Doubts about having kids

[JS1902]

I'm 31, been married three years, getting subtle hints from the mrs about having kids. I'm sure many of you have been in this particular boat. I haven't spoken about this with her yet but simply put, I'm just not that keen at the moment. There's two aspects to it - first of which is the day to day relentless task of bringing up a child which will last at least few years. The poor sleep, the school runs etc. You get the gist. The second is - do I really want to be bringing up a child in this increasingly chaotic world with so much bad happening? Society as a whole just seems to be getting worse. Keen to hear your thoughts.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

I believe plenty have done it.

Me, I hate the little buggers...I used to be one & that's as much as I know.

All joking aside...A straight up conversation with the other half must be the start point?

I do know some people who believe it's the best thing they've ever done.

[Puzzles]

how old is the wife?

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

With regard to society & it getting worse, there's been good and bad since time immemorial.

[otolith]

I think whether you want kids or not is something it's important to be on the same page as your wife about from the start.

[BoRED S2upid]

You are right on the first point it’s fking relentless ours are 9 and 6 and I don’t recon I’ve had a decent nights sleep for 9 years. Then there is the constant nagging and running after then or taking them somewhere horse riding, scouts, rainbows, play dates, birthday parties, football, swimming add in the day job, house chores, food shop, cleaning, if you both work full time it’s absolute madness.

Wouldn’t worry so much about your second point it might all sounds doom and gloom but really is it? I don’t see it’s that much worse than 30 or 40 years ago.

Happy to answer any questions OP.

[simon_harris]

There is never a good time to have a child so now is as good a time as any.

[the-norseman]

Just had my first 4 months ago at 33. its hard work but totally worth it.

[Sheepshanks]

JS1902 said:

The second is - do I really want to be bringing up a child in this increasingly chaotic world with so much bad happening?

I worried about that when we got married 40yrs ago.

BoRED S2upid said:

You are right on the first point it’s fking relentless ours are 9 and 6 and I don’t recon I’ve had a decent nights sleep for 9 years. Then there is the constant nagging and running after then or taking them somewhere horse riding, scouts, rainbows, play dates, birthday parties, football, swimming add in the day job, house chores, food shop, cleaning, if you both work full time it’s absolute madness.

Hmm...not sleeping at that age is quite unusual.

Can you give my son-in-law lessons, please? He does none of the above stuff. He's a teacher and he objects to looking after the kids in the holidays as "he's on holiday". Our daughter works full time Mon-Thurs.

[Lincsls1]

Bringing up a child goes way beyond a few years.
Try a probable minimum of 20.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

Lincsls1 said:

Bringing up a child goes way beyond a few years.
Try a probable minimum of 20.

My dad's mate's son is still in the spare room. He's 55

[hotchy]

Lincsls1 said:

Bringing up a child goes way beyond a few years.
Try a probable minimum of 20.

My sisters about to turn 40.

She's never left home... it geniunly terrifies me when we have kids one will be the same lol

[Radec]

It's extremely hard work and expensive and a big responsibility and they become the number 1 priority while every other need gets tossed aside.

Was I prepared for it or know what I'm doing, not at all.

Now I have them though, I don't regret it one bit, nor would I change it for anything in the world.

[rover 623gsi]

otolith said:

I think whether you want kids or not is something it's important to be on the same page as your wife about from the start.

This. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids but if she wants them please don’t string her along. Make decision as soon as possible then either have children together or split up so that she can have a chance to find someone else to have children with.

[2 sMoKiN bArReLs]

They reckon it costs about £160,000 per child. That's a lot of holidays & lager to give up

[pequod]

If it's any help, I realised back in the 1970's that the world population increasing exponentially, will ultimately 'do' for us ... much like any species which collapses once their numbers are unsustainable to survive!

Good luck explaining that to your 'broody' other...

[VeeReihenmotor6]

I've got a 7 & 9 year old.












Don't do it. Completely see your point.


















Kidding. Sort of. I love them really. But they are pain in the .... sometimes.

[Evoluzione]

I wouldn't bother, you'll do yourself and everyone else a big favour.
It's a bit disconcerting how you've managed to sleepwalk into a marriage without it being broached already. That’s early dating talk.

[rustyuk]

BoRED S2upid said:

You are right on the first point it’s fking relentless ours are 9 and 6 and I don’t recon I’ve had a decent nights sleep for 9 years. Then there is the constant nagging and running after then or taking them somewhere horse riding, scouts, rainbows, play dates, birthday parties, football, swimming add in the day job, house chores, food shop, cleaning, if you both work full time it’s absolute madness.

Wouldn’t worry so much about your second point it might all sounds doom and gloom but really is it? I don’t see it’s that much worse than 30 or 40 years ago.

Happy to answer any questions OP.

I thought the 6-9 years was the best bit! Total nightmare at 14 plus !

Good luck Op....

[Ronstein]

Didn't have kids with first wife (tthank heavens!!). Second wife already had two boys (12 & 14 when we got together), the younger one of whom lived with us. Didn't make me feel I'd missed much. Then our niece had identical triplets, who we met on their first day out of the Special Care Baby Unit at two months, and suddenly I felt I may have missed out after all.