give me a job and 20 odd years later still doing roughly the same thing. I've been lucky, it let me travel the world, live in different countries, meet amazing people but fundamentally its not a job I can hand on heart say I enjoy, I speak to people who are passionate about their jobs and I am so envious. Thats what I wish I had.
I've recently become obsessed with ensuring my wife can find all the bank and investment accounts and the contact details and passwords for them, plus paperwork for cars and houses, and who to contact to sell the cars.
I'm cataloging artwork, jewellery and other valuable items, service providers, insurers and so on.
She probably knows a lot of this already but I've become concerned about leaving her with a mess to sort out.
I'm cataloging artwork, jewellery and other valuable items, service providers, insurers and so on.
She probably knows a lot of this already but I've become concerned about leaving her with a mess to sort out.
coldel said:
I dont miss partying or the like, or living with mates, I suspect if you went and did it again it wouldnt quite be the same and be a bit of a downer.
I think the thing that hit me (Im now 47) is my lack of focus on what I wanted to do as a career. I fell out of uni into the first company that would give me a job and 20 odd years later still doing roughly the same thing. I've been lucky, it let me travel the world, live in different countries, meet amazing people but fundamentally its not a job I can hand on heart say I enjoy, I speak to people who are passionate about their jobs and I am so envious. Thats what I wish I had.
in the maybe 5 times a year i go out these days 9/10 times is a letdown. something is missing. it's just not the same. so i agree there, it wouldn't be good although i still in my head like to think it would be.I think the thing that hit me (Im now 47) is my lack of focus on what I wanted to do as a career. I fell out of uni into the first company that would give me a job and 20 odd years later still doing roughly the same thing. I've been lucky, it let me travel the world, live in different countries, meet amazing people but fundamentally its not a job I can hand on heart say I enjoy, I speak to people who are passionate about their jobs and I am so envious. Thats what I wish I had.
i also sometimes wish i cared about work more. as thats 5 days of our lives. i dont, and probably never will. maybe its because sitting behind a desk on excel bores me to death so that could never change
Mirinjawbro said:
coldel said:
I dont miss partying or the like, or living with mates, I suspect if you went and did it again it wouldnt quite be the same and be a bit of a downer.
I think the thing that hit me (Im now 47) is my lack of focus on what I wanted to do as a career. I fell out of uni into the first company that would give me a job and 20 odd years later still doing roughly the same thing. I've been lucky, it let me travel the world, live in different countries, meet amazing people but fundamentally its not a job I can hand on heart say I enjoy, I speak to people who are passionate about their jobs and I am so envious. Thats what I wish I had.
in the maybe 5 times a year i go out these days 9/10 times is a letdown. something is missing. it's just not the same. so i agree there, it wouldn't be good although i still in my head like to think it would be.I think the thing that hit me (Im now 47) is my lack of focus on what I wanted to do as a career. I fell out of uni into the first company that would give me a job and 20 odd years later still doing roughly the same thing. I've been lucky, it let me travel the world, live in different countries, meet amazing people but fundamentally its not a job I can hand on heart say I enjoy, I speak to people who are passionate about their jobs and I am so envious. Thats what I wish I had.
i also sometimes wish i cared about work more. as thats 5 days of our lives. i dont, and probably never will. maybe its because sitting behind a desk on excel bores me to death so that could never change
Interesting and some of the posters names are familiar.
Reach out guys.
We had a guy on here some time ago - can’t remember his PH name, but I reached out to him (Nigel in RL).
Many here doubted him. But letting him chat helped.
I’m not saying I necessarily did things 100% right in my own journey but I know I left with just three holdalls, 9 yrs ago.
I recall ironing work shirts on the floor of a rented bedsit and trying to balance ‘The Mental’, then several years of POF’ing, and low and behold - got married this September
If you know your shot isn’t right, you must be prepared to accept change is not easy, but required - whether drastic or not.
As said - my mantra now is ‘happiness is a necessity’
Reach out guys.
We had a guy on here some time ago - can’t remember his PH name, but I reached out to him (Nigel in RL).
Many here doubted him. But letting him chat helped.
I’m not saying I necessarily did things 100% right in my own journey but I know I left with just three holdalls, 9 yrs ago.
I recall ironing work shirts on the floor of a rented bedsit and trying to balance ‘The Mental’, then several years of POF’ing, and low and behold - got married this September
If you know your shot isn’t right, you must be prepared to accept change is not easy, but required - whether drastic or not.
As said - my mantra now is ‘happiness is a necessity’
my best times from memory are those that if i do now would not be the same.
i really do not think this whole year WFH has done me any favours though. sat alone monday to friday doing 10 mins of work a day killed me.
i spoke to the doctors about it all. constantly wound up, snappy. after work hours restless wanting to do something.
find new hobbies and get out was the reply.
i really do not think this whole year WFH has done me any favours though. sat alone monday to friday doing 10 mins of work a day killed me.
i spoke to the doctors about it all. constantly wound up, snappy. after work hours restless wanting to do something.
find new hobbies and get out was the reply.
Doofus said:
I've recently become obsessed with ensuring my wife can find all the bank and investment accounts and the contact details and passwords for them, plus paperwork for cars and houses, and who to contact to sell the cars.
I'm cataloging artwork, jewellery and other valuable items, service providers, insurers and so on.
She probably knows a lot of this already but I've become concerned about leaving her with a mess to sort out.
totally normal, it means you actually have awareness of the future. I did exactly the same when I went overseas to work, got my ducks in a row just in case I stepped on something sharp. Im 51 now and had a little brainfart couple of years back, thought wtf am I doing, wasn't happy with personal situation and work, been screwed by a so called friend after helping him set up a business. Luck had it a friend of a friend needed someone to work with them, that changed my situation in a positive direction.I'm cataloging artwork, jewellery and other valuable items, service providers, insurers and so on.
She probably knows a lot of this already but I've become concerned about leaving her with a mess to sort out.
Fozziebear said:
Doofus said:
I've recently become obsessed with ensuring my wife can find all the bank and investment accounts and the contact details and passwords for them, plus paperwork for cars and houses, and who to contact to sell the cars.
I'm cataloging artwork, jewellery and other valuable items, service providers, insurers and so on.
She probably knows a lot of this already but I've become concerned about leaving her with a mess to sort out.
totally normal, it means you actually have awareness of the future. I did exactly the same when I went overseas to work, got my ducks in a row just in case I stepped on something sharp. Im 51 now and had a little brainfart couple of years back, thought wtf am I doing, wasn't happy with personal situation and work, been screwed by a so called friend after helping him set up a business. Luck had it a friend of a friend needed someone to work with them, that changed my situation in a positive direction.I'm cataloging artwork, jewellery and other valuable items, service providers, insurers and so on.
She probably knows a lot of this already but I've become concerned about leaving her with a mess to sort out.
). For some reason I've got into this mindest, and recently beefed up life insurance etc. I don't plan on going anywhere, but the odds shorten by the day... 
Been going through this for a fair few years now and I my early 40s.
Essentially I stretched myself a lot when I was younger and put up with situations at school, uni and work that I didn't particularly enjoy because they seemed like the right thing to do and would pave the way for a comfortable future.
Always had the idea that I would take my foot off the gas around 40 and then enjoy life.
My plan worked reasonably well, I have quite a bit of free time now and have had for years, but it's not what I thought it would be. No-one else I know has the same free time, or desire for it. Closest friends all have successful careers and prioritise that over socialising. I get out maybe once a month with them.
Being fully WFH when I do work for the past 3.5 years also adds to the isolation.
A couple of the sports evenings I had pre covid also fell by the way side, so life feels pretty bleak at times now.
On the positive side, I recognise that I can't just sit here and expect things to change for the better, so am taking steps to try to improve things.
Essentially I stretched myself a lot when I was younger and put up with situations at school, uni and work that I didn't particularly enjoy because they seemed like the right thing to do and would pave the way for a comfortable future.
Always had the idea that I would take my foot off the gas around 40 and then enjoy life.
My plan worked reasonably well, I have quite a bit of free time now and have had for years, but it's not what I thought it would be. No-one else I know has the same free time, or desire for it. Closest friends all have successful careers and prioritise that over socialising. I get out maybe once a month with them.
Being fully WFH when I do work for the past 3.5 years also adds to the isolation.
A couple of the sports evenings I had pre covid also fell by the way side, so life feels pretty bleak at times now.
On the positive side, I recognise that I can't just sit here and expect things to change for the better, so am taking steps to try to improve things.
Megaflow said:
I don't mean a go out and buy a bright red sports car and shag the secretary type crisis, with the exception of the shagging bit, I have been have a mid life crisis since I was about 22.
I mean a proper realising that this is your life type crisis, you not sure quite how you got here or where to go next type crisis.
Because I think I am having one... Currently torn between thinking I am living just for the weekends, and thinking if I jacked it all in WTF would I do with the time and loneliness.
What's wrong with living for the weekend, so long as you enjoy the weekend?I mean a proper realising that this is your life type crisis, you not sure quite how you got here or where to go next type crisis.
Because I think I am having one... Currently torn between thinking I am living just for the weekends, and thinking if I jacked it all in WTF would I do with the time and loneliness.
Mirinjawbro said:
nothing if you can find people to do it with
one thing i always question is why i seem to be the only one of the group who misses it as much as i do.
they seem happy to plod along working mon to friday sitting in not doing much else
I feel exactly the same.one thing i always question is why i seem to be the only one of the group who misses it as much as i do.
they seem happy to plod along working mon to friday sitting in not doing much else
I have no idea why my closest friends work so hard.
They're all successful, early 40s and several are very well off. All sensible with money, I think at least two of them own their very nice homes outright.
Yet they still work long hours.
One in particular finds their job extremely stressful due to a new, extremely demanding boss. Working long hours and weekends. Determined to quit, but is going to hold out until March so she gets her bonus. Seems like madness to me.
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