Alcoholic ex wife
Discussion
We split in 2008, we stayed living together due to financials and young kids. Split was her idea.
She had a fella who she moved in with but she also stayed at the house from time to time as I couldn't look after the kids full time due to my work.
I moved out in 2014.
I have spent a fortune in order to rent nearby.
She was always a drinker, probably more than I was willing to realise when we were together.
She battled and still is battling breast cancer but the drinking was crazy and got even worse with Covid and working from home.
Drunk every night, massive fights with teenage sons, police, neighbours, boys both have been in cells.
It ruined my one good relationship as that girlfriend decided she couldn't have a relationship with a guy who was trying to find a solution but having no luck.
I twice suggested that I move back if she and boyfriend moved out, and I take over looking after the kids. Both times that help was refused.
So the drinking has affected all the kids. 2 now adults and one still 16, and for me it's a constant worry and cause of great anxiety.
I'm not a happy person.
At one point I did move back in as I had money problems. Lived in the Attic, the boyfriend had become an ex but he lived in the lounge.
Worst year of my life. A very dark time.
I moved out again and I was blamed for everything as if I had left her.
The house is a ruin. It and the garden look like something from a Channel 5 hoarders programme. It's filthy and it stinks. It's in a well to do street in SW London but looks like the Munster's place. The poor neighbours.
Sometimes I can see why she drinks but it's all her own doing. I always offer to have the boys, I bankrupted myself to get a bigger place but they know which side their bread is buttered. She throws money at them, clothes, takeaways, computers etc
Stuff I can't and won't offer as I'm skint.
Since Christmas she has been in and out of Rehab. Posh London place, £7,000 a week. Yes, you read that right.
A decent inheritance nearly gone.
But a few weeks ago after leaving rehab for the umpteenth time things seemed a bit better. She got a puppy and I thought that that was a sign that things may be turning.
I was wrong, pissed in the afternoon everyday.
I went over to see her today as financial stuff had to be talked about. We went to a park to walk the puppy. It was an ok day.
I left at 4pm and got home at 6pm.
She calls, completely drunk, slurring.
"I'm going into rehab for 3 months and you need to move back in to look after the boys (20 and nearly 17) and the dog."
She constantly makes her own bed and expects others, mainly me, to lie in it.
Sorry for waffling, I have absolutely no one I can talk to, this has made my low mood even lower.
I'm now guilty as I said I won't move back in. Everything will be my fault.
I'm 60, I never imagined that life would be so crappy.
I know I'm not physically ill but this millstone around my neck is destroying me.
I don't expect answers, there doesn't seem to be any, but I just had to write this to let off steam.
Thanks for reading.
Been there.
The best thing for you, and you will not like this, is block her number, tell her you want nothing more to do with her and move on. If there is still financial stuff to sort, go see a solicitor and get it sorted. None, and I mean none of the 'kids' need looking after. They are not your responsibility.
The puppy, that's different. I'll have it if you can't rehome it. It needs a good home.
The best thing for you, and you will not like this, is block her number, tell her you want nothing more to do with her and move on. If there is still financial stuff to sort, go see a solicitor and get it sorted. None, and I mean none of the 'kids' need looking after. They are not your responsibility.
The puppy, that's different. I'll have it if you can't rehome it. It needs a good home.
Jordie Barretts sock said:
Been there.
The best thing for you, and you will not like this, is block her number, tell her you want nothing more to do with her and move on. If there is still financial stuff to sort, go see a solicitor and get it sorted. None, and I mean none of the 'kids' need looking after. They are not your responsibility.
The puppy, that's different. I'll have it if you can't rehome it. It needs a good home.
Agree, think about you more and move on. You don’t mention a partner, maybe you should think about enjoying life and finding somebody special to share your future years. The best thing for you, and you will not like this, is block her number, tell her you want nothing more to do with her and move on. If there is still financial stuff to sort, go see a solicitor and get it sorted. None, and I mean none of the 'kids' need looking after. They are not your responsibility.
The puppy, that's different. I'll have it if you can't rehome it. It needs a good home.
The best advice I was given Re: my ex was to stop feeding her (she thrives on drama) & block her out of my life completely. She refused to pay maintenance for our kids, I let CMS deal with it.
It’s worked really well, after 2.5yrs of not seeing her at all I’ve managed to bump into her twice in the last few weeks, blanked her both times.
Stop letting her drag you into her BS & move on, it will be hard initially but you’ll be very glad you did it.
Best of luck
It’s worked really well, after 2.5yrs of not seeing her at all I’ve managed to bump into her twice in the last few weeks, blanked her both times.
Stop letting her drag you into her BS & move on, it will be hard initially but you’ll be very glad you did it.
Best of luck
t each time, or ever again. Be really vindictive and keep her heating on 24/7 for those 3 months. She won't have any money left to splash out..
OK OK just joking just look after yourself. Show the kids or tell them you are there for them when they need you. Then block her. Just talk to your sons. It's over with her.
OK OK just joking
just look after yourself. Show the kids or tell them you are there for them when they need you. Then block her. Just talk to your sons. It's over with her. Can you take the kids and get out ? To a relatives/friends for a few months. Block her phone, get post redirected and get the hell away for everyone’s sake.
This won’t end well for any of you as-is, and you’ll be surprised who will help there are often some good people out there among family.
The kids need it explained to them. They know already deep down that it’s just the ice cream they’re in it for and that’ll end permanently if they don’t join with you.
This won’t end well for any of you as-is, and you’ll be surprised who will help there are often some good people out there among family.
The kids need it explained to them. They know already deep down that it’s just the ice cream they’re in it for and that’ll end permanently if they don’t join with you.
Edited by anonymous-user on Saturday 19th November 22:04
We are only hearing one side of the story though and it's a bit odd how they always stay with her.
If this is true, I would have distanced myself from that many years ago and so would most other people, you had the chance to, but decided to put yourself through this.
This isn't the first time you've posted up about your disastrous personal life, not by a long way which is why my empathy is wearing a bit thin, sorry for that.
Everyone is in charge of their own lives and destiny to a large degree.
If this is true, I would have distanced myself from that many years ago and so would most other people, you had the chance to, but decided to put yourself through this.
This isn't the first time you've posted up about your disastrous personal life, not by a long way which is why my empathy is wearing a bit thin, sorry for that.
Everyone is in charge of their own lives and destiny to a large degree.
Croyde
Over the years you have posted quite a few times about your ex and the problems she has caused you and your children.
It’s time to finish this. For good, for ever.
You know that this has to happen.
Take the children away from their toxic mother.
She is an alcoholic, she will continue to damage the children and you, and her behaviour will not change. Alcohol is more important to her than anything else. You cannot allow her dependencies to destroy the children. The effects of being in that environment will have deep and profound and long lasting effects on them,the damage may already be done.
End it, no ifs ands and buts, finish it, you know it’s the right thing to do.
You will get plenty of support here, do what you know to be right.
Good luck, stay strong.
Over the years you have posted quite a few times about your ex and the problems she has caused you and your children.
It’s time to finish this. For good, for ever.
You know that this has to happen.
Take the children away from their toxic mother.
She is an alcoholic, she will continue to damage the children and you, and her behaviour will not change. Alcohol is more important to her than anything else. You cannot allow her dependencies to destroy the children. The effects of being in that environment will have deep and profound and long lasting effects on them,the damage may already be done.
End it, no ifs ands and buts, finish it, you know it’s the right thing to do.
You will get plenty of support here, do what you know to be right.
Good luck, stay strong.
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